Get the chance, more chance to discuss, discuss with your husband, your sister, what did you, what about, what did you make a promise before you borrowed the money, writing the paper, I lent the money, I paid the money back, a $10 a month or so, but she didn't, she didn't. So I said you should, you should get some more chance to discuss, and, and you, you try to, you try to open your mind and discuss about it with you, with your husband.

[01:03]

In a sense, in a sense, my point was agree with her, you know, opinion, her opinion was I should, I should get the money from her husband's sister, because it was responsibility for her, for her husband's sister to borrow the money. Then she was very happy, you know, you know, because she finds some person who, who is agree with, with her opinion, you know. Surprisingly, she was very happy, but she was completely angry with her sister, because sister always says, oh, you're such a nasty person. That's terrible.

[02:07]

That's terrible. But actually, strictly speaking, it's not so important. For one of her students, all the students, asked Tsukigoshi too, you know, when she was, she, she was confronted with difficulties between what happened between she and her husband. She suffered day and day. That time she asked also Tsukigoshi, what shall I do? He said the same thing. She suffered, not so important. Your suffering is not so important means, please take good care of your life. That's all. But it's not so easy to accept this advice, please take good care of your life. Or when you are confronted with difficulties, suffering tells you suffering, or it's difficult.

[03:16]

You can't. It's too difficult. But at any cost, whatever you, you, uh, insist, I am suffering, or I am suffering, please help me, or I am not suffering. I am enjoying, I enjoy myself. Where do you make it? Strictly speaking, your life, life has basically relation, connection with something. Something, that's why, because you are unconsciously expecting something from your life, that's why you can't commit suicide, you can't escape from such a problem or difficulty. But your head, only your head is thinking, thinking, you know, I am suffering, I am suffering.

[04:28]

So suffering occupies, I want suffering occupies all your life. At that time your life means that you can't walk. It means, what your, what the suffering occupies all your life, means that you walk. You walk not with your back. You walk with your head. Say that. But head is up. Head must be up. Life force must be down. Must be down. Gravity and life must be down. But when you, when something occupies all your life, gravity is always up. And head is always down. Down. Then head controls your whole life.

[05:31]

So you have to walk with your head. Okay. I forgot what I was, what I am talking about. Okay. Please keep in mind tonight. Basically, basically your life is always connecting with something, okay? Something. Regardless of the idea whether you like or dislike your life.

[06:37]

Okay? According to the explanation of the true meaning of Siddha. See ya. Peace out. Tomorrow I will explain more about Siddha. Our modern civilization gives a lot of sources which human beings can make pleasure with. It is so easy to acquire the experience of pleasure in our civilization, in our day. But the more it is so easy for us to get

[07:48]

the sensuous experience with pleasure, the more you feel just the sort of transience in your being of behind you, which is left behind you. Right after you experience pleasure. For instance, everybody knows so well how important the presence of air is for us. If there didn't exist air in this world, even for a moment,

[08:51]

no one can live in this world without the air. This is true. But air is, air is, air exists. All over, wherever you may go. But even though you don't try to get it, the conscious does. So it is. The soul and then it is asked to get how to, how to express, how to express his gratitude to the presence of air. Because

[09:57]

the air is omnipresent around us. You can get it anytime, anyplace. Numerously. Arbitrarily. The same is to be said of human experience. If it is very easy for us to get something, it's pretty hard. It's pretty hard to realize how to express our gratitude to something. The same is to be said to the human experience based on the sense of pleasure,

[10:59]

sense of quality of pleasure. But maybe, but maybe pleasure is not always something what you can easily, you can be easy to get anytime, anyplace without special effort. Sometimes you have to make every possible effort to get the experience of pleasure. So

[12:02]

But maybe if you can get, if you can get the the pleasure after great effort, probably you may, you may feel that you can live, you can live yourself and this world worth living. For instance, when I came to the United States, I had a chance to get the car. Even though it was second hand, it was great happiness for me. Because I can, I could be in sorrow for pleasure.

[13:04]

But but I had to make every possible effort to get even the second hand car paying $400. $400 was to get money for me. So I had to make every possible effort to get this $400 in order to get second hand car. Then I could, I could experience pleasure. Then after that, I thought, well, my life may make a sense in United States. Then I think, I think I can live, I can live myself, worth living in United States.

[14:08]

But still, but any, strictly speaking, it is not, not good enough, not good enough to complete the purpose in life. Of course, if you feel, if you can, if you acquire the experience of pleasure, it is true, it is natural that you feel that you can live yourself, worth living in this world. It is important too for us. I don't mean to ignore the experience of pleasure. It is very important. But question is, it is not enough good, not good enough to complete the purpose in life.

[15:17]

Because there is, there is no improvement in life. No improvement in life. My experience of pleasure is, there is, something which never used, never used to live, yourself worth living. That's all, that's all. But strictly speaking, there is no improvement in life, in order to complete the purpose of life, in life. You know, the improvement, the improvement in life is very important for us. In other words, improvement in life is, in life is,

[16:22]

to undergo the true meaning of joy, in the inmost, inmost level of the Self. Not, not in the level of, sensuous level, not in the sensuous level of the Self. If you can undergo the experience of joy, in the inmost of the Self, you will realize that there is improvement in life. Improvement in life is very important for us. That's why yesterday I said, we need, we need the practice of control our life. There is, there is called precepts.

[17:26]

The Shakyamuni Buddha put a strong emphasis on the observation of precepts, in order to realize the true Self, which everybody, which everybody possesses. By negative aspect in life, negative function in life, we try to improve ourselves, and any cause. This is the making, making allotted to all human beings. This is called precepts.

[18:33]

But there is one more thing, one more interesting point, about the precepts. So far, I described, I have described, the, why we need the purpose of life, in life. Why we need self-control. But, by generality, when seeing human beings in general, Tonight, I would like to, one more important point, about the precepts in Buddhism.

[19:38]

The precepts is translated from the word in Sanskrit, siddha. The siddha is, a siddha, is called seishi. If you translate siddha into Japanese, it is called seishi. Literally, seishi is, seishi is, to control, to stop doing something. This is the meaning of seishi, literally. But what I want to tell you is, that there is, more, there is, a very significant, a point,

[20:50]

of the word seer, more than, the literary meaning of this word. Seishi, to stop, or to control, or to stop doing something. The strictest teaching to a seishi, the meaning of the precepts. The first letter, se, implies, that a fruit, a fruit is, a ripe enough, to pick up, while it is on the tree.

[21:56]

This is the meaning of se. The literal meaning of se is, as mentioned before, to control. But strictly speaking, se is, that the fruit, a fruit is, ripe enough to pick up, while it is on the tree. This is se. And si is, as mentioned before, literal meaning, to stop doing. But what more meaning is, important meaning is, that a fruit, this fruit, has settled itself on the self,

[23:02]

which is terminating a board. A board is a-b-o-d-e. A board, terminating a board. So se is not to stop doing something. Se is something settled. Se is something which must settle on the self. Which is terminating a board. Which is in the terminating a board. This is se. If so, in a fruit, let's imagine that there is a fruit, which is, a ripe enough to pick up from the tree. And then you pick up a fruit which is,

[24:09]

enough ripe enough, to take it. And then this fruit, must settle on the self, which is in a board, and terminating a board. This is the true meaning of a fruit as it is. So the Siddha precept is, put it like this. A precept is, is a fruit which is, ripe enough to take it, while it is on a tree. So, to accept, to accept the precept,

[25:12]

to receive the precept is, is, to say what, and then, is qualified, to accept this fruit, which is, ripe enough to take it. So you are, from this point you are, and then, a fruit is, ripe enough, to receive, and settle himself on the self, which is in the, terminating a board. Did you understand this point? So to accept the precept is,

[26:21]

that you a man, fruit is, ripe enough to receive, and settle on the self, through and through, which is in terminating a board. What you need, what, what, what does it mean? This is very important point. In order to understand, Bodhisattva precept. From this point, all of you, are already a man, who is ripe enough, to receive, your life, and settle yourself, on the self, which is called terminating a board.

[27:24]

Okay? You don't believe, you can believe, but if you don't believe, I will explain more. Okay? For instance, for instance, I said, I said yesterday, that all of us, as long as you are a human being, must have, must have purpose, a purpose in life. So you may say, oh I don't like the purpose of, purpose in life, because, it makes me confused, it makes me complicated, complicated. I don't like, I don't want to think, I don't want to consider, what the purpose in life is. I don't want. Because it is very complicated. If you consider again and again, it may lead you,

[28:28]

to one confusion to another. So you try, you are, unconsciously, try to keep away from the purpose of, what the purpose in life is. Oh, I don't like it. Well, that's okay. Okay? That's all right. Even though you ignore, you ignore the purpose in life, your life is your life. As long as your life is alive, Okay? I don't care. I don't want to force you, you should have a certain purpose in life. Then, you try, you try to follow, your life, according to, on your way. What will be, what will be, sort of, something like that. What will be, what will be.

[29:29]

You follow during, as you like. Then, let's imagine, you fall, you earth four inches of despair. The moment that you, earth four inches of despair, your life seems, seems to fade away to nothing. That's why you just, you just discourage, completely, discourage yourself, living in this world. Then, you want to, you would want to die, commit suicide. Jumping fall over, jumping over the Golden Gate Bridge. But, most of people, try to make a sound,

[30:33]

hitting the drum. Please pay attention to me. I am committing suicide, jumping over the Golden Gate Bridge. It is very good chance, right now, to help me. So, while you are hitting the drum, in order to the, draw the people's attention to you, you can't die, you can't commit suicide. You can't. Okay, anyway, you completely fall into despair, and you think, I discourage myself, to live in this world. But, you can die. You can commit suicide. You are always hesitating.

[31:37]

You are afraid to commit suicide. What you are afraid to commit suicide is, your life is a lie. But, consciously, you don't like your life. I don't like it. Because, you are confronted with a very awful difficulty. You are confronted with despair. But, whatever you may say, I don't like life, I don't like my life. I don't want to accept, I don't want to receive my life. Because, I am falling into despair. Whatever you may say. As long as life endures, as long as life endures,

[32:43]

while life is alive, life is going on, or as long as your life is alive, it means that your life is allowed, by some expectation, some expectation. I don't know what it is. You can't explain what expectation is. But, consciously, you don't have, you don't feel, you don't feel that you have certain expectation for your life. That's why you want to commit suicide. But, what your life is going on, right now, right here, means to be allowed, by a certain expectation, unconsciously. In other words, your life is linked to a certain expectation.

[33:46]

Unconsciously. You can't explain what it is. Your life is linked to something, something. That's why you are alive. The... What your life is linked to something. That's why you are alive. Is... Is... To say what your life is alive, and, and also, your life is supported by something. Something. Human effort, or natural thought, many else, many things. But, you don't want to realize.

[34:51]

You don't want to pay attention to them. To them. What you, you think, or to all you, all you think, is, that I want to commit suicide. When you confront a great despair, that's all. But actually, you should keep in mind there is great fact, that your life is going on. Your life is going on, is, to be allowed by something. In other words, unconsciously, you, you are expecting something. For your life. For your life. That's why you cannot commit suicide. That's why before you want to commit suicide, you try to, unconsciously, make a reluctant noise,

[35:52]

getting into brawn, in order to draw the people's attention to you. To, right now is a good chance to help you. So, this point is very important. You know, whatever, unconsciously, whatever you think, I don't want, or I like. I don't want to have the purpose in life, or I want to get the purpose in life. While you are alive, your life is, at any cost, linked to something, in the universe, which exists in the universe. The moon, therefore, the sun, the moon, the air, many things support, support you. That's why, if you are alive, this is very fundamental,

[36:54]

fundamental life. You have to realize this fact. Another example, well, yesterday I said, what does a human being have, try to have the purpose in life is to seek happiness. You may say, oh, I don't want the happiness, I don't want the, I don't want to pay much attention to the happiness, because whatever I may say, whatever I may say, everything doesn't go well. So you are always skeptical, [...] for, for all activities, for your all activities.

[37:55]

Then I don't want the happiness. If so, let's, let's consider, it's only possible for you to have any kind of principle of your life, if you don't want the happiness, if you don't want the principle of happiness. Can you? That is very, that is a very delicate point, very delicate point, which we have to take into account carefully. Someone says, we need, we need to practice, practice, we want to see, we have to seek the happiness. Someone says, we don't need,

[38:57]

we don't need to, we don't seek happiness. Okay, for the person who insists on the need of happiness. It is the principle, it is the principle of his life, according to the seeking, according to the seeking for the happiness. Okay, for another man who don't want to get the happiness. It is also, it is also sort of principle of his life, in the form of, I don't want, in the form of, in the form of, what I don't want happiness. Okay? Do you understand this point? Because unconsciously you are expecting your life,

[40:02]

in a different way, which is called, I don't want, I don't want to get the principle of life, based on happiness. That's all. In appearance, there are just different things. But, red color and what color? Yellow color. Yellow, you know. For the someone who wants to seek the happiness, seems to red, red color, seems red color. For the person who don't want to seek the happiness, the principle of his life is sort of white, let's imagine, like that. The difference, differences are, just the white, whether this color is red or white,

[41:03]

but strictly speaking, all both is color, both is color in general. The both is color, both is, what the both is color in general means, that all human beings, unconsciously are expecting, something from your life, whatever you, whatever kind of principle you have, I don't want the happiness, or I want the happiness. In the, when I was a college student, of Columbia University, one of the famous communist, communist scholar, came to the Columbia University to give lecture about religion. Title is, title was, whether religion, the,

[42:04]

whether religion can save human beings from their suffering, or not. At that time, this communist scholar said, I don't know exactly, I don't know exactly whether religion saves human beings from their suffering, because I am, I have no idea of religion. The answer is, what is the color? Atheist. What? Atheist. Atheist. Not religious man. Anti-religious man. Anti-religious man, because in other words, the person who has no idea, no idea, no idea of why, why human beings need religion. So he said,

[43:10]

I don't want, I'll meet, I'll meet the presence of God, existence of God, existence of Buddha. That's okay, you know. Then I asked him, what do you mean by anti-religion, religious life? What do you mean by the God doesn't exist, or a Buddha doesn't exist? At that time he didn't say anything. Actually now only him, but also all of you, you can't explain. Whatever kind of principle of your life,

[44:13]

you have. You try to, let's imagine, you try to follow the principle of communism. What do you mean the principle of communism? It's the art, it's faith. So from this point, whatever you may say, you know, no principle of religion, no principle of life, you, let's imagine, you insist on no principle of your life, according to anything, religion, philosophy, and so on. But it is also a sort of principle of your life. According to, according to I have,

[45:17]

according to what I have, no principle of my life, according to any kind, no principle of gravity or religion. It is also a principle. It is also a principle, what people, what it's called, I have no idea. In other words, in the fundamental part of being quality, fundamental quality in life, life is always linked to something, to something. That's why you can't commit suicide. It's not so easy to commit suicide. Even though you insist on, I want to die, it's not so easy, because basically, your life is linked to something,

[46:20]

from your life, from the world. Well, from this point, your life completely exists. Your life already exists before, before you insist on whatever kind of principle of your life you follow. Okay? This is very important. What your life is, life has connect, life has relation with something. From your life, from the world, this comes, is a man who is right enough to accept his life,

[47:22]

regardless of the idea whether you don't like or you like of it. Okay? Do you understand this point? That's why life is very important. That's why Dogen Zen says, Shakyamuni Buddha says, please take care of your life. A basic, basic being in life, before you disclaiming, I like my life or I don't like my life. So, that's why Dogen Zen Master says, already whatever you think, whatever you think about your life, your life already exists. And take good care of this life. And Master says, always, but you don't understand exactly.

[48:26]

Why? Because this fear you feel, this fear occupies all your life. Like a rainy season, when it rains, it is rainy season. Wah! Everything is black. Everything is black or dark. I went to the city Minneapolis. You know, climate is completely different. Very different. Very hot, very terrible humidity. And next day we had, we had a wonderful season. From the morning, early morning, we had a heavy rain. And we heard thunder. I don't like the rain. I don't like the rain.

[49:28]

The rainy season. Because everything is dark. And sky is very low. Pressure is pressing, pressing my head. Like this. I don't like the rain. Rain season. Rainy, rainy day. Or cloudy day. Because I feel always cloudy day or rainy day completely occupies all my life. Maybe I couldn't, I cannot find, realize how lovely my life is. But my life is alive. Whatever you may say, anyway,

[50:29]

as Saint Martin says always, please take care of your life. Before you seek for metaphysical salvation, what good is, what good is, open your eyes and take care of yourself. That's all. Rain season. That's why you are always take care for your life. For this advice. It's not so good advice. Take good care of your life. Why? Rain season. Because you are, you are always confronted. You are coming to the face, to face with rainy day, to cloudy day, always. You can't, you can't see another big world.

[51:31]

You can't see, you can't see the lovely day above, above the atmosphere. You can't. When it rains, rain. Rain. But nevertheless, they must say your suffering is not so important. Your suffering is not so important. One of my friends, when one of my friends confronted with very difficult about, about concerning about, concerning with money. She, she lent, she lent thousand dollars to her friend, to her husband's friend, to her husband's sister. But she didn't, she didn't pay, pay, pay money back. Because she suffered so much.

[52:36]

At that time, she came to the, she came to the Sokol Temple to see the, the Zen priest. At that time, while Suzuki Roshi was there, he asked her, what shall I do? She said, I should, I should, I should bring this problem to the court. She asked, she asked Suzuki Roshi, it is right or wrong? Suzuki Roshi said, it is nothing, it is nothing important. That's all. She was very angry with the situation. Then next,

[53:40]

next moment, she came to me, came up to me and asked the same way. She asked, I said and do commentary. that's right, that's right. and she said that's right.

[53:50]

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