I want to apologize again for not being with you during meals and services and some other times when I've had to go back to the tent. I think the problem I've had with Dennis is a little bit interesting to me. partly because I think it's useful to know things about doctors and our bodies, but also because it presented me with a rather interesting problem. I went to this first dentist who was quite an oral surgeon, and he was quite a respected person.

[01:32]

the medical community and to a professor at the University of California Medical School, etc. And I didn't feel so good about his office as soon as I walked in the door. So I was presented with a problem. Should I go through with this oral surgery? And I could see something was amiss from the beginning. Or should I not? So I went through with it. Pretty hard at that point to stop. And now I have this problem. I can make fun of him a little bit. His office, as I said, was like something staged by Roman Polanski. There was no relationship between the people at all. Between the girls who worked there and he and the doctor and the patient. In addition, he had these pictures of all the big game he's killed on the wall.

[02:54]

You know, big white polar bears, you know, bloody head in his lap, you know. You'd almost expect the other hand to be holding up a tooth. Many animals were killed in Africa and the Arctic. So he sits pounding on people's teeth, 35 or 40,000 in his life, one after another. He thinks, that must be a hard job. Anyway, rather funny situation, mostly because there was no real relationship between him and the people that worked with him, which was some fantasy life, only in that office. I went back to him last Thursday and he dismissed me as being okay. And my perception of what was going on in his was rather different. So I waited a little bit and went to see Sandra Gerstein, which is quite a good doctor. And I said, do you tell me what's going on in there? And he looked in and there's definitely a hole.

[04:19]

which is not sealed up, which the tennis court was, and I have quite a big infection in there. And the other tennis had even forgotten the suture, and taken them all out but one. And the one seems to have caused the infection because it wouldn't allow it to drain, and it got all clogged up. Excuse me for all the details. It doesn't bother me, but it bothers some people. So anyway, this other dentist that Dr. Burstein sent me to was quite good and I was quite impressed by him. He immediately figured out what was wrong and took me off penicillin and drained it and just like, it made me rather comfortable and maybe one or two additional operations are necessary in various directions to cure it. At present I have to have some kind of special diet. I'm not supposed to sleep more. Anyway, at least this doctor perceives it. What's going on is I perceive it.

[05:38]

But what this kind of situation, what should I do? Should I go into the other doctor's office and walk from east to west and west to east and say, malpractice, malpractice? What kind of, what can other doctors, you know, what can Dr. Burstein and Ms. Dentist who now seem rather careless, maybe he's just quite old or too old to notice what's going on. My only perception is it was his emotional involvement with knocking out teeth, which made him nervous, because he gets excited about it, and then when it goes too far, he doesn't want to see it. I'm not sure what I think happened. And he got quite nervous when he realized I was rather observant of what was going on. He was quite visibly anxious while he was pounding on his big wooden nose.

[07:14]

Anyway, it's an interesting problem. Where... It's not serious enough perhaps to try to stop him from practicing. That's maybe a little... If I hadn't been aware of myself of this, it could have become quite serious. It's a very dangerous place to have an infection so close to your brain. We have to ask Where actually does this man live? Where does our own life, where do we actually exist? How can we meet him in that situation? One effect of being there is the girl, woman in the office, a young woman about 35, she

[08:37]

No, exactly. I didn't do anything. I talked about Buddhism or anything. They wondered about my shaved head. But now she's going to come to lectures at Greenbelch and she wants to have a Buddhist wedding. So maybe we'll work on, maybe it's worth having one tooth messed up for her to have, maybe start practicing Buddhism. I don't know. You know, somehow, if you want to do something about a situation like that, how do you actually do something? Same, similar situation, I'm told, of the ginga, which Philip, I think, knows more, is there in the house we lived in, in Japan,

[09:39]

What used to be countryside and then they built five narrow houses, sort of row houses, Japanese style. And they paralleled the side of the house. One of the reasons Gary moved out of the house. But when we moved in, that was all that was there mostly. It was mostly countryside. Now it's completely surrounded or torn down by city. Anyway, there was a woman who lived in the front of the first house, and we had a small kind of garden or space in front of the house, behind a fence, which for a while I started doing some work on, but because of this woman stopped. And she had a washing machine out on the porch. the porch finally had to be replaced, because she didn't trouble herself to put the soapy water from the washing machine down the drain, but she just poured it all over the porch, and so the porch rotted away. And when I was back this year, they had built a new porch, just a narrow kind of plain wood, about as wide as a tatami. But she would also, not only just

[11:08]

not even pain for the drain, which wasn't very effective anyway. It would then run all over the garden. And she would take the big bucket of paled ham, the shallow thing, of the water and just throw it in the garden. I used to... One day I said to her, you know, we can't, the moss won't grow, nothing will grow, you're throwing this detergent You know, water all over the garden. And she said, Shikhatiganai, which means, it can't be helped. And she would take another pail of water and she'd say, oh, it can't be helped. I was rather tempted to scoop it up and pour it back on her porch and say, Shikhatiganai, it can't be helped. I resisted. So she did it. For her, it seemed it couldn't be helped. She lived in a rather narrow place, maybe in more ways than one, and she threw up water at that place. There was no way to confront her at that level. She wouldn't do anything to pour water back on the floor.

[12:37]

And I could try to use power, you know, as I was teaching the priestess to not sell liquor. I could try to buy or sell her. I could try to influence her in some way. As with the dentist, I could try to embarrass him, buy or sell him by some force. but to not try to do that, and to find out what to do. Because you can't criticize that woman completely, just because she throws soapy water. She took what of her children and lived what seems to be a pretty good life. There's a story of Joshu.

[13:45]

which is rather interesting. There was a mountain called the Gotai Mountain. Gyozan Mountain is another name for it, I'm not sure. Anyway, This was a famous mountain, where many temples were, I believe, and where Manjushri was supposed to live. And she had a, like the other women, you know, who ran the rice cake shop where it took some time. There's still shops like that you can stop in around San Francisco. Maybe there are. It's going crazy. I'll tell you something interesting. And this woman, when, because many people made a pilgrimage to Mt. Wotai, this woman, they would often stop at her tea shop. And she would, afterwards, the monk might ask her, the monk might ask her, which way is it to Mt. Wotai? And she would say, straight ahead.

[15:17]

And they'd start out, while they were still in hearing distance. He looks like a fine monk, but he just goes on and on. So, some monk came to Joshu. I guess he did that fairly often, and Joshu heard about it. And when some monk told him about it, he said, I'll see through that woman for you." So he prepared for a journey. It was quite near. The Krishna Temple, I guess, was quite near. And she prepared for a journey and he prepared for a journey and went to greet her, went to her tea shop. And he did just like the other monks did. After having tea, he said, And she said, straight ahead. And he started out and she said, he looks just like a fine monk, but look at the way he just goes. And so she went back to the temple and he said, I saw right through her. That's all there is to the story.

[16:47]

Very much like Tosan and his family. What do you mean, I thought, that should the old lady have thought it momentum and she can, like a general, a campaign in the tent to win a victory a thousand miles away, but she doesn't know a bandit is stealing into the tent. Should she have spotted him as a bandit and said something different? Or would she have said the same thing even if she'd spotted him? Did she see right through Joshua's Or did Joshu not care what she said, one way or the other? Not doubt. You're supposed to go straight ahead, he goes straight ahead. One commentary says that Shakyamuni said to Ananda,

[18:13]

Truth is in ten directions, not up and down. Truth is in ten directions, but the way to Nirvana is straight ahead. So, is she just trying to make the monks doubt, part of these koans by Tosan and Isan and Joshua and this woman? is to give you some way to act in doubt. What to do when you doubt? Am I on the right road? Should I have asked for a better direction? North, south, east, or west? Straight ahead? Which direction did you choose? Or do you just go straight ahead? There's many stories, situations to tell.

[19:20]

Yakujo. Yakujo, you know, is an Isan teacher. And some monk asked Yakujo, what is the first principle? And Yakujo said, the alleyway of my temple. What is the alleyway of your temple, of this temple? And, yes, it leads to the capital. You know, you can say all worlds lead to Rome. This doesn't really mean all roads are the same. It means, what is your road? Your road leads to a capital. What is your road? How do you understand Tokusan and Nissan meeting? How do you not anticipate something? Was Tokusan discriminated?

[20:42]

when Tokusan came to see Issan. Was he discriminating Issan? Tokusan, by the way, was only ten or so years younger than Issan at the time when they met. Tsukireshi always said, it may be easy to understand Zen, But not so easy to complete your character. And that's what interests me. I don't care whether you're a Zen teacher or a Zen Buddhist or not, but how to complete your character. Circumstance, you know what to do. And there's no trace of being as a Buddhist, attaining something. That's a weak position, to have some trace.

[22:08]

Many people who want to keep their traces will follow you. But you won't be able to reach everyone. So where does your life actually happen? Again, Suzuki Roshi said, no idea of others. What does no idea of others mean? Did Togsang have no idea of Isang? Did Joshu have no idea of the old lady? These stories are, for some of you, rather perplexing. I'm trying to make you familiar with it, but still rather distant from it. But the dentist is not so distant from it. Or someone came in here, and he came in, he knocked on the door and went by the guest person who came in here and walked from east to west, west to east.

[23:40]

maybe spread their vines off and said, nothing. Would we call it psychiatric? Service? No. What would we do? I don't think so. There was some dignity in some way. Perhaps he was saying, no problem, no problem. Maybe he wanted to meet Issan. Can he know Issan just walking in the front door? Can you know Zen Center just stepping in the front door? Can you know Tsujiroshi's way just as you step in the front door? When you know your road, your road, There's no dope-sounds way, or he-sounds way, or grasping way, or granting way. There's no Buddha dharma to realize. If you really know the way of non-attainment,

[25:05]

That's your real problem. You need to really know the way of non-attainment. Who wants to seek more Buddhadharma? How do you seek more Buddhadharma? Where does your life actually happen? Do not think you can kill something. Do not think you can remove something. Do not think you can steal something. When you can act on your motivation, when your motivation is quite pure and complete, And you can act on what you most completely want to do with some ease, without forcing. Then you can hear inanimate objects reaching the Dharma.

[26:32]

You don't need motivation anymore. Now to sit in this puddle of your own wisdom. You can understand Zen through understanding great Zen masters like Tosan, Joshu, and Ison. It's their great activity. Great activity means a way of non-attainment.

[27:44]

Not just sureness. Sureness about something you know, that you know something. That's not the way of non-attainment. That's some idea of attainment. There is nothing at all to be afraid of. Once you realize what asked is, That your idea of yourself does not come from the past. Shake loose of that kind of... If someone pushes you over, like a bullied armadillo who pops back up, you'd rather enjoy going over. Going over is just as good as coming up. If you don't have any ideas about it,

[29:33]

Do not have any ideas or not to think, you know. It doesn't mean some forcing your brain not to think. It means you've come to know where your life actually is, where you actually meet another person. Then it's not necessary about what you're doing. There's another way to act which finds you out all the time. Beyond danger, long after the enemy has arrived,

[31:15]

beyond danger, long after the enemy has arrived. Can you soak water with water? Can you drench water with water? That's a very interesting statement. Can you enlighten your already enlightened self? Can you change anything? Does Joshu's seeing right through the woman change anything? Do you expect some change? What about your encounters right now? Are they the encounters of misunderstanding or the encounters of real meeting? And would they look any different? What opportunity lies before you all the time? Why do you hold back? When you hold back, do you know you're just playing?

[32:45]

So, to continue the session, maybe you can drench Darshan with that. Can you realize yourself without discrimination? Without caring? Which way? This koan is toksana and isana asks, which way? Granting way or grasping way, toksana and isana. straight ahead or in ten directions. What is your will?

[34:28]

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