Thank you everyone for responding to our query so generously and sincerely. I'd like to explore and investigate a little more into the story, the parable of chapter four, faith and understanding. Again, just to remind you or refresh your memory that the chapter four starts with

[01:08]

four great leaders of the great assembly of Buddha's wonderful students. And they're very joyful because they've heard this dharma they never heard before. They heard that Shariputra would become a Buddha named Flower Light Tathagata. They're filled with joy. And they also heard at the end of the previous chapter that all will become Buddha. They never heard this before and they're very joyful. Then to express how they're feeling, they offered the Buddha a parable. I guess the four of them offered this parable. How they see the situation. And I don't know if you've all read it.

[02:14]

I went through it briefly yesterday. But basically it's a story about wandering away from our deep relationship with complete perfect awakening and suffering in this separation, in this non-acceptance. of this deep relationship between being an ordinary human being and our future Buddhahood, between being an ordinary human being and fully accepting complete perfect awakening. And after a long time of wandering, the child in the story, the young man in the story, re-encounters his father, who he wandered away from, doesn't recognize him, is afraid of him, runs away.

[03:24]

And the father thinks of a device to get back together and be intimate with his child. with the next generation of his life. And he gives the son a job of shoveling dung and watches him closely and attends to him and even goes to visit and work alongside him to some extent. And then as the son becomes more confident and more able to open to the realm of his true relationship with awakening, he's invited to come into the house and become even more intimate with it. And then in the end of the story, he's told that he actually is the heir of this family.

[04:33]

She is the heiress of this family. And she's overjoyed because she's received something which she didn't seek, which came to her of itself, which came to her of her actual relationship with it. She didn't create this relationship, she just finally awakened to it and accepted it joyfully. So I've been thinking about what are some of the differences between the beginning of the parable where the son is able to accept some relationship with his parent, and the later part where he's able to enter the house and be more intimate.

[05:54]

So, and I said, what are some of the differences and are there differences? From the point of view of the parent, there's no difference between the child working in the shoveling dung and the child working intimately in the treasure house, in the palace together with her parent. From the point of view of the present generation of awakening, there's no difference between any of the different ways that the next generation is working on this relationship. Like in the Heart Sutra. So for Avalokiteshvara, there's no difference between Avalokiteshvara and all sentient beings. All sentient beings are marked by emptiness.

[07:12]

And their form is indistinguishable, I shouldn't say indistinguishable, inseparable from their emptiness. Avalokiteshvara sees no difference between all the different beings and acts like it. or I shouldn't say doesn't see any difference, sees the difference and sees that the difference is empty and embraces all beings equally in the work on the bodhisattva path. So the father gets to work with the son in dung shoveling and also in the house. It's all joyfully taking care of the next generation. The Buddha is joyful to work with us on skillful means, and the Buddha is joyful to work with us on ultimate truth.

[08:20]

Equally happy to work shoveling dung and taking care of the Dharma treasury. Equally happy to work with us at the beginning of our practice, in the middle and at the end. Free of preference and ready to meet us where we're at. The Buddha nature is the way perfect purity is ready to meet defilement with no preference, for this kind of defilement or that kind of defilement? What about the bodhisattvas? What about the child, the offspring?

[09:24]

Is there a difference for them? It seems to be. So these four disciples are saying, at the beginning, we didn't even hear about and didn't aspire to. Buddhahood. We're like the child who couldn't stand the idea, couldn't accept or didn't even think of the idea that we would become Buddhas. Perhaps we were even afraid of it. So the Buddha gave us a skillful device, a personal nirvana. personal freedom and liberation. And we worked on that. We worked on it. And the Buddha worked with us on it, shoveling that dung. And then finally, now the Buddha has told us that we can come into the house and that we are the Buddha's blood vein.

[10:27]

We are the Buddha's successors. And we will realize this. So at the beginning, we're afraid to meet our dear future. We want to, but we're afraid. Shoveling the dung, we encounter that fear and work with that fear. Entering the house, we have gotten over the fear somewhat, or we are able to embrace the fear in such a way that it doesn't hinder us from doing our job of becoming Buddha. So once again, we don't have to get rid of the fear

[11:31]

just be able to work with it in such a way that it doesn't interfere with our path, because it doesn't really. Buddha is calling to us and we are calling to Buddha. We are calling to Buddha to come to meet us And Buddha is calling to us to come to meet her. I also think of the authors, whoever they are, in India. This sutra was written in India. It's a child of the Indian mind. And We don't know if there were any women involved in writing this sutra.

[12:38]

I don't know. But I feel a real possibility that there were. And maybe we don't see much signs that they were, in the terms of saying she a lot and speaking of women. But I feel the spirit of this Lotus Sutra is to include women. All beings will become Buddha. Not just all men, all beings, not just humans even. All human beings, all non-human beings will become Buddha.

[13:39]

Perhaps it was women who made this point first. Something happened to the authors, something Something happened to them that they thought of this idea that all will become Buddhas. Who gave that to them? What forces, what causes and conditions gave rise to the identity of ordinary people and Buddhas? I don't know. But here we have it, the Lotus Sutra. To some extent, our zazen practice, our practice of sitting alone or sitting quietly with others in meditation halls could be seen as something we can do before we're ready to actually meet somebody else and show them who we are.

[14:55]

By sitting alone, wholeheartedly upright, our confidence grows that we can deal with how we feel in the stable, shoveling dung. And out of that confidence, we may more and more be able to walk forward to meet the other. the teacher, the Buddha, and show ourselves fully. And if we can't, then the other may suggest we go back and sit and face ourselves and come back again when we can show ourselves, when we can be ourselves fully.

[16:01]

with confidence that this is welcome. So working alone, shoveling our dung, our confidence builds that we can meet the other and converse with the other. and really be honest by who we are, and have the other help us be more fully honest and upright, open to the other, helping us see that we're not being upright, that we're not really showing ourselves fully, that we're afraid to show ourselves fully to another. that we don't actually trust that we are the life of the other and the other wants that life together with us.

[17:10]

In this regard, I often think of a time in the summer of 1970, shortly before I was ordained as a priest, I had some meetings with Suzuki Roshi. In the previous practice period, the January to April practice period, he was not at Tassajara. The practice period was led by a visiting teacher, a visiting priest, who was an expert at chanting. And before that practice period started, I went to see Suzuki. I didn't go to see him, I just met him in the hallway of Zen Center. actually in front of the room which became the Founders Hall after he died.

[18:34]

So I'm standing there face to face to the founder of Zen Center who will only live about two more years, almost exactly two more years. And I told him that I had applied to Chasahar and was going there. And he said, that he wanted me to learn chanting from the visiting teacher who was like the chant leader of the great main temple of Soto Zen, Eiheiji. He was the chant leader for 13 years. And one of the things Suzuki Roshi wanted me to learn from him was how to chant, how to do solo chanting of the dedications in our sutra chanting. And so I did go to that next practice period and did receive teaching from this visiting teacher, Tatsugami Roshi.

[19:52]

Then after the practice period was over, Suzuki Roshi came to Tassajara And at some point that summer, that spring, he invited me to come into his house and look at some Dharma treasures, show him some Dharma treasures that had been given to me in the training during the previous practice period. He invited me to chant the dedications which we do at the end of our chanting. So we chant a scripture and then we dedicate the merit to the ancestors and to

[20:59]

all living beings. We dedicate the merit. And one person chants that dedication. Now we do it in English, but at that time we did it in Japanese. Most of the scriptures we chanted were in Japanese, which means a Japanese pronunciation or Japanese translation usually of Chinese texts. So I had received training in this and Suzuki Roshi wanted me to chant for him so he could observe what I learned. This is what I came to Zen Center for partly was to meet him, show myself to him, and have him meet me and see me.

[22:02]

So I chanted. Like this. Something like this. Like that. And he listened to me. And after I chanted, he gave me some feedback. He didn't just listen, he listened and then had something to offer back to me. I showed myself to him, and he watched me, and then he had some feedback. And one of the main feedbacks he made was that the way I was chanting was just like the teacher, Tatsugami Roshi, chanted.

[23:18]

But Tatsugami Roshi was 65 years old and also had kind of an accent, a Japanese accent. So he said maybe the way he chanted, I shouldn't copy exactly. And then he showed me the places to kind of tamp down some of the little... embellishments that the old priest put into the chanting. And then he asked me, after he taught that to me, to do it again. And then he watched to see if I could make the adjustments that he was suggesting. In other words, he started to watch me. I felt like I was being watched even more closely because not only was I showing him what I had learned, but I was also showing him how I learned what he was teaching me. He was really watching me closely, every little movement of my voice.

[24:19]

And yeah, I was afraid to really have him see me that intimately. He gave me a chance to be with him in the house and I was kind of afraid to really show myself and be seen. And I wanted to get out of that room, which was the room I wanted to be in. And I said to him, like, Roshi, I don't want to take any more of your time. Thank you so much. And he said, it's okay, do it again. So I did it again. And again, he watched carefully and gave me feedback and I could see how carefully he was watching what I was doing and also how carefully he was seeing if I learned what he had just taught me.

[25:30]

And I was somewhat afraid that I wasn't learning what he was teaching me and I was afraid he would see that. But he encouraged me to keep to keep showing myself. So this story in chapter four is just like that, I feel. It's about meeting another fully. It's about how hard it is for us to do that. And how at the beginning, some of us can't do it at all. And we just need to work sort of so-called by ourselves. And then in that work, with some assistance from others,

[26:36]

We're ready to courageously meet our fear and be seen, to offer our face so that our face can be met. It's in that meeting, face to face, Buddha to Buddha, that the Dharma is fully understood. Yesterday, I was reading in chapter seven, I believe it's chapter seven, yeah. I was reading chapter seven of the Lotus Sutra. And in one of the verses, I read something that sounded like our so-called universal dedication. which we have currently translated as, may our intention equally extend to every being in place with the true merit of Buddha's way.

[27:49]

This is a Zen Center translation of an original Chinese dedication. In Japanese, it's That's a Japanese translation of the Chinese. But a literal translation of the Chinese would be may the merit and virtue of what we just did, but it actually just says, may the merit and virtue extend to everything. And may we together with all beings realize Buddha's way.

[29:00]

That's the literal translation of the Chinese original. And when I read that and I read in chapter seven, it said, may the merit of this extend to everything and place. And may we together with all beings realize the Buddha way. I thought, could that be the source of our dedication? So I went to the Chinese and of the sutra, found the characters, And then I went to the characters that we translated as may our intention equally extend. I went to the original of that and it turns out that it is exactly the same characters. So our dedication is from the Lotus Sutra, chapter seven.

[30:07]

May the merit and virtue of what we're doing here together, any merit and virtue that we're doing together here, we pray, we wish that it may extend to every being and place. And that we, it actually, that character can mean I or we, that I together or we together So if you did a chant by yourself, in a sense you might say that I together with all beings may realize, may become actually the Buddha way. So I was happy to discover that our everyday chant that we do is from chapter seven of the wondrous Dharma Flower Sutra. And we are in the midst of this very work of either we're afraid to meet and we're shoveling the dung of that fear or we've shoveled the dung of the fear of meeting.

[31:42]

Either we're obstructed by our fear of being seen And we're working with that fear of being seen, shoveling that dung, or we've done it enough and we're ready. Even if we're still afraid, we're still ready to enter the house and be seen. So in this assembly, we are working with that. People are somewhat afraid to be seen. And also, we all want to be seen. We are sometimes afraid to see others. And we want to. And we're working on that right here in this assembly. Showing ourselves, being seen, seeing others. This is the work of both the stables and the treasure house.

[32:47]

They're really both part of the joyful work of the Buddhas. And the Buddha is happy to work with us at whatever venue we're in. And whatever level we're willing to be seen, that Buddha will be happy to see that. Yeah, when I first, when Suzuki Roshi first invited me to go and show him the chanting that I had learned, I was kind of confident to be seen. I had gone over it and over it and over it, and I had learned in minute detail how to do that chant, just like the teacher.

[33:56]

So I was okay with Suzuki Roshi seeing it. But then when he asked me to learn something new right in front of him, I did not know how to do that. I was learning it. And he could see me struggling to learn it. And I kind of didn't want him to see me struggling. I kind of wanted him to see the results of my successful training, three months of intense training in this chanting, and training with the teacher and also giving this chant to the Great Assembly over and over. I was pretty comfortable, so I was willing to do that with him. And now he wants to change it a little bit, and he wants to watch me while I learn the changes. And I kind of wanted to go practice it someplace else and maybe come back to him later after I'd learned it. He was watching me while I was learning it. I was almost totally exposed, totally naked.

[35:02]

And I guess I didn't know if he would appreciate my totally exposed body. And I don't know if he appreciated it, but I do know he wanted to see it, whether he appreciated it or not. He wanted me to show myself to him over and over. And I wanted it and didn't want it. Now this is, I could go on, I could go on and draw out more of this story. I could. And I probably will with you. But like I said yesterday, I think it's better if I don't do all the work. If you, Great Assembly, draw out more

[36:10]

of the jewels, more of the treasures, more of the virtues and merit of this story. That you join the work of elucidating, of revealing the depths in this simple parable. Because the nice thing about parables is they're not so specific, so they leave us lots of room for being improvisational. for us to do something we're prepared for now, because we've done lots of dung shoveling, and now to do something unforeseen, never seen before. New interpretations of this story. You're welcome, Great Assembly, to do so. And if you're afraid, you're still welcome to make your offering. And we'll all watch you, watch how you deal with your fear. Let's explore together.

[37:35]

We have an offering from Vivi. Hi. Hi. Hello, Vivi. Just as you were speaking, Rev, I took some glances at chapter four and I was at the point, I'm multitasking, I'm sorry. I was at the point where the father recognizes his son and the son is besides himself. He can't believe it. So, Are you waiting for us to recognize the Buddha who's always there supporting and encouraging us to wake up?

[38:48]

I'm not waiting, I'm watching. Because you're already doing it. I'm not waiting for something else. I'm watching who you are right now. I'm watching. I'm watching how you're meeting Buddha right now. Very understanding with my multitasking. Yes. Not somebody. Yes. There's some people who don't multitask. So I'm watching them too. But you, you're Vivi. I forgot to greet the whole assembly, our whole sangha here.

[39:53]

And it's just so joyful. I see some hands raised. And it's just so joyful, so incredible that we're getting together like this. So I'm here every night seeing old friends and new friends, seeing our sangha and my teacher. And I wanted to report on how the Dharma is going over here in Greece. Yes, you are. Yes, you are. You're reporting. Shall I go on a little longer reporting? Do you want to go on a little longer reporting? Oh, I don't want to overcome my welcome. You're welcome to go on with your reporting. Thank you. So you all know how much I love being with the Sangha and being in San Francisco, at Tassajara, at Gringolts, and

[40:57]

Just last year, I flew all the way from Greece to San Francisco to do the Shishin with the Sangha. And the dream has been, here in Greece, coming back after being in California and really finding refuge at the San Francisco Zen Center. When I came to Greece, the hope was that we would have lively, Zen practice here. And my husband and I built this beautiful place. And I've been waiting for the Sangha to come and the Buddha to come and the Dharma to come. And I've been waiting for this, for like a little Tassajara to take place here. And so far, it hasn't happened. And then the lockdown came. We're in our second lockdown. three months now, three months in the spring, three months now, and here we're locked.

[42:01]

And I was thinking that like, instead of being locked up with like a beautiful teacher and beautiful Sangha members and wonderful Sutra studies, I'm like locked up in a heavenly place, no complaints, but with like my mother, and my mother-in-law, and my husband, and a cook, and a friend. And it's not always easy, but it's very helpful to listen to the Dharma, even through Zoom. That's really helpful, like it's a big gift. And I feel that as we listen to you, we kind of like we soften up and I have an opportunity to look at ourselves. And I had this image just as you were speaking while multitasking, I was also listening to you. And I had this image that like having a teacher is like we're all sea urchins.

[43:09]

And I have these little thorns going on in like thousand directions and rubbing against each other and our thorns are like touching each other and sometimes it's okay, sometimes it's like tickling, but sometimes it's like painful. And having a teacher, it helps to like soften up those thorns. And maybe like some of them, they completely get withered away as we watch them. So the encouragement of the teacher and a practice period happening, even through Zoom, and being in lockdown, I think it gives us this opportunity to, with whomever we're locked down with, for all these forms to soften up and become something else other than really hurtful, middles towards others and towards ourselves. Thank you so much for offering us

[44:34]

VV. Earlier I said, you are VV. And when I said that, I heard an echo of a Zen story, of a Zen koan, an old story. from the Blue Cliff Record. And the phrase that echoed was, you are Hui Chou. Hui Chou asked the teacher, Fa Yan, what is Buddha? And Fa Yan said, you are Hui Chou.

[45:37]

He didn't say, you're Buddha. He said, you are Hui Chou. You being Vivi is Buddha. You are Vivi is Buddha. And we need some beings in our life who we do not want them to see us and we want them to see us. This is the stinging tip that we need to deal with. We want Suzuki Roshi to see us, we don't want him to see us. We want him to see us maybe as some really wonderful student, not who we actually are, but really we want him to see who we actually are, not some wonderful student.

[46:50]

This is the dynamic that we're dealing with in becoming Buddha. Thank you for coming to meet us, Vivi. Thank you for coming to Greece, Webb. You had promised you would. Give my best to A. Raj. We have an offering from Jim Ryder.

[47:54]

After the inquiry of yesterday and your talk early, I felt ethically obligated to raise my hand. And In the days prior to today, I was asking myself, why aren't you raising your hand? And the thought was, I have so many thoughts and feelings that I don't know how to gather them into a coherent single statement. And I think when I inquire into my own fear, I think that when we are meeting, it's not just you and me, it's like there's a third entity created in between us.

[49:14]

I'm feeling, you know, one of those feelings I'm feeling is a certain lament or sadness. And... I think what honesty is, is not telling you just what I feel or what I think, but giving accurate voice to that entity that we create together. So I've been thinking about my death.

[50:43]

And I don't want it to be a sudden death. I want it to be a gradual death. And in that, to actually feel the lament that I have about not being in a deeper conversation with you. And to me, when I think of a deeper conversation, I think of the formation and training with you as a priest. And do they still have the Ben and Jerry's at Aiton Ashbury?

[52:04]

Would you say that again? Do we still have the Ben and Jerry's hate in Ashbury? I don't know. I don't know. But I was sitting at Ben and Jerry's in Boulder, Colorado and probably eating a combination of chocolate and coffee and this person walked in front of me I will add female by gender. And my first response was, oh my God. It wasn't anutara samyak sambodhi. It wasn't empty, no holy. It was like, wow, oh my God. And

[53:08]

That's when I realized that I can't just be a Buddhist. My natural inclination is God. And I think one of the obstacles in having this deeper conversation is that it's just theologically and philosophically incongruent to be in that training with you when you will not allow yourself to be identified as a Buddhist. It's like, it just seems hypocritical. I didn't quite follow that about what you're not allowing. What aren't you allowing? It seems like a barrier for that fuller conversation with you that would happen in that kind of formation and training would be hypocritical because Buddhism is non-theistic.

[54:29]

I would feel like a phony. I would feel like a phony But what's interesting about the Lotus Sutra is you get this feeling that I have when I think of God in the flowers, the flowers that descend, the benediction that descends. I'm homeless. My home has always been, since meeting you, the conversation I'm having with you up here. But there's no formation. There's no formation happening.

[55:33]

I think when I first met you, if the thought was you and I will save the world. I shared a little bit about that with Linda on Sunday. And I told her that I did write the current resident of the White House in 2016, inviting him not to run. And I referenced Dogen. I referenced Benjamin Franklin. I referenced Claudio Naranjo, but he didn't listen. He just wouldn't listen. So I'm not sure what the entity between you and I are right now. I'm just very happy and hoping for a gradual death. to appreciate my respect and love for you.

[56:47]

If there's any hypocrisy, it's welcome to this relationship. Are you open to being converted? I'm open to being turned. Yeah, I like that better. I don't, like, consider myself a Hindu or a Christian or a Sufi, but there is this strong feeling. And I... I've never had the privilege of speaking, having the conversation with the daughter of your mother-in-law, but I know that she studied Jung or practiced Jungian principles. And there is a little book that he wrote called The Undiscovered Self, which gave sort of the dynamics of how a mob is created.

[58:02]

But he also said, pointed to at the end of his book, that he felt the architect of Christianity had the possibility of saving the world. And so I don't have this inclination to save the world with Christianity, but I do have a strong feeling about grace. And I'm getting threads of grace as I, feelings about grace when we studied this sutra together. And when you shared Hakumen, you know, it's like I have this image of him huffing and puffing at 22 and something happening. Huffing and puffing in Buddhist yoga or any other kind of yoga. and something happening at 24, at 32. But at 41, from what you were sharing with me, I didn't feel that his happiness and freedom came from huffing and puffing.

[59:13]

It comes from being and turning together. We have an offering from Genmio. Good morning, Reb. Good morning. This morning, oops. Yeah, you can hear me? Okay, good. Your talk this morning was very appropriate because by yesterday after the class, I had decided that I needed to say something even though, and it's not, even though it's scary, it's not meeting you that's scary.

[60:44]

It's, you know, 200 people. that are also in the room that causes anxiety with me to speak up. So thank you for your encouragement this morning. I do have to say, I remember the first Dokusan that I had with you at Clouds and Water Zen Center when you were there for Rohatsu years ago. And I came in and I sat down in front of you and I just remember saying, I'm really nervous. You know, you make me nervous. And you said, and you looked at me and you said, why? And it was just like a genuine concern and for me about why I was nervous sitting in front of you and talking to you. And so I just remember that as, um, just a great meeting with you for the first time.

[61:55]

So I just, yeah. So I'm, I'm feeling nervous now, but it's not so much you as everyone else. Um, I don't know if I have anything specifically about the Lotus Sutra, but I found something a few weeks ago when I was going through my stuff that I had brought back from Green Gulf when I moved back here to Minneapolis. And when I saw it, I looked at it and I said, this is important. And it came from something you said in the Dharma talk or maybe in Dokusan. And I just felt like I had to write it down at that moment. And I had this sitting on my nightstand in my room so that I could see that every day. So to me, this is important because every moment contains everything.

[63:03]

Everything is in this moment. And I'm going to get a drink of water. And you can tell me whether this is right or not, but it seems like... It just says what you just said. Yeah. We individually and collectively are creating everything in this moment. And so it's important to remember... that whatever you're doing is creating what's going on in this world. So thank you.

[64:04]

You're agreeing. Okay, good. I'm just really appreciating being here for this intensive. I wasn't sure how this was going to be. Some of the Zoom things are not so great. But honestly, this has been really wonderful to have you here virtually teaching every day. It's a great blessing. Thank you very much. We have an offering from Peggy. Thank you.

[65:11]

Thank you for this opportunity to be publicly nervous. So my question is maybe a two-part question about a Buddha and a Buddha. First, is every encounter between two beings an opportunity to be a Buddha with a Buddha? But then, Sometimes when I encounter someone else, I hold back. I don't really want to quite open up. Is that encounter still between a Buddha and a Buddha, or is it just a Buddha on one side? Do you understand my question? I think so. Can you talk about that?

[66:16]

So a person who's holding back, okay? Like me, when I was with Suzuki Roshi in that example, I was kind of holding back in a way. And I was holding back from what I most wanted, which was to be with him. Yeah, I've done that. I wanted to get out of there. So, and that has been a very important meeting in my life. That meeting, and that meeting's with me today. And that meeting is with you today. So even if you're holding back, you're a future Buddha holding back. And you're holding back, you're a future Buddha holding back from who you're meeting and you're a future Buddha holding back from meeting your future Buddhahood. But you do have a future Buddhahood, and you can't get the least bit away from it.

[67:20]

And it can't get away from you. However, your future Buddhahood is not holding back. It's willing to be with you who are holding back. Like Satsangarishi wasn't, when he saw that I kind of wanted to give him a break and leave, He didn't hold back. He said, you can stay here. You can stay here and continue to try to get away from me. You're my dear disciple. You can be here with me, even if you're trying to get away from me. So if you're not ready for the meeting, you're not ready for the meeting, Buddha meeting the other person who also might not be ready for the meeting. Whatever way you are, you need to be more fully that way. So if you're holding back, you need to be completely holding back. Because you are. And when you're completely holding back, you are free of holding back.

[68:30]

I have to think about that. Yeah, that's what you think. You think you have to think about it right now. I'm only nervous right now. Yeah. The future Buddha nervousness. If I don't hold back, and the other person holds back, is it still a Buddha? Yeah, and if you don't hold back, and the other person maybe says, I'm holding back,

[69:45]

You don't hold back being with the person who's holding back. And you meet them not being ready to meet you. Yes. That's what I've been doing with my brother. So if he holds back, I don't just stay open. And that's the problem I'm encountering. Then I don't want to take the time to be with them. It takes too much energy then. Yeah, so it's about giving energy rather than energy being taken. Yeah. And maybe it's not so much that it takes energy, but maybe that you're holding back your energy. But holding back energy, future Buddha, can meet back holding back energy, future brother Buddha, brother future Buddha.

[70:55]

And this is, again, this is what we're learning in the house with the Buddha. We're learning how to be completely with what we are, with all our fears, so that they're opportunities, not obstacles. They turn from obstacle to opportunity. And part of it is to confess and repent that we're holding back. That helps us be completely there for the meeting. That helps Peggy be Peggy. What is Buddha? You're Peggy. That's your job right now. whatever that is. And nothing's a more challenging job. And you're on the path of fully accepting and exercising that responsibility.

[72:13]

That's the path you're on. With all of us, we're all on that same path with you. And we need to exercise to realize it, even though we're already on it. Thank you. Thank you. Hello, Michael. How are you doing, Rob? We have an offering from Jenny. Hi, Red. Hi, Jenny. Great assembly. Yeah, it's really wrecking.

[73:15]

I've had a couple of questions throughout the week or two, but I would raise my hand and be like, I don't want to make a fool out of myself. But I think in Kind of what you were talking about today and just kind of what other people have been saying. Yeah, I want to show myself and just, you know, I think there's something about being vulnerable with each other that's like giving each other to each other, which is sometimes what I think of as a Buddha and a Buddha together. And that connection, you know, there's something like a wholeness that's created. And something I just kind of wanted to confess and talking about that, the parable of the son, the prodigal son. One of the things I think about when he kind of wanders off into the world for 50 years or however long and he doesn't want to go back to his home and he forgets about his home.

[74:19]

And I had a thought of like, well, you left your dad. Like, wouldn't you recognize your dad if you saw him? But maybe not. Um, but just that, you know, eventually, you know, he comes back into, um, his father's realm, but yet it still takes him a really, really long time to like, kind of like be open to, um, anything. And I think the thing that comes up for me that I've just been, I don't know, struggling with a little bit. It's just like, I know I, sometimes I struggle with being like a beginner. Like I want to be like, you know, this, you probably know about me. I just want to be ahead of where I'm at. I don't like being where I'm at. It's just the idea that like this journey towards like, you know, you talk, and this is another question I have for maybe after, but like, there's like the, I am a Buddha. We're becoming Buddhas and we will become Buddhas. It's just that it takes so long. And I think that, you know, the other thing that people have been talking about with addiction, I'm also an alcoholic.

[75:23]

I've been sober a long time as well. And it's like, I feel like I've already like gone this like really, really long road. And it's like, I really want to achieve this, come to this place where I can really feel like I'm a benefit to all beings and like be able to drop myself. And it feels like every single time I kind of start on something, it's always like a Mount Everest that I need to keep climbing. And it seems like endless and it's exhausting. And it's kind of like, I want to be there by now. You know, I want to have, or at least some indicator that I'm, you know, and find relief and comfort in, in the dung shoveling of sorts. Um, yeah. And I'm feeling discouraged, I think, you know, in my progress and in my practice and, uh, just feeling like the journey is kind of endless and the suffering is endless and that, um, As much as I try to have compassion for myself and for all beings, it's kind of like I don't want to keep living life, continuously struggling towards wanting to become a Buddha, knowing that I'm a Buddha and kind of having the assurance that I will become a Buddha later in life.

[76:42]

I don't feel that. And I want to, and the struggle and like, yeah, I think I'm just struggling with like the, this endlessness of it. So we could look at a possible alteration of the bodhisattva vow, which again I kind of alluded to. We said, you know, delusions or afflictions, suffering is inexhaustible. I vow to cut through.

[77:48]

Do you want to change the vow to suffering is exhaustible? I'm done. And is that another form of suffering? Yeah. Yeah. So I don't want more suffering. But which way do I feel better about? A small-scale suffering which could be ended? Or being able to deal with full-scale suffering? Do I want to have just my suffering ended? Yes. I mean, do I want my suffering ended? Yes. Do I want just my suffering ended?

[78:49]

No. Would it work for just my suffering to end? No. Will people really give me a hard time if my suffering ends and theirs doesn't? If I'm only concerned with mine, so I'll just have more suffering. What's the virtue of an endless practice? It's not so much I want more suffering. What's the virtue of endless practice? That point of view. So the Mahayana is saying, you are on an endless path already. And if you don't want to be on an endless path, that's the way you're on an endless path. But still, there's some encouragement to hear that you're on an endless path.

[79:50]

You're not on a limited path. You're on a long path. However, you're on a long path of realizing where you already are. You're not really going anywhere. So it's not, in a sense, it's not really a gradual long path. It's just that in order to be here right now, fully and alive and joyful. One of the things we need to accept is a long path, an endless path. If we reject an endless path, we're not going to be able to be here. It's not that I want more suffering. It's that I have to accept endless suffering in order to be free of suffering. How does one cultivate, like, for me, when I think about that, I think, like, I want to cultivate, like, an infinite capacity to hold endless suffering for all beings and for myself.

[80:56]

And when I feel like either my reserves are low or I'm incapable, I feel really discouraged, you know? So when your energy is low and you feel discouraged, okay, Those are more things to have this, that the infinite compassion applies to. So we're chanting chapter 25, and it doesn't say, when I'm surrounded by discouragement, I recall the power of great compassion. It doesn't say that, but you're just giving that example. They're just like, you know, two pages of examples. But that's just two pages. You have your modern, up-to-date versions. You're surrounded by discouragement. And so you want to remember, you say you want to remember the power, the strength of compassion. You are cultivating the strength of infinite compassion.

[81:59]

You're in the process of doing that. And that compassion deals with low resources, low energy, depression, discouragement, surrounded by those things, you remember compassion. And then you're free of them. And then they come again. And you remember compassion. And you're free of them. And then they come again. And also, surrounded by the thought of when are these going to stop coming, I'm surrounded by wishing that there would be an end to this. Okay, remember Avalokiteshvara, and the wishing for the end will melt away. And then it'll come back again, wishing for it to end. Remember, great compassion, this is the cultivation. Remember, remember, recall, invoke, call, great compassion, come on, great compassion, deal with this depression, deal with this confusion, deal with this wanting to be someplace else, deal with this discouragement.

[83:02]

deal with all the afflictions that I'm surrounded by. And then each specific one that's in my face right now, I'm cultivating, remembering that compassion. And that has great strength and power, that remembrance. It liberates. And maybe the sutra says destroyed, but it doesn't really destroy anything. This liberates us and it. It liberates the discouragement too. The discouragement jumps for joy and it gets compassion. And you join the joy of liberated discouragement. And wishing for the path to be over and done with, remember Avalokiteshvara. And the wishing for liberation to be done or suffering to be over, that is liberated, not destroyed, not pushed away, liberated.

[84:09]

Because that discouragement is a future Buddha. And the one who has sort of got the discouragement in her is a future Buddha. And she's cultivating great compassion. And great compassion means compassion for everything, past, present, and future. And everything future. An endless future, endless path, and endless present. Yeah. Thank you, Rem. We have an offering from Antonino. Hello, Reb. Hello, Great Assembly.

[85:11]

So touched very, very, very much by these wonderful teachings and these wonderful offering and sharing. And so I have a question about, it's actually about chapter one. took some time to me to feel in some sense with this opening to share. But still, I feel like there is a resonance through the other chapters in the image that is really, I was so much touched is about the Buddha actually radiating or projecting to the East, these lands of Buddha's. And so when I thought of this, I thought, Oh, Buddha's mind is projecting these, this was a bit like the image of projecting. And then reading chapter one, there was also the

[86:12]

actual projection of the six realms. So okay, it was the Buddha's all the Buddha's lands, Buddha's fields, but not separated from the six realms meaning hell, and the actually all condition the of afflictions, and then the gods, and spanning through them. And for some reasons, I've been so touched about this kind of mandala, in which there is a Buddha in each realm, actually. I didn't know exactly why. I even used this in my Facebook profile. And so through these lectures and sharings, I feel intuitively I'm understanding more and more this meaning. So I wanted to, and yesterday you talked about chapter four about the Buddha having the capacity to manipulate, in a sense, out of compassion, but still the capacity to meet us with or in our karmic consciousness in some way.

[87:25]

That was my sharing. I wanted to ask you whether my perceptions are correct in some ways. Your perceptions are beyond correct and beyond incorrect. Your perceptions are illuminated by Buddha's wisdom. Buddha's wisdom is pervading your perceptions. And if you study your perceptions, you'll see how Buddha sees your perceptions. You'll see the Buddha is illuminating all these realms to show us what's going on, what's really going on in all those realms. The Buddha sees what's going on. But your perceptions are illuminated by Buddha's wisdom. And Buddha's wisdom shows that your perceptions are vast space.

[88:30]

They're beyond correct and incorrect. And perceptions of incorrect are beyond perceptions of incorrect and correct. That's what that light that's shining, it's shining like You're in Italy. You're east of here, right? You're east of California. Buddha's light shining from California to Italy. And it's illuminating your consciousness. It's illuminating your perceptions. It's illuminating your concerns about correct and incorrect. It's showing what you're really doing. when you have a perception. It's showing you that when you're concerned about whether your perceptions are correct or not, what you're really doing at that moment is you're becoming Buddha. That's what Buddha sees. Oh, there he is.

[89:33]

Nino's in Rome thinking. And what he's really doing is becoming Buddha. That's what I see. Buddha sees that. That's Buddha's light. And that's for us to remember too. And also that's Avalokiteshvara's compassion coming to work and embracing your perceptions and your concerns. Fully embracing them and seeing that, oh, this is how he's becoming Buddha. This is how this future Buddha is right now. This is the way future Buddha is. It's this perception, these concerns. That's the light which is shining eastward to Rome. Yes.

[90:34]

Prego. We have an offering from Linda. Linda Bedosky. Good morning. Rep, it's been a long time. And everyone, I am really appreciating hearing the sharing. And it makes me feel in a way like there's nothing more that's needed to be said. I think, you know, I put my hand up a while ago and the waters have moved. And so maybe I'll just say a couple things that come to mind.

[91:39]

One is that when you were telling your story about Suzuki Roshi and you with a chant, which I've heard before, I really, I could relate to it, and I felt it reminded me of this situation, which is very much more intense than our usual, say, sashin or intensive. We're not used to sitting, looking at each other, facing each other. So I guess what it is, it's a koan of possibility. That's what struck me at that moment. I had two other questions, and I think I still do. One of them is maybe hopefully brief, but in Lotus Sutra, when you talk about... I keep hearing, future Buddha, you will be a Buddha in the future.

[92:40]

And somehow it kind of tears at me because... It's about the future. And it's been my understanding or my perception that it's now. Yeah. So maybe you can say something about that contrast. You are meeting the future now. Your present life is your present life and your present life is also meeting your future right now. Your future is not someplace else. It's right here. And it's good. I think it's really good for us to to realize the future is right here.

[93:41]

Otherwise, we may get pushed around by the idea of future. We may become afraid if we think the future is something that's not here right now. So, you know, we talk about all Buddha's ten directions three times. So your future Buddhahood is here right now, and your conversation with your future is your life right now. And to fully realize your life right now, it's required to have a conversation with your future, which is here right now. That's one little response. Also, our past is here right now. It's not someplace else. And to be fully here, we need to have a conversation with our past.

[94:46]

To not have a conversation with our past is not our present life. Our present life is a conversation with our past and with our future. And that conversation is not leaning into the future. It's meeting it face to face. And now you're talking to me, and I'm not usually considered your future. That'd be nice. I'm not usually considered your past. But the Buddha Dharma is you together with me. All of you together with all of me. Not just the present you. but also the present you, which includes the future and past. That's the whole present you. And if you're torn by this idea of future Buddha, that's because you think it's separate from now.

[95:51]

But it's not. So why use the word future? Why? Because it seems more like... Because we have the word future. Yeah, go ahead. As we have an immature understanding, we might have an immature understanding, but even if we have a mature understanding, we need to use that understanding to show how we can use future without being torn away from the present. We need to learn how to include the future without being pushed around by it, like our future death. We need to include our future death in order to be fully present. Otherwise, our future just, as you say, tears us, frightens us. So if we didn't have the idea of future, we wouldn't have to talk about it. So it's more like talking about our ordinary mind, future, past, and how we view our life off a lot of time during the day and night versus how it really is, which is

[97:06]

This present is not different from the future and past. This present moment is not different from the future and past because this present moment fully includes future and past. That's why it's not different. It is that. That's what it is. The present moment is including the future and past and it's cut off from them. It's cut off from what it includes. It's free of what it includes. But we have, and that's another thing we're learning. We're learning how the future is not separate from the present. Because again, if we don't understand that and practice with that, we're bothered by the future and bothered by the past. Okay, more thinking required. More reflection. I'm still holding on to... Get rid of that. Don't need to think about it. That's one way to realize that you include it is that you're trying to get rid of it all the time.

[98:16]

Could I ask you another question? Yeah. Well, it's about the Buddha with the Buddha, only a Buddha with a Buddha. And again, I guess I kind of swirled around with different projections on that statement. At one time, I thought I had some understanding of it. Yes. So just to apply it to what we're just talking about, a Buddha together with the Buddha is the present with the future. That's a way to get a feeling for Buddha together with the Buddha. Everything together. Yeah. Yeah. So that, yeah, go ahead. You go ahead. I just want to make that point since you were just talking about that, that Buddha together with Buddha is another language for present together with future and present together with past. and future together with future, and past together with past.

[99:26]

This is part of Buddha together with Buddha. All things together with all things. And is it about... Well, no, I think someone, you answered that question about whether it involves a naked mind only, but you said no. The Buddha together with the Buddha is regardless of whether we're fully here, fully what we are at that moment or aware of being that. It is us being fully who we are, meeting who we fully are. It is that. But that includes that we feel like, I'm not ready for this. I want to get out of here. It includes that. It's the whole universe meeting the whole universe as you wanting to be someplace else. Or you being willing to be here.

[100:36]

You are the whole universe meeting the whole universe. And so am I. And also we can meet to test and probe that reality, which we're doing right now. Thank you. I really appreciate it. It's very lovely to see you. It's lovely to see you. And also, I just want to go back to the beginning of what you said. is it's been a long time. It's been a long time. And it's going to be a long time. And in a long time, and it's going to be a long time, are here right now. Go on. You said it. You said it. Oh, you said it's been a long time. Yeah. And now I'm saying it's been a long time. is gonna always be with us.

[101:38]

Thank you. Give my best to Michelle. I will. He was sneaking in listening once in a while and I shoot him away. We have an offering from Albrecht and or Anna. Good evening. Good evening. The Great Assembly. And or Anna. And Yeah. It's great to be here. And I was wondering in the beginning how this would be, and I wasn't sure, but it's so wonderful.

[102:43]

It's so amazing. And, um, it happened to me, like, as I heard too many other people that I opened up the sutra book and read a little while, and then I closed it and thought, well, okay. And by listening to this talks here and you, something very interesting and somehow strange happens. Some understanding is coming kind of by itself. a deep understanding. And that's so wonderful. It's so marvelous and deeply touching. It's so great. Yeah. Something great. Something great, indeed. And yeah, I have a question again to this Buddha, meeting a Buddha.

[103:52]

I was wondering, is it only kind of personal, meant personal? Me as a future Buddha, or Buddha right now, or my true self being Buddha, covered by my monkey mind sometimes, but it's still, it's always there. Meeting another person and... you and you get this wonderful moment of understanding, of pivoting, as you put it, or is it also like having these moments, you might say, but let's say birds and trees and things in nature. Sometimes it looks to me like this meeting is not only towards a person. It's just kind of a meeting me, meeting me, and that is meeting everything.

[105:05]

Meeting other people, meeting the world, the universe. And yeah, I was wondering, we wonder, Wondering. This right view, can you tell me something about? Wondering is, right view is wondering. Yeah, of course, yeah. Right view doesn't stop wondering. Right view is questioning. Right view is the whole universe meeting the whole universe in the form of you. It's not you meeting the whole universe. It's the whole universe meeting the whole universe as you, whatever you are. That's the meeting. You're the meeting, really. It's not personal. But the person you are and the person I am is a conversation.

[106:14]

A person is not a person. You are a conversation, man. Yeah. but I can't have conversation with everything. You are the conversation with everything. You are. However, if you don't practice, if you, the person, doesn't practice conversation with the person, ānā, you won't realize that you are the conversation. You are a conversation. Just like that poem, that conversation between the monk and Bào Ché, The nature of win reaches everywhere. The conversation reaches everywhere. There's no place it doesn't reach. It reaches you every moment. So why do you have to fan yourself? Why do you have to have conversations? So you, the person, can have a conversation with me, the person. And by having this conversation, you realize that you are a conversation. The conversation reaches you, whether you're talking to me or not.

[107:18]

But you need to talk to me in order to realize it. And so you are. Thank you. Excuse me. We have an offering from John. John seven, Valerie. This is shocking because I thought of raising my hand every day. Usually I think, well, I don't really need to. I don't have much to say. So today I felt very safe because I saw a lot of hands before me. So I thought, wow, I can get some extra credit just by being in the queue.

[108:19]

And then it's like I can go maybe next day, maybe tomorrow. Yeah. So that's about it, really. It's a very nice day here, very sunny. And my daughter was here. That's why I was wearing a mask earlier. And we're going to go shovel down a little while later. Yeah, right. Working side by side, your dear offspring. Shoveling down. Yeah. Thank you so much. It's really good to see you. I miss attendance. I must confess, I've dropped away from the NOAA vote. But once again, the invitations would go out and all the eager beavers would crowd me out. So now you have a new format so I could actually get a slot to you. to log in.

[109:21]

So that's, that's very nice. So you can join, you can join the eager beavers. Yes. Yes. Being not such an eager beaver myself. We have an offering from, I think, well, we have an offering from Peter Goetz. Goetz, right? Goetz. Goetz. Yeah. How many years has it been since we met? It's been a little while. Yeah, right. It's very good to see you, Rep. Good to see you, Peter. I'm thinking and wondering about Maitreya.

[110:22]

Oh, yeah. Yes, Maitreya, remember. Name-seeker. Is Maitreya Buddha aspirational, that we're aspiring to be Maitreya? I don't know. I don't recommend it. Okay. Well, I do recommend that you, if you want to be a Bodhisattva, that you aspire to that. You're going to, your name's going to be, you're going to have a different Buddha name. Maitreya's already got that one. What I'm trying to, What I'm grappling with is if everything is happening right here and right now in this moment, what are we aspiring to in the future?

[111:33]

Well, you can also aspire to things in the present. Let's start with that. Do you aspire to be compassionate right now? Yes. You aspire to the Bodhisattva way right now. Do you? Yes. And do you aspire to a Bodhisattva way, you know, full-scale Bodhisattva way, which includes past and future? I don't know what that means. Well, it means that you're willing, that you want to practice the Bodhisattva way with no open-ended way. not just at this moment, you would actually like in the next moment also practice the bodhisattva way, would you? Yes. And would you like that to be open-ended? I hesitate because the easy answer is yes, of course, but I don't know what that means.

[112:41]

Like I said previously many times, when you're a child, you can aspire to be a good man, a good father, a good brother, a good human. You could aspire to that. Yes. When you're more mature, you realize you still want to aspire to it, but you don't know what it means. And also, did you laugh when you said you don't know what it means? You almost laughed. I wasn't quite there. So it's funny that it's actually kind of funny that we sometimes wholeheartedly aspire something and we don't really know what it is. We know a little bit. But when we mature, we realize I just know a little bit about this great thing I aspire to.

[113:44]

And then sometimes this great thing I aspire to comes to me. And is the great thing that we're aspiring to or that I'm aspiring to, is that Maitreya Buddha? It's being a, well, again, you're not, that's his job. Your job is to be the Buddha you're going to be and you don't know your name yet. Oh. We are on the path of becoming Buddha according to this scripture. The scripture is telling us, okay, guys, you're all going to become Buddhas, whether you like it or not. You're on that path. That's what you're actually aspiring to, whether you know it or not. But if you actually do aspire to be Buddha for the welfare of all beings, if you have that Bodhi mind... You also might open to that you don't know what you're aspiring to completely. That what you're aspiring to is actually beyond what you think it is.

[114:49]

But you still aspire. But I don't exactly aspire to what I think a bodhisattva is. I aspire to what a bodhisattva is. And I also have ideas about what bodhisattvas are, which I think are great. But I don't really aspire to my idea of a bodhisattva. I just use my idea of bodhisattva to help me aspire to be what a bodhisattva really is. And I don't require that a bodhisattva is what I think it's going to be. That's more mature. So when you say you aspire to whatever, being awakened for the welfare of all beings, if you have that bodhisattva vow, it's mature to understand you don't know what you're talking about. That's mature. And then can you continue even more wholeheartedly perhaps to cultivate that aspiration? The more mature aspiration is greater than the beginning one in a way.

[115:58]

Because it isn't disturbed by not knowing what it is. At the beginning, we can't stand not being sure. So we say... being a Zen student is this, and don't mess with me. As we become more mature, maybe I don't know exactly what a Zen student is, and I still want to be one. So that not knowing what, to have the aspiration and not know what it is, is a sign of maturing aspiration. Getting ready to accept that it's beyond any idea that you have. It is. Yeah. Which means that you don't know completely what it is. You know a little. It's how you feel today. That's part of it.

[117:01]

Your wish, the wish you feel in your consciousness is part of it. But that's not the full extent of it. So you don't know what it is, and neither do I. And I'm happy. I'm happy anyway to have this aspiration, which is free of my ideas. It's a great thing. It includes all my ideas, lovingly embraces all my ideas, and it's helping me let go of them. And here comes more ideas. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you, Great Assembly. And today I'm going to change the chant and I'm going to translate it from Chinese more literally. Okay? This is my literal translation of the Chinese from the Lotus Sutra.

[118:07]

May all the merit and virtue of this extend to every being and place so that we together with all beings become Buddha's way. Beings are numberless. I vow to save them. Afflictions are inexhaustible. I vow to liberate them. Dharma gates are boundless. I vow to enter them. Buddha way is unsurpassable. I vow to become it.

[118:55]

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