Could you open that door there, please? Thank you. Some of you think that taking refuge in the Sangha means having a position in Zen Center.

[01:50]

This seems like a small point, but practically speaking, this kind of idea, or it takes sometimes the form of you think you have to be a priest, makes your practice more limited than it would be if you could view everything as the Sangha. Whatever you do should be done with everyone as if you were practicing in a Sangha. Doesn't make any difference where your activity is.

[02:58]

We make much too much distinction in Zen Center between working within Zen Center at Green Gulch Farm or here in the building and having a job outside. Anyway, participation with others is essential for practice until everyone can flow into you and you into them. We definitely practice with and for others. When you have this feeling and can practice equally in any situation, then you will be

[04:06]

able to make more use of the opportunity to practice and have some position in Zen Center. It does help to practice in Zen Center, but it's just practical. It doesn't mean you've established some good practice just because you have a position in Zen Center. In fact, the opposite may be the case since the positions are rather distracting from practice. But those distractions you'll find anywhere. So, if you can just make yourself available to whatever your situation is without any

[05:22]

idea of its meaning or value, just participating with others, some deep activity will begin. What we really take refuge in is that deep activity, and that deep activity is manifested as the Sangha, and as all people, and as Buddha and Dharma, the three manifested treasures of Buddhism. And practice is something that occurs in your big mind, and this lecture occurs in your

[06:31]

big mind. I'm not talking to you, you know, some particular person, and it's not some particular person talking to you. So, how can we bring some focus into our practice? How can we bring some focus into this activity, which is our refuge? If you practice the four kinds of mindfulness, the other day, now he's a layman, but he

[07:46]

used to be an abbot in Thailand and in England, Durvamsa, came here and talked to the city practice period students about mindfulness. And now he's at Tassajara, and he'll be there for about two weeks, and will come up here and be at Green Gulch for a day, and San Francisco for a day on the 22nd and 23rd, I think. You can't hear back there, huh? Okay. Okay. Before you could, so, you were trying to stop the echo. I was trying to stop the music that was coming. We're a radio station. Oh. So I turned it down. Can I turn it up again? I don't. You mean it would be, the music appears on the tape?

[08:50]

No, no, the music comes through the speakers. Oh, you can hear it through the speakers? Yeah. Oh. It's like a musical score for a movie or something. Oh, turn it down. I can turn myself up, you know? Are you hearing the music back there now? No. Okay. Some people sometimes receive radio stations on their teeth, on some filling. It must be very distracting. Anyway, the four mindfulness practices are to be mindful of your body. Can you hear me now? Okay. of your body and your feelings and your mind and the objects of your mind, and to be mindful

[10:01]

of those four, you know, in great detail, in minute detail. And at first you'll find, of course, that you can't be mindful at all because your mind jumps, you know. It makes great gaps all the time because it spends most of its time thinking about the past or future. So your first practice is to reduce or cut through the time you spend thinking about the past and future. Usually these are just speculations about your own possibilities. And eventually you can keep your mind on what you're doing, what your feelings are. Your consciousness will be in your body and your consciousness will be at one with your mind and with the objects of your perception.

[11:05]

At this time, this is a very important time, you can clearly see something that will stick up, you know, something that you, in a way, your mindfulness or the continuity, you know, is broken by. You'll find as you practice these four mindfulness exercises that you can see everything in minute detail as it arises, and you'll see the transient and conditioned nature of everything, of your mind itself. So in this transient, conditioned, minute perception of our, the flow of our event,

[12:21]

something will block that flow, something will consistently interrupt it. What kind of problem is it? What kind of situation is it, you know? This, for Zen practice, you know, Zen which does not use many aids, you know, it doesn't use much of a program for your practice. For Zen, this, noticing this is extremely important. When you've noticed it, you know, maybe you notice one hundred of them, or one thousand, you pick one, you know, one major block that you see, or a thing that the flow revolves around rather than past or through. Some kind of situation that keeps causing you some problem, or some feeling which keeps

[13:28]

disturbing you. And at some point you decide, you make some kind of, I can't, I want to find very strong words to describe the completeness of your decision, some conviction, you know, complete conviction that this I'll sit on, you know, this I'll stay with until I resolve it. And as I said at GreenGulks last week, you know, in Buddhism ritual has a very wide meaning. Everything is ritual. And ritual means that you do one thing at a time, that you don't force anything, and

[14:30]

that you do things with others, which means with yourself. So you choose one thing that you, and you cut out everything else, forgetting about what you hear, forgetting about various kinds of unusual thoughts, forgetting about confusion or pain, and just stay with that one thing no matter what, sitting on your cushion, your back straight, you know, your breathing, empty and clear feeling.

[15:34]

If you say, well, I'll try this for one week or one month, then I'll try something else, then practice won't work for you very well. We must cut off one thought, you know, if we're to cut off thought, you know. We must solve one problem completely if you're to solve all your problems. So you choose that one thing, and you stay with it. Till your whole mind and body become that one thing. Sometimes we think that what we see, you know, is only an image of the actual.

[17:10]

thing. But if that's so, where is the actual thing hiding? Actually, what you see is your mind and is a manifestation of your mind, both seen by your mind and manifested by your mind. And when we talk about time slowing down or you see each, everything you see is very clear and stopped. We don't mean that time is slowed down by the clock, you know, but that your perception

[18:16]

of time, you know, is usually linear. One thing follows another. And I think as we get older, our perception of time becomes more and more linear, and so time goes faster and faster. As we get things more into some habit and into some kind of shape for us, things become more linear. But time slows down when you perceive the simultaneity of the actual events of your consciousness. Many things, you know, happen simultaneously, and usually we're only able to be with one.

[19:21]

So our body, you know, is what we start to work with first because it's the most persistent. You know, if you try to work with your mind it will be quite difficult, but if you try to work with your body you can start by doing zazen, and following your breathing, and having your consciousness enter all your pores. And eventually you'll be able to see your mind more clearly, and you can begin to work with your mind. And then to start practicing with your mind you have to start mindfulness practice and starting with one thing, some one thing. And when you can stay with that one thing and resolve it, the whole simultaneity and

[20:47]

clarity of your mind will open up, and you won't any longer feel separated from anything. As I said last night, talking to the practice period, city practice period students, if you're by yourself with only a wooden wall you won't feel lonely. And it sounded quite strange, you know, but I can't explain, but you can't feel lonely. You know, everything is with you. There's no dashboard or control panel by which we can control our activity. You have to give up, you know, and allow some big control to take over.

[21:53]

It's like, at first it feels like driving down the highway at night with your lights out, and nobody that's reasonable will do that. You may try it for a few feet, but quickly you'll turn your lights back on. And our practice is like that, you know, you try it for a few minutes and then you turn your lights back on, you know, trying to get back into control. But if you're in the dark, walking on a path, your feet know the path. So, instead of trying to solve all your problems at once, just take one thing in your practice and stay with it until you resolve it, completely resolve it.

[22:57]

When you see the way in which mind and event and you are totally interpenetrating, that all events are conditioned and simultaneous, that it's not a matter of chicken or egg coming first, you know, or second, or mind coming before chicken and egg, but mind and chicken and egg, you know, are one arising. So, you can't talk about beginnings or ends or origins. There's just one constant simultaneous event, you know, things exchanging places with each

[24:17]

other, rather like cosmic musical chairs. And you yourself can, excuse the connection, but you yourself can sit down, you know, in one of those chairs and resolve, you know, the problem of your life actually. But you are a participant in it. You particularly have to make some kind of decision. Again, last night I spoke about the three kinds of knowledge, you know, the knowledge of our feelings and sense impressions and opinions, kind of opinions we have that we

[25:26]

stick to, and more logical knowledge, more scientific knowledge. Mostly that's based on the past, you know. And samadhi, some collected intuitive state of mind which sees everything directly, you know, and is based on meditation. And if you try to control, you know, this third state of mind, actually it's not a third state of mind, it's the only state of mind, by the first two you will kill your practice. So, somehow you just have to enter into this feeling of freedom.

[26:54]

This freedom of practice, which at first will be so small and overlooked, and without form and so overlooked. But if you can stay with some problem that interrupts the flow of mindfulness, you can break through your conditioned thinking. Into that feeling of practice, which actually everything exists in.

[28:02]

That is the real continuity, the real refuge in our lives. But it really requires being able to cut through our confusion that comes from being caught by this or that perception. You have to be able to ignore, you know, whether you're sleepy or painful or thinking wild thoughts or upset or feeling glorious, you know. All of them have to be viewed with some wariness. So, we begin, you know, practicing with our body.

[29:23]

And session is very useful. Not minding for, now in this session, three days, whatever happens. The subtle feeling of practice won't be visible, won't be able to be entered into if you're distracted by the objects of your perception. It is such, it seems like such a weak thing. Your ability to stay with it is such a weak thing. In this state of mind, you don't need anything. As Suzuki Roshi said, this state of mind is the state of mind of innumerable precepts,

[30:31]

you know, which automatically, because you have no need to change anything, are followed. How can you do this, you know?

[32:22]

If you can see what's before you each moment, if you can just be completely wide consciousness on each breath, with no need to disturb that, everything will flow into that. Like some huge gift, you know. Each of you is a manifestation, you know, of that essence of mind.

[33:56]

If you can only give up your small considerations, you'll find there's no outside or inside. Or as Durvamsa said, you know, the sky is not over there, up above buildings, you know, it's right here. Maybe we can call you, you know, sky-wandering creatures, but you feel so earthbound, actually. Do you have some questions?

[35:19]

Yeah. But simply continue sitting and not fuel anymore, just continue doing whatever is strongest, and then there are things that are not so strong all the way. Am I correct in assuming that this is all right to follow, as opposed to making those firm decisions and trying very hard? Or is it better to make it all right, not willing to struggle against desires that are just not fuel?

[36:25]

Yeah, I understand. Well, to notice what drops away by itself, you know, is okay, but to notice it and not overlook the firm decision you've already made, actually, is to find some excuse sometimes, you know. So, to make a firm decision is rather... If you make, particularly if you make the firm decision in the wrong way, or in the wrong place, you'll feel some great sadness at trying to make a decision, because it cuts away at your life, you know, and it cuts away at other people's lives, you know, who don't make that decision.

[37:29]

It seems like it's placing the trust in your life, in your willpower, you know, and we don't want to trust just our willpower. But I think, as I've said before, we misunderstand the relationship between the real meaning of willingness or willpower. But behind, you know, things dropping away of their own accord, drinking or smoking or excessive speech, you know, just through mindfulness, you know, is the strong decision to be mindful. That decision should be absolute and with great conviction. So, that's the place of the decision. So, in the eightfold path, you know,

[38:41]

right views and wisdom comes first, because if you practice morality, I want to do this or that, without wisdom, you're only pushing one don't against another don't. So, the eightfold path begins with wisdom. Then we use mindfulness and observe right speech or right livelihood. But if, you know, you find you've made some wide decision, you know, to practice Buddhism, or just to practice,

[39:46]

who cares whether we call it Buddhism or not, you know, just to practice this fundamental practice of sitting on our cushion, you know, without any idea of what we're doing. If you've made this decision and you're practicing the four mindfulnesses of body and feelings and mind and objects of mind, and then something keeps coming up, you know, I don't know what it is, anger or drinking or, you know, it's not so important what it is, you know. Actually, it's usually not something like that, but rather... Often it's like a numb spot, you know, you don't know quite what it is.

[40:49]

Your perceptions go up to a certain point and they disappear for a moment and appear on the other side, you know. Actually, your chakras are often numb spots, which give you some annoyance because you can't feel that spot, you know. And that's just where your wisdom lies, you know. So if you find some, in your consciousness, some numb spot, some spot which, when you reach that point, from then on entanglements begin. Do you all know what I mean, more or less, you know? I can't. For each one of you it's slightly different, you know. But when you come to that spot, you know, that's the spot you can take as, you know...

[41:51]

Actually, taking something like this, you know, is actually what Koans... it's the ancestor of Koans. It's that... taking that critical spot, you know, that critical point in your own consciousness and with conviction deciding to resolve it. It has appeared year after year, you know. And it's only your own conviction, you know, from those three kinds of knowledge, you know. Until you know the I of Samadhi, you know, you must make your decisions from subjective or objective knowledge. In the realm of Samadhi, you know, you follow innumerable precepts without effort and you don't need a control panel or dashboard or your lights on.

[42:54]

But until that time you have to make some decision to practice, but not some decision to control your practice. Maybe that decision is based on wisdom and exasperation and fatigue. And finally, you know, this is my last chance, you know. I mean, this is hardly worth going on with this life, you know. I'll donate my body to science, you know, and until then I'm going to sit on this problem, you know. Thank you.

[44:06]

With that kind of feeling, you know, you have some chance to realize your true nature. Without that kind of feeling you have not much chance, actually. I'm sorry. Zen will be very therapeutic for you, but you won't resolve the big problem of all of our lives unless you can enter that feeling. I think Hakuin described it as almost like frozen water. Your consciousness becomes so almost fierce, just you're going to stay there, you know. And whether it expresses itself in some obvious way like that, you know, or it expresses itself as some patience or persistence,

[45:10]

or what's very important is waiting, you know, willing to wait for things and not accept what our mind immediately wants to jump to, to classify and put aside, you know. Okay. If you don't think you've made that kind of decision already, you're probably mistaken. But if you feel that way, it means that you haven't yet found how to give that decision life. You know, I don't think you'd be here if you hadn't made that decision, the big decision, you know, to try to resolve the problem of your life.

[46:17]

But for most of us, practice is a series of renewals of that decision and long recesses. And if you're the kind of person who seems to renew that decision only at moments of extremity and as soon as possible enter another recess, you know, for six months or one year or two years, you'll need several lifetimes. But at some point, you know, you can give up your recess. And find how you've made that decision already

[47:24]

and how to manifest it, manifest it moment after moment in your activity. Out of that manifestation, you know, the brightness of our life will come. That was only one question. You can't hear what he said, right? He said he has some trouble distinguishing the four practices of mindfulness from each other.

[48:33]

I think you should be able to tell the difference between an object of your mind and your feelings. Anyway, of course, there's not, you know, I don't like to say it, but there is no difference, you know. But I think it's not useful to say that. You'll find if in any way you practice Buddhism, don't expect the process of the practice to be like the description of the practice, you know. If you try to hold the process of the practice to how it was originally described, you might as well read about it, you know.

[49:49]

Actually, the process is something quite varied. Sometimes it'll be, you'll see, everything is feeling. And sometimes you'll see through that that not everything is feeling. Anyway, sometimes it'll be one way and sometimes another. I think when we practice with some koan or some numb spot or some question or something that we doubt, we can't quite resolve. If Buddhism says that, it doesn't quite make sense in my life. What is mind only, you know, something like that. So you take that until you resolve it. But we think, you know, that too quickly that we've lost track of it

[50:59]

or that this is not the practice. If your conviction is... That's one reason we must have such a strong conviction. If your conviction to stay with the practice is complete, then whatever appears is that practice. You all have such a deep yearning, actually, to practice and to realize your true nature, which you still have a taste of from some moment or from childhood. And sometimes it's quite unmasked in you. But usually you're quite afraid, it seems so vulnerable.

[52:02]

And you hide that feeling from your fellow Dharma brothers and sisters. And thus you hide it from yourself. Thinking to let it out, you know, at some protected moment in the afternoon of the third day of a Sashin or when you're home or in some poem, you know. But there's no place, some secret place you can let out your deepest feelings. I mean, no such place exists, you know. If you have that kind of idea, you know, you should notice it

[53:07]

because it means you have some idea of here and over there and now and later, you know. Those are only thoughts, you know. Big mind exists now and includes all of us and there's no way to hide from it, you know. OK. Thank you very much.

[53:44]

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