Then I said to myself, cut off, cut off the source, cut off the source when the hate comes. You know, they try to consider again and again this moment, the life force is, all I have to do is to accept life force, this moment, this present. This present is the right moment, right moment when I heard, when the harm is ringing, is ringing, that's all, that's enough. The idea of whether I hate the lecture or not is something more than, something created

[01:08]

more than my life force. The conception of hate or, the conception of hate is out of my life force. Because, you know, lecture, at the present, the ringing harm, hitting harm, there exists just relation between the hitting harm and I. This relation exists in plane level, in plane level, in parallel surface, in plane surface. No troubles, there is no troubles. To leave me in bewilderment, no troubles.

[02:14]

But the what I think I hate lecture, I think, where does, where does this conception comes from? I think when I look over my past life, maybe I am giving over myself for giving the lecture. I am not qualified, qualified to give a lecture, I am not skillful, you know, I am not Zen master, I am not good priest. Then this conception has been continued from the past up to present, now, then I hate.

[03:35]

You know, I hate is the result which is handed down from the past of my life, you know, then at the present, in the present, at the stage of present, I said, I said, I hate lecture. I hate lecture is the some event, some of events in past, in past, so at the stage of present, my past, the event in past, insert into the present, present, you know, going through my head, going through my head.

[04:38]

At that time, the relation between the healing hand and I, the, is created in three dimensions, in the domain of, in the three dimensional world, in three dimensional world, because the past and present, future, past and future, then from the result of my, you know, then I don't want to give a lecture, I will want, I will want to, I will not want to give a lecture. This is my future, you know, this idea is created through my head, then I create some future, then past and future are completely created in my head, completely.

[05:58]

It is real truth. Nevertheless, this past and this future are completely absorbed by, at the stage of the present. This present has very short length of time, there is no amount of discussion, how long, long or short, you cannot take measure, measurements. This is present, then even though the idea of the past and the present are created by my head, must be a partial, a valuable event.

[07:00]

Which must be absorbed into the present, the stage of present. So this present, whatever you do, everything is absorbed to this present. So that's why in Buddhism, life is continuation of present, present, present, present. So you have to take care of your past and future created by your head, because this head is, this head, this head is a partial aspect of your life force. Because your life force has the function of your head, the head doesn't have your life force. If your head has life force, you have to always continue to hate the lecture, then you have to suffer from the lecture, I don't want that.

[08:15]

If your life, the past and future created by your head is a valuable, a partial aspect of your life force, then your present settles on itself in the domain of no amount of discussion to measure it, long or short, valuable or non-valuable, or hate or like, dislike or like, hate or love, just do it. So everything is, must settle on the self, on the self, on itself. So the other day I said that Basho, Basho said, Basho composed the poems,

[09:22]

at the side of road, the road of challenge was eaten by a horse, by my horse. Let's imagine, let's imagine Basho, who riding, riding on his horse, then he thought, he saw the challenge of, the road of challenge being eaten by the horse. You know, the life force of road of challenge, life force of horse, life force of Basho, everything is absorbed at the state of present, at the state of present.

[10:31]

There is nothing, nothing rich, nothing rich, the life force of road of challenge, life force of horse, life force of Basho, just here, just do it. Everything is absorbed completely into the present, into the present. Then, how should I, how should the Basho accept this life force? Then, he can, he composed in this way, I cannot explain, judging from the poem, you can find some sympathy, great sympathy, great compassion. Great compassion cannot reach, even great compassion cannot reach the life force itself, but, nevertheless, compassion itself presents the whole being in its function.

[11:53]

This is the, I think this is, you know, the life force. So, then I came here, I came up here, and Basho, I bowed to the Buddha before lecture. Whatever kind of Basho I did, my life force, everything which exists around my life force are absorbed into this present, this Basho, this bow, the bow. Practice of bow, otherwise you cannot accept, you cannot accept Basho as itself, you cannot accept the life force of challenge, road of challenge itself as it is.

[13:09]

Otherwise, you cannot give great sympathy, otherwise you cannot help others, you cannot help others. Keep your mind, Dogen Zen says, keep your mind that the measure of amount of phenomena in the domain of the self exists in the figure of life and death. This life and death is important. Even though this life and death is created by your thought, your thought must be, must be a partial aspect of your life force. Consider carefully and follow. You wonder if all things which exist with your life force has close relation with one another.

[14:17]

Even small detail cannot be here without concerning yourself, without concerning life force. Life force has absolutely something to do with even the mind in slight motion. You should consider again and again the subject of your life force, your action, moment after moment. And at the same time, the significance of the poem composed by Basho, raise compassion, raise Buddhist compassion, raise transcendence, raise life force.

[15:20]

Life force manifests itself, therein avail no amount of conception to measure it, large or small, omnipresent or limitative, long or short, or far, near. The present life force lies in the direct experience. Life force lies in the direct experience. Life force lies in direct experience. Ouch! Make your direct experience. The direct experience lies in the present life force, life force. The experience, the direct experience makes you experience your life force, life force, at the stage of present.

[16:50]

Then life force is not coming concerns, coming thing. Life force is not coming concerns. Life force is not going concerns. Life force is not appearing. Life force is not becoming. You know, even though you can attain enlightenment, enlightenment is not something appeared in front of you. It means enlightenment never go through your head, never go through your head. Enlightenment settle on itself, always concentrate, regardless of the idea, regardless of the function of your head. This is enlightenment. This is life force. Then life force lies in the direct experience.

[17:57]

This is direct experience. You know, when you, yesterday I said, you know, when you look over your life in past. Do you understand when you experience happiness or when you experience enlightenment? It's pretty difficult. That's why I concern and I continue to ask you, are you happy? Are you sure to attain enlightenment? Your answer is movable, unstable. Because there is no, you know, dry happiness, no dry, you know, the enlightenment like a dry fish.

[19:11]

When you take answer, yes, yes, I attain enlightenment. This enlightenment is dry enlightenment, like a dry fish. Even though you can understand your life force, the beautiful flower of your life force. It's an imitation beautiful, imitation flower of your life force. It's like a, you know, you know, imitation flower. You have found them in a restaurant, coffee shop. In Montreux the other day I went to the coffee shop and I found a very beautiful flowers. Ah, wow, beautiful flowers and I touched, wow, that's the imitation flower.

[20:18]

Then building is very beautiful, very beautiful building, isn't it? Someone said, sensei, this building is a plastic building. You know, real beauty is, real beauty is not dry beauty, plastic beauty, plastic flowers. The enlightenment also, enlightenment also is not dry enlightenment, like a dry fish, like a plastic house, plastic flowers. Then the Dogen Zen says, life force lies in the direct experience.

[21:22]

That's why Tozen Zen master attain the enlightenment through the direct experience. Saying out, when he fall, stumble, stumble over the rock. The direct experience or life force lies in the present life, lies in the life force. You know, the, so out is, out is, out and out is identical with the life force itself. The life force is identical with the out itself, direct experience.

[22:24]

It's never, it's never go through, pass through the function of your head. Life force is not coming for concerns, you know. Even though you practice Zazen for many years, enlightenment never come up to you, never come up to you. Even though you wait for a long time, long years, life after life, even though you wait for the enlightenment life after life, enlightenment doesn't come, never come up to you. Because while you wait for the enlightenment, enlightenment exists near to you. Enlightenment exists in your neighbor.

[23:30]

You know, enlightenment doesn't exist in your neighbor. Enlightenment exists within yourself in the direct, in the domain of direct experience. This is enlightenment, happiness too, unhappiness too, suffering too, crying or shouting, everything in that way. Life force is not going for concerns. That's why after attaining enlightenment, attaining enlightenment, someone thinks, someone thinks that it is not, it is not necessary to practice anymore. You know, even though you can attain enlightenment.

[24:35]

You never sit on the chair of enlightenment, you never sit on the chair of heaven. So God, which exists, which is filled with enlightenment, even for a moment. You know, when I was in the A.H. monastery, I practiced Zazen very hard. But unfortunately, A.H., many peoples, many, many peoples, people visited to A.H. monastery day after days. Not only men, but also very beautiful ladies. But that's a trouble, it was a trouble for me, very trouble.

[26:01]

I was always angry with the beautiful lady, why do you come, why do you visit to A.H. monastery, get out here right now. I said always myself, to myself. You know, the moment when I said to myself, get out here, you know, I have to erase the occasion, erase the opportunity. When I fall into the hell, from the heaven, directly. But before, before falling into the hell, I thought I attained enlightenment. So I was very happy, you know, with joy, very happy.

[27:10]

But the moment when I saw, when I saw beautiful lady, hey, get out here. Don't appear before me. So, you know, where is, where did, where did my enlightenment, where has, where has my enlightenment gone? Then, right after, right after being aware of falling into the hell, I cannot help rushing into, rushing into the cat, the heaven again.

[28:20]

Enlightenment again, where is my enlightenment? But enlightenment has gone already. Strictly speaking, enlightenment doesn't move. Enlightenment is always here. Like my head, head is always on the top of my body. But I am always looking for my head, where my head is. So, life force is not, life force is not going concern, life force is not coming concern, life force is not appearing. Even though the Kannonbori Satva appear in the steam of boiling, boiling the rice, rice, as Tatsunami Roshi said,

[29:31]

that master gave blood to the Kannonbori Satva appearing in the steam of the boiled rice. Get out of here. That's right. No, my force of the Zen master who is fixing rice, rice and direct experience in the domain of no amount of conception to measure it, long or short, Buddha or Kannonbori Satva, omnipresent or limited, or near or far, doesn't matter, just do it, that's all.

[30:35]

Life force is not becoming, life force is not appearing, life force is not becoming. Life force is completely exist with great impermanence, within yourself, within yourself what you are, what you are. That is your life force. Then, Dogen Zen says, nevertheless, nevertheless, life presents the whole being in its function. Death presents the whole being in its function. Nevertheless, life force exists within you.

[31:46]

You cannot understand life force. If so, life force doesn't exist, you guess. I don't think so. Life force represents, life force itself represents the whole being in its function. This is direct experience. This is Kikan, agency or direct experience. Death presents the whole being in its function. So when you die, you have to bring, you have to take all what you have with you. Don't leave anything behind you, money, your wife or your husband, your baby.

[32:50]

So I said, I have, I have said to my wife always, you have to die by yourself, I have to die by myself. Don't leave anything behind you, behind me. Even though you ask, you tell yourself again and again, don't leave anything behind me. When you die, you have to die by yourself. But the moment when you confront the death, you have to, you cannot help rushing into any amount of the, any number of the people, Where is my birth? I don't want death, I don't want to die. And stop, stop something like this, with your hand, looking for the birth, looking for the desire, I don't want to die.

[34:08]

That's why we have to practice, we need practice. But practice never make you, make you settle on yourself. Even the moment before, even the moment when you have to die. But nevertheless, nevertheless you have to practice. So Dogen then says, nevertheless life presents the whole being in its function. It is alright to hesitate, to die, it is alright to jump into the domain of the death. Directly, it's alright. Important point is, how do you, how are you, how are you settling on yourself in the domain of the death.

[35:23]

The main of the, just the moment, just this moment that you have to, you confront the death. Death presents the whole being in its function. Then from this point, judging from the Dogen's statement, our life exists in the domain of complete clarification and purity. With dignity, with the feeling of dignity, with the feeling of impermanence. This is our life and death.

[36:31]

Then question is, why is it we have to? We have to practice the Zen. Why we have to learn something? If our life, if you exist in the domain of life force itself, based on direct experience, based on the world, based on no amount of the argument to measure it, long or short, small or large. Far or near, omnipresent or limited. Why is it we have to practice, why we have to learn something? You know, because we have a head.

[37:42]

We have a head. This head is questionable. But don't misunderstand. A head doesn't have your life force. But most people take it into your head. Head has life force. It's completely opposite. Your life force has your head. This is very important. You think always my head has my life force. For such a person, he has to always wondering, hanging around, where is my head? Where is enlightenment? Where is the good progress, better progress of my practice?

[38:54]

You know, if your head were like a vase, like a vase, it would be alright to put anything into your vase. Even a dung, your head doesn't say anything at all. But your head, if I put the dung into your head, what would you say? Wait a minute, wait a minute, I don't want, I don't want the dung. This is your head. Then, most people, they stick to the dung or stick to something which the head is about to put.

[40:06]

And suffer. And suffer. Because your life, life is all. You know, your life, the life is all that, you know. You make your life, you make your life force into your head. In other words, your head, your head has life force. Your head is always in control, you know. Your life force. It is really impossible, but you always control your life force, you know. Your head is always controlling your life force.

[41:13]

But it's nonsense, really nonsense. But actually you do, you do. Strictly speaking, your life force controls your head. This is important. That's why you practice Zazen, throwing overboard. Cherish the self, known as great teacher, as a katagiri. You have to throw away everything. Even the good, the bad. Oh poor katagiri, that's alright. Throw aboard. Throw overboard. Oh poor katagiri, don't cry. Don't cry. You know, that's why your life must be controlled by life force.

[42:19]

In other words, Zazen, Zazen. This is very important. Then, Dogen Zen says, keep in mind that among immeasurable amount of phenomena, in the domain of the self, in the domain of the self, exists the figure of life-death, life-death. You know, if your life force controls your head, it is alright that whatever kind of aspect of life exists.

[43:22]

Because at the stage of present, your head is absolutely the partial aspect of your life force. Your head is absolutely a partial aspect of your life force. Yesterday, I said... I explained about the time, subject of time a little bit. Someone asked me how he should experience the basic time.

[44:35]

This is very important. You know, the basic time is our life force. I would like to explain a little more about this. You know, tonight before coming here, the moment when I heard the hand hitting the pan, I thought, wow, I have to give a lecture. You know, this moment includes many things. Wow, you know, I don't like the lecture. But to tell the truth, I gave up already.

[45:41]

Because I have to do, I cannot help escaping from my lectures. So I gave up struggling for escaping from my lectures.

[45:55]

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