I want to apologize again for not being with you during meals and services and some other times when I've had to go back to the dentist. I think the problem I've had with dentists is a little bit interesting, isn't it? Anyway, it's interesting to me. partly because I think it's useful to know things about doctors and our body, etc. But also because it presented me with a rather interesting problem. I went to this first dentist who's quite an oral surgeon, you know, who's quite a respected person in the medical community,

[01:26]

Professor at University of California Medical School, etc. And I didn't feel so good about his office as soon as I walked in the door. So I was presented with a problem. Should I go through with this oral surgery when I could see something was amiss from the beginning? Or should I not, you know? So I went through it anyway. Pretty hard at that point to stop, anyway. And now I have this problem. I can make fun of him a little bit, you know. His office, as I'm fed, is like something staged by Roman Polanski. There was no relationship between the people at all, you know. girls who worked there and he and the doctor and the patient and he had these in addition he had these pictures of all the big game he's killed on the law. Big white polar bears you know bloody head in his lap you know.

[02:53]

expect the other hand to be holding up a tooth. Many animals he's killed in Africa and the Arctic. So he sits pounding out people's teeth, 35 or 40,000 in his life, one after another. You'd think, I wonder, that must be a hard job anyway. Anyway, rather funny situation, mostly because there was no real relationship between him and the people that worked with him. It was some fantasy life only in that office. Well, I went back to him last Thursday and he dismissed me as being okay. And my perception of what was going on in his was rather different So I waited a little bit, and I went to see Sander Burstein, who's quite a good doctor. And I said, will you tell me what's going on in there? And he looked in. And there's definitely a hole, which is not sealed up, which the dentist thought there was. And I have quite a big infection in there. And the other dentist had even forgotten a suture, which was up in there. Taken all but one. And the one seems to have caused the infection, because it wouldn't allow it to drain.

[04:16]

And it got all clogged up. Excuse me for all the details. It doesn't bother me. Maybe it bothers some people. So anyway, this other dentist that Dr. Burstein sent me to is quite good dentist. I was quite impressed by him. He immediately figured out what was wrong and took me off penicillin and drained it and et cetera. It's maybe rather complicated than maybe one or two additional operations that are necessary in various directions to cure it, but at present I have to have some kind of special diet and I'm supposed to sleep more. Anyway, at least this doctor precedes it. What's going on is I precede it, so that's a relief. But this kind of situation, what should I do? Should I go into the other doctor's office and walk from east to west and west to east and say, malpractice, malpractice?

[05:49]

He would be quite startled. What kind of, what can other doctors, you know, what can Dr. Burstein and this dentist who now have seen some rather careless, maybe he's just quite old or too old to notice what's going on. My own perception is it's his emotional involvement with knocking out teeth. which made him nervous because he gets excited about it. And then when it goes too far, he doesn't want to see it. That's what I think happened. And he got quite nervous when he realized I was rather observant of what was going on. He got quite visibly anxious while he was pounding away at the big wooden bell. Anyway, it's an interesting problem, where it's not serious enough, perhaps, to try to stop him from practicing, but maybe it's a little... If I hadn't been aware myself of this, it could become quite serious. It's a very dangerous place to have an infection so close to your brain.

[07:15]

We have to ask, you know, ourselves, where actually does this man live? Where does our own life, where do we actually exist? How can we meet, you know, a situation? One effect of being there is the girl, woman in the office, some woman, about 35 or so, she, I don't know, No, exactly. I didn't do anything or talk about Buddhism or anything. They wondered about my shaved head. But now she's going to come to lectures at Greenbelch and she wants to have a Buddhist wedding. So maybe we'll work on ... maybe it's worth having one tooth messed up for her to have ... maybe start practicing Buddhism. I don't know. Anyway, somehow, if you want to do something about a situation like that, how do you actually do something? A similar situation I told at the Green Gulch, which Philip, I think, knows a lot, is there was, in the house we lived in in Japan, what used to be countryside, and then they built

[09:01]

five narrow houses beside it. Sort of row houses, Japanese style. And they paralleled the side of the house. One of the reasons Gary moved out of the house. But when we moved in, that was all that was there mostly. Still, it was mostly countryside. Now it's completely surrounded or torn down by a city. Anyway, there was a woman who lived in the front. of first house, and we had a small kind of garden or space in front of the house, behind a fence, which for a while I started doing some work on, but because of this woman it stopped. And she had a washing machine out on the porch, and the porch finally had to be replaced because she didn't trouble herself to put the soapy water from the washing machine down the drain, but just poured it all over the porch, you know, and so the porch rotted away. And when I was back this year, they built a new porch. Just a narrow kind of plain wood, about as wide as a tatami. And she would also not only just not even aim for the drain, which wasn't very effective anyway, it would then run all over the garden. And she would take the big

[10:30]

buckets of pale pans, big deep shallow pans, of the water and just throw it in the garden. I used to, one day I said to her, you know, we can't, the moss won't grow, nothing will grow, you're throwing this detergent, you know, water all over the garden. And she said, shikate ganai, which means it can't be helped. And she would take another pail of water and she'd say, I'm sorry, it can't be helped. I was rather tempted to scoop it up and pour it back on her porch and say, she's got the good eye. It can't be helped. I resisted. So she did it. It seemed it couldn't be helped. She lived in a rather narrow place, maybe in more ways than one, and she threw that water, that's all. There was no way to confront her at that level, you know. It wouldn't do anything to pour water back on her porch. And I could try to use power, you know, as I was using the

[11:53]

Precept, do not sell liquor. I could try to buy or sell her. I could try to influence her in some way. As with his dentist, I could try to embarrass him, buy or sell him by some force. But to not try to do that and find out what to do Because you can't criticize that woman completely, you know, just because she throws soapy water. She brought up her children and lived a... seems to be a pretty good life. There's a story of Joshu, which is rather interesting. There was a mountain called the Gotai Mountain. Gyozan Mountain is another name for it, I think. Not sure. Anyway, this was a famous mountain where many temples were, I believe, where Manjushri was supposed to live.

[13:27]

She had a, like the other woman, you know, who ran the rice cake shop where it took some stuff. Wish there were shops like that you could stop in around San Francisco. Maybe there are. Go in Kirby's. They'll tell you something interesting. And this woman, when, because many people made a pilgrimage to Mt. Bogota, This woman, they would often stop at her tea shop. And she would... Afterwards, the monks might ask her, a monk might ask her, which way is it to Mount Gotai? And she would say, straight ahead. And they'd start out. She'd say, while they were still in hearing distance, she'd say, he looks like a fine monk, but he just goes on like that. So, some monk came to Joshu. I guess she did that fairly often and Joshu heard about it. And when some monk told him about it, he said, I'll see through that woman for you.

[14:46]

So he prepared for a journey. It was quite near, actually. Joshi's temple, I guess, was quite near. And he prepared for a journey and went to greet her, went to her tea shop. And he did just like the other monk. After having tea, he said, which way to go? Go that way. And she said, straight ahead. And he started out and she said, he looks just like a fine monk, but look at the way he just goes. And Joshu went back to his temple and he said, I saw right through her. That's all there is to the story. It's very much like Doksan and Bisan meeting, actually. What did he mean, I saw right through him. Should the old lady have spotted Moonlight Comments, you know, and that she can, like a general, plan a campaign in a tent and win a victory a thousand miles away, but she doesn't know a bandit is stealing into the tent.

[16:17]

Should she have spotted him as a bandit and said something different? Or would she have said the same thing even if she'd spotted him? Did she see right through Joshu? Or did Joshu not care what she said, one way or the other? Not doubting. You're supposed to go straight ahead, he goes straight ahead. One commentary says that Shakyamuni said to Ananda, Truth is in ten directions, you know, north, south, up and down. Truth is in ten directions, but the way to nirvana is straight ahead. So is she just trying to make the monks doubt? Part of these koans by Dotsan and Nisan and Joshu and this woman is to give you some way to act in doubt. What to do when you doubt? Am I on the right road? Should I have asked for a better direction? North, south, east or west? Straight ahead? Which direction did she lead?

[17:51]

Or do you just go straight ahead? There's a story Tsukigoshi used to tell about Yakujo. Yakujo, you know, is Isan's teacher. And... some monk asked Yakujo, what is the first principle And Yakuja said, the alleyway of my temple. And the monk said, what is the alleyway of your temple, this temple? And Yakuja said, it leads to the capital. Now is this, you can say all roads lead to Rama, isn't that the expression? This doesn't really mean all roads are the same. It means what is your road? Your road leads to the capital. What is your road? How do you understand Toksan and Isan meeting? How do you not anticipate something? What's Toksan discriminating?

[19:20]

When Tokusan came to see Issan, was he discriminating Issan? Tokusan, by the way, was only ten or so years younger than Issan at the time they met. Suzuki Roshi always said, it may be easy to understand Zen, but not so easy to complete your character. And that's what interests me. I don't care whether you're a good Zen teacher or a Zen Buddhist or not, but how to complete your character. So under any circumstance you know what to do. And there's no trace of being a Zen Buddhist

[20:26]

obtaining something. That's a very weak position to have some trace. Many people who want to keep their traces will follow you. But you won't be able to reach everyone So where where does your life actually happen? Again Suzuki Rishi said no idea of others What does no idea of others mean? Did Tokson have no idea of Ison? Did Joshu have no idea of the old lady? These stories, you know, are, for some of you, rather perplexing. I'm trying to make you familiar with them, but it's still rather distant from you.

[21:49]

but the dentist is not so distant from you. Or someone came in here and he came in, knocked on the door and went by the desk person who came in here and walked from east to west, west to east, maybe spread their bottom cloth and said nothing. Would we call a psychiatric service? What would we do? I don't think so. There was some dignity in Tokusan's way. Perhaps he was saying, no problem, no problem. Maybe he wanted to meet Issan. Can he know Issan just walking in the front door? Can you know Zen Center just stepping in the front door? Can you know Suzuki Roshi's way just as you step in the front door? When you know your road, your road, there's no Doksan's way, or Isan's way, or grasping way, or granting way. There's no Buddha Dharma to realize,

[23:24]

if you really know the way of non-attainment. That's your real problem, to really know the way of non-attainment. Who wants to seek more Buddhadharma? How do you seek more Buddhadharma? Where does your life actually happen? Do not think you can kill something. Do not think you can remove something. Do not think you can steal something. When you can act on your motivation. When your motivation is quite pure and complete. And you can act on what you most completely want to do with some ease, without forcing. Then you can hear inanimate objects preaching the Dharma.

[24:56]

You don't need motivation anymore. How to sit in this puddle of your own willpower. You can understand Zen through understanding great Zen masters like Tosan and Joshi and Isan. This is their great activity. Great activity means the way of non-attainment.

[26:00]

question or doubt. Not just sureness, sureness about something you know, that you know something. That's not the way of non-attainment, that's some idea of attainment. is nothing at all to be afraid of. Once you realize your past is past, that your idea of yourself does not come from shake loose of that kind of thinking. If someone pushes you over, like those Bodhi Nama dolls, you pop back up. You rather enjoy going over. Going over is just as good as standing up.

[27:38]

if you don't have any ideas about it. Do not have any ideas or not to think, you know? It doesn't mean sound forcing your brain not to think. It means you've come to know where your life actually is, where you actually meet another person. Then it's not necessary to think about what you're doing. There's another way to act.

[29:02]

which finds you out all the time, beyond danger, long after the enemy has arrived. Water with water. Can you drench water with water? That's a very interesting statement. Can you Enlighten your already enlightened self. Being. Can you ... Can you change anything? Does Joshu, seeing right through the woman, change anything? Do you expect some change? What about your encounters right now? Are they the encounters of misunderstanding? or the encounters of real meeting? And would they look any different? What opportunity lies before you all the time? Why do you hold back?

[30:21]

When you hold back, do you know you're just playing? So when you continue the Sashi, maybe you can drench Zazen with Zazen. Drench yourself with Zazen. and you realize yourself without discrimination, without caring. Which way? This calling of tok-san and i-san asks, which way? Granting way or grasping way? Tok-san or i-san?

[31:31]

straight ahead or in 10 directions. What is your road?

[31:57]

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