In our lineage of Suzuki Roshi and San Francisco Zen Center, we emphasize and talk a lot about beginner's mind or non-gaining attitude. And yet, I think it's easy to misunderstand this. We emphasize this because often when people come to spiritual practice, to do meditation. Even if you've heard a lot about Buddhism, you may think that The point is to acquire something. Well, this is a horrible word, enlightenment. To get enlightenment as if it was something that we could acquire. Or to get some particular fancy experience, a dramatic opening experience. Or to get some understanding of whatever.

[01:02]

There are many things that we can come to meditation wanting to get. Or we could just want some kind of sense of calm, some sense of peace, of inner peace. So it's not bad to want those things. And some of that actually does arise in zazen. But whatever your idea of enlightenment, whatever your idea of whatever you think you might get from spiritual practice, in whatever form, that specific outcome never happens. So, actually nothing ever happens according to our expectations. And wanting to get whatever, a higher state of consciousness or, you know, become a, you

[02:04]

whatever, some higher being or something like that. Those ideas, that's not the point. So our practice is just to sit and be present and upright and pay attention. to what is going on here. So, you know, this style of sitting is not kind of edge of the seat sitting. I don't go around with a stick hitting people and all of that. But we do, as we're sitting gently, pay attention. What's going on? What is this experience this morning of this body and this mind, rather than our ideas of who we are and what the world is. So this is an opportunity to radically actually be yourself. To see what it's like to be this person on your cushion or chair now.

[03:09]

To be open to this. beyond our ideas of Buddha or enlightenment or ourself. It's not bad that you have those ideas, but they're just ideas. They're just solutions. And you may refine them and they may become very intellectually sound or whatever. Or you may do lots of psychotherapy and have some good sense of yourself in some way. This practice is not about our ideas and definitions, although we need to pay attention to those too. It's about actually being present in this reality. So even though we talk about non-gaining attitude, it doesn't mean that there is no purpose or no meaning to this zazen. It also does not mean that there are no benefits.

[04:16]

There is a transformative function to this practice, so I emphasize doing it regularly, several times a week, taking time, if not more, taking time to just stop and It's okay to do this at home in your spare time. Just find a space, a wall in your house, and just sit and face the wall and uprightly see what it's like to be this person. And doing this regularly does provide some, you know, I don't want to call it benefit because you might get attached to that, but, you know, there's something that happens over time. What's difficult about this practice is not getting your legs into some funny position, but actually staying with being willing to be present and upright and be yourself. And as we do that regularly, and we also have sometimes intensive sittings where you can come for a day or more, three days, and go deeper into it, but sustaining it is really about doing it regularly.

[05:26]

And in that context, one of the things that we see and one of the benefits of it is to see our connectedness to everything, to all beings, to be present with, to start to feel our gratitude and appreciation of all the different people and all the different beings who are part of who you are right now on your Kushner chair. To see that this basic law of karma, that everything that has ever, all of your previous experiences are part of what you are now, what is sitting on your Kushner chair. And in Buddhism we say even from many past lifetimes, but you don't have to believe that literally or metaphorically even, but just your own experience.

[06:32]

Many, many beings contributed to allow you to be how you are here this morning. And when we see our connection, our connectedness to all beings, we have a chance to feel the wholeness. So to me, this is the greatest benefit of Zazen. To see the dynamic wholeness of reality. This, of course, does not mean that everything is perfect just as it is, obviously. We live in a dangerous world with much suffering and much cruelty and corruption by the powers that be. And, you know, this is a difficult world to live in. But we can feel as we sit on our cushion and chair. We can feel presence with everything.

[07:37]

So this is not a passive sense of wholeness and uprightness. We can be open to all beings and actually be responsive in a dynamic way. So it looks like we're just sitting still like statues as we sit. And I want to talk, I'll talk, come back to that and how that is actually valuable and transformative. But we do have the capacity in our body and mind, in our life, in the context of the people you see and the things you, the activities you take on, you know, each week. We have the capacity, the ability to respond. And we have some, with this ability to respond, there is some responsibility. And Arsazen can help us with that too. To be willing to be present and upright

[08:38]

just as you are, just in the situation you are in, in this world, in this life. It's very powerful. And how that is so doesn't necessarily appear immediately. Or we may not even be aware of it at all. And yet, by being willing to be present capacity to respond. And again, there are times when our practice, even, you know, there's a kind of enthusiasm sometimes when people start practicing, because we can get a taste of this. And then as we continue, sometimes there's a fallow period that may be seems like interminable, where it doesn't seem like anything's happening. And yet, this transformative function doesn't happen according to our ideas of who we are or what the world is.

[09:41]

This staying present with being willing to be present and face the wall and face ourselves, something happens in a way that is individual. I cannot tell any of you how to be Buddha. And yet each of you in your own way can express this awareness and insight and kindness in your life. It's available to everyone. Alas, it does not always get expressed in the world as we well know, and yet it's there. So talking about Zazen, one of my favorite expressions of this practice is from a 12th century Chinese Zen master named Hongzhe Zhongshui. Hongzhe lived in the 1100s in China, and his practice instructions are wonderful.

[10:44]

I translated some of them in Cultivating the Empty Field, so when I think of Zazen, I often go back to this. So I'm going to read a little bit and say a little bit about it. He says, the practice of true reality is simply to sit serenely in silent introspection. When you have fathomed this, you cannot be turned around by external causes and conditions. So this is the practice of true reality, of being willing to face this reality that's on your cushion or chair right now, to sit serenely in silence, introspection, to look within. We keep our eyes open to see the wall, just as we keep our ears open to hear the sounds. But we're willing to be present in this body and mind. This empty, wide-open mind is subtly and correctly illuminating, spacious and content, without confusion from inner thoughts of grasping, effectively overcome habitual behavior and realize the self that is not possessed by emotions.

[11:53]

So I could spend an hour on each of these sentences, or just spacious and content, the sense of space, that we can't have when we are willing to just be present. And this contentment, again, not passively accepting the world and its problems, but being content with our place and our way, our individual way of responding. You must be broad-minded, whole, without relying on others. This doesn't mean that we're not connected to others, but how do we find our own open-hearted, broad-minded sense of things. Such upright, independent spirit, Hongshu continues, can begin not to pursue degrading situations. We can see our life and decide not to act in ways that are not respectful to ourselves or others.

[12:57]

Here you can rest and become clean, pure, and lucid, bright and penetrating, you can immediately return, accord, and respond to deal with events. So we sometimes say in Sazen itself, to put aside all affairs. Now, all the situations of the world and of your life may come up as you sit, and if they do, that's okay, and just let them go. But this willingness to To put that aside to feel spacious and content, from that you can immediately return accord with situations and respond to deal with events. So again, it's not a passive practice, but it is a practice that takes some time and some persistence. He says, everything is unhindered, clouds gracefully floating up to the peaks, the moonlight literally flowing down mountain streams. So Hangzhou particularly uses images from nature to describe the naturalness of our mind and heart in this practice.

[14:05]

We may feel like that's something that only pertains to, you know, once you get beyond the suburbs, outside the city, but there's a landscape here, right on Irving Park. There's a landscape, there's a natural situation, right in the middle of wherever we are. He says, the entire place is brightly illumined and spiritually transformed, totally unobstructed and clearly manifesting responsive interaction. So maybe that's enough from this to reiterate. Well, he says, continuing, cultivate and nourish yourself to enact maturity and achieve stability. So here he's using this word achieve, and there is achievement in this practice, even though we talk about not gaining anything or getting anything out of it, just to be willing, to be present, to achieve stability, as he puts it, to be steady in your mind and heart.

[15:10]

This happens in one period of zazen as you sit upright. And here, if you really need to change your position in the middle of a period, that's fine, do it quietly, but to try and sit upright and present and not moving. And enjoy your inhale and enjoy your exhale. When we do this and can continue to do this, sit upright with our shoulders back, but relaxed, chin tucked in slightly, Maybe some energy in your lower back. It takes a while to find your seat, to find what's comfortable. And then it changes sometimes in the course of things. How do we come back to find our inner balance? So this is a yogic practice. We could talk about it philosophically or whatever, from religious principles, but it's a physical practice. How do we physically be present?

[16:12]

aware and open to our breathing and to the spaciousness. We do this in a particular place, in a particular time. In this place in time, actually. Recognizing that things change, things move. We can find stability right amid the changing of our lives and the world. We can even appreciate impermanence, enjoy that things change. So whatever terrible things are happening in the world now, those are going to change too. It might get worse. But also, change happens. There's possibility. We don't know how things work. And in our lives as well, we have difficulties. This is a difficult time in our society, and yet our willingness to be present and upright, to find our own inner dignity, and to do that together.

[17:22]

We support each other, each of us to do that by sitting together, allows some possibility. So today especially is a wonderful day to sit zazen. Maybe of all the days of the year, this is the day of zazen. Maybe I might say that about many days, or any day. The great Master Yuen Man said, every day is a good day. But today particularly, some of you may know, is the equinox. And everything is equal. The light and the dark, it's all balanced. And also more light is coming, which is nice. I appreciate that. So it's the beginning of spring. Here in Chicago, of course, it's still cold. We need to dress warmly enough. And yet, it's up into the 40s. Remember, not so long ago, it was down below the teens.

[18:25]

We can feel that there's a change. So this day of the equinoxes teaches us important aspects of zazen, of this practice. It's a good day to sit and listen. I'm glad you're all here. Hongshu talks about this too. A little later in his practice instructions. He says, people of the way journey through the world responding to conditions, carefree and without restraint. So this is the way, the Tao, the sense of harmony of the world. People of the way, that means us, wayfarers, people who are on the path, on the way, struggling to express Buddha in our lives and minds, in our bodies, in our hearts, with each other.

[19:36]

Still, he says very kindly to us, people of the way journey through the world responding to conditions. So yes, this is not a practice to try and escape from the situations of the world. This is a practice of engagement with the conditions of our life. And he says, carefree and without restraint. Well, that's maybe a kind of something we might want to gain. We don't always feel carefree. Sometimes we feel many cares and many obligations, and we can feel overwhelmed. And yet, there is this available, this sense of being carefree and without restraint. Can you just sit and breathe? Eyes open, upright. Without restraint, well, part of being without restraint is to see the ways in which we are restrained. by our own ideas of ourself, by our own patterns and habits that he talked about.

[20:38]

The first passage I read he talked about effectively overcoming habitual behavior, realizing the self not possessed by emotions. So part of this practice is facing all of that. And yet, if we face it uprightly, we can be present with that without restraint, looking at it, studying the selflessness. He says, continuing, people of the way journey through the world responding to conditions carefree and without restraint, like clouds finally raining, like moonlight following the current, like orchids growing in shade, like spring arising in everything. They act without mind, they respond with certainty. And he says, then they must resume their travels and follow the ancestors, walking ahead with steadiness, letting go of themselves with innocence.

[21:49]

So this phrase, though, I like so much, he says, process of meeting the world, this process of finding ourselves, this process of being upright. It's like clouds finally raining, like moonlight following the current, like orchids growing in the shade, like spring arising in everything, which allows us to respond with certainty. This spring arising in everything is about today, the first day of spring, and it's So, again, in Chicago, I don't know, it might be that we'll still get snow. Is there snow after March 20th in Chicago sometimes? I've only lived in Chicago four years, so I know that it can snow after the equinox. Three more times, okay. Still, even, you know, and I think it's going to be raining today.

[23:04]

I don't know, it wasn't when I got here, but maybe it is now. Is it raining yet? It started a little. Well, we may have some rain today, and it's kind of cloudy, and you know. Still, can you feel spring arising and everything? Can you feel the difference when it gets up to 40? from what it was like, Dawn remembers when it was below 10, and when we had that blizzard with feet of snow. So even if we have three more snowfalls, we can feel that spring arising in everything, and there may not be buds yet ready to open, but as we start to feel spring coming, it's not something that happens in just one part of our landscape. Spring arises in everything, and in ourselves too. We start to feel a little more like going outside or enjoying going outside.

[24:09]

We feel some energy in ourselves. What is that about? I don't know. How does that happen? I don't know. Maybe it's different in each of us. And yet, spring arises in everything. This is about Zazen 2. This is a perfect image for Zazen. So in our practice, we sit still and upright. We look very stern and austere. As I've said, I think this practice is a very passionate practice, actually. To actually just show up to try this practice, and especially to sustain it, to keep doing it, it takes a lot of caring. We have to care about the quality of our life and about the world and about the other people in our lives and the other people in the world. So this is passion together with this compassion. So it may look like we're just sitting very still, quiet, stoic and austere and all of that stuff.

[25:17]

It's dark. But to do that, you know, we're not sleeping. We pay attention. I like Thich Nhat Hanh's recommendation when you're sitting to smile just a little bit. Just a little smile. Even as we are feeling the difficulties in our knee or in some part of our life or in our heart, we can be upright and smile. Some of the Chinese Buddha's statues, I particularly like the Northern Wei Dynasty. It was like in the 400s or 500s. You can see some of them down at the Art Institute, where he's just this little smile. And most of them are standing rather than sitting, but just standing still. It's a formal mudra, and yet there's this amazing subtle smile they have. Anyway, we sit still.

[26:19]

And yet, not just in springtime. Maybe we can see it and feel it more in springtime, but in this stillness arises some energy. We can feel this energy arising in everything in our life, as we are willing to be present and upright. So this is not about getting something out of Zazen, exactly. This is something that's here already. to just feel this possibility of energy, this possibility of liveliness and caring. And there are lots and lots of images of this in Zen, like a dragon howling in a withered tree, or the plums blossoming on the same dead branch as last year, or when the wooden man starts to sing, the stone woman gets up to dance. There are lots of images in Zen of this energy arising.

[27:22]

How do we feel this energy? How do we express this energy? How do we remember all beings in the suffering of the world in the middle of feeling our own energy arising? So when we sit for a whole day, some of you have done that, some periods maybe you feel just tired some ache or it's just, it's tough. And then there are other times when suddenly, oh, there's some letting go and there's some opening of energy. This happens also over time when we're sitting regularly, this spring arising and everything. So today, particularly on the equinox, we can celebrate that. We can enjoy the spring arising and everything. And we can enjoy this Maybe some of you can testify to this arising of energy in our practice, in zazen. So for those of you who have not felt that, who find that zazen is just this horrible grind, painful grind,

[28:32]

You know, it's okay if you feel that. That actually is part of the process of, you know, spring comes after winter. We have to be willing to stop all of our stuff in the world to sit silent, as Hongxue says, the silent introspection. But Hongxue mentions this token, emphasizes it even more, the dynamic quality of this. a static practice. How do we find our own way of responding? So maybe that's enough for me to say about this. Any comments, responses, questions for people who are new or basic questions about Zazen practice, please feel free. Yeah, Paula. Can you speak more on the importance of being still? and maybe not getting into physical discomfort while you're sitting?

[29:39]

Good, thank you for asking that. Yeah, I think we... Well, first I'll say about the exceptions. There are times when you shouldn't keep sitting still. There are certain pains, and it's not going to happen for one period, but if you're sitting all day or for several days, there are certain pains you should not just keep sitting through. if there's a burning pain or a line of pain in your leg or something like that, then you should change your posture. And we have chairs and we have different, you can shift from cross-legged to kneeling, sitting in a chair, or you can put the other leg in front. So there are times when it is appropriate to change your posture. And if you'd have to do that, please do that quietly. Or you can put one leg up like Tom is doing, but then try and keep your back upright and remain upright with your back. just resting your legs, like Dawn is doing. You can do that. But in response to your question, I think there is an advantage to trying to remain just still and not move.

[30:44]

So when you feel like you have to move, look at it, check it out. If it's excruciating pain, please move. But maybe it's just discomfort, which is part of the discomfort of arm. body and mind, and maybe you should keep sitting in the same position. So, you know, one of the things that, one example of what can happen is that sometimes when you're sitting, you might get an itch. This happens. And yet, you know, so you might scratch, like Gary just did, and that's okay. We're not gonna ask you to leave, or like Tom just did, but if you just keep sitting, you might realize after a few minutes, or maybe longer, maybe 20 minutes, that, oh, that itch is gone. Where'd that itch go? And you didn't even scratch it, and still it's gone. So there is a, especially when you start this practice, there's a level of discomfort physically, just because we're not used to sitting still.

[31:46]

It's not part of our culture. And being silent. Sitting through that can allow that arising of energy. So I don't emphasize that you have to sit still and never move, but I would encourage you to try that. Other comments, questions, practical questions, or anything else? Can anyone testify to the arising of energy in Sasa? Can I get a witness? Dawn, do you ever feel the arising of energy?

[32:50]

Yes. How is it for you? It depends on what kind of energy it is. Because sometimes when I'm sitting, I can tend to get kind of agitated because I feel like I need to get up or move. Like I need to be physical. And so that's not necessarily pleasant. But then sometimes when I'm sitting, I just, and, you know, sometimes I can, when I'm sitting, I can work through kind of a problem without a story, but just kind of sit with something that I'm working on, and then I can feel kind of that uplifting or, you know, an enlightened, you know, feeling. And so that's kind of just a nice feeling. But again, then I kind of feel like I want to be physical again.

[33:52]

It's kind of like I want to get up and dance or walk, you know. But yeah. Good. I'd be curious as to other people. Thoughts on that? Do other people have the same? Well, just two quick comments. The Sixth Ancestor talks about it formally in terms of the oneness of samadhi and prajna, what you described as you're sitting with your life problem, not necessarily thinking about it, but it's just there. And the Sixth Ancestor in China said that in samadhi, in this settledness, in this stillness, prajna arises. They're not separate at all. So yes, we do have insights. suddenly see things in new ways, or have some idea about something. And yeah, that impulse to get up and do something about it, or when we're sitting, that impulse to, you know, I don't want to sit still, I want to get up. I understand that, I have that too.

[34:55]

I think that's a particularly good time to just sit still. Because there's some energy there, behind that impulse, and it can move in a different way. Yeah, Donna, hi. Well, I don't know if it's energy. Part of it, I guess, is, but the other part is dealing with the aspect of time when you're sitting. Because like Dawn sometimes, what I started doing was trying to sit for 30 minutes twice a day. And I was so anxious to, when does the timer go away? When does the timer go away? So I scaled it back. to 20-minute sit-ins every day. And before I knew it, the timer was ringing. It was going off, saying, you're done. And I was like, I'm done. That was OK. And so with trying to get rid of the, I guess, the kinetic energy when you're sitting, when you first start sitting, when everything is racing and you're trying

[36:06]

calm things down. Once you do, and just, I guess, you focus on your breathing and everything, you don't think about, well, you're not, you go into not thinking or whatever the concept is, And that's the point I want to make too, is that when you talk about doing it every day, the consistency really does help with the timing with regard to it's as if you just sat down when the timer goes off. I get agitated if I can't find the time to fit it in. It's like, okay, I gotta do it. It's only 20 minutes. I can steal 20 minutes out of 24 hours.

[37:08]

So. Good. Yeah. Thank you. We each have our own pattern and, you know, there are various, I mean, I like what you said about shifting from 30 to 20 minutes and you might try switching back to 25 or whatever, but to be creative about how to find the space in your life to find this uprightness. So there's not one right way to do it. Some people sit twice a day, some people sit once a day, some people sit more. It's not that there's one correct rule about how you do it. The point is to keep coming back to being present and upright regularly. And I think every day does help. But even if it's several times a week, having that regular rhythm makes a big difference. And yeah, often the last five minutes is the most difficult. somehow, no matter what time it is, whether it's, you know, maybe, even for me sometimes when I'm just sitting 20 minutes, I'll, you know, wanna get up at the end. And Shohaku Okamura is gonna be here next weekend.

[38:12]

His tradition, they sit 50 minutes every hour, then 10 minutes of walking. And that last five minutes, ooh. But yeah, so we have to be creative about how we find our way to do it. Other comments? Yeah, I find that interesting. I think for me, I definitely know that feeling like, I really don't want to be doing this here. I wish I could just get up and do something else. And then over time, I get to a place where I know when I check my watch, there's going to be five minutes left. Even if I say, OK, I'm not going to check my watch, I'll wait five minutes, and then I check, it's still five minutes. It's like magic. And I get real good at getting comfortable. Oh, okay, there's that dis-ease now. I want to get up. And after a while, I don't even feel that anymore. And then that can seem problematic too.

[39:14]

I can lose some of that energy as well. And so for me, as with much of life, It seems a process of building up and then breaking down and then building up again and then breaking down rather than, okay, I'm going to build up and then I'm done. Yeah. It's a process. It's not like, you know, you finally get it and then you're finished with it. We are alive. So this process of Zazen is alive too and moves in different ways. Yeah, Steve. Yeah, I think one of the things I find amazing is that you can sit for a while and get an insight that I think is the most profound insight in the world. It's all time. And then I know that I have to get rid of it, so I have to go away. And of course, I've got to remember it. Of course, I never do. So I think everyone's all remembering.

[40:16]

I've got a few scatters. I have a feeling that if they're really important, they're still there somewhere. And they'll come back when we need them. Who knows? So a lot of this is the process of letting go of whatever we think we are and the world is and what we're supposed to be doing and just being present. And yeah, it's different. So what Roy was saying about some There's some periods or some parts of a period of Zazen, you know, just like, it seems like hours and it seems like a long time and it's just one minute or sometimes it just goes by like very quickly. And so time itself is not some external objective container. Our aliveness is time. So anyway, we can be present in that way.

[41:21]

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