That's true, but one doesn't realize, and that is just, you know, the cultivation of silence in the monastery is meant to get away, break down that, which is true. But the silence, which would be simply silence, It is this withdrawing into oneself that, of course, again, that is the barrier. Then in that case, if silence is not something that is open to God, then again it becomes just a way of enjoying oneself. It becomes a way of being self-sufficient And then it is then we just serve charity.

[01:08]

It is the enemy's land of death. So silence must be offered. Silence must be the expression of the eternal submission to God. Submission to God. Of our dependence on God. And then, of course, all the events to which our silence is really tuned in regards to heaven. Then, of course, then, too, that silence is a certain gift of a certain real and true independence. But a true independence. Silence really is a true independence. Again, we know how Much on the other side, you know, constantly speaking, horses everywhere, you know, into depending on others without imposing on others.

[02:19]

And it's therefore change which drives us of our legitimate independence. If we, if our charity, you know, would be raised that way, this is, of course, this is not true charity. It's not a charity which really has gone through the feet of God. You know, it's the kind of, I mean, of the behavior which is created as a kind of political state of life. That means if somebody talks to me, then, all right, I have to talk well to him. You know how that is in the world. People think they cannot be together without talking together. It would be impolite to be together and not to talk together.

[03:22]

The world usually has an instinctive feeling that we are together, we have to entertain one another. Now, in a modest dialogue, we are not there to entertain one another. That part of you itself has to be cut off. We are not there to entertain one another. We are there to help one another, to have the warm entertainment dialogue going on, and that is that communication of which we spoke. I have spoken all the time. You know, which dialogue did one need to become the father's child, to become God's child? You have that inner dialogue between God and the soul. And kind of the wall which preserves that, protects that.

[04:27]

Kind of the wall behind which the love for God My love for God and God's love for me can really flow without external intrusion, without being interrupted. Therefore, style is a protection for the individual protected against the arrogance of someone else, you know, who intrudes into that style, wants to enter into it himself. You know how good Simon feels to present, you know, all this what we call amicizia peculiaris. The amicizia peculiaris. The tendency is that they are organized enough to form a certain human friendship, human attachment to one or the other member of the community.

[05:31]

And that's always connected with that. Of course, it cannot be expressed in any other way, but by taking somebody aside, talking to him inside, you know, in his private way and so on. And therefore, in that way, it's a break of silence. We do intrusion, you see, into that inner realm that really belongs to God alone. Because in the monastery, every individual soul here is consecrated, dedicated, given to God. And we cannot take that thing as a gift away from God and take it for ourselves. But that is too often the case, even where the silence is not observed. silence our tongue we are not to give these instruments to which no reply takes us all into our own pudding making our own pudding establish a wrong communication and that may sometimes that that attention may even uh

[06:58]

hide behind uh... behind uh... only behind there is we are always ready to find good type of for doing our best with and this is mobile as we say it has this It has an outer aspect and it has an inner. Outer aspect and inner. The outer aspect is, if I consider somebody else, For example, I don't like any God to you.

[08:02]

I don't like that thing. I don't like that voice. I can't stand the way the man talks. Well, he's an Irish, well, he's a German, well, And that way, if you think a person has an outer aspect, but then that person also has an inner aspect, that person is saved by our Lord, the baptized Christian. He is an object of our Lord's saving love. With infinite treasures. Infinity treasures, you all know. You have a soul, Aliza.

[09:03]

And that soul is of infinite beauty. If you are that way, then you go into the inner aspect. You look at the other's confidence. You look at, you know, the outer aspect, that means you simply get stuck, you know, in your natural, natural reaction. Antipathy, antipathy. So recollection is the process through which I withdraw from the periphery. from the outer aspect of it. And look at them from the inside. The great way to say, of course, to put it is, go into the piece of Christ.

[10:08]

And at the end of the piece of Christ, that's the center. The love of Christ for us, that is the real true center. Because when we are really in the debt of our being, then we say, not I live, but Christ lives in me. Let's tend to expect and know the fact that we live in the true center of all and we live in our debt. But we don't live in our debt by nature. That's what we live in our chest, you know, by a conflict of truth, to renew, to return into it. That is what we call again and again the labor of obedience. Let's continue to enter our path. Go again into the daytime.

[11:16]

because we constantly are drawn away from it to the flaws of his or me. Now, you know very well, you see, that much talking causes you into the chorus. That's important. You cannot remain in the center of things is you don't need, you know, to re-experimentize it ever. So therefore, recollection is living in one thing, looking at things in their inner aspect, One can also say that recollection is that drawing out the line to Christ.

[12:26]

And other important aspects of it, you know, recollection. Draw out the line to Christ. Because, you know, at the very end, we have lines. The line is dark, you know, but then it's dark. We don't draw it out. To Christ. We need the pain. We are sick. Then what do we think? We think now, now, now. Now we cannot work. We cannot do what we are supposed to do. And then we get terribly upset. Terribly upset. Now, you see then, it can be simply nothing. We're connected. We're connected out here. As we explore, going through the piece of time, going to that hidden heart of the storm, to that hidden heart of the storm.

[13:32]

And then, of course, we come, you know, so we come to the reality picture. Now this is the moment where Christ waits for me in the eternal. There I am. If we have drawn out the line to Christ, very often we don't do that. We just get lost. For example, we see this often in the world. You know, people who are hit by certain unexpected great sorrows. Sometimes they then get lost in their soul. They don't draw out the line to cry. Sometimes they don't even want to do it. They get so lost in their soul that they develop an attitude of self-pity as the only cause of their conflict. And because they do that, they fall into self-pity

[14:42]

You haven't drawn out the lines to crime. You live in the territory. You are not really recollected. Why get thrown into the treasure of faith? To do this, to do that, do that. Then after a while it wears me down, wears me out. I have drawn out the lines to cry. I have just, you know, I have kept sometimes we do that, you know, and instead of being recollected, we just become victims, you know, of constant conflicting tendencies. conflicting. Very often we hate that society.

[15:48]

We are not, we collectively don't really live in the truth about it. On the one hand, you know, we hate the injustice. On the other hand, we like it about it. That we can listen to the, for example, the conflict between Mary and Martha. But sometimes we just get stuck in the conflict. When we are busy, we want to be Mary. When we are Mary, we regret that we are not, and that we are not Martha. The time that we don't, we live in the periphery. we haven't really recollected, you know, drawn out of the line. One thing, you know, of recollection, the fourth thing recollection is, you know, in the name of Christ, always, and in absolute obedience to Genghis, he takes the now situation in which we are, in which we are now, at this moment, as five

[17:03]

call to you the whole of the full of God. That's it. Through all your worries for the future and for the past, on Christ, you know, he is I can't believe we get to know that he is the future. The first of all, in this moment, he is the origin. Today, like this year, boys, don't talk your talk. That's the important element. Recollection is really the breaking through, you know, on external conflicting entities that tear us in this direction, tear us in that direction. Getting it loose on them, getting it loose on the other side, and they're incomplete.

[18:05]

You would have seen this, I don't know, have been I'm pleased to be able to do this at the moment, because it is done, little people. It is done with the greatest effort of all of us. God decides for me to change the world. Holy, now I'm saved. That is really reconnect. It's that reaching out around being faithful. Very often, I mean, we all think it's true, understandable, that we say now, it cannot be a good non-existent moment, therefore we wait until, you know, when it's small. Sometimes we do that too, you know. We consider and say now, this is just kind of a couple of weeks, But then he is a puritizer.

[19:07]

Now that too is a dangerous act. In fact, in Christ, the present moment is over. He is the invisible and rebel. So Christ is saying, if I want my own peace, I want to open that door, that I want to open that door. Then I get, you know, I get torn into all this. Then I get tired. That's what the devil wants. He wants to run around in circles. Rage around in circles. But not to rest in the first place. But in fact, in Christ, you can, you can, you can. Every moment, you know, the real isn't a part of this. Every moment. So therefore, that is just to indicate or to point it to the direction where it seems to me to recollect life.

[20:16]

Therefore, not a mental technique in which you, for example, to have such a visual walkway, you know, of looking at it, to say you have how to actually, you know, be mentally complicated, you know, or cry. And at the same time, somehow, you have to do something else. That means that flicking of attention. Now, that is not recollection. Flick of it. Sometimes it doesn't work. Very often it doesn't work. There are, of course, kinds, for example, of activities, kinds of activities which are so mechanical, you know, that in doing them, you simply can't think of nothing else. That's what. And if you are then thinking, you see, of your service, of the Lord, and all the things, you know, and for what purpose did you come, and who of the real purpose for which you come,

[21:28]

and you go into a prayer, then of course there you are recollected. But very often you have to do things, you know, which require your entire attention. Now, in a case like that, you should not think, you know, that recollection itself, you know, of course, meaning, you know, already, let us say, things about the Lord, you know, let us say, in a kind of a philosophical way, you know. Recollection is not, for example, simply moving theological problems in your mind. That's not recollection. Because recollection is in a quiet realization sometimes without words, without any context, without holding any context.

[22:30]

That is not quietly standing in the Lord's love. And love of God gives me a very, one can say, a very quiet thing. A very, you know, kind of, you know, stable thing. But it is not necessarily a thinking about God. And that too is the reason why recollection is completely compatible with doing things, too, that take your entire attention. That even though it isn't part of the campus, it nevertheless is there. And though you are carried by Christ, you know you are in living consciousness.

[23:35]

And sometimes the connection can be conflicted, and I think even Let's just say serving a sword, you know, or something like that. You can be doing it, cutting your wood, you know. You can just take a little bread, you know, and just, you know, put your head to fight it out for you. I mean, that's not the thing that is done with complicated thinking. You know, it's kind of like taking your bread. Because it really is that easy, easy to reach the love of God. It is. Because he defended the rounds. So now, concerning the practice of Simon, concerning the practice of Simon and of recollection, I wanted to point out two things. One, of course, is that I think that

[24:38]

The night silence is quite well observed here. I wanted to point out that part of the night silence, the night silence serves, you know, I mean our, you know, our colloquium with God. The night in that way is God-preserved. It's there for that, for that, you know, wreck We are not only, I mean, bodily apart, going to faith, you know, addressing, but that is only that symbol of our inner, just leaning our head completely on the Lord. Therefore, it is that night time is not only preserved by not talking during the night time, But the night climate has also been improved by putting out of your hands, you know, all, let's say, work, you know, that, for example, was especially noisy work, you know, that, you know, for example, the break of the night climate, you have to compensate, you know.

[26:00]

You were especially in the house, and it had to be here, the circumstances in which we lived. They'd be sitting down and writing letters on a typewriter. That's the break of the night, especially, where there can be an urgent effect, where, for example, it's general that we have to get. Let her out. That cannot be done without explicit permission. That is explicit permission. Even from the abbot or from the choir, you know. Even the monastery. Therefore, one cannot presume that we need friends, especially here, you know, somebody Somebody goes to the typewriter and types it, and it is a break. It breaks the whole atmosphere of the day into that night.

[27:03]

It destroys that, you know. Everybody now sees. Now this man here, you know, instead of really perceiving the meaning of the night time, he continues to think in circles. The thing in circles. And that, therefore, is not allowed. No one cannot assume any permission at that time. I would expressly say no, but, of course, not a great reason. All we hear is the permission has to be in case of emergency, but no individual can decide by himself if that is the case or not. But that has to be done with express permission. And to the one who asks, instead of giving, you need to realize that this is a thing which, of course, in our circumstances, really is bad.

[28:08]

Because it doesn't affect only me, but it affects so many others. You know how much, you know, in our circumstances, that time and piece of life time is needed. But of course, sometimes one has the impression that we go between the two extremes, you know, of night silence and no silence. But that, as you know, is not the disease. But the division is night silence and day silence. Night silence and day silence. So our division is not night silence and no silence. It's very important to realize that in the time of retreat, it's the time that we can quietly, but seriously, but also in peace, you know, talk about these things and put them again, you know, in our mind and make the resolutions which are necessary under these circumstances.

[29:17]

Night silence and daytime silence. I think you must, especially as far as the state silence is concerned, you must think if our division really would be nice silence at no time. I think you would do great injustice. Great injustice to the souls and great harm to the souls that come here. Because certainly silence, as we have think about it, silence is one of the advantages that the monastic life offers to us. The world knows silence, that's why. Simply, in the world that is not known. In which you are, you have long had to live in the world of hope. Otherwise, you couldn't live there.

[30:23]

But that is just one of the aspects that show you the difficulty and the danger of life in the world. Now, of course, if we would be here, as it was said yesterday in the epistle, we would simply be conformed to this world. And why do people come here? And in not keeping the silence, you really become conformed to the world. No doubt, every one of us, we all know. But to do just as you please, you see all the souls that come here. They leave their parents, they leave their home, they leave their job and their career job that they would have in the world. And they come here. or one of the purposes by the common ages to work their salvation, as to use the means, you know, that the monastic life offers to them.

[31:29]

And as I say, one of the means that the monastic life offers to work our salvation, the silence. We don't see the silence, the monastery becomes the world. And then afterwards, At the third time, the third week in Toronto, some people made final miles. It was very nice. It was all going along very kindly and well. That was the critique. I was told I was tall, you know, and so on. Everybody seems to do it in the spirit of the plane. But then after a while, it was good. Why? Because one lives on the natural sphere, you know. This is not really the presence of God. Three years means, you know, that the monastic life offers to them. And as I say, one of the means that the monastic life offers to work our thousands. The silence.

[32:32]

We don't need the silence to monastery to come to the world. And then after a while, at the first time, the first week, some people may finalize. It's very nice, you know, all going along very fine, you know. That's what's good for people. I want to talk, I talk, you know, and so on. Everybody seems to do it, you know, to stay on the plane. So, but then after a while, it's good. Why? Because one lives on the natural sphere, you know. This is not really the presence of God. So in that way, they have to arrive on Earth for 70,000 years. What I do here, I can just as well do in the world. So then, the monastery really deluded, they told me. Therefore, we all have a mutual obligation. We have a mutual obligation. Any soul that comes here, we have an obligation to that soul.

[33:37]

And if we simply don't exercise, we find that is the obligation that we have. Because the soul and energy are such a fine band for which it came. Therefore, we should silence is a very good means of serving one another and cooperating in one another's salvation. Therefore, let us keep the daytime, especially during the work. Some people really have no sense of that daytime during the work. In the summer, the early months, it's always the same thing. During the work, you know, the fact that we allow And we allow, you know, the brothers to talk to each other about things that are connected with the love, you know, taking too much advantage of.

[34:39]

And sometimes one can see the youthfulness in that way, and the reason why, for example, a traffic introduced the sign language. Why? Because the sign language says, for you to cut it down to the end. But it's true that the tongue gets moving, you know, without the noise of it, you know. And you miss a different thing, you know. So it's true, I mean, the, uh, what can of course be a nice, perfect, great, you know, that, uh, sign language is not in the rules. But then, I mean, you read the rules, and the rules are very, very clear. They try to work and to stop what's going on. So if we take that point of view, we don't observe the rules. And I think for this more dangerous, our transgression of the rules is much more dangerous, depending on the time there.

[35:48]

because the sign language can be used in that way, and hence, you know, to put the rule of tangibility to practice, and to cut out the stranger. Now, you know very well, in fact, that the root, you know, somebody says, you know, all of us, we have many rules, but it's just a bit of a place not to observe, doesn't it? Yes. Yes. Yes. Now, you know very well that that is, of course, the misunderstanding, you know, but it comes from the, it's not misunderstood, our general tendency, you know, it really is, you know, to solve these problems in the way in which a mature and responsible individual would solve them. I mean what we, I think what we feel I don't know if we are really just or not here that well.

[36:53]

But what we feel, you know, is a little is that it means like a sign language, you know, is a little, you know, on the side, a little on the side, that it really supposes what may be right, that monks are really immature, if that were to happen. But I don't think that there, I mean, there's certainly in no way the intention of those who have their averages cut, you know, to the timeline. They're typically there, they're experienced in that way. Many things are avoided. and that certainly the general atmosphere of the monastery, you know, in that way, of recollection is being kept. So, I mean, that's the thing. I would, of course, always have the tendency that we should talk these problems as mature things.

[38:01]

Not by external things. Of course, you know that I read that we agree in that way with the tradition of the Black Benedict. Oh, that we don't want each individual to live the community life, let us say, as a kind of a phallic style. Don't want that. But we want the community life built in such a way that really also the eternal challenge, you know, can be regrouped. Now, it's our attitude, we don't, because the fairies, the demons are busy at this moment, but it's our attitude that we don't want, you know, a silent wake. builds a wall and which leads these individuals, supposed to lead a community, leads these individuals constantly along with each other.

[39:11]

And therefore the only possibility of the outlet of these individuals is contact with the average wall, with the novice master or something like that. But we want, in that way, we want also a contact, you know, from one to the other. The mutual obedience of which St. Benedict speaks, you know, and you do. And that is one of the reasons why we have appointed times. in which we meet, recreation, in which we meet and it is ridiculous, you know what I'm talking about, because that has been shown by the, let me see, our professor has been shown in the development of the sanctuary that recreation is a very useful means of promoting paternity. provided that that reconciliation is conducted, you know, and not very conducted, but, I mean, what we say, celebrated in the right way.

[40:23]

Of course, for that way, the right way of celebrating a creation, there are many rules, some rules for that too, you know. I think that we would be good, you know, for us to keep some use of the retreat, you know, to check up on that, to think about that. But that is one thing a recreation is, that recreation is marked. You know, it's clearly marked, excellently marked as a, uh, as a clear, I'm going to say, uh, boundary, you know, Or could we say that? We are bound. Like that, so that it is always, I think it's the same, it's the land congregation, the following congregation. That, for example, is not customary.

[41:27]

It starts with that, for example, immediately everyone comes out of church. While we're already going to, let us say, we leave, you know, the oratoring, go over here to St. Peter's, you know, for a creation. It's not the right way. Right after we are out of church, immediately you start talking. Not this or that. The custom is that one is silent until one gathers at the place of a creation. And then at the place of a creation, then Usually it's up to the superior, you know, to quit the others and then when you quit the others, then the conversations don't start. I mean, that's the way you treat the practice, not only in the Bosnian Foundation, but in the Southern Foundation too. There are many ones that not in that way, you know, have that recreation again.

[42:31]

of the obedience. You know, it's so important. And then also to mask our retreat as a real context and not as something that simply belongs to everybody who takes it, but as a real gift. To one goal, in silence, to the place of creation, there from grief to fear, to grief to other fear, as man will stop, you know, from. I don't consider it as an ideal retrogation of God, let us say, a creation to it, only the superior talk. So we call it nutritionist. There is a manifestation of paternal challenge. And sometimes you may not be good at recreation. If you're not good at recreation, why shouldn't the other end join?

[43:36]

That I don't think, you know. So, but, I mean, certain rules, you know, too, too, of, of, of, uh, real obedience, supernatural, you see, for life, you know, really should be, should be observed. Otherwise, you know, we have always, again, by the way, before the superior has even a chance, you know, to, [...] the right way. Then two, and two things to be in recreation. To observe a certain, always a certain mutual respect. You know, I mean the mutual respect in the future. If a father says something or walks and says something, now one has to be a little effective. One has to then to to to be silent, you know, because that gives the other person, gives the senior a chance, you know, to say stuff.

[44:46]

And in that way, it makes them the recreation of, you know, the play of an ordinary character. Charity, bold character. So important. But as I say, that character or not, does not mean that Let nobody to talk, nor to hear you. Now you'll laugh at half that line. So, and then Father Abbott is a person who came up, you know, and he's really, you know, did it this way, that's just 50, just basically, uh, racing through hiding, just being behind this tremendous use, they say. That's just then, and then you see what we call the lower house, you know. Okay. Stop talking. You know, the moment says, you know, I've never been a pedophile, right?

[45:46]

And then at the end there, there's a newspaper with lawyers and so on. And you're filing at the lower house. But Of course, something too belongs there. I think that's the thing that we should think about, you know, and that is to make here and there. I wouldn't say that every recreation should be planned beforehand. You know, it would be terrible sometimes, you know, if that isn't possible. But I think one should, you know, make recreation a kind of service of reality, you know. Here and there, no one may think, you know, for example, something happened during the day, and it really was funny, and everybody knows, everybody would enjoy it, you know.

[46:48]

Now, just keep it in your mind, say, now, oh, I'm going to tell everybody. You know, they come to a creation and just expect to be in the same, you know, without ever making a contribution of your own. But in recreation, everybody should think a little and make it their contribution, you know, and do them a little, you know. And that's where, you see, that's been cooperation, you see, in that case. And therefore, too, one shouldn't, you won't see somebody making a contribution, because then sometimes the reaction of later, oh, now he comes again, and that kind of thing. It's better. And then we won't touch them all, you know. Now, that isn't good either, you know. I mean, there are some people who just have one topic, you know, I mean. And, yeah, they don't have to say, no, we're all listening. You can do something because, you know, through freedom of sound.

[47:52]

Now, many things could be said, you know, and that's the life. But there may be two terms, you know. It's not a very good activity. But even there, what you could do, you know, for example, I don't say always, but let's plan a recreation. Even if it's a good resolution, you know, we can do something really useful. I think, for example, in some places, in recreation now, that is, You know, they sit together, and I think it was started here sometime, and then it was stopped again. But, for example, to make rosaries or something like that, you know, and it had disappeared. That's because, you know, it had started and then it was stopped again. You know, I mean, that's the idea, you know. It gives a certain atmosphere, you know, of a loosening up, you know. It's... Everybody sits there, you see, and just waits, you know, until somebody else talks, you know, that would be a kind of a bit of fear, not nice.

[49:02]

And in there, you see, they're doing something, because it gives, you know, it gives a certain pull, you know, to a creation. Or we can all together, you know, take out some pictures or slides, you know, here and there, or listen to music. But then if one should, I think that is important for recreation, too, that we keep, you know, a certain restraint. And that is true, too, for the two-hour race, you know, at St. John's. And we don't, you know, go too much, you know, sometimes by feet. It takes on, you know, people that, you know, whatever, you know, and we can be here for them. We can be like this, you know, and we can be like this. Now, those things are literally, you know, there are certain things that, you know, of monastic attitudes, you know, that should constantly be preserved, you know.

[50:13]

I mean, we can never take vacation, you know, from God that way. We cannot take vacation from monastic life. That's impossible. And that is the meaning of being together to our way at St. John's, you know, even today. then one can always feel that immediately, as soon as the limits, you know, are not observed, then immediately the reaction is not that of enjoying, but that of feeling good. And when we think that it's too much, in a way, then immediately we feel And that, too, is, for example, in the walk, you know, the walk. Now, the walk, another means, you know, a legitimate means, the long customary and monastic tradition, you see, again, of giving that little forage, you know, of paternal charity.

[51:24]

and given the exercise, and given the change, or thought, that they need for a true and legitimate relaxation. The loosening of many tensions, you know, that they did have. But then a walk to it should be used, you know, seeing the service of that turn of time. That means a walk to which should... This is a compact disc copy of the original wire recording made in January of 1954 by Rev. Fr. Damasus Windsor. Please note that the original wire recording of this retreat conference ended right here.

[52:30]

This is a copy of Conference No. 8 given by Rev. Fr. Damasus in January of 1954 to the Mount Savior community on the occasion of their annual retreat. Another note, since the original wire recording was severely damaged many years ago, the beginning portion of conference number 8 is missing. Also, of all the conferences that were given in January of 1954, only conference number 3 and number 8 are extant.

[53:22]

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