Excuse me for being a little late coming in, but no one was hurt, but my wife had a car accident coming over here and I got a phone call about it, just as I... You're all all right though, no, good. Everyone came ahead, but you can't ever tell what's going to happen. And I guess she borrowed Yvonne's car, and it was at the Volvo dealer yesterday, and they seemed to have forgotten to put the lug nuts back on the front wheel. So they were coming, they came through the tunnel and started down the hill, you know, after going through the Golden Gate Bridge and down the tunnel, is that right? That's where it was. And they heard these strange noises, all right, so you decided to stop a little bit, and they... We thought the engine was falling. We thought the engine was falling. Luckily they stopped, and then they decided that everything looked okay, right?

[01:09]

So you started back up again, and then suddenly the wheel just flew off, or something. The axle, they thought the axle broke, right? Anyway, somebody who came said, oh, the axle broke, but then when they got the car pulled in, it's just that the lug nuts were all in the hubcap, and it just came off, you know, crazy. In the same place this morning, nearly the same place, just at the bottom of the hill,

[02:11]

I saw a young man walking along the railroad tracks. Obviously, he seemed to be thinking about where the tracks of his life were going. But how he was going to adjust the world to him, or himself to the world, he obviously looked rather, you know, a little bit mournful. It reminded me, you know, I sometimes forget how deep and unfathomable our feelings can be, a feeling as wide as the ocean of frustration or sadness, or a world you can't do anything

[03:32]

about, but which seems to separate you from the depths of your own feeling. And as long as you're in that world, it seems almost impossible to get out, you know. As long as you see the world in terms of subject and object, your ego is constantly reinforced, trying to adjust the relationships. And in our practice, you know, even where wisdom can't reach, you know, we have to give up too. So, first of all, I think, for us, the most important thing is to just give up to our body.

[04:37]

Just give up to your sitting. Until you know yourself without thought. And then you temper your consciousness. We have a rather simple view of what we are, but something of it is available to us in the word awareness. Because awareness is there ready before it has an object.

[05:45]

What's there ready before it has an object? Generally, that awareness before an object is so diminished or destroyed for us by a succession of involvements in objects, a belief in involvements in objects, that that awareness can't... that awareness has no cutting quality or cutting edge or ability to penetrate into our activity. It's always lost. So, Zen practice differs from other religions in various ways.

[06:58]

One way is most religions emphasize the religious hero or great leader, and everyone else gives up and follows such a leader. In Zen, we do the opposite. While we emphasize the person who's realized himself, still, it's not... such a person's job is not to be a leader, but to help you realize yourself. In Zen, each person can be a realized religious being. So, Zen practice is not so easy, to be a realized religious being. And, in Zen, we don't give you much opportunity to be anything else. You either do that or the practice doesn't make much sense to you.

[08:03]

It requires some real tempering of your consciousness. So, first, we want to know what our thinking is, and then we want to know what non-thinking is. Like Dogen says, think non-thinking, what your thoughtless thought is. Then, your thoughtless thought, you know, you turn inward and exhaust. And, exhausting that, you can reside in the realm in which subject and object are not two, and which we call the abode of all Buddhas. You are always involved in your thinking, and it's pretty difficult to see your thinking,

[09:22]

if you are always in activity. As I always say, and it seems to be almost completely true, it's almost impossible to see the covers on your nature, what you're distracted by, without doing Zazen, and without being able to sit still and stay with your experience, without running from it. Even if you can sit still and take some good posture, that's not real Zen practice. It's something different than that, some subtle difference from that, which allows

[10:29]

anything, even bad posture, to be Zen, or moving. But still, within that, it's very, very useful to be able to sit still, for your thinking, you know, requires very subtle antidotes, and without seeing it, you can't do much about it. It's always already taking you over, before you can respond. So, yesterday, in the Sesshin, in San Francisco, I talked about how to watch your breathing

[11:41]

and mine, in coordination. You know, enlightenment means to be in coincidence with all things. So, first of all, you should see the relationship between your mind and your breathing, and be quite intimate with your mind and your breathing. When you reside in your awareness, not being caught by this or that thought, then you can begin to see how your mind works. It's quite interesting, you know. Past thinking, thinking in a past mode, is one kind of thinking. Thinking about the future is another kind of thinking.

[12:42]

Thinking about the present is another kind of thinking. Thinking in images, you know, sometimes images appear. And a thought process is very interesting. An image appears, association of images appear, the possibility of relating those appear, immediately language occurs. And then at that point, if it's restrictive, if the possibilities that come out of that are restrictive – restrictive to your ego, or restrictive to life, or possibilities of the dharma – immediately you feel some emotion, some flush of anxiety is added, an added ingredient. But if it's something that's not restrictive, or some growth or some fulfillment, then you feel some good feeling. But to see the source, to see when emotion comes in, or anxiety, or good feeling, and

[13:53]

why it's added to this pattern which your mind does. And then if your thinking becomes in the present, your thinking turns into exclamations or questions. So Zen emphasizes exclamations and questions because they tend to be thinking in the present, and then rhythm enters. You know, what I'm saying is quite, maybe seems quite complicated, but if you can sit still in Zazen, before any thinking appears, you see it, you know, and then something else occurs, something else. Then it's quite easy, then, to see, to just let it go away. But if before you know, already, not only thoughts but emotions and anxiety and everything else are all mixed in there, before you even noticed the process, then you're rather

[14:58]

at the mercy of the process. Eventually, you can give up that kind of thinking for a kind of thoughtless thinking, as I said. And your consciousness can become more and more present in everything you do. Not necessary to do Zazen to convey your mind. So this relationship, you know, between subject and object, was an important one for Zen practice.

[16:15]

Because catching people, first they say subject, then they say object, it's almost impossible to get free. And for example... A Zen master named Yang Shan, or Wei Chi. He lived at Yang Shan, asked a monk, actually a kind of Dharma brother of his, younger

[17:24]

Dharma brother, what is your view now? Meaning, what do you feel about Zen or your practice now? What's your view now? And he said, there's nothing that's adequate, or there's no matchable thing. If you remember, I talked about upaya, you know, skillful means, really meaning that based on a view of the world as non-repeatable. So from this point of view, nothing... each moment is entirely unique. Your experience is entirely unique each moment. And there's no way to, in this way, to even benefit from previous experience.

[18:27]

In fact, previous experience will cut out, you know, limit your... kill your life. So, in a way, he answered, what I've learned is it's a non-repeatable universe. He said, that's my view. And Hui Chi said, Your interpretation is... Your interpretation is an objective view, an objective view.

[19:38]

And the monk said, well, that's just the way I see it. He said, how do you... the way I am, how do you see it? And he gave almost the same answer. He said, don't you know there's nothing in this world which can be matched? Or he said, don't you... don't you... why do you not know the thing which no dharma can match? And his teacher said... his teacher was Kuei Shan. His teacher said about this statement, his Hui Chi statement puzzles men all over China.

[20:50]

This kind of doubt, you know, this kind of... what he meant was, to create doubt as he did, allows you to realize your great personality, not your... not the personality that boy on the railroad tracks was worried about, but your great personality which no dharma can match, which... from which subject and object arise. In a similar way, you know, most of you know who Tozan Ryokai is. We chanted in the morning with the lineage, Yakusan Igen Daiyosho, Tozan Ryokai Daiyosho.

[22:03]

When Tozan Ryokai had a brother named Dogo Enshi, they studied with Yakusan Igen. And Yakusan asked Dogo Enshi, who is the older brother, his name is Dao Wu, what is your name? He said, my name is Tsun Chi, I think it is, but it means... the characters literally mean devotion to wisdom. So he said, my name is devotion to wisdom. And so, he responded to the meaning of the characters, he said, what will you do when

[23:15]

wisdom does not reach it? And Dogo Enshi said, that which wisdom does not reach should not be talked about. And Dogo and Yakusan said, excuse me, Nansen said, Yakusan... they went and discussed this afterwards with Yakusan, but they at this time were visiting Nansen, who killed a cat. Sorry, not that that is so important to you, I bet. Anyway, Nansen said, apparently you are doing the talking, you seem to be doing the talking. Horns will grow on your head.

[24:22]

So, later the two brothers, about three days later, were preparing their robes, sewing, and Nansen came by and said, the other day I asked you, we had our discussion, when wisdom does not reach it, what will you do? And immediately, Dogo Enshi got up and went straight to the zendo. And Ungandonjo, sorry, did I say Tozanryoku? Ungandonjo said about his older brother, why did he not respond to you?

[25:35]

He was very persistent. His persistence, you know, was his best quality, maybe. He went up to Nansen and said, why did my brother not respond to you, the teacher? And they went through it again. When wisdom does not reach it, what will you do? And Ungandonjo was completely perplexed and his Nansen said, that is the way to enter the path of all being. That is the way to enter the path with others. And he meant other than just you and I. So, Ungandonjo, being quite persistent, went into the zendo to see his brother and said,

[26:41]

why didn't you say anything? And his brother said, well, you say something, you're such a clever fellow. Anyway, the story goes on through several stages. They again took it to Yaksan Egan and Yaksan Egan said, oh, I'm sorry today, I'm very tired, go see so-and-so. And they went to see so-and-so and so-and-so said, I've got a headache, you better go see such-and-such. So, in this way, they sent students back and forth to various teachers. Matsu started this habit, you know, and they would respond with this kind of way, I'm sorry today, I'm quite busy, I can't answer your question. Till finally they realized it themselves. When wisdom does not reach it, what will you do? I'm telling you this kind of story, you know, one to illustrate the context of practice.

[27:58]

These people, you know, would stay, I think, I won't explain which ones, but some of them would stay with a person twenty years, and then when he died they'd go stay with somebody else ten years. And a kind of naive persistence, quite similar to, actually, Castaneda with Don Juan. Everyone made fun of Castaneda's name, such-and-such, asking dumb questions. But this kind of persistence is necessary in practice. So, Ngan Dojo didn't worry, is this a dumb question, or a smart question, or I shouldn't ask it, it seems inappropriate, you know.

[29:00]

He just felt, this is what I feel, I'll ask. And he didn't get an answer, so he goes to the next person, what, and what, and what, you know. But also, you know, you have to question yourself in the same way, not leaving anything unturned, not being satisfied too easily with your practice. We're quite corruptible, you know, and we should be smart enough not to be corrupted.

[30:04]

We're smart enough to be corrupted, and we should be just a little bit smarter to be free from that corruption, but 99% of us are only smart enough to be corrupted. But animals can be corrupted too, you know. Reminds me of Suzuki Roshi and myself, and Suzuki Roshi's wife, my wife, drove to Wyoming to visit Trudy's ranch, Trudy Dixon, who edited Suzuki Roshi's book, and just before the snows closed it, there was all this deep snow everywhere, and the rangers were going to close it that afternoon or the next day, but Suzuki Roshi in Oksan wanted to see Yellowstone because Japanese people always ask them, tourists, Oh, have you seen Yellowstone?

[31:06]

Because everyone knows about Yellowstone in Japan. So they've never been, so we stopped. But the bears there, there were lots of bears, you know, and they're all quite young, so I asked the ranger, Suzuki Roshi and I were wondering why there were no older bears, why the bears were only two or three years old. So I asked the ranger, and he said, well, because they've all been corrupted. They're smart enough to be corrupted, you know. And what they do is they eat, you know, all the candy and popcorn and goodies that people give them, and then when they hibernate, they don't survive hibernation because they don't have enough food in their system to last through till spring. So after two or three years, their youthful energy doesn't carry them through hibernation

[32:08]

and they die. So Suzuki Roshi and I asked, well, can't you stop the feeding? And he said, well, we try. We were passed out pieces of paper which said, don't feed. But it's almost impossible because you're driving down the road, you know, and these great big lumbering bears come out and get right in front of the car. So you have to stop unless you're going to run into them. And you stop, and then as you stop, they get out of the way, and then you try to start up again. Before you can start up again, they come and put their paws on the window. And then they don't go away until you feed them, you know. So they've got you, you know. You try to drive through, you try to start up, and they climb up. One of them climbs in front of the car again. So eventually you roll the window down and stick some food out. So anyway, we have this mind which does this subtle thing to discriminate subject and object,

[33:15]

but we get completely corrupted by the distinction. And to return to your original nature is our practice. But the thoroughness with which we only perceive subject and object is so complete, you know, that it takes some strenuous practice like this to break through to your original mind. Some of you were here when Mumon Yamada Roshi, Yamada Mumon Roshi came, I think. He spent two or three days at Tassajara before coming to San Francisco.

[34:18]

Ringo, we had a wonderful visit with him, and everyone liked him very much, of course. And he gave me a fan. So when he gave me the fan, I said to him, you know, Now I have your wind in my hand. Because what I was asking, what I was saying was, we would like you to be our teacher or our teacher for Zen Center. Whether you like it or not, we have your wind, you know. So anyway, I was asking him to come back by saying that.

[35:25]

But I didn't know what this said, you see. He wrote, I didn't know what it said. And afterwards I went out. It's rather a little difficult to read. And I went out and I asked Noriko, who is there helping us translate. And she said, she puzzled a little bit over the first character. But she said, it means the clear wind is in your own hand. So that means your great personality beyond subject and object, you know. Which we can use quite freely. Do you have some question? Yes.

[36:59]

You do past thinking and future thinking all the time, you know. So you should find out by your own thinking. Do you want it to end? Why? I like to relax. Do you want to know true relaxation? Yes. Then practice never ends. Yes. What is not practice? What is not practice? To see everything is practice.

[38:05]

It is to see the actual nature of your mind. Which is very gradual. How so? Is it? No. Yes. Is practice not where you find it? Wherever you find it. Hmm. That's some, you know, I could say as in the story, that's an objective view.

[39:11]

What do you mean? Pardon me? How could there be no objectivity? What do you think practice is? Yes. [...] Okay. Yes. Yes.

[40:19]

Very zenny questions today. Yes. Yes. From yesterday you mean? Yes. Yes. Yes. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. There are so many ways to answer that, you know, depending on exactly what you mean,

[41:28]

what you think the present is. But anyway, we usually think or we give up past thinking and future thinking and we exist in the present. But the present is also some location. And our practice is beyond such concepts of present or past or future. I'm getting quite frustrated. I don't know what you were talking about. I'm getting quite frustrated. I don't know what you were talking about. I'm getting quite frustrated. A lot of stories, I don't understand them much. I... It seems to me like I'm always asking about how to get somewhere or something.

[42:37]

I don't know how to think. How to get somewhere, where I am. How to stop it, you know. Anyway, what I'm trying to deal with, when I see them there, I'm trying to deal with how to go on. It seems like they're all dealing with enlightenment. Or what enlightenment state of mind is. How it differs from... And all that. It seems so vague. I don't understand how it relates to actual... I have trouble finding it. It's so complicated. You know. It doesn't seem like there is any connection between the two. It seems very obscure. You know. I thought that our practice was to find out how to, you know, make a sound in what was happening. I don't know. It's vague. I'm confused. I don't know. In the midst of your confusion, what do you know?

[43:45]

Anyway, that much you know. What you say is true, that most of our questions are actually questions from your heads. Sometimes, sort of accurate, but you're really not into it. And you don't know what these stories mean. They're not so useful. Until you've gone through a lot of confusion. And so the first function of the stories is to confuse you. They don't make any sense, actually. So if you can get pretty thoroughly confused so you don't know where the world's at next...

[45:44]

At Tassajara, we decided in this Sashin, Tassajara was a place to be addled together, because people were addled, because people were... One student said, I'm here and I'm serving and suddenly I don't know where I am, you know, where to turn or what to do next or whether I'm holding the pot or not holding the pot. That kind of just simple confusion. Until you can begin to have something other than your strategic brain take care of you, it's necessary. More cunning. Why would you want to do that?

[46:47]

I just want to know what will happen to me. If we make that our perception, try to ask something clever. If you just ask some clever question, actually I shouldn't answer. There's no severance payment, as Alan Ginsberg and Philip Weyland said. There's no severance payment. But you should have enough experience already knowing where cunning mind leads you, because that's mostly what our experience is, to try to... And if your mind gets more and more cunning, you get more and more out on a limb. So, cut it off.

[47:50]

Yeah? Can you ask each other a question? Me? What do you mean to ask your own self? Can I ask you a question, sir? Zen practice isn't just commonplace wisdom based on your experience. When wisdom does not reach it, what will you do? What, without hesitation, takes care of us? Not some thought out response to the world.

[49:01]

Mm-hmm. So, the practice of Zen, you know, particularly patriarch Zen, patriarchal Zen, not just... Zen emphasizes some difference between studying the sutras and applying them to your teaching, applying them to your life, and patriarchal Zen, which means to enter the stream of mind transmission. Enter it with your body and mind completely, without thinking. So, how do you raise questions about... How do you raise the kind of doubt or question about your life situation, which allows you, you know, to see the difference between a ditch and a ravine? To...

[50:21]

Of course you ask yourself the question, but it's pretty difficult to... To just ask yourself, because the... Ego is so powerful and our thinking is usually so mixed up that we don't know what's a real question and what's not, or how to act on it, or... Oh, I've thought of that before, you know? But how it really penetrates, you know? So, there's some help in asking a teacher as well as asking yourself. And to ask it even if you know the answer, or to ask it of the hills around here. But you ask it in the most fundamental way, you know? Very simple question in the most fundamental way, and you stick to it until you have some satisfaction.

[51:23]

Not partial satisfaction, oh, okay, that's good enough. But you stick to it, seeing it through thoroughly. What is this? What am I? What's before me? What's before me? And asking a teacher only allows you to activate that self in yourself, the teacher in yourself. Then there's no difference at all. So, if you make some discrimination, I'll only ask this question of myself. It's a limited idea of the world. You ask the question of the hills, of the buildings, of people you meet, but you have to know how to ask in an appropriate way. How to...

[52:27]

How to see everything, all objects of your mind, as essence of mind. How to... And return to that, not being caught by this or that form. And if your seriousness of purpose is deep enough, you can do it, anyone can do it. And you know what your practice is, actually. All you have to do is do it. You actually know, already know.

[53:42]

Just do it, just enter the way of all being. And enter, and enter, and enter, that's all.

[53:59]

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