I bow to taste the truth of the Tathāgata's words. Good evening. Yes. I think I'm okay. Thank you. A little more enlightenment, yes, but... I didn't remember myself, but Wendy... Is Wendy here? Wendy Johnson. No. That today is the anniversary of Kadagiri Roshi's death. I'm actually not sure what year, 1990?

[01:01]

I think 1990. So, ten years. And, Kadagiri Roshi... was one of the Japanese teachers that was at Zen Center when I came, and... you know, there's certain imprints, practice imprints that happen when you first encounter, you know, they're very strong. When you first encounter a teacher, practice, and his posture, I mean, he may know this about him, but his posture was very, very strong, and I remember when he'd do lecture, he'd cross his legs, and then he'd take a long time, and, you know, rocking back and forth, and with no hurry, just completely stabilizing. And then, I couldn't understand his lectures, hardly at all.

[02:08]

His use of... I think he was learning English at the time, and the way he took a phrase, an English phrase, and then said it over and over and over in different ways, I never could understand, actually, his... the words, but who he was, and his... his way, his physical way, I think was very, very... inspiring. And... I feel like Kadagiri Roshi is a kind of mystery to me, actually, now. But I just remembered one thing. He died surrounded by his students, and his wife, Tomoe-san, and he had a very extremely painful illness and death,

[03:09]

excruciating pain for weeks that nothing could alleviate. So it was very... difficult in that way, for his students especially, and family. So, maybe we could just take a moment and... just call up Kadagiri Roshi, even though you didn't know him, with gratefulness. And also, last... a week before Kadagiri Roshi died, Maureen Stewart Roshi died, and this was a teacher that I only practiced with a little bit. I think she was out here doing teaching, but she didn't come to the city that much, and a number of people were very close to her, and she...

[04:14]

So during the... there was kind of a vigil for both of these teachers for a number of weeks, knowing that... they were terminally ill, and... and Wendy recalls being woken in the middle of the night, maybe some of you remember, and the big obancho began to be rung. It's traditional to ring the big bell 108 times when someone dies. And it was at 2 in the morning, the bell started ringing, and she... people came out in their nightgowns, in their sleeping outfits, and helped to ring the bell, and she asked, Who is it? And she said, Reb said, Ladies first. So Maureen Stewart Roshi died first. And then Kadagiri Roshi... So these are teachers that inform our practice, and... even if you didn't know them, you may know them

[05:16]

through those who studied with them, which is, I guess, the way it is. I had dogs on one time with Maureen Stewart Roshi, it just occurred to me, at City Center, I can't remember what we were talking about, but she bopped me on the forehead, she kind of went, boing! And it was really something. I don't know what I was saying, but she just cut through and just gave me this... bop. So... someone called me tonight to say that they maybe were not going to be able to come to lecture, and I just appreciated this call, which is part of the way we live in community, we communicate with one another, we let each other know, I'm not going to be in the Zendo, I'm sick, I can't attend your class tonight, please excuse me,

[06:18]

and that kind of communication, not begging, you know, forgiveness for not being able to come, or being afraid someone's going to get mad at you, but just through our communication and intimate living together, we let each other know, out of, it's actually, as a practice, but because we like it, or I should say, I like it, I like to check in with people and let them know what I'm doing, and if I'm not able to attend something, let it be known, you know. So, this is part of our community life together, communicating with one another, about little things, and there's also, at Tassajara, for example, if you need permission to leave, you ask permission to leave the monastery,

[07:20]

you talk about it with someone, rather than deciding on your own, you have to go to the dentist or something, you may decide on your own about that, but then you work it out with the director and the Eno, I mean, there's people to work things out with. So there's all these possible times when we can communicate with one another and have intimate contact, even though you might not think asking about leaving, or letting someone know you can't come to their class, you may not think, well that's not an intimate thing, intimacy is really telling about your life and expressing your deepest feelings about what really is on your mind, that can be intimate as well, but these other kinds of interactions can be very intimate, close feeling, affectionate, expressions of our affection for one another, and our support, and our respect

[08:22]

is all within that. So, in our work, checking things out with one another about our work, sometimes at staff there's what we call check-in, where we, very rarely actually, we don't do it enough, where we go around the room and each person says what's going on in their department, because if you work in the guest program, you may not know really what's going on down at the farm, and the problems that the head of the farm is dealing with, and their headaches and sorrows, and same with the kitchen and the shop, so to let each other know this is what's going on with me is, checking in is another way of being intimate with one another, so I recommend this, whenever you have the opportunity

[09:30]

to check in with what you're doing, what kind of decisions you're making, not that you can't make a decision on your own, but as opportunities to share and practice together and practice right speech and accuracy of expression of language. It's interesting, I wasn't going to talk about any of this tonight, I have a whole other lecture, but I'll just follow my notes here. Bernie Glassman was here a couple weeks ago, was it? Or was it last week? I guess it was a couple weeks ago, doing a workshop, he did a talk for the Millennium Series on Friday night, and then an all-day workshop on Saturday, and we'll be having Jon Kabat-Zinn coming this Saturday for an all-day workshop, and he'll be speaking Friday night in the city. And Bernie Glassman is Tetsugan Roshi,

[10:33]

Tetsugan Bernie Glassman Roshi, was a student, is a student of Maizumi Roshi who passed away just a couple of years ago, and he's been doing some sesshins in Germany in concentration camps in Auschwitz. You've probably, maybe you've heard about this, and how he understands this, or what he, I wasn't at the talk, but what I heard he said is that he sees this as a traditional practice, the same as the practice of sitting in the charnel grounds, which was a practice that Buddhist monks and nuns in India did. In India, there would be places where bodies were just left to decompose and be, where the vultures and the animals could get to them, and this was one traditional way,

[11:36]

aside from burning, that bodies were disposed of. And so there was a practice of going to the charnel grounds and meditating there, meditating on impermanence. And when we think about it, we may have different reactions to that. It may seem like, wow, that would really be heavy duty and I wouldn't want to have anything to do with that, or maybe some interest in what would that be like to actually stay in such a place. But that's how Bernie Glassman understands this practice of sitting sesshin in Auschwitz as charnel ground practice. And a couple of weeks ago, out of this area of the Zen Do, there was this terrible smell coming that some of you noticed, and those of you who sit on that side of the Zen Do probably didn't notice, but I really noticed it, and I sniffed around and I thought it might be the flower water,

[12:39]

which sometimes by the end of the week needs changing. That was one of my first experiences of impermanence, actually, as a child. I remember there were these beautiful flowers, and they were in this vase, and then they wilted, and then I was supposed to throw away the flowers, and then the water just smelled terrible, and I thought, how can this water smell so terrible? The flowers were so beautiful, and it was a kind of insight into all things arise and all things go away. Anyway, that's a little aside. But it wasn't the flower water, it was something else. And then I asked Rin to help, and she got around there with a flashlight, and she began to smell it, and it got worse each day. And then I thought, what is this? What is going on? Do you know this story? Did you hear about this?

[13:40]

And finally, one idea was to take the altar apart, and maybe something's gotten under the altar. It was definitely, this is decomposed, this is a dead something. And finally it was found. It was a dead rat that had gotten into the insulation underneath, right underneath there in the ceiling of the dorm space. But the last night before it got taken away, it got taken away in the morning, I was sitting there, and it was a very unpleasant smell. Diagon smelled it over there. And it was very strong, and I thought, well, this is charnel practice, this is charnel ground practice, so try it out. You know, it sounds very romantic, going to the charnel grounds. Here you are, kid. So I sat there trying to study impermanence, but I was getting sick. So I thought, this isn't for me, this charnel ground practice. Later on I thought, charnel ground is charnel ground,

[14:47]

but zendo is zendo, and you have to keep things in their proper place. So I'm not so sure. It might be something at some other time, but in a closed space, in the zendo, I realized it's important to keep things in their proper place. But in further looking at this, the word charnel means flesh. So in further looking at it, I realized that often we do sit in the charnel ground, we sit right on our own Zabatan and have enormous difficult things arise, having to do with our bodies and our mental states and our emotional states, and it actually is a charnel ground. I'm not saying everyone and every day, but that is a practice that happens too,

[15:49]

whether or not there's dead rat under your seat or you're sitting in Auschwitz facing the actual impermanence of our life. We have our own charnel ground right here. The flesh, it means flesh, and from the descriptions in the Vasudhi Maga, these old meditation texts, it goes into very graphic detail about the charnel ground practice and what you see in meditating on various states of decomposition over time, ending up with the bones and then the dust. So we actually have this practice, I realized, internally or in our own body and mind. It's not that far removed from what we face here. On Saturday, during the one-day sitting,

[16:55]

many of you were here for the talk, and Wendy brought it up again, which is this ascidia, which I think there may be various pronunciations of it because Daigon was familiar with the term, with the TH, ascidia. So some of you may be familiar with this term, although it's a new one for me, translated as spiritual torpor, anui, and the root of the word comes from the word care, or it means lack of care, and also that the root of the word care means to cry out or lament. So, how many of you were not here on Saturday for Saturday's lecture? Okay. Well, I think this bears repeating because a number of people mentioned it to me

[17:57]

that they found it very interesting. Ascidia, this spiritual torpor, and I wanted to go into it a little bit more, is seen as like a Mara or some kind of demon that comes into your spiritual life, and it's associated with monks or monastic practice, but it can be just our regular everyday life where we are confronted with a kind of, it's all too much, I can't go on kind of feeling, and it's this endless round of regular stuff that I have to do and so on. So I just wanted to read again the 4th century monk Evagrius saying about Ascidia. The demon of Ascidia makes it seem that the sun hardly moves, if at all, and that the day is 50 hours long. Then it constrains the monk

[18:58]

to look constantly out the window, to walk outside the cell, to gaze carefully at the sun to determine how far it stands from the 9th hour, i.e. lunchtime. And then it goes deeper into the person. It instills in the heart of the monk a hatred for the place, a hatred for his very life itself, and he begins to think less of the other monks or other family members or co-workers or whatever, brooding on the ways they have angered, offended or merely failed to encourage him. And then it drives the monk to desire other sites where he can more easily find work and make a real success of himself. I like that one a lot. And finally, at the end, it induces the monk to forsake his cell and drop out of the fight, meaning the struggle of staying with his vows or her vows.

[20:01]

So, this is from this book, The Quotidian Mysteries, I forgot to say who it was, by Kathleen Norris, and the subtitle is Laundry, Liturgy, and Women's Work. And she's a converted Catholic, and it's the Paulist Press. A couple of people asked me about how to get the book, and we don't have it in our bookstore. So I wanted to see if I can tie together this asidiya and something that someone said to me this morning about their work habits, which is they find that they've got something to do, and it may be a kind of disagreeable job, and they find that they do all these little other things as fast as they can, keeping very busy, doing this, that, and the other, not getting to their work, not getting to kind of a main thing that may be difficult or some kind of struggle. And this reminded me of Anne Lamott talking, I don't know if you're familiar with her book, Bird by Bird,

[21:09]

which is a book about how you write, and she talks about finding every possible way that she can kind of get out of sitting down with the blank paper and beginning to write. She all of a sudden has to make that doctor appointment that she just really needs, and then she, is that mole, maybe it's melanoma, I better check that out, and she spends time looking at that, and then she throws a load of laundry in, and then she, doing all these things all around in circles, because it's so difficult to get down to what she needs to get down to. And I think that happens in our workplace sometimes where we have, I mean, someone may call it time management, where there's ways of studying this in a different way, but looking at it through this eyes of asidiya and she's a writer, this Kathleen Norris, and she says,

[22:10]

I know from bitter experience that when I allow busy little doings to fill the precious time of early morning when contemplation might flourish, I open the doors to the demon of asidiya. So this is her study of this. She finds that doing all these little busy kinds of things that keep her from basically her spiritual practice, whatever her spiritual practice is, this actually opens the door to this spiritual torpor. And so sometimes I feel this happens around, we have to do this and we have to do that, and gee, I can't, this goes back to, I can't get to zazen or I can't get to lecture and I think I really can't take a class because I'm so busy. But the actual, if you look more deeply in, the busyness may be symptomatic of this not really connecting with others

[23:16]

or with your practice. And so we keep ourselves, in maybe an unconscious way, we keep ourselves very busy to keep from looking at that and looking at what's going on. So the key that she talks about is, her spiritual practice she calls worship. Worship has often proved to be the key, although on the surface it seems useless, it is also necessary, a means of reconnecting with other people when asidia or dejection has isolated me. So I think this kind of spiritual torpor begins to isolate you, especially if you're living in community because all the practices you are too busy to do.

[24:17]

And you keep thinking, well, it doesn't matter anyway, they're just useless. And yet the very thing that one might need to really reconnect is to throw yourself back into the practice that brought you here in the first place. So I'm not saying this is, I'm making a distinction between spiritual torpor and actually, or asidia and actually it's time to leave or it's time to, the phase of your life where you were practicing in a monastic or quasi-monastic way has ended and it's time to go out and do whatever and you're ready. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about a kind of whirlpool almost, a kind of whirlpool of not quite connecting and yet not knowing what you want and have it be unexamined, kind of unexamined.

[25:18]

And I think resistance comes up in there as well. So asidia, coming from the root to cry out, it's almost like a crying out or a cry for help. I'm in a whirlpool, I'm in this eddy and I'm going round and round and I think we do each other a disservice to let this just go on and well, they're an adult, they know what they're doing, they can't come. In community life, the way we help one another is I didn't see you, how are you doing? Where have you been? Or that kind of thing. It can be a help but it may be difficult and we tend to be... let each other alone sometimes when actually what's needed is a kind of reconnection with your fellow practitioners. So I like the fact that asidia means

[26:23]

lack of care, meaning you don't care anymore, nothing matters anymore. How did I get here in the first place? It's like you can't find your way. Even though you knew it was very important at one time but you lose... you might feel like you've lost your way-seeking mind or something. So the fact that it's from the root to cry out I think that's important, it's a crying out. So... along with this... I want to tie in feelings of anger and frustration that may be coming along with this

[27:25]

like in the description from the book in the fourth century monk he says you begin to brood on how this place isn't right and people are not helping you and everybody's bothersome and beginning to brood on all the reasons why it's not working and it looks like it's all out there and there's an anger with your fellow practitioners for small offenses or little things they overlook and also for just the fact that they're not encouraging you you're angry at them, you know. This I think is a kind of... if we look carefully at it the kind of anger and hatred that often... this is I think in Buddhist psychology, in regular psychology that anger often is kind of covering over a deeper feeling of things are not right or things are... there's something like

[28:27]

we say dis-ease, there's no ease there's pain there, there's suffering and it may be in an unconscious way even but this is samsara where it's never right the word samsara means a broken axle so it's this wheel that doesn't roll it's lopping along there, it's not right out of alignment and we feel this way and this is kind of the root of our frustrations is that we don't feel... we have dis-ease and then there's frustration on top of that which is unexamined and then the slightest thing or maybe not slight but various things happen causes and conditions and then we lash out or get annoyed and may not see how much this anger

[29:29]

is really based on this feeling of depression, dis-ease or this disconsolateness meaning not having any consolation so it's a kind of... it builds to where we lash out but the root in Buddhist practice working with anger we don't suppress the anger but the practice is not to necessarily let the anger have its sway meaning lashing out at people dumping on people having violent activities of body, speech and mind so we don't act it out, we don't suppress it how do we work with it? and the antidote, the big antidote to anger is patience I think patience has a kind of bad reputation in some way

[30:35]

it's like, oh yeah, yeah, patience but patience takes enormous steadfastness and calm and effort and energy and enthusiasm to be able to, in the face of these the slings and arrows in the face of our day-to-day life in community with or in any community work, family, temple, society various things happen and how are we going to not react in such a way that hurts others and hurts ourselves and patience, being able to be calmly abiding steadfast in our way so that we can respond appropriately now, there's this book that I've been looking at

[31:37]

although I haven't thoroughly studied it which is the Dalai Lama called Healing Anger maybe some of you have been studying it and it's a commentary on Shantideva who's an 8th century poet, Indian practitioner who wrote a book called, in English The Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life and in that book, in this poem it's a long poem he has a chapter on patience and it's this commentary on patience and how to deal with anger and using patience that the Dalai Lama is talking about what was really interesting in the earlier part of the book the Dalai Lama says, he feels or believes or he's stating that our essential human nature is gentleness he used the word inherent anyway, that human nature is gentleness now, there may be plenty of scientists and so forth who say

[32:39]

no, we're violent and aggressive beings but the Dalai Lama says all sentient beings their inner nature, their Buddha nature you might say, their real true nature is gentleness and then he goes on to say that or he supports that by saying how human beings respond to gentle speech to affection, how children and babies respond to affection and also in terms of our physical being how the healthy beings our actual health, the health of our body has a lot to do with whether or not we feel like we're receiving affection and support these kinds of things and without it, we actually get sick we actually can't the studies about heart disease and so forth have a lot to do with do you have an open heart, can you receive the support that's there

[33:42]

the love that's there these kinds of studies you probably know a lot about or know much more than I do but this basis of our life of human affection and gentleness I found very healing actually to hear that said so simply so in terms of the practice ango, peacefully abiding taking the opportunity to express our true way or our true being of compassion, gentleness and affection and taking the opportunity in the A.H. Shingy, the rules for monastic life in the section on there's certain guidelines for how seniors and juniors interact

[34:42]

and it says that the seniors, meaning older students anybody who's come to the monastery even a minute before you are there is a senior but anyway, people have been around for a while when new students come, new monks come it says you should treat them like newborn babies this is how older students should treat the newer students with great care, great affection and kindness and it says when you correct them because they may not know how to do all the various things that go on in temple life you correct them with this affection and gentleness like a baby and I think human beings respond to that we respond, we open to that and we respond even when it's not directed to us but when we hear someone else speaking affectionately and kindly to someone else we are also filled with joy

[35:43]

so it has enormous power, this kind of action so this communication that I was talking about before I feel like these are opportunities for expressing this with one another, kindness and affectionate speech and I don't mean to go into like Pollyanna or sentimental, I mean true affectionate which includes humor and wit and irony and everything else it's not sugary, cloying talk because we don't respond to that that actually kind of makes us a little sick just like too much sweets so our own physical well-being and the physical well-being of those we live with is affected by this way of being in the world and expressing our true selves and yet we may be feeling dis-eased, disconsolate, depressed

[36:48]

I love the word anui, asidia, on all these things so how are we going to be affectionate when we're feeling these kinds of emotional and maybe it's unconscious even we're not even noticing it somebody asks how you are, oh just fine, I'm doing fine meanwhile, you may not realize it but you're sitting in the charnel ground and our realization of our own pain charnel ground pain practice will help us because what happens when you know that you're suffering and feel the pain that you're in and truly accept it is that compassion arises for others because there's three kinds of compassion the first kind is just as I suffer and have pain and I'm struggling all beings are like this too

[37:51]

all beings want to be happy and are struggling and have pain and suffering so just as I do, if you're acknowledging your own you also see, oh that person does too, or everybody does and compassion arises for everyone else and plants and animals too kind of naturally by looking at your own pain it's almost not even a byproduct they come up together if you truly are with what's going on with you and maybe we were talking about this in the tea with the practice period the more you practice someone described someone they know who practices and when they left the practice period they felt like a snail without a shell they felt so...

[38:51]

they could feel everything the pain and suffering of the world when they went out and it was difficult but there's also compassion there for others it's that rawness it means you're not thick-skinned anymore where nobody can... who wants a thick-skinned animal, like a rhino or something? where you can't respond so... so that's the first kind of compassion just as I feel this pain, others do too others want to be happy just like me there's a kind of... well, the Bodhisattva vow comes out of this the second kind of compassion is the compassion that sees impermanence of sentient beings

[39:53]

and people talk about this people have done hospice work and even if they've not done hospice work and someone dies you feel like, oh, these beings that I love our life is so fragile and even when you hear about people dying you don't even know or these people in the floods in Mozambique I don't know if you're reading newspapers but I heard on the radio about terrible floods with thousands of people clinging to trees and nobody can get them so you hear these kinds of things the fragility of our life and impermanence itself and compassion arises there that's the second kind and the third kind is when we see the selfless, the empty nature of all beings that's another kind of compassion, a third type you could say and even though there are no beings

[40:53]

this is like from the Diamond Sutra therefore will I save all beings you actually don't see any beings out there therefore will I practice as a Bodhisattva and save all beings bring all beings across before myself so the Bodhisattva vow comes out of this compassionate feelings for beings but we can't feel our compassion unless we feel what's going on with us in terms of our pain so... I had a couple more things she had to say about Asidiya oh, this is very interesting in monastic community life this is something to pay attention to

[41:55]

this lack of care sometimes reveals itself in a kind of lack of care of the body of washing your clothes regularly washing your body, cleaning your room mending things when you're in the grips of Asidiya it's like why bother? if I make my bed it's just going to get messed up again you wash your clothes, you're just going to have to wash them again change your sensitive, who cares? this is not just laziness or what was it like in the hippie times natural, I'm a natural man, natural woman I don't wash this is actually more having to do with spiritual torpor because the lack of care of the self and when you take that to the extreme

[42:56]

when someone begins to well there's a quote from Sylvia Plath beginning to become psychotic or go into a major break of some kind some of the first things people stop doing is washing their hair and cleaning themselves these kinds of grooming things it takes a kind of well let me read about Sylvia Plath do you know Sylvia Plath? you probably do know her she ended up committing suicide after struggling with mental illness for years and in her book The Bell Jar which is I think it's really about her own experience of being hospitalized she says let's see I hope I'm going to be able to find it

[43:57]

did I put a little sticky there? just a minute Sylvia Sylvia well I'll just paraphrase it then because I have lost it even though I put a sticky there basically the person in the book the bell jar is asked she hasn't been washing her hair for about three weeks I think and she basically says why bother it's just going to get dirty again this is a losing touch with our connections with other beings but mainly with our connection with ourself and caring for the self and it's a cry, it's a lament it's a cry of sorrow

[44:58]

so all these we have these practices of taking care of our bodies and our space and this kind of effort I see it as a life affirming joyful expression of our connection with all beings something like that it's not puritanical or cleanliness is next to godliness it's more to do with the joy of being alive and caring for anything that you come in contact with be it your own body or your orioke bowls or the space you live in or the grounds, the temple grounds and the whole world, it's the same thing but in monastery life and the Japanese have a

[46:03]

they've brought cleaning to the heights of I've never been to Japan but someone was recently telling me about cleaning things I think Maya was once telling me how embarrassing it was to have Japanese people come to visit because the windows were all spotted and dirty and I think these people said, oh it must have rained recently meaning the only way the windows could possibly be left this way is that there must have been a rain like this morning or something because they weren't sparkly clean we could say that might be taking things too far but the wonderful feeling of like we do our room cleaning the day before day off on Sampachi Sampachi means three and eight days here it's on the day we do Nenju, the Thursday we have room cleaning

[47:05]

and the feeling is when your room is in order and your wastebasket is emptied and your trash is thrown away change your bed, whatever it is then on your day off everything is in order you can really enjoy your room and spending time resting and all we can forget that this is a kind of this is beneficial for everyone and I think there's a kind of red light a little bit when these things get left and forgotten and overlooked and yogically speaking coming to the Zendo and we're admonished to wash our hands feet, face and head and mouth

[48:07]

and this is taking care of the people around us and this is also how our body feels when we're refreshed in that way all the nerves and how our body responds to cold water not even cold, any kind of water we feel refreshed and ready to continue with effort and this is a practice an expression not in order to be good girls and boys I hope I'm making that clear I was just reminded of Nancy Wilson Ross who was a woman who wrote a number of books about Zen and Buddhism and I was invited to stay with her and help her she lived in New York, Fu was invited there and a number of other Zen students went to take care of her

[49:07]

for six months or longer and she was 77 when I was there and she had a practice of this kind of self-care she would get up, she would do her grooming she would put on lipstick she would make sure her hair was curled she would put on an outfit her husband was dead even if she wasn't going to see friends she could have lulled she had this practice and she said to me who was 29 at the time you must keep this up this kind of taking care of yourself as you get older because pretty soon it doesn't matter anymore the usual reasons that we brushed our teeth kind of fall by the wayside so it gets down to you just do it because this is how you express your life

[50:07]

for no ulterior motive or reason to please others or to look good you do it because this is what it's like to be a human being take care of yourself I really got off on that one, didn't I? anyway, let's see I think that might be everything I wanted to bring up about this so being impatient and barreling through the world I'm reading from her people allow anger to build up inside and then they begin to perform their daily tasks resentfully focusing on others as the source of their troubles instead of looking inward to find the reason for the sadness we barrel ahead, directed outward

[51:09]

and are impatient and even brutal with those we encounter, especially those who are closest to us so I think somehow these two things that I was reading all came together in studying ourself and our pain which opens us to compassion and compassion for others which protects others from our own responding to the world and the difficulties of the world with anger, hatred in an unexamined way okay, thank you very much may our intention may our intention

[52:09]

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