As all things are Buddhadharma, when all things are Buddhadharma, when all things are illuminated by Buddha's teaching, then there are delusion, enlightenment, practice, birth, death, sentient beings and Buddhas. When all things are illuminated by Buddha's teachings, there's delusion. Even when all things are illuminated by Buddha's teaching, there still is delusion.

[01:12]

Now, it doesn't mean that delusion exists in some substantial way. As a matter of fact, the Buddha's teachings illuminate delusion, with the teaching that delusion exists insubstantially. It exists only dependently. So, there is delusion. We mean there is delusion in an insubstantial way. And when we say there is enlightenment, We don't mean there is enlightenment in a substantial way, or that enlightenment exists independently, but that enlightenment also exists dependently. These words are to illuminate delusion and enlightenment with Buddha's teachings.

[02:26]

Not only to illuminate delusion, but also illuminate that there is delusion. Some people might think when they hear that when all things are illuminated by Buddha's teachings that there would be no delusion or enlightenment. They might be surprised to hear that there is delusion. But again, we don't mean is like the is that's the opposite of isn't. We mean is, which is the middle way between is and isn't. Now we have delusion. Let it be illuminated by Buddha's teaching.

[03:34]

Delusion is the actualization of the fundamental point of delusion. Enlightenment is the actualization of the fundamental point of enlightenment. Greed is the actualization of the fundamental point of greed. Hatred is the manifestation of ultimate reality. of hatred. Confusion is the realized universe of confusion.

[04:37]

If that's the case, I think I should study delusion and enlightenment. And I should study and I should learn about greed, hate, and delusion. I've actually already been studying greed, hate, and delusion, and so far I've found out that greed, hate, and delusion make it hard to study greed, hate, and delusion. And greed, hate, and delusion make it hard to look, to see how greed is the genjō koan of greed, how greed is the manifested universe, is the realized universe of greed. The universe is fully realized in all phenomena. The universe depends on all phenomena.

[05:59]

Each of you is the genjo koan of each of you. You are the genjo koan of you. You are the realized koan of you. Every moment. You are the koan realized as you. You're not the koan realized of me. I am. To me it follows that I should study myself and you should study yourself in order to realize the koan, in order to understand how you are the realized universe as you.

[07:25]

How your delusion is the realized universe of your delusion. How your suffering is the realized universe of your suffering. Suzuki Roshi said, non-discrimination does not mean not discriminating. It means to study everything. or you could say to learn about everything, or you could say to love everything. Give everything your fully engaged body and mind. Pay close attention to all your actions. Practicing every moment follows from the teaching that all dharmas are Buddha dharmas.

[08:38]

All dharmas are opportunities for the illumination of the Buddha's teaching, and the Buddha's teaching is illuminating all dharmas. I wanted to mention that a number of people in this retreat and usually in retreats, a number of people bring up the issue that they're enjoying the retreat, but they wonder about

[10:11]

whether they'll be able to continue the enjoyable practice when the retreat's over. And they wonder if they should go live in a monastery where they will be able to practice like they're practicing now, more continuously. When I first started practicing sitting meditation, I thought it was totally cool. But I noticed that sometimes I wouldn't do it very frequently. I noticed spaces occurred between the sessions. And then the thought occurred to me that it might be good to do it with not such big spaces between more regularly.

[11:21]

And I tried to do it more regularly, but I couldn't. So then I thought, maybe if I practiced, or a lot of other people were practicing sitting, that that would help me be more regular. And I heard about the Zen Center in San Francisco, so I went there to visit. And I visited for a while, and sure enough it was, it did happen that I became regular in my sitting. So then I went back across the country and packed up my stuff and made three attempts to move across the country to live at Zen Center. And the third time I made it. And then I practiced in San Francisco for a while, and then I went... I practiced in San Francisco.

[12:29]

I lived across the street from the Zen Center, and I practiced every day. And it was not too difficult to get to the Zen door every day. It was difficult. But it wasn't difficult to get into the difficulty. I managed to enter the difficulty every morning, very regularly. And then after about practicing that way for about nine months, I went to the mountain monastery called Tassajara. And I went to a three-month practice period in the winter, in the mountains.

[13:42]

And every moment I was there, there was a story in my mind. So I have eight million stories to tell you. The following is one of them. This story occurred towards the end of this three-month time. The whole time was a retreat, but then during the retreat sometimes we had more periods of meditation than usual. The usual day had one, two, three... five periods of sitting meditation, and three periods of sitting formal meals. So we actually sat cross-legged 20 periods a day on a regular basis as a group.

[14:44]

And then during the intense part of the practice period we would sit more like 20 periods a day. But because we sat eight a day, usually, It was only like doubling it. So you can imagine a period a day. If you went to a retreat that had two periods, it wouldn't be that difficult. But to go from one period, like some of you do, to whatever the number is... What's the number? Huh? To go from one to thirteen is... So actually it's quite easy to go from eight to twenty. Not easy exactly, but it's not such a big jump. So there was this period, this intense period of meditation at the end of the practice period. And I don't remember exactly the reason, but I was late for one of the periods. And so I came into the hall.

[15:45]

Everyone else was already sitting. And I had never seen the people sitting. I was always just one of the people sitting, looking at the floor. I knew there was people around me, but I never actually looked at the people sitting. And I was... I was deeply struck, deeply moved by what I saw. And my feeling at that time was into the generator room of the Hoover Dam. The Hoover Dam's a big dam that supplies the electrical power to Las Vegas. And maybe it's the biggest dam in the world, I don't know. But anyway, in these generator rooms, they have these long banks, these long lines of electrical generators. And the long lines of students look like long lines of electrical generators.

[16:49]

They were just sitting there, you know, and it's kind of like going, just quiet, quiet, very quiet energy, energy. It was still in it, just pulsing with life and radiant. So I was happy to join the sitting. Now, of course, and I also realized they did not know, they could not see just as I could not see. how they looked, even though that's the way they did look to me. And just during this retreat, to the sitting here, and this person has been practicing sitting for 20 or 30 years.

[17:55]

This person had never seen a zendo, he has sat in zendos he has sat in meditation halls with people sitting but he never got to see what it looked like this time he came in late so he sat in the back of the room there in one of those chairs and the chairs were positioned so he got to look at the people sitting and he was struck by how how beautiful we are and how the room's full of sitting Buddhas, sitting so still and so beautifully. And these people don't know how beautiful they are when they're practicing seated Buddha. He wanted them to know

[18:58]

So I'm telling you what he saw when he saw you practicing. Since 1972 I've been facing out, as we say, so for the last 34 years I've been getting to see how beautiful sitting people are. So that's why I keep coming to see the beautiful people. It's a very happy thing for me to see people sitting still so sincerely. And I know that you're having a hard time being still sometimes. Sometimes you don't have a hard time. That's okay. But still you, with the help of each other, I also understand that some of you, when you're sitting alone, do not sit so still.

[20:06]

So then you think you should go to a monastery. This situation right now is what some call a monastery. We are practicing monastically this week. So, if any of you want to be in a monastery, you're in one now. You'll never get rich by digging a ditch. You're in the monastery now. Now, when the retreat's over, most of you are going to leave the monastery. But I just wanted to mention to you that in China and Japan and Korea and Southeast Asia, the people who are in monasteries also leave monasteries.

[21:13]

They go in and they go out. And then a lot of them go back in and go out. Monastic life has a rhythm. It has retreats, and within the retreats it has, within retreat periods, like three-month retreat periods, it has more or less intense periods within the intense period. And then when the retreats are over, It has a different mode. Monks go out and do other things. So, actually, you people are spending part of your life as monks. During this time that you're here, you're monks. As far as I know, none of you are doing things which monks don't do during this week. And you are doing things that monks do do during this week. You're practicing together. You're helping other people practice. You're receiving their help, and we're practicing.

[22:17]

The practice is happening. That's the story of what's going on here that I'm telling. Maybe I have a different story, but that's my story. The story is we are in a monastery, and we are monks, helping monks be monks. So, some of you think, I want to move to a monastery, and if you want to, you have my full support. But I want to point out that even if you don't so-called move to a monastery, you already are somewhat practicing monastically. And for all of us, for the rest of our lives, the question is, do you move to a monastery one week a year? two weeks a year, three weeks a year, four weeks a year, 10 weeks a year, 20 weeks a year, 30 weeks a year, or 52 weeks a year. But I just want to point out that most monks are not in the monastery 52 weeks a year.

[23:19]

Most of them go out of the monastery. However, as you might guess, if you spend a lot of time in monasteries, when you're outside the monastery, you're still kind of in the monastery. And if you're not in the monastery, between monastic visits, when you're out of the monastery, if you are not in the monastery, you feel kind of funny. In other words, if you leave the monastery and find yourself in the security line at the airport, and you don't feel like you're in a monastery, you feel like because you understand that the practice can be realized right there if you find your place right where you are. Sometimes people are in these lines and they feel, what do you call it, they feel like they're wasting their time.

[24:28]

But then sometimes they wake up and realize that they're doing walking meditation with the people. That it's a period of meditation. And sometimes in monastery people are doing walking meditation and they sometimes try to get ahead of other people in line. Just like they think they're in the airport. They actually want to butt in front of somebody in the monastery. They forget they're in the monastery. And sometimes people in the security lines or in lines to check in, they also forget that they're in a monastery. That they're doing walking meditation or standing meditation at the airport. So each of us has to see how much time we need to spend in the literal monastic setting in order to remember that we're in the monastery when we're not in the literal monastic setting.

[25:47]

And the monastery is a place when you find your place where you are. And you could say the monastery is the place that supports you to find your place where you are. And if you have found your place where you are, suddenly there is a monastery. If you can't find your place where you are, even if you're in the monastery, For you, there's not a monastery. It's not happening. Because you don't yet have sufficient support to find where you are. At the beginning of this retreat, I would guess some people could not find their place right where they are, even though everybody was trying to help you, except for some of the other people who couldn't find their place and were angry and didn't want you to find it.

[27:00]

But really, your place, your way, is right where you are. And when you find the place, the way, right where you are, you are in a monastery. And the people who find their place where they are are in a monastery, but also a monastery arises when they find their place. So the stories of the Zen teachers is that they go sit someplace and they find a car and then people start putting buildings around them. Hey, somebody found her place where she is. Let's build a temple around there. To testify to the fact that somebody found her place right where she was, right where she Practice is occurring here. Let's put a sign up which says, Temple, Monastery, come, find your place.

[28:08]

I don't know, it's up to each of us, how much time we're going to spend in the places that have... But I think we all, this is our... We all have to find our place where we are. And so each of you can look to see how many retreats like this you need so that you can eventually have continuity. The Buddha did not live in a building like this during his practice. most of the time. He was just standing on the earth, finding his place where he was, so wherever he went was a monastery. He was walking along with his group one day

[29:22]

And he stopped and pointed to the ground and said, this is a good place to build a monastery. And Indra, the king of the gods, which just happened to be in the group, picked up a stick and stuck it in the ground and said, the monastery is built. If you can't, point to the ground moment after moment and say, this is a place to build a monastery and then build a monastery there. If you can't, get some help until you can. And I hope you get the help you need so that you can be in a monastery without needing walls, but you may need walls for a while.

[30:26]

So this fall I'm going to the mountains again, where I went quite a while ago and saw the people sitting. I'm going there this fall, back to those mountains, to sit there for three months again with a group of people. And, you know, I... I will be challenged that whole time to find my place right where I am every moment. With these people who are in the monastery for three months, after not too long into the three months, they will be coming to me and talking about being someplace else. They will come to me and start talking to me about after the practice. And I will beg them to enjoy that they're in a monastery right now. And actually, it is like October 2nd.

[31:30]

And that all day October 2nd, they can enjoy October 2nd and not think about December 17th. Today, one day during this practice period, would you please be here in the monastery? It's amazing. It's amazing. People make this big sacrifice to arrange to be in a remote mountain valley with other people who have done similarly and then when they get in there they start thinking about how to get out. And for months and years before that they're thinking how they can get in. Still, we have these places for people to go.

[32:34]

Where it's really silly that they're trying to get out after they arrive. And then there's, what do you call it? The monastery of meeting someone. The place of finding your place when you meet someone. And not only did I want to go to a monastery or to a practice place where people sat regularly so that I would be able to sit regularly. I did not actually think of going to Zen Center to help the other people sit regularly. I didn't think that's why I was going there. I didn't think, oh, I'll move to California and move into the San Francisco Zen Center to help those people practice there.

[33:45]

I'll sit every day to encourage them. I didn't go for that reason. I went because I wanted them to help me sit regularly. But now, after I was there for not too long, I realized that I was helping them sit. And they told me I was. They told me that I was there to help them go. And I started to realize, oh, I'm helping them. And now I realize that Yeah. I'm going all over the place helping other people sit. However, the other people still help me sit. Now it's become bilateral. At first it was unilateral and I want them to help me. But a lot of people think that it's bilateral the other way.

[34:51]

which is actually, look at the other side of it, that the Buddhas are helping us sit, but we also help the Buddhas sit. So when we chant this, and we said, this is Dogen's vow, and in a way, I have a problem with the way he put it. He says, may all Buddhas and ancestors who have attained the Buddha way be compassionate to us and free us allowing us to practice the way without hindrance. May they share their compassion which fills the boundless universe with the virtue of their enlightenment and teachings. I don't have any problem I don't have any problem saying that the Buddhas have compassion which fills the boundless universe. But I have a little bit of a problem about praying that they will share their compassion with us, or that they will free us from karmic effects.

[35:57]

It sounds a little unilateral, like they're going to free us. I'd like to look at that with you. The Buddhas do share their compassion with us, which fills the boundless universe. But it doesn't mean that when they share their compassion with us that that freezes from karmic effects. It only freezes from karmic effects when we receive it. If we're all tied up in knots and they're giving their compassion to us which fills the boundless universe, if we don't ask for it and then when they give it, accept it, then it doesn't free us from karmic effects. So it's not just their compassion which frees us from karmic effects. It's us saying, would you please share? It's us inviting them and receiving them.

[37:04]

And we have to receive them right where we are. The place where we are is where they're delivering it. And sometimes people say, I hate Buddha's compassion. Sometimes people say, I hate Buddha. And I hate Zen. And I hate this monastery. People say that. And I hate you. People say that to me. Buddha's compassion is being offered to all beings, including these people who hate Buddha. But if they don't receive it, it doesn't free us from karmic effects. However, if we do receive it, it does receive it.

[38:10]

It releases from karmic effects. But it isn't that it frees us, it's the meeting of our receiving in their giving and our giving in their receiving. It's the mutuality of our life together that accomplishes it. We cannot free ourselves from karmic effects by ourselves and nobody else can do it for us. However, we can become free of karmic effects together. And in the story, in your mind, where you're practicing together, where you're practicing together with all these people, in a boundless monastery, where all the Buddhas are here too, and all the great bodhisattvas, in that story,

[39:11]

we are freed from karmic effects. And not just me freed from karmic effects, and you, but we are all freed from karmic effects. Because all beings make that story. I do not make that story myself. If that story is happening in your head right now, I am co-authored. Because I just told you that story. But I didn't make the story by myself and force it into your mind. You let it in. Or you didn't. And if you don't let it in, then you've got another story, which is you're not going to let my stories into you. Me modify your consciousness. But I am modifying your consciousness. And you're modifying mine. And if you resist it, That's part of the story too, which I'm supporting.

[40:15]

So even your delusion that you're doing practicing by yourself is not supporting. You can't even make the delusion that I'm not supporting you by yourself. You can't make up the story that I'm not working together with you without my assistance. And in fact, I do give you my support to make up for not giving you my support. I do. I can't, and if not, I don't do it voluntarily. Actually, I do do it voluntarily. My story is, I support all deluded people to be deluded. I can't do it because I'm totally connected and close to them. Now, to illuminate their delusion is to point out that the entire universe is realized in their delusion.

[41:17]

So again, you know, people want to be in a monastery. And not only did I want to be in a monastery, but I wanted a teacher. I wanted a Zen teacher. And so when I went to San Francisco, I met a Zen teacher. then priest, who at that time they called him Suzuki Roshi. And when I saw him, the first thing I saw was his feet and I was happy to see them. I looked at him and said, yes, I can learn from these feet. The way those toes kind of like gripped the road, I thought, yes, he's there on the ground. He feels his feet on the ground. I can learn. Those feet can teach me. And then I had a nice meeting, and so I started to practice with him.

[42:27]

And I... I was present on a regular basis so he could find me whenever he wanted to. He knew where I was. I was quite obviously right nearby all the time. Not in his face, so to speak, but easily accessible, easily found. I made sure that he wanted to find me. And so when he wanted to find me, he found me. And sometimes he wanted to find me and did find me. And then sometimes he would invite me to come and be with him. And not just be with him, but get his full attention. And when I finally got his full attention, which is exactly why I came to be there, is to get his full attention, I wanted to be someplace else. I was, of course, grateful for his full attention, but I didn't want to... So, thank you, that's enough.

[43:43]

I will go now. And then he would say, no, it's okay, you don't have to go. And, of course, then I would accept his full attention. But then I would feel like actually I would like to not have his full attention, to see me, even though I want him to see me. Now he's been gone from this world for 35 years, and pretty soon I'll be the age he was when he left. And now I see people making a big effort to come and get my full attention, and when they get it, try to get away. So being with somebody who we think has the ability to give full attention to something

[44:45]

and wanting that person to give us full attention. Once we get it, then we realize that it's very difficult to receive it. We do want it, but we can't stand it. Or we barely can stand it. We barely can stand what we want the most. And the same when we get to the monastery, we barely can stand to be in the monastery. which we went to so that we could be where we are. So this is a natural, a normal process of learning to completely settle into where we are and be very intimate with our moment-by-moment story, our moment of attention. And in that place,

[45:46]

to be able to stand receiving and sharing Buddha's compassion. And giving Buddha's compassion, receiving it, acting it, receiving it is employing it. But to be in that place, we're not used to it. So it's hard. It's normal that it's hard. So now I'm talking to you and this talk is the genjō koan of this talk. This talk is the realized universe of this talk. Your listening is the realized universe of this listening. Did you hear the story about my grandson and me at the zoo?

[47:03]

You haven't? Well, if you haven't, has anybody heard the story of me and my grandson at the zoo? Want to hear it? So he has moved from San Francisco to L.A. because he likes his mom. And she moved, so he went with her. And so I went to visit him with his grandmother, his Chinese grandmother. That's the one who said, no hitting him. And so he took him to this L.A. zoo. Things were going along quite nicely. I exercise regularly so that I can physically interact with him.

[48:12]

And so one of the services I provide is that of a horse or whatever. He likes to ride on my shoulders around various places. So we were having a nice time. And then he wanted to have a snack. He's big on snacks. He likes to pack, he calls it a bag of lunch. He got his snacks, his bags of lunch, and he had an orange, and he took the orange out, and I asked him if he wanted me to help him peel it, and he said... No. And he peeled it himself very nicely, got all the peels off. But it was a navel orange and it's hard to get it open. So I offered to help him get it open. And in order to get it open, I bit the end off of it to pry it apart. And when I bit the end of it, he became extremely upset and extremely angry at me.

[49:18]

He started screaming and crying and trying to punch me. And there was a policeman nearby who wondered, you know, he didn't know if I was abusing him or what. He came over and protected me from his punches. And then he was going to throw the orange into the garbage. And she said, if you throw that orange into the garbage, you're not getting any more lunch. So he didn't, and he finally ate it. And he just kept being angry at me for... through many animal landscapes. And finally, you know, I felt his little hand reaching up for mine. And... and he was holding my hand again and then finally started riding me again. You know, things are going pretty well.

[50:22]

But then he said to me, as we were walking together, he said, If a Buddhist master saw what a bad job you were doing, he would fire you. I'd like to read another version of the story I told you yesterday. The Zen master Linji and his teacher, Wang Bo. Nan? This is a little different. So Linji asked Wang Bo, what is the meaning of the Buddha's teaching? What is the essential, great meaning? What is the true, essential, great meaning of the Buddha's teaching?

[51:29]

Wang Bo immediately hit him. This happened three times. Then Wang Bo left, excuse me, Wang Bo and visited Dayu. Dayu asked, where have you come from?

[51:46]

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