It's done in a simple way in that you're perhaps going to... I'm going to teach it out. And it looks... it's just kind of like... I'm kind of like two halves. One is kind of like, almost like anthropologist, observing Buddhism, a little bit around the world, a little bit of a historian, but also kind of as a member of tradition, and even as a conductor of the tradition. in the sense of conducting, but also transmitting conductor. So sort of from the perspective of looking over the big ocean of tourism, it looks to me like a tradition of Soto Zen.

[01:12]

It's most important ceremony is And to me, my most important ceremony was the ceremony that makes it actually take us, our religion, and many other people. It's sort of based on a ceremony transmitting what he saw as the precepts. And it seems like the understanding of transmitting these precepts is that what's being transmitted is enlightenment. These are not retransmitted, but what we receive won't buy us enlightenment, but we receive. It's like you receive, it's like you receive a piece of paper,

[02:19]

which kind of shows you that you're part of the overall body of Buddha ancestors. But the blood vein is a blood vein coming through the Buddha ancestors from Shakyamuni to all the great Indian teachers, to many great Japanese and Japanese teachers. from some kind of American teachers. And then back to around and around and around. This paper actually shows a picture of that. And on this paper it says, receiving these precepts, It is the causal condition. It is the causal condition of the most important thing in Buddhism, of the one great matter of Buddhism, which is Buddha's functioning in the world, enlightenment functioning in this world.

[03:35]

Not just enlightenment, but enlightenment in this world. Receiving these precepts is the condition in which this thing happens. That's what it looks like. It says it really on the paper. Now, I don't think most such people have registered this. I don't. I don't think most Westerns have registered this. So I think I'm actually bringing up something that is a little new. And I'm concerned about the effect of sharing this with you and keeping it a secret for a while. But you're seeing that. door stays on for once I had a secret love that lived inside the heart of me.

[04:36]

But that secret love yearned to be free. Now I shout it from highest hill, even have the golden daffodils. My secret love is no secret anymore. So I'm not exactly telling you this is true. I'm just saying, I love this idea. I love these precepts. And I love that they are not rules, necessarily. They are rules. They look like rules. But really, they're something that the reception process embodies in Buddha. So and again, if you look at sociology, anthropology, you might say, well, in Japan, it looks like in almost all, in China, too, particularly in Japan, I think in most

[05:44]

monasteries or people who are practicing sitting in the monastery hall as aides, they all receive the invoice of the precepts. So the room is full of people who have, through this process, have received embodiment of enlightenment. So all the rooms full of buddhas. So we have these very and I'm sorry we don't have more of them. But part of the thing about time is that everybody's sitting on the same level. The message here is everybody sitting on these columns of Buddha, people who are down below are not. Sorry. But I've noticed that these people who are down below, they also seem to be picking up on this Buddha . Quite a bit of enlightenment down on the floor .

[06:46]

People are sitting there, oh, god, this is great. What a wonderful practice. Well, they know the reason because they're surrounded by Buddhists. So I don't know how, I don't know if I would need to be many so-called Zen monks if they would feel, oh, yeah, I can see these precepts, and thereby enter the ranks of all buddhas. And now when I sit, I'm sitting as a buddha with the other buddhas. And so we are actually practicing buddhahood. I do not think we talk about that. But that's what it looks like. So the tradition is actually quietly thing. And if you go to a temple, there's lay people there.

[07:47]

And usually, the lay people have also received the Bodhisattva precepts. And their precepts also, when they receive the precepts, when lay people receive the precepts, they also One of the things about going to the city, though, is that you've received this embodiment of enlightenment, and now you're actually cooking it and cooking it. You're demonstrating it. You're manifesting it more and more in the world, encouraging other people to sort of say, what are you doing there? And ask yourself that. Are we sitting here for the sake of all beings, like a Buddha?

[08:49]

Well, that makes sense. Absolutely. Everybody's pretty much involved in Zendo and West. I don't know how tolerant they are of letting uninitiated people into this Buddha-making room in Asia. So it's nice that we're quite open here. And I think it would not yet ask for precepts and assume precepts. And then issue, which is various, is are the people who receive the precepts better than the people who haven't? And are the people who go through the precepts training better than the people who receive the precepts and don't go through the precepts training? Well, then you look at the precepts and they're kind of like instructions about what it's like to be a Buddha.

[09:53]

So there's kind of a teaching there. And the teaching is, one of the teachings is, you're not supposed to praise yourself, but lift yourself up. It's OK to lift yourself up, and it's OK to be uplifted by becoming an embodiment of Buddhism. Just don't pray to anybody else. Buddhists do not think they're better than non-Buddhists. Non-Buddhists have various opinions like that. So when you embody Buddha, then if you happen to see any thought that because you have received these precepts and are thereby at the same level as the Buddhas, that you would think that you're better than you used to be, that would violate the precepts that you've seen. So if you do think about that, or you just do a practice called you confess that somewhere in your neighborhood you're thinking about that, and you check and see if you feel a little bit of sorrow about that, which you do, that'd be successful.

[11:11]

You know, I would like to, again, to see a true set of not lifting myself up is putting it down. However, I did wish to, in some sense, lift everybody up. out of self-concern and misery to the state, to the platform, to the altar of guru. I'd like to do that. And without somehow, without being coughed up. So again, it is said in many places, once you've received these precepts, if you understand what's happened now, Meaning that you've entered the lamps of all motives. Then make your body a core. Make all your actions of body, speech, and mind a core to it.

[12:13]

That's when you stand it. So again, you can also shift that into a rule, like you're following rules. Well, if I knew it then, I probably should be happy like one. And these precepts just remind me of how I'll hire back if I wish to be a Buddha or a Buddhist child. But tons will be following rules. More is just like just checking on your . It's more like your job description. It's more like an expression of your new true nature. There's a sutra, a Mahayana sutra, which is probably, which is in Sanskrit, it's called Rallamjala Sutra. It's a Mahayana sutra.

[13:17]

And in Japanese, it's called Bogdo Kyo. The net of Brahman, the interconnected net of Brahman, that's the image of the Sutra. And it's the Sutra in which perhaps the most influential version of Bodhisattva precepts is put forth. It's the version of Bodhisattva precepts, but the most influential in the Mahayana. And it has 10 major precepts, which are the same as the 10 major precepts of Soto Zen now, and Soto Zen for 800 years. In fact, the same 10 major precepts which are right out of this drama in that sutra. And it has 48 minor precepts, which we did not transcend yet, . that they are transmitted out of the schools.

[14:23]

We do practice in monasteries in Asia and in America at some Zen centers, like the MIS Center. We practice a monthly confession and repentance ceremony, during which we recite our 16 books of the priests, which The three Rebbe's precepts, the three pure precepts, and the 10 major precepts. In Asia, I mean, in Japan, and I think also probably in most Chinese and Vietnamese templates, they don't do this practice. They only do it in . The way people in residential monastics get joined, most people don't do it at home. It's a private library ceremony, and most people don't do it. It isn't done at small temples usually. But we do it here.

[15:30]

What we don't do here, which is also done in Asia, is we don't read the sutra before. But in Asia, the doshi, the priesthood's lead discernment, reads the Sanma out loud before. Now, the total assembly in Mahasaya does not necessarily witness this recitation, but the sutras is chanted in a so-to-safe temple where the Sanma is performed. And So part of what he says in the summary is, truly, did the gate of studying open?

[16:32]

There are myriad Buddhists, world iron ones, accompanied by myriad beings. They came to my abode and listened to me recite the Bodhisattva Precepts of the Buddhists. Truly did the case of study open. Each recurrent to his or her world and recite these words of the precepts he or she received from me. The 10 major and the 48 minor precepts, the precepts The precepts alone, no, precepts shone brightly like the sun and moon, resembling jewels drawn together in memorable bodhisattvas, depending on when they realized truth and light.

[18:07]

new bodhisattvas may take up these bodhisattva precepts and pass them on to others. Listen carefully and believe them to be the heart. You are truly to become a witness. You have already become Buddhas. If you continually believe thus, you will have the body, the bodhisattva presence. The person who has accepted and received these precepts has already entered the stage of a Buddha, because the stage is synonymous with great enlightenment.

[19:09]

That person is truly a child of God. So this understanding of these precepts is quietly the background up Sopto Zen, and not just Sopto Zen, but . And I also even walked a long way behind the Catalan school up . If the cynical thoughts can arise in the mind, like, well, this is a good thing to tell people if you want them to sign up at your temple. To the best extent. Well, we've got this precept, so we can get this precept and get it, like. And it's translated to you in the Samhain.

[20:21]

And also, at the age of it, people don't even have to sew their own robes. You can receive these pictures rather quickly in Asia. In other words, you can just see the body, mind, and life quite quickly. And in case you want, you can get older and older. And there's the idea of the long practice of Buddhist practice, a very long time, to become Buddhists. And it might seem like two different paths, but actually they're not. They're the same path. The path of receiving enlightenment and receiving Buddha is the path of now entering practice as a Buddha, with Buddhas, somehow as a person, your karmic consciousness is pretty much like what you yesterday.

[21:32]

And by now this karmic consciousness might be a little more willing than before to act as and like Buddha's. And then you would continue that practice for a long time. And then, of course, you would continue that practice until everybody was fully immersed in the Buddha way. Now you can really serve all beings. I want to say, well, can't I really serve all beings before discerning on me? And I would say, well, yes, but also I

[22:37]

What do you mean by I? When you said, can I serve all beings, can you make yourself serve all beings? And I said, well, you can serve some beings, but I don't think anybody can serve all beings unless they get the help from all beings. And in particular, all beings include all good. So yes, you can serve all beings, but you need to have all beings help you serve all beings. And you have to do a little critical job. But with all sentient beings supporting us and all who is in voice-ups and so on supporting us, we can't end the work of supporting all beings. We're uplifted by their support to support them, to support us. one can, in a sense, almost taste the uplift of the support of all goodness when one receives the support of all goodness.

[23:51]

So without saying, please, buddhas, come, please, buddhas, give me these precepts, please, buddhas, give me enlightenment so that I can work together with you, just benefit all beings, then it is very hard for me to serve all beings. But with the help of the buddhas, through the bodhisattva precept transmission, It kind of seems possible to live that way. And then if one loses track of that possibility, well, one can have a second one here. Or you shouldn't have a second one. nourished to perform the great work by preceding the boys of Christmas, propped up, folded up, supported to be upright, so that we can dare to open to the intimate of all things,

[25:24]

If we were in some situation where some being was calling for help, and we felt some, in our body, felt some repulsion towards it, and they needed to smell really strongly in our nose, and they're excited, they feel disoriented by the intensity of the smell, Or in some instances, please come closer to me. It's just too much. Or somebody else, some of them were acting very energetically and violently. They just can't. But if you can imagine if a Buddha came to you and stood next to you, or a great bodhisattva, or several great bodhisattvas who said, we're with you, and we'd like you to do that.

[26:44]

We support you. You don't cost. Well, maybe that's what you have. I'm getting scared over here, you people. This is my community. This isn't here. So I like this. This is what comes with the body's self-perception. The willingness to be intimate with our bed and get intimate means the willingness to say about things, because intimacy is not sexist. So precepts are really, yeah, intimacy in this particular form. It's OK if I say that one of the priest candidates felt some resistance to this kind of talk, so that's OK if I say that.

[28:03]

It's OK if I help people with much of it. Why do you have some resistance? Resistance to this way of talking which sounds like these priests are just special. I don't mean to say they're special. I also don't mean to put them up and put down the precepts of cruel people. I don't mean that. But I understand that when I speak this way about this ceremony, that some of them might think that this is really, that this precept is better, that this ceremony is better than some other ceremonies. or that the practice of this precept is better than the one that people who are not practicing the ceremony. I understand that there could be people like that. And I understand there's dangers around that.

[29:05]

And apparently, I seem to be wanting to go ahead and give the ceremony to people. And some people seem to be wanting to join me. When there's a major, if we give this ceremony, people will think, oh, this is a special ceremony. They think this is exclusive. It can look like that. And this is a ceremony about opening to the appearance of exclusiveness and not attaching to that. and open to the appearance of universal, welcoming beings. They're not attached to that. But again, I probably shouldn't anticipate all existences, but just . Ascended beings are basically nothing but resistance.

[30:26]

It's a resistance. An ascended being is a form of resistance to all beings. And Buddhists are nothing but all the resisted beings. So in the totality of resistant beings, there's no resistance to living beings. There's no resistance to resistance. So these precepts are transmitted to resistant beings, sentient beings. to help them find their way to no resistance, or rather, to intimacy with resistance, not no resistance. I take that back. That's important, but it's important even to take back. It's not that we find our way to no resistance.

[31:31]

It's that we find our way to intimacy with all resistance. It's not that this is the path to no such a thing, which means then there wouldn't be any resistance if we got rid of all the sentient beings. It would be weak, medium, or strong resistance. Now, it's the path of embracing and sustaining all the resistances. It's the integrity of all sentient beings. That's the practice. And in intimacy, there's no dwelling in the resistances. The zoo says this, the scary lizard, yep. Any dwelling? Well, actually, no. Are you dwelling in that? No. Or yes. So what precepts is being honest? Is that the dwelling? Yes, that's open. And if you are honest about your dwelling, that's the path to not dwelling.

[32:33]

End. We're incessant. We're pinching this. We're polluting it. I recently ran into the word giddy as a description of karmic consciousness. And I hadn't seen that word applied to defend the karmic consciousness before. And I got that word from .. Oh, yeah, thanks for asking.

[33:43]

It's in Bobo. It comes in Bobo. And I thought, what does it really mean? I looked it up. And meaning, to be excited to the point of disorientation. That's counter-consciousness. We get excited. And when we hear about Bodhisattva precepts, when counter-consciousness hears about Bodhisattva precepts, we can get excited again and go like, yuck! And it can say, this is like, this is like, you know, a cult. This is like, this is like Nirvana. This is like, okay, cool. This is like, this is like, And the current consciousness can get excited when it hears about bodhisattva precepts, which are the embodiment of Buddha.

[34:53]

So then we can use the bodhisattva precepts to help us deal with this excitement about the bodhisattva precepts. so that we can ride the bubbling, disorienting waves of enthusiasm and excitement that arise at the possibility of being and helpful to all resistant beings, or crumbling and shrinking back and squishing our life into a little place. I want you all to open to that. Show them a way to open and be like, how wonderful. Let them feel that. How can we stay totally calm and present and upright in that? And that part of training is asking for feedback on how we're dealing with these placements.

[36:02]

And sometimes we're, you know, we're resisting this way, and sometimes we're resisting that way. So we invite feedback to help us work with how we're dealing with what comes up in the practice of doing it. So for example, I ask not to give them the feedback they want to offer feedback. Can everybody hear me?

[37:17]

No? I'm going to have to speak louder. Why can't they speak up? I was wondering what you thought of the term thief of virtue. Thief of virtue? Well. I guess if you can at least see virtues, that's probably one of the best things to do. And then, you know, once you've got all the good things that you want, then you just switch from taking virtue to receiving virtue. And then he entered, oh, there's more of them.

[38:20]

Where did you get them to? We all were fine. The breakfast was, I told him, not attached to the restaurant. We just wanted to get it to you. But before he needs to see it, he might think you have to go and get it. What's it been? I couldn't help you. Don't tell him. You don't want to embarrass yourself, I said. Could I please have some goatee? Three things. I guess I was referred to a possible negative connotation. A possible negative connotation of taking what's not given? Taking, right. Well, the taking, to live the life of getting, the taking is the moral thing for sentient beings.

[39:21]

When you're resisting, it's easy to think you're taking what's coming to you. And what you're resisting, you're resisting what has been given to you. So when you resist that, the generosity of the other, of our relationship, Then you say what comes to us, often in terms of taking it. But we often say here, I take refuge with you. I actually do like to bring up not using that. But it doesn't mean you're taking what's not given. I think we're kind to ourselves and others. We see ourselves trying to get something to life. that we say, oh, I'm deluded.

[40:42]

I'm a deluded, resisted being. I'm resisting the world of where everybody's supporting me and where everything happens to be as a gift. I'm resisting that world. That world seems all too, you know, I don't know what, naive, childish, like a dream, not real. I resist the world of endless genlots. I resist the world that A word is love. So I'll take a few things here before I talk. If you take virtue, that virtue might help you open to the fact that we don't take anything. Everything is given to us. And we ourselves, nobody to hold onto us is going to give us. Can everyone hear me?

[42:31]

Usually when I come up here to speak in front of the group, I feel a little bit of separation anxiety. Because it's not, I don't get a lot of practice of public speaking, nor hearing myself the way that others hear me. So it's good practice. The other thing that I wanted to say, the other confession is that... Goodbye, kitchen. Goodbye, to us. Excellent. Excellent. Excellent without being better at something else. Right. Well, I'm glad that you brought that up because actually the other aspect of the separation is that, by the way, just in the side, I noticed also when I come up to talk to you, I'm being more comfortable now knowing that I don't really know what I'm going to say. Like, I have this question that I want to ask, and then by the time I come up, sometimes it changes.

[43:43]

And it doesn't make sense, but I understand that you'll ask me further questions to try and understand. So that's what you should do. But the separation anxiety that happens for me, I think, has a couple different forms in my life. One is that I practice in a different tradition from the person in my community garden, which is right next to mine. So here at Greenville, we work in the garden. The person who's gardening next to you is hopefully practicing reading out, hopefully. But he's typically practicing in the same tradition. The person who practices in the plot next to mine practices in the Theravadan tradition. And he actually has people stop the street for me, and he has a weekly meeting where he and a few gardeners get together and do their jhana practice. with a neuroscientist.

[44:45]

And I've actually been resistant. I have not been invited to John's practice. And I've secretly been like, not on that one. But I think that it's useful to hear that actually there isn't better or worse. And also, I guess, trying to be already establishing this practice here, not some other practice. And so where am I going with this? So that's the first aspect of the opening that I think needs to happen. And I would like to have more dialogue with my panelists about this. And then the other thing that I really appreciate you saying is talking about the ceremony practice as essentially one practice.

[45:50]

Because it's been a little bit confusing to me that, and I'm glad that I have an opportunity to say this on tape, but it's been confusing to me that And also understandable that Zen Center does have a requirement to be two practice periods at Tassajara before one can become a priest. And I understand why that may be so. But in a sense, it actually says, OK, well, there's these elite people who can do the practice or have space in their life to practice at Tassajara. And then there's the other folks who maybe can't or want for whatever particular reason. Right. Right. That's true. So, anyways, I wanted to share this separation of anxieties with you, but that's an offering. Okay. Thank you. As you said, I remember that my master's thesis in psychology, I wrote a paper on separation inquiry.

[47:04]

I worked five years ago. Is it in a library? Can you help me take it? It's in a library at Congress. I'll be sure to look it up. It's not working anymore. I wouldn't really want to hear that. I remember I was talking to my advisor, and he said, he called me this morning, and he said, you know what I think the Zen boys do? They become attached to everything so that they won't have separation anxiety. I didn't say it to him. I think it's a little bit simplistic. But actually, there's something to it. It's actually, but I think I would say the Zen monks or Zen bodhisattvas, they don't become attached to everything. They become devoid of everything and don't dwell in it.

[48:07]

So it may look like they're attached to things when they're taken good care of. But actually, they take good care of it so they won't dwell in it. And then they won't be separated. But they expand their, not their cabinet, but they expand their devotion beyond their mother. They expand their devotion completely, and then there's no separation. But I think that's one of the things that you don't understand is that the devotion to all beings, but the devotion to you or to yourself, was a devotion not well. Or just let us make the original. I think it would be weird. Like monkeys? Well, monkeys are mad. Yes. I don't understand the aversion to the precepts, because on the one hand, we can't the heart secure, which seems to me

[50:20]

The two sides of the same coin, the heart suture and the precepts, the pain and the heart suture and the explodes and precepts. Yeah, that's what I said a couple days ago. I said, When you receive the precepts, after you receive the precepts and become ordained, then you want to make the precepts really work to practice . Oh, I'm sorry. I was . That's right. That is the way to help . help us read the precepts or not grow up with the precepts, not make the precepts something substantial. So I think what some people feel is that the way we, again, if you put a lot of energy into something and do it with a lot of care,

[51:23]

We may make people think we're just making such things, because usually what people put a lot of energy into and a lot of love into is what they're attached to. So if you're like, oh, this is so great. I just love this ceremony. Please accept it. It's so wonderful. You enable me. You're a man, so it's like just the greatest, you know. And it's so beautiful and sweet and pale and fresh. And isn't that what you're usually in touch with? Like a beautiful little baby boni soffers. You know, we're substantializing the people in the process. And that's usually what happens when people put a lot of energy into something. But in the other words, if you don't put energy into anything because then you won't substantialize it. No. Put a lot of energy into it. See if you can avoid it in this way without making it yours. Usually when we take care of the boys of the prison, they're ours.

[52:27]

We take care of the Zen center, it's ours. We take care of the wonderful Zen students, they're ours. We take care of the teacher, it's our teacher. My teacher. My teacher. My moon. My moon. Yeah. So it looks like that. So people say, oh, yuck. These people are like all clinging and speaking to these precepts, to these ceremonies, to these forms. They should not be doing that. They assume that they're doing that. They don't know that we're totally devoted to not attach to what we're devoted to. Thank you. I said homage to them. And that's what I needed to do. To be totally devoid of beings and not devoid.

[53:28]

Totally devoid of beings, well enough. There's not beings to be devoid. Totally devoid of the process. Now I have the crystals connected to one. But we start with totally devotion, and then direct his cardinal. Apolipiteshvara, very soft, but when being totally devoted to the five standards, totally devoted to the five diagrams, then realizes that the pen doesn't say totally devoted. You would think that the name Apolipiteshvara would make that clear. The amulet of Keshbara is totally devoted to all resistance, which means totally devoted to all five aggregates. When you're totally devoted to the five aggregates, like amulet of Keshbara, you see that they're all empty, up only.

[54:29]

And that's the state of things. Hello. I have a question. Yes. I can't understand to see that I'm breaking the preset of . Praise myself. Yeah, praise yourself at the expense of others. So put yourself up and put others down. I also put myself down and put others up. It's like I'm programmed to always rank every situation. That's right. People are programmed. It's like Atlas thing, you know?

[55:31]

Yeah, I'm very grateful for this environment which has paid and allows to observe this. Yeah, it seems great, doesn't it? Well, it has allowed me to do it. I'm sure other people could do it, but I'm telling you. So it comes to me now, the fact that I know that's how I do this. Well, he said, you can't walk for one minute. I haven't received precepts for one minute. You haven't done this at home. So you're already starting to practice it.

[56:35]

So is this me noticing when I'm out of it? Is that in a sense that I'm renewing or receiving the pain? Because you said, okay. You're doing the precept doctors. Just by observing and so receiving the pain. What you're doing is what someone taught you too. Same before and after. The difference is that you haven't actually formally expressed your commitment and had that witnessed by someone who you put in a position of representing tradition. And you haven't said to somebody, please give me this tradition. So you haven't fully recognized that what you're doing now, you're doing it by yourself. So now that I've been doing this, maybe I have more quality experience. What I'm doing, I cannot do by myself. I request the tradition to give me this practice so that I can do it more while I do it, and not to touch it.

[57:46]

That's the difference. But many people practice the tradition before they enter the commitment. And some people do not practice them very well before they enter a commitment, and not very well after. But when they make a commitment, they become a child of the Buddha. And the person who practices the precepts quite well, just like many other people who have received that form of practicing, or even better, if they have made that commitment and asked for that assistance, They're not . But they don't ask. You mean if you don't ask for their help? Yeah. If you don't ask for their help, it's . Because if you don't ask for their help, the ordinary person might think they can stay by yourself, which is incorrect.

[58:56]

You can't even do wrong things by yourself. So when you're ready, then you will go to the teacher and say, I teach a representative tradition. Please, would you convey the perception of this tradition? You give me the perception of this tradition. Then you're set. You're set. Actually, I need Buddha to practice Buddhism. honor his tradition, had a teacher, had practiced with many Buddhists. He told us that. He's the first one who discovered this in this world historical epic. And he tells us that this is an ancient, much more ancient, beginningless tradition of wisdom, which he received from Buddha. So that's why we do the ceremony, because we can't really practice these precepts fully without asking tradition about us.

[60:01]

That's what this tradition is. I'd say I recognize that some people, like you, are doing a great job of noticing any kind of pettiness or selfishness in their life. They're noticing that they're programmed, cognitively programmed resistance. And that we have these habits. And Christoph's just talking about Cleveland. But he's noticing that little Christoph, he knew before he heard this. I get you. It's very exciting. Please do a pickle. Pickle. Pickle. Now that I'm here, it can be doable. But I can't really say it's scary. But it's also that I've also come to notice that I think it's to get something all the time.

[61:07]

And not so much to physically get something, And that's also programming as opposed to, like, other people's, okay, together, thank you. And I'm kind of wondering how, because this is also, I could kind of see this before it was that, like, okay, now I'm doing this, and I was hoping to get a thank you afterwards. And so... Hey, but then I'm not really wholehearted, I suppose. What I do is, should I not do it? No, you should do it. And then when you notice that you're not wholehearted, it would be good to confess that I wasn't wholehearted. So what, this chat we do at the beginning of the talk? By confessing in repentance, our lack of faith is lackless. For example, by confessing my lack of faith in giving, that I don't just give, I give so I can just get something.

[62:15]

By confessing that over and over, we will receive help. And the root of that, through the kick, makes the group will melt away. by the process of noticing, I'm getting what I'm trying to get. I'm getting what I'm trying to get. By seeing that and feeling how that's not really wholehearted and how we want to be wholehearted, I feel that over and over, that's the root of this trying to get. And the day will come when one gives wholeheartedly without trying to get anything. Gives without trying to get. Receive without longing to receive. Be a gift without longing to be a gift. What man gives into reality of the book is compassion, like noticing my resistance to it. And when we're here expecting something, that means we're resisting compassion. We really failed, but we feel totally overwhelmed and totally supported by compassion.

[63:24]

We just can't get in. We want to think about us, what we're going to get. We only think of how wonderful the people's health looks. But we need to be supported in our trajectory. We resist that support because we think if we don't get that support, then we'll be in forced labor. We won't be able to take any breaks and go to the movies anymore. I'm just telling you what I think. It's sad to, and then when I get a thank you, it's painful to get a thank you. It's like, here we go again. Yeah, there's another resistance. I would say that I resist getting a thank you and I resist not getting a thank you. I'm really sensitive, baby.

[64:26]

Thank you. Yeah, you read it, you get it, or you take it. That's good practice. I have a confession about living at home. Two days ago, you talked about living at home as a... Yes. How did you have a chance to sing?

[65:27]

Two days ago, you explained living at home as willing to intimate, be open to all beings, not sacred ones. Right. And once we're willing to do that, we're going to this living home. Something like that, maybe. Or who aspired to do that? I aspire to let everybody live in my house. Not just something. That's my aspiration. And now I go through the gate into the training where I will be supported to open and let everybody into my body.

[66:31]

I go through that gate. And I try it. And you hurt all your eyes. That's aspiration. But I also recognize that maybe right in the middle of the ceremony, I can say OK to everybody. If all the booze is there, I can say OK. But the next day, I might say to somebody, don't come into my house. I know. So then I confess, I didn't want that person to come into my house. But I'm in a training program. Or now I go and I say, I confess, I didn't let that person in. I want to overcome this resistance to be. I want to enter a training program which will support me and challenge me to focus, where people will say, you're training to be a Bodhisattva, aren't you?

[67:34]

Yes. Well, are you open to me? I'm not sure you're open to me, are you? You're supposed to be working on that, right? You say, yes, I am working on it, but I haven't got there yet. Or I am working on it, and I do feel open. Welcome. I'm here for you 100%. But maybe you say, no, I'm only here for you about 85%. I'm sorry. But I wish I was here 100%, but I'm not. It's why I'm in this training program where I'm working to make a difference. Please support me. I'm completely patient. I'm not completely devoted to you. This is my training program. I want to make a difference, but sometimes I can't. It was something else. Yeah, it's exactly like that.

[68:38]

Help in a way. Yeah, when two days ago, I heard that story, like that, and this speech. is something honorable and respectful or courageous living, but I didn't feel like that myself. I felt like living home is difficult, not easy. That's what it says in teachings. It's that living home is hard. The hardest thing is living home. It's really hard. Leaving a place where not everybody is there. There's something that you'd like to have there, or that you used to like to have there.

[69:41]

Leaving that is bleeding hard. It is hard. It is hard. And in a certain way, he says, the bonds of attachment, oh, the bonds of attachment are hard. He said, great. But I was not quite great. But anyway, the bonds of attachment are hard. And you often ask me, am I willing to do this? And it's not only you. Myself is asking myself, do I want to do this? And often the answer is yes. But if I change that question to myself, can I do this? Don't say can't. I don't know. No, because you can. I want to do this, or I want this to happen, but I cannot do it by myself. If it were just by myself, I would go off and hide somewhere.

[70:46]

But since I told people that, they'll come and find me. What are you doing here? Just come back and play with us. So we need help to do this. So I don't ask him, I do this. I say, I want to do this. And with everybody's help, I think it works. And it does seem to be .. He says, opening up the door. We had to process . The day before and the day after, it doesn't change much. That happens very often. Oh, I see. But this is a special day.

[72:01]

When you go into the salmon, you go in a fish, you come out a dragon. Well, too much time with your fish? Yeah, because that is your vision. Anyway, that's the picture. When the vision goes through the driving gate of this ordination and comes to the other side of your drive, you become a new bodhisattva. You become a child of a buddha. However, your counter-consciousness seems quite similar to previous counter-consciousnesses. We wish to help all beings and liberate all beings from such issues. You hope beforehand to do it, and afterwards you hope to do such a thing. But the resistance may be not that different.

[73:01]

However, afterwards, many factors are going to support mutual inequities more than before. A man will receive householder initiation, and his wife, who has not done it, she watches him all the time to see if he's practicing the priesthood. Is that a dream? Are you practicing the priesthood? That doesn't look like an argument. She didn't do that before. She didn't feel invited to ask him, what are you doing there? And now we're like, oh, he gets really angry, you know, while he's driving or something. She said, is that what he said? But if he hadn't done the same one, she might have just sort of gone, and whatnot. So now here, after you've seen the precepts, everyone will be supporting you and reminding you when you want to.

[74:09]

You yourself probably might sometimes say, I don't think I want to be with this person. But the people comes in. Can she say, on activity, that we'll play ball games? And you say, yes. OK, just checking. But without the initiation, you wouldn't necessarily ask me. But also, because of the initiation, you will bring out more. We connect. We'll be stronger. Even though you did not follow it, you remember it more. More and more, you'll remember it. And the more you remember it, the more you'll remember it. So it will change. But it doesn't mean no more challenges. So becoming Buddha doesn't mean Buddha work isn't challenging. It's true. Often a lot of thought arises in my mind, I can't do this.

[75:26]

And I will say, right, I can't do this. I could change, but we can't do this. It's different. I can't do this for myself. I need help. Could somebody please help me? I had trouble opening this person. Would you help me open this person? Please tell me, please remind me how important it is for me to take care of this person, this person and this person. One of the things that I said about being an exclusiveness and a big public candle, something special, I know, for me, This defense might fall, but many private thieves become a public. This, in a way, is nothing but fear right now. So the other day I stole time off everybody.

[78:14]

I said, I apologise. I invited everyone to finish their own book to us, but I'm really sorry. I'm sorry. And then I've got this guilt about it, and it's confusing me, because I realize When I first hit, what happened was I was waiting in my room and I was almost asleep and I suddenly remembered, I said, thank you. So I got up and I looked at the clock and it was 25 past and I thought, oh shit, I'm late.

[79:17]

So I run down, always. She took the hand twice, and after I finished it, I realized I wasn't right. I was early. And I thought, this is crazy. And I came. And then I walked. And then I walked to the remote schedule, and I got there. And I hit twice. And then I thought, that's really great. So I look right now, I know I'm lonely, but I'm not going to stand there. I pointed back to the hand of the sheriff's shop and knew I was going to be hit once. And I just, I don't know what to do now. LAUGHTER

[80:20]

And I don't remember, somebody said to me, you're six minutes early. And I went, yeah, I know. I went to the bullshit boat, hit that one straight away. And I was really enthusiastic about doing it. I was doing it really hard. But I don't know how. I mean, the question is, how was I not mindful that I was doing this? I mean, I wasn't. I was mindful when I wasn't doing it that I was early, but I wasn't mindful when I was doing it. No? I was mindful when I was doing it that I was early, but when I was doing it, I was just wholeheartedly doing it. How does that work? Are you mindful now? Yeah, pretty much. Look, I could just let that go.

[81:30]

Please. Thank you. I knew it would be best that you saw it. Now I think the present would be better. Would it? All right. What were we talking about? I just want to grant you that you're one of the resistance of the priest-candidate group, all of me, also, but just in case.

[83:10]

I'm talking about what is known. And Uh, feeling that, I have a confession to make. I got a letter this morning after I read it. Actually, I didn't know about it this morning. And before it stopped, a good friend of mine in Germany, and she started the letters. I tried, during this letter, to congratulate you for your precepting, and I don't believe I managed to, but I'll be honest. So she started the letter, and at the end of the letter, she wrote, like, you see, I still don't manage to congratulate you for your first training, but I hope you do what you want to do. And I thought, like, because congratulations,

[84:14]

is one of those things which people feel. I would say that I felt very much congratulated by Peru. And I'd like to encourage everybody to congratulate in this way. And I'm not, I think I'm not talking about congregation, really, but about us.

[85:26]

I'll send it to the question, which for myself is sometimes difficult and that's a grounding to do because I feel that is, well, that is It feels as though it's expressing oneself with difficulty. What do you feel about that? How do you express yourself? What do you feel? I don't know. I should say two. I thought I'd have nothing to offer today, but while Timo was here, he paid me for that.

[87:20]

Which is a little earlier, he cooked me that. And as Timo was up here, I thought of... two aspects of that relationship, being a four-and-a-half-year-old with new babies on the way. One is just that sometimes the little children are uneasy and a little afraid about the coming of the new baby. What does it mean for them? And then I also know that I didn't have the experience of new babies that I did because I grew up as a little child. But my mother was pregnant twice when Karen was born. And she lost one of her children after Karen went on pregnancy. And the second one was when their baby was born before I died. And I was . And I just came up really strong with what she was talking to you.

[88:27]

I want to pray for us, and we're going to say, I hope all five of these beautiful babies come to show us. We are prophets and priests. When flowers fall and the earth starts to shake, we just ask the teachers, what is happening?

[89:46]

And the teachers say, the whole world is involved in the practice of these precepts. The whole world is involved in the practice of these precepts. The whole world. The whole world is practicing together If you want me to remind you later. Today, I had this experience of thinking about all these times that I didn't think well at all.

[91:55]

And it was painful. And I found myself kind of trying to replay the circumstances with me being vulnerable. And then I just had this moment of, with help, I think there was help there helping me do this, just accepting. the pain of not being vulnerable. And I felt extremely supported. I think the price of feeling

[93:07]

They pray support. They spoke to me to vulnerability. We were close to vulnerability. We were close to understanding the support. And he said, not being vulnerable up to two grand, not being aware up to nothing. We are vulnerable, but We think we have things to do that didn't work, but... Yeah. I always think that didn't work, but it worked. And that doesn't explain it. And we're afraid to be aware that we can go. But if we can open to our own, open to something that's called reality. in the characters you're adding to the engine.

[94:13]

It would have all sent you games. That's a pretty high price. I don't know if that is clear. It was more that I was open to my unwillingness to do. What we want is a step towards. What we want is to be open, is a step towards encountering. Yes. Or something. No. I'm open to being closed. I'm open to being closed. Yeah. Open to being closed. And how painful it is to be close. And I'm kind of open to how painful it is to be close. And now I'm open to how painful it is to be open. And if I were to do that right now, I'm open to my incredible resistance to three steps.

[95:35]

Yeah. And I don't totally believe it, you know? I also... Well, I think if you've been wholeheartedly resistant, you will stop crying in your resistance. And have resistance, and be free of the resistance. And then you might be able to be wholeheartedly open to precepts. even while you're wholeheartedly resistant. In fact, you can't just say to me, being wholeheartedly resistant today, such a day, is what's like to be really wholeheartedly open to the precepts. That's how to be wholeheartedly open today and resistant such a day. That's why. So we do work together.

[96:37]

I'm proposing that it's possible for people to argue. We can win. We will win. And I say something. We will win this. We are on the path of learning. We can do it without wages. We need to do so. Precepts are beings.

[97:19]

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