I have heard that the Buddha Shakyamuni taught about action, taught about karma. And he defined action as cognitive action. Action is cognitive activity. And this, again, cognitive activity can be translated or can be also called intention. But I think that when many of us use the word intention, we have a kind of a static understanding or static the word intention.

[01:02]

But the intention that's being spoken of here is mental activity. Karma is mental activity. Karma is an active mental process, an active creative process of the mind. Mind is basically knowing. Cognition is basically awareness of the presence of phenomena. And with that awareness comes activity. And the activity is what we call karma in this tradition. It's the overall activity of the moment of cognition.

[02:05]

So there's knowing, which is clear illumination. And then there's activity. Clear illumination means that it's a valid illumination. And the activity does not necessarily represent accurately the conditions which give rise to it. Conditions can give rise to a misrepresentation of the conditions which give rise to the representation. can give rise to a representation which misrepresents the conditions which give rise to it.

[03:07]

Like, for example, many people can come together and make someone a leader. And the way the leader acts can misrepresent the way The person was made into a leader. The person could even say, I became leader by my own power, even though many people didn't make the leader. And the people made the person who then looks, walks, and talks as though they made themselves. So many conditions make beings or make the idea of something that was not made by many. That's a kind of cognitive activity. So I sense over and over again that we have trouble understanding the nature of cognitive activity

[04:17]

Understand that words like intention are good words to use because using those words for this dynamic process of activity may help us understand that intention is a dynamic process of activity. It's not a set position. And what some people might call my cognitive activity has been expressed to you for the last, well, for weeks and months and years I've been verbally expressing my cognitive activity. And this is my so-called verbal karma. And it's based on my mental karma. mental karma and physical karma.

[05:24]

But both mental and physical karma are mental and physical cognitive activity. My speech is a cognitive activity in physical form. The postures of this body are cognitive activity in physical form. And then my inward mental activity is cognitive activity in a mental form. All three are a quality of mental activity, and all three have moral consequence. And then we have been expanding the word cognitive activity by also using the word story or storytelling.

[06:37]

A story is a cognitive construction. In every moment our mind is cognitively constructing stories. to go along with our basic awareness, our basic awareness of color, our basic awareness of a smell. But when we have a color or a smell, there's also a story that goes with every color and every smell. Our basic awareness of another person, that awareness Karma comes with activity, a story about the person. And not just about the person, but the story about how the awareness, the aware person is related to the other person.

[07:41]

Every moment. And these stories have consequence. And the consequence of these stories are for the and for other people. Because the consequence of the stories that people tell is the physical world that all the people live in. And the consequence for the individual of their mental activity, their storytelling, is how they tell stories in the future, the kind of karma they do in the future, and also how they feel, their feelings. However, not all feelings are due to karma. Storytelling, the way we usually talk about it, one of the advantages is that it tends to bring to awareness the teaching that we are telling stories.

[09:09]

Since we're telling stories, let's tell stories. ...that comes from starting to become aware that we're telling stories, and that sometimes dawns on people when they're telling stories. If people aren't telling stories, they don't notice. If people aren't consciously telling stories, they don't notice that they're telling stories. But we're always telling stories, but we're not always aware of it. But if we go to a storytelling session, And as they walk into the room with the other people, they say, are you coming to the storytelling session? And you say, yes, I am. Are you going to tell the story or listen to the story? I'm going to listen to the story, or I'm going to tell the story. However, one problem of these storytelling sessions which we do in Zen and other forms of Buddhadharma and in other spiritual traditions, one of the problems with that is the listeners don't realize that they also are going to be telling stories.

[10:25]

And sometimes the storytellers also don't notice that they're telling stories. it's possible for people to not be aware of what they're doing. It's possible for people not to be aware of their cognitive activity. So we have to have special situations to support our awareness that we're telling stories. That what we see right now is not. It is a representation of reality, a story about reality. And right now I'm telling you this story, and so some of you may be very happy to hear the story I'm telling you, which reminds you and gives you some relief from the story you're telling as being something other than a story. I'd like now to bring up a, I don't know what to say, just a really amazing story.

[12:05]

Not extremely exactly, but... a very profound and extensive, detailed and dynamic and wondrous and ungraspable and, anyway, just an amazing story. And it's a story about stories. And it's a story about and is called sometimes Hyakujo's wild fox, or in Chinese, Bajang's wild fox. Is this the third day of Sesshi?

[13:12]

Is this the second day? Is this the second talk? So we have four days to work on this story. That's pretty good. In the Book of Serenity, this story appears. In the Gateless Gate, this story appears. And in two of the essays of the Shobo Genzo, this story appears. This karma appears. in the Book of Serenity.

[14:15]

This karma appears in the Gateless Gate. This karma appears in the two fascicles of the Shobo Genzo. In the Book of Serenity, the Shoryo Roku, the introduction says, if you keep so much as the letter A in your mind, you go to hell like an arrow shot. One drop of fox slobber, when swallowed, cannot be spit out for thirty years. It's not that the order is strict in India. It's just that the ignoramus' karma is heavy. Has there ever been anyone who mistakenly transgressed? Are there any such offenders?

[15:20]

So the story in this book of Serenity goes like this. When Baijong lectured in the hall, there was always who listened to the teachings and then dispersed with the crowd, with the crowd of students. One day he didn't leave, and Bajang then asked him, Who is it standing there before me? The old man said, In antiquity, in the time of the ancient Buddha Kashyapa, I lived on this mountain. A student asked me, Does the greatly cultivated person still fall into cause and effect or not? I answered him,

[16:33]

he does not fall into cause and effect, and into a wild fox body for five hundred lives. I now ask the teacher to turn a word on my behalf." Bajong said, he is not blind to cause and effect, or another version is that Bajang says, ask me the question. And the old man says, does a greatly cultivated person, does a greatly practicing person, to cause an effect or not? And Bajang said, he or she is not blind to cause an effect. The old man was greatly enlightened at these words.

[17:36]

you might say that what I read so far is the first part of the story. Another version of the story goes on a little further This is a short version of it. So, let's see here. Oh, by the way, Bai Zhang's answer is not blind to cause and effect. It also has been translated as does not obscure cause and effect. The greatly does not obscure cause and effect.

[19:03]

Another translation is does not evade cause and effect. Another translation is does not set cause and effect aside. Another translation is does cause and effect. So the story often goes on a little further. And the man says, after he's enlightened by Bai Zhang's words, the man, it says, realized full enlightenment, and the old man prostrates himself before Bai Zhang Huaihai, I am saved from rebirth as a fox and my corpse will be found on the other side of the mountain behind this temple.

[20:12]

I humbly request that you bury me as a dead monk." So that's kind of the first part of the story. I'm laughing because I thought of another story. It's a story that occurred more than 40 years ago. Yeah, it occurred about more than 40 years ago. Yeah, interesting. It occurred rather more than 40 years ago. I went to a class on humanities at the University of Minnesota, and it's being taught by this poet. named John Berryman, a Pulitzer Prize-winning poet.

[21:14]

And he was teaching Don Quixote. And he opened it up, and like I said yesterday, he read the first line or so, there lived in the province of La Mancha a certain gentleman over 40. And he said, excuse me, rather over 40? What are you talking about? Why didn't he tell us how old he is? And I, you know, partly he, you know, this is his nervous system, right? But still, his nervous system, being so sensitive, the sensitive nervous system of this great poet and scholar damaged his nervous system by all kinds of medications.

[22:25]

still he woke the students up to like, they just would have kept reading like not noticed that they said rather over forty. What did he say rather over forty for? He just stopped. That's called an initiation. And so here we have this story and I don't want to yell or anything but to draw your attention to this story and to see if you realize it's about you. Or do you think it's about something that happened in the Tang Dynasty? Or do you think it is something that happened in the Tang Dynasty? And do you think you didn't happen in the Tang Dynasty?

[23:30]

And so on. So this is the first part of the story. And in the first part... Just a second here. Are we actually talking about a wild fox coming to see a historical Zen master? What's going on here? Where did this story come from? When did they start telling it? At the time of Bajong, were people actually saying that a wild fox came to see our teacher? Did they actually do that? Did they actually, in the next part of the story, did they actually go and bury the wild fox? Is that really what we're talking about here? In this first part of the story, we have a case of a story that was invented by humans to deal with their life.

[24:35]

And in this story we already have more than one story, in a way, in the first story. In the first part of the story we already have stories confronting stories. When stories are confronting the stories in the first part of the story, we have questions already. What's with the fox? Is this literal or what? And also, one part of the story is that if you deny that a person who has great practice falls into cause and effect, if you deny that, you, the denier, will fall into cause and effect. By denying it, by denying it, you don't fall.

[25:41]

And then, if you ask the teacher to help you and the teacher then affirms cause and effect, you don't fall into it anymore. By affirming it, you don't fall into it. By saying you don't fall into it, These are two stories already in the first part of the story, confronting each other, and you start to feel a question about this story. Do you? And in a sense, the next part of the story is that Bajong says, he told the Eno, to strike the Han, or maybe the Cui Qing, I'm not sure.

[26:44]

Anyway, strike the wooden board, the wooden block, and inform the monks that there would be a funeral service for a dead monk. who knows, during this next four days, that the Eno will strike the wooden board and announce that there will be a funeral for a dead monk. And if she does, here, might be surprised by the announcement. We'll see if she does, if you're surprised. And they said, nobody's really that sick, are they?

[27:47]

I mean, what's her name? Jean is pretty sick. Where is she? She's not here, right? Huh? She's resting? Do you think? You checked on her? Would you send her our love? Anyway, Gene seems to be all right. No one's in the Nirvana Hall, the sick room at the monastery, the Nirvana Hall. Someone is in the Nirvana Hall? Who? He's in the Nirvana Hall. Okay, well thank you for telling me. You won't be surprised. We might think it's Daigon. Yeah. But let's say Daigon is not in the Nirvana Hall.

[28:50]

Or maybe when you announce it, just say it's not Daigon. And so they were wondering. So then and up in the mountain and Bhaijaan pulled a fox out of the bushes and they buried it according to a monk's burial ceremony. And then in the evening Bhaijaan had the interaction with the man, the old man, and then Wong Bo, who had not been there earlier in the day, Wong Bo is one of Bajong's main disciples, Wong Bo said, you have said that the old man has a fox 500 lifetimes because he gave the wrong answer. Suppose, however, that his answer was correct.

[29:55]

What would you do then? Wang Bo says, suppose that his answer does not fall into cause and effect, was correct, then what would have happened? Then what would have happened? A question has been asked about the previous story. Two previous stories. The one long ago, and the one earlier in the day. And Huaihai said, Come here and I'll tell you. Come close and I'll tell you. Uh, yeah, I'll tell you. After some hesitation, Wang Bo went up to his teacher, Huaihai, and slapped his face. clapped his hands and laughingly exclaimed, I thought barbarians had red beards, but here is another red-bearded barbarian.

[31:14]

What's another one? I knew foxes' beards were red. Here's another red-bearded fox. Foxes have red beards. Do gray foxes have red beards? Silver foxes have? I think they do. I think so. I'm not sure. They don't necessarily sit still very long. But they have these beautiful little faces. So smart. So that's a story which has like two or three parts. And each part has quite a bit of stories in it, kind of confronting each other. So as we... I feel kind of upbeat about this questioning process of looking at the storytelling process.

[32:39]

Karma, our mental activity of considering this story as a process of questioning, and not questioning just to question, but questioning as a result of the dynamism of the storytelling. Maybe to ask questions, but also the questions... You see, the intention to ask questions is like, I want to ask a question. But sometimes you're asking a question before you even know it. The nature of your having two stories which confront each other is a question there, implied. And again, to be able to see the question that's happening between the stories. Seems to be.

[33:46]

It's a story. That that is the path of wisdom. And we may be able to notice when we study this story that we would understand what it's about. Like, you know, do enlightened people still fall into cause and effect or not? Are enlightened people actually living in cause and effect, or do they transcend it? What's the story? What's the answer? What's the answer? We kind of want an answer. There's something about our storytelling, perhaps there's something about our storytelling which we'd like to get an answer to life's problems. And life's problems come from storytelling. But it's not that I'm stupid or you're stupid, but it is our stupidity which wants to get answers.

[35:00]

Or even, not that it wants to get answers, that's not stupid. That's just more storytelling. But the having an answer. So we have to be careful now as we try to get an answer, that we realize that's another story. We look out for our attempt to try to get something to cling to in this story. And then, when we think we've got something, then a little stupid light goes on. You think you got it. and then let go and re-enter the contemplation of the karma, of the storytelling. Again, start journeying in as a question.

[36:04]

And, of course, once again, quietly, calmly exploring the farthest reaches of these causes and conditions. Exploring causes and conditions is the exact transmission of a verified Buddha, but the exploration is quiet and calm and buoyant and joyful. So we need to be in this kind of state in order to do the exploration the way the Buddha, the way the Buddhas transmit the exploration. Buddhas are transmitting the journey into the field of stories, into the field of cause and effect. Journey through without grabbing anything.

[37:12]

You know, touching isn't right. It isn't right. Get close to the causes and effect. Study them intimately. Give close attention to your storytelling without touching your story, grasping your story, rejecting your story, obscuring your story, putting your story aside, And then also the stories, the teachings about the laws of storytelling, the laws of cause and effect. The same with them. When you hear these teachings, don't hold them, don't reject them, don't close your eyes to them, and look at them quietly, gently, joyfully. And if you can't, take a little break from studying, from journeying in the field of karma.

[38:16]

Calm down. Be buoyant and enthusiastic and relaxed and bright. Then go and study the stories questioningly. Ask questions. Study this story. Study this story about karma. And study your own stories questioningly, quietly and questioningly. Learn, explore questioningly. Usually we, during Sashin, we usually recommend that you don't do writing.

[39:58]

And I'm not recommending that you do any writing, but if I contemplate these stories, the story that will arise as I contemplate the story, or a poem may arise as I journey into this story. My journey into this story will be another story. And if the story is encouraging, I might express it. You hear in this setting, or perhaps in a one-on-one meeting. Maybe it's better not to write it down and just work with it as your own karmic activity, as your own intention.

[41:14]

And maybe after the retreat's over you can write down the ones that survive. than you do. But express them verbally. It is quite... There's many stories about people telling their stories, about studying their stories. Of expressing understanding verbally to show their understanding of the story. So you're welcome to do that. The great master, Tien Tung, expressed his. But I have this story that the kitchen is leaving. Kitchen people are going away to the other side of the mountain.

[42:18]

So that was quite a bit of verbal karma, quite a bit of storytelling. Is there anything you'd like to express? If you wish to express something, it's up here. What if there wasn't the letter A in mind?

[44:12]

Is there the letter A in mind? B. That's how it is. Didn't hurt that much. Did you say good morning? Good morning. I confess that I have a story I have no intention of getting rid of. You have a story you have no intention of getting rid of? Getting rid of, right. I confess that I have a story that I have no intention of getting rid of, and I happily and joyfully with all my heart

[45:18]

except of not getting rid of that story. The story has a title, and the title is My Daughter Bonnie. She is not some curtain to be rent. She is not some curtain to be rent, pushed aside to reveal something else. She is my best teacher, She has taught me innumerable amounts about unconditional love, about patience. She is the giver, the receiver, and the gift. I get that through her. And if the choice is between enlightenment and sticking to the story of Bonnie and Valerie on the ocean I choose the story. My daughter is more important to me than all the enlightenment of the Buddhas and the ancestors.

[46:26]

Do you want any feedback? Do you want any feedback? Please. I agree that your daughter is not a curtain. What I propose to you is that for most people there is a difference between them and your daughter. Excuse me. May I say more? And I would propose that if you have a story about your daughter, a story that will separate you from your daughter. My daughter and I are an ever-changing story, and it's wonderful.

[47:34]

My daughter and I are an ever-changing story, and it's wonderful. Want feedback? Yes, please. I have gone to hell for her and with her, but mostly it's been Nirvana. It is that ever-changing story with her. What is it that thus comes with her that has been and fills my heart? I love that story. It nourishes me, and it teaches me, and it helps me grow. You want some feedback? You and your daughter are not an ever-changing story. You have an ever-changing story of you and your daughter, which you love. So I just want to distinguish between your ever-changing story of your daughter, which you love, and your ever-changing relationship you have with your daughter, which you also love.

[48:45]

Not one, not two. If you hold to your story about your daughter, I have a story that that blocks the full of your actual relationship with your daughter. But I also appreciate you saying, if you still say so, that you're going to hold to your story about your daughter and your relationship with your daughter. I appreciate you saying that. Thank you. Oh, by the way, how do you feel? How do you feel? Like we're dancing. Great. Thank you. Did you hear that? Good morning.

[49:49]

Good morning. Last Friday I went to my hospice shift and that morning a woman had died. And Valerie's story prompted my wanting to ask you something about it. This woman was born in an internment camp. She was Japanese-American. And she had three daughters. During the time she was on hospice, all three of them spent a lot of time there. And she would say that she hated all three of her daughters, all of them. One was worse than the other. And gradually, she lost her ability to speak. And one day, my daughter's crawled in bed with her, was holding her. And I sat with her body on Friday, and there was just this most beautiful smile on her face.

[50:51]

It seemed like she was at peace. And I wondered if she, you know, as part of dying, letting go, because I don't think she could have believed that her daughters were all so terrible and have that smile on her face, you know. Something had shifted. So I wonder our stories as we're dying, when we die. Yeah, they get turned off. However, each one of them, up to the time of the last one, has consequence. And the last cognition can be a condition for another cognition someday. So when that cognition arises, you know, there's consequences.

[51:59]

But I think at death the stories calm down. And we don't have... We have our daughters, who we love and who love us, and our stories about them drop away. That radiant love. And then the lights get turned out all the rest of the way. But then there's What do you call it? To die, to sleep, and then to dream. Ah, there's the rub. In terms of the stories having consequences, you know, I had a sense, and this is my story, that she loved her daughters even though she couldn't express it. That's your story. That's my story. And that they loved her.

[53:02]

They talked about, also they talked about her not being such a good mother to them. But they showed up. And... So in terms of consequences, you know, I wonder. Oh, thank you. Consequences in the lives of the daughters. I mean, the mother has died. And I don't know, do you believe in lives? Do I believe in them? Yeah. I don't know if I believe in them, but it makes sense to me that if there's consequences of this life, one of the consequences could be another life, which is a consequence. And I think that this life is a consequence of previous life.

[54:05]

I don't think that it makes sense to me. It doesn't make any sense to me that life arises out of nothing. Life arises because of sensitive body, sensible world. So I see that all life processes depend on past cognitions, past life processes. And I don't see anything getting annihilated. I don't see that. So to me it looks like, rather than I believe, it looks like rebirth. And that this life is a rebirth. Every life I've ever had, I think, is another birth. and I don't see this life not having birthing consequences. However, I don't think it's absolutely certain that this life will be another life. So every life depends on previous life, I think.

[55:07]

That's my story. But it's not the same as every life has the consequence of another life. It's just that life needs the condition of a previous cognition, but things aren't necessarily annihilated if they don't cause another one of themselves, another one like themselves. There's other consequences besides a rebirth. I'm just thinking about this woman and I guess my wish for her is if she's reborn that she experiences love from the beginning and is able to know that she's loved. I think at the end of her life she did have a sense that she was loved. So you wish this woman to realize the Buddha way? Yes. Yeah, me too. So I basically believe stories.

[56:41]

And then when I drop one, I make up another story about how stupid I was to believe that story. Can I ask a question? Yes. Do you believe the story you just told? Yes. That you believe all your stories? Yeah. So then I sometimes come up with a stupid story and I switch to another story and I believe that one. And... I'm actually, I even believe movies. So when I go to a movie, I saw one a few weeks ago, it was really heart-wrenching. And I was miserable for hours after that, and every time I think about it, I'm miserable. Because I believe that whatever is in this movie actually happens somewhere in this world. So I believe that too. And... And I was wondering why I do that, why I believe everything. And if I don't believe the stories, I'm afraid I can't feel deeply.

[57:46]

And I'm very devoted to feeling very deeply. And if I don't believe my stories, it's kind of like the feelings aren't deep. It kind of doesn't really matter. So I think there might be a misunderstanding there. Can you help me? I think it is that certain feelings that we have, which are deep, depend on believing our stories. I think that there is that story of that form of causation. But there's also this that certain deep feelings are blocked somewhat because of holding it to our stories, other ones.

[58:52]

For example, the deep feeling of fearlessness is somewhat blocked by the deep feeling of fear. Or not so much the deep feeling of fear, but the deep feeling of attachment to something makes it hard to be fearless about giving it away or losing it. Some deep feelings might not exist anymore if we don't attach to our stories. But other deep feelings which are inaccessible to us when we're holding the stories, feelings of deep happiness, feelings of deep fearlessness, and feelings of devotion to people who we have stories about being our enemies, we'll be able to feel those feelings. So we'll be able to feel more deep feelings in total, even though we don't feel, for example, deep revenge, deep resentment, deep victimization.

[59:56]

We might not be able to feel those anymore. I don't know of anybody who doesn't hold stories who feels those kinds of deep things. But we get other kinds of deep things, other kinds of ecstasies or orgasmic blowouts, which Buddhas have, of feeling the pain, of feeling pain whenever they see suffering, and feeling generosity driven by that compassion for everybody, and feeling the joy and happiness, profound happiness for everybody. that kind of deep feeling would come with not believing the stories, not being holding to them. But some other deep feelings would be, you know, I guess we would say we'd be weaned of them. However, we have all the other people into those feelings to love. So like when you see children, they have certain feelings which you don't have.

[60:59]

but you get to adore them for their great intense misery that they feel about, you know, somebody wanting to share their toys with them, or their tremendous anguish over not getting as big a piece of cake as the other kid. Really, totally love and enjoy and feel a great happiness of caring for this child who is totally doing this thing which you did a long time ago. Or still. Oh, maybe or still, yeah. But if you have been able to let go of some stories, you will be able to adore your childlike enactments the way you would enjoy a child. You can be lovingly kind when you're caught by some story and being really upset about, you know, upset about it.

[62:09]

Just like a child can be really upset about their stories. Sounds a little bit like giving up ownership of these feelings. Giving up the sense of ownership? Ownership, yeah, or the, this is who I am. it's giving up holding to the sense of ownership. You can still have a sense of ownership, but, you know, not take it seriously. Like, you know, I don't know what. Partly you should own that this is your body, you know, be responsible for this, but it's the thinking that you own it by yourself, because I also am responsible for it. Realize that everybody's responsible for it. But don't keep yourself from responsibility. So if you can keep that, then you can let go of personal, unique ownership.

[63:11]

Thank you. You're welcome. Is the only thing that isn't a story direct experience? Is the only thing that isn't a story direct experience? Indirect experience, in terms of indirect cognition, is also not a story. Cognition itself, both direct and indirect, is not a story. It's just a knowing. It's not a story. Like, you can directly and indirectly know blue, or be the present of blue.

[64:22]

That basic experience is not a story. Okay? Both indirect and direct. Both perceptual and conceptual cognition of sensation or a person. Okay? That's not a story. Come with stories. Storymaking is the mental factors of thought construction which come with cognition. and they have consequence on cognition, and the type of cognition influences the storytelling. So storytelling is a... of cognitive life. And it's very powerful in terms of its moral effect. That's what I was just going to ask you, about morality and ethics and integrity. Are they stories? Is all of that a story? Morality is... or in a moral life is the evolution of stories.

[65:25]

And also, it's the process by which cognition influences stories, and stories influence cognition. That process is moral evolution, positively all the way up to enlightenment, and negatively, just sort of like, there's no bottom to it, but just negatively staying in delusion and suffering there in a cyclic way. And the storytelling is another way to talk about the process of cause and effect. And cognition is part of it, but cognition isn't itself such a big problem. like when we see blue, period, it's just not that much of a problem. But to say, it's mine and it's not yours and I'll kill you if you take my blue, this of course has much heavier and, you know, it has much more important moral consequence than just, it's blue.

[66:37]

However, the positive side of it is that the storytelling offers a way for just an ordinary it's blue to turn into an ordinary enlightenment on the occasion of it's blue. Or rather, not even it's blue, but just the cognition of blue or the cognition it's blue. One's direct, blue. The other one's indirect, it's blue. Both of those can be opportunities for complete enlightenment. The place of working The evolution towards actual enlightened cognition is in the realm of stories. Attending to them is the motor of practice. Not attending to them is the motor of turning the lights off in the cognitive life space. How are the people who are not standing feeling?

[67:52]

Is it okay to witness this, or would you like us to stop? Stop? Does anybody want us to stop this interaction thing? Is anybody afraid to say that they would like us to stop? Shall we continue a while? to express yourself. Thank you. Good morning. Good morning. So I have this question and I would like to see how it feels and what might happen when I voice it. First part of the story is I've taken up this idea of the concept which I put in between me and myself but also in between me and others.

[69:10]

So I feel I can see a little bit how come up and then they stay for a little while and then they go away and come up and stay and go away and so on. And my question is, where is the spiritual light that shines within all this darkness? Were you able to see how you felt when you asked that question? A little bit. It was interesting. When I finally said it, it was good.

[70:20]

Before, I felt embarrassed to come up and voice it. I would like an answer. Did you want to talk louder, Michel? So now I would like to ask you a question, may I? And also part of my story is... You may ask me a question, and I do not agree to answer. Yes, I would. My story is I would like to hear an answer... I want you to know beforehand... Part of my story is, I kind of thought you might say this. So in all this ebb and flow of conceptualization, where is the spiritual light in all this darkness?

[71:33]

Okay, but I want you to say it louder. Okay. I think I said, in this ebb and flow of conceptualization, where is the spiritual light in us? I would like you to sing that. Oh. Okay. Would you help me? It just sounded so operatic. What did I say? Operatic. Operatic. I think you should stand back further. Some people want you to turn around.

[72:43]

Clockwise, please. Turn while you sing. I guess I'd like to be in control of what's happening. In the ebb and flow of all this sexualization Where is the spiritual life? The spiritual life, the spiritual life Closing all this darkness.

[73:45]

Darkness. It's very dark. Congratulations. I congratulate you. Next act. Thank you. You're welcome. Thanks for helping him. Yes? Somebody else want to come up? Does somebody else want to come up, by any chance? If you want to come, you're welcome. Listening to Valerie's story and Toba's story, I lost my father 20 years ago.

[74:56]

It was not a happy story. Valerie's story, it was changing. But my story doesn't change anymore. And on the way, he's dying. Like Toba's story, he lost lots of ability, and he lost many memories. One of the things he lost is my name and me. Who can change the story? Did you say, how can you change the story? changed the story inside me. And I didn't have a chance to ask his story. I didn't have time. What do you think I'm going to suggest?

[76:03]

I don't know. No idea? No? May I take your glasses off? I invite you to look at me. I would encourage you to explore this story. Go walk into it step by step. when you're feeling good about exploring this painful story.

[77:08]

If you When you feel up for a walk in the land of the story, which is the land of your own mind, creating the story, when you feel ready to do it, enter this story. Turn the light around and take a walk into this story. If you feel upset or too upset, agitated or frightened and so on, you can drop it for a while, calm down, When you feel calm and relaxed and flexible. Flexible. Flexible. When you feel flexible. And you can turn like this. Turn. Head up. Head up. When you can turn. See, now you're not able to turn very well. Can you see that? You're kind of stiff. Do you see that? So you have to get more relaxed so you can turn.

[78:18]

So this is what you have to learn. If you want this story, if you want to be free of this story, you have to learn how to be more relaxed, like be able to move. Like if I pull you this way, come this way. If I do this way, go that way. No more. See? Can you do that? This is what we need to learn. to be able to do this kind of thing. Can you do this? How do you feel? I don't want to. Yeah, so if you don't want to, then the story will be down here, and the story will say, I'm not going to change if you're not going to change. I'm going to haunt you day by day, until you change. If you don't want to change, then the story won't change. You have to be willing to change and relax and be able to move, then the story can change.

[79:25]

But if you don't want to change and you don't want to hold on, then the story holds on. Now, if you're relaxed and are willing to move, the story is not going to completely change all of a sudden. But it'll start. The story you have about your father is not what your father is. He's not that. Your story is based on your father, but it's not your father. The story you have of your relationship with him is not the relationship. But if you hold on too tightly, you're not going to let the relationship change in your mind. So it will stay the same. That's how the story will change. A comedy, a bright, warm comedy of love, which it really is, according to the Buddha.

[80:33]

But we have to study it and learn about it. So I hear you reporting that you can't get away from this story, that it's holding on and it's not changing. But your body has to soften and relax. You'd find that the story is softening and relaxing. So that's how your daily practice of meditation can facilitate you relaxing more and more, becoming softer and more buoyant and calm, and explore the land of this particular story and other ones. And as you start walking around in it, you will see that it's changing. It always has been, but you're resisting it in your body.

[81:38]

That's my suggestion. I'd be happy to help you if you want. And thank you for telling me that you don't want to change. Did you want to come up? You don't know, really? You're pretty happy back there? Well, how did you become bound to this machine, hopefully for some good reason? It gets you running. Did you want to tell me something? Yeah, at the beginning I did. Do you think I should?

[82:52]

I welcome you to do so if there is a sense that it would be beneficial. We can experiment with that. If you think it's beneficial, please give it a try. You're welcome to do so. I wouldn't go so far as to say should. There's a question about the daily practice or the practice now, for example. When I'm standing here, I mean, most of people know, meanwhile, I experience usually quite strong adrenaline levels, but also in other cases like fear. And from what you said yesterday, I mean, it comes to me always up like, If I go into the fear, and I'm happy to be there, and it's sort of this getting stuck into the fear is often my feeling.

[84:04]

And I wonder if it's just not that I'm, in this case, not relaxed enough. But it hinders the flow to, I think, I just try to do it now. It doesn't work so well. But I can get stuck into that. And I have the feeling it doesn't bring me further than rather just let the fear be. I like to study. I mean, not look at it, really. And I wonder if that is what you said before. I mean, not touching it. Do you not look at it? But that feels more like dropping it continuously and it doesn't feel like studying either. And that's with a lot of things. Looking at it or just the whole time dropping it is that sort of study.

[85:10]

And it's a mixed feeling because dropping it, for example, dropping the fear doesn't allow me to study the fear really. I'm not into going... That's enough for me. How about you? Can I say something? Yeah, so there's an art to learning about karma, learning about yourself, learning about... kind of the same thing. Because the self's in the field with the fear, and the field with the self and the fear is your karma. So studying this field, there's an art to it. And so it's kind of a place you try to be upright in this field and relaxed. And basically a playful attitude towards this is good. So you don't grasp, you don't turn away, you don't deny, you don't go grab it, but maybe you stay close and walk around it.

[86:15]

So you find a comfortable, sustainable way to play, to dance, to interact. And I say you find it, but anyway, there is the finding of a way to be with this that optimizes learning about it. When you learn about it, When you learn about the fear, which is an ingredient in the story, you drop the story. You drop body and mind when you learn about this way of manifesting. Can there be dropping without learning about it, without studying it? There is dropping without learning about it. Dropping body and mind is really what's going on. But realizing dropping body and mind We have to learn with body and mind. We have to learn about it in order to realize what's already going on. I feel I'm more talking about attachment.

[87:21]

And you can let go of attachment without, or do you believe you can let go of attachment without studying it? Again, in reality, you are always letting go of attachment. If you didn't let go of attachment, you would be dead. Your living process is a process of constant flowing cognition, wherein you let go of attachment all the time. But if you don't pay attention to the process, you can think that you're holding on. and that obstructs you realizing the actual flowing process of non-attachment. If you study the process and learn the process, you will understand there's no way for attachment to actually occur. But if you don't look at it and you feel like it occurs, then you feel stiff and frightened and relatively unrealized in terms of your full happiness.

[88:33]

But really what would make us happy is really what's going on if we saw it. So we need to open our eyes now to our stories that are obstructing what's happening. And if we explore the stories that are obstructing it, we will see that we're not attaching, that we actually are flowing in a cooperative dance. Have you seen, have you verified what I just said at all? A little bit. Yeah, right. That's what I thought. And so keep verifying, see if you can verify it in reasoning and experience, not just by hearing it from me. I request you to work on, you know, devote yourself to that study, to that learning process.

[89:36]

But would you request me to really listen to what you said? I mean, to watch that meaning of it? I request you to listen to what I'm saying, but I don't request you to believe it. I request you to test it in experience. I request that. I'm fine requesting... Yes. Yes. See, what time is it? It's getting close to 12, I guess. Is that right? Getting close to 12. And service is at... Yeah. So, should we stop? There's some more people, but should we stop and have a little break before service? Any opinions? What?

[90:38]

Some other people want to hear Mimi's? Yes. Do you feel supported, Mimi? Okay. I learned to dance before I learned to speak. This is an ode to all. Thank you. May our intentions remain.

[91:26]

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