I haven't given you any chance so far, this session, to have any questions or discuss anything, so maybe we'll have time to discuss some point today. A couple of things about kin-hin and bathing. And kin-hin... I guess everyone's hands are a little different, but, you know, just that. And then, it's not some posture, exactly. You know, it's not some... something to hold onto your robe.

[01:01]

just like that, and the other hand just loosely on it. And to have some energy, you tip it up slightly. Uchiyama Roshi's people, they do kin-hin like this. And some like that, and some do it like this. But that's... Anyway, you can do it, but that's even more. That requires some effort, more effort. This is just a little bit of effort to turn it up slightly. And you're not holding your chest. Maybe your arms are mostly away from your body, except you can touch your chest lightly there. And this should be roughly parallel to the ground. and your feet. It's interesting how difficult it seems for you to keep your feet this distance apart at the ankle. But in the zendo, it's good to have that kind of practice, at least in the zendo. So when you're standing

[02:24]

You do it for a minute, but then when you're receiving the stick or serving or something, you forget immediately in your feet. Some of you walk like that. Most of you walk like this, like this. But just in the Zen Dojo, we try to do not too long steps, you know. In Kinyin, it's half, but in just ordinary walking, it's not much more. almost a full foot. It can be more, but not... And you can join the line of Keenihin if you go out to the toilet. You can come back and join the line of Keenihin. And if we're doing fast Keenihin, I don't know, sometimes with green goats, this last Sashin, Rev took everybody out for a nature walk in Kenya. They went out and through the parking lot and around. Here it's not so easy to do it because Zendo and outside is different. First they started in the back barn and then out.

[03:49]

But during Fast Kenyan, which we might do for half an hour sometime, except in this small space I'm afraid some of you might fall over or get dizzy or something. I might dominoes you all. But there's another aspect of Fast Kenyan that we've never done. I don't know why. It's rather like a children's game. But when you're doing fast qing yin, the leader says, stop! And you stop, like freezing when you're a kid, you know? And you just stay. And then you say, slow qing yin or fast qing yin again. And everybody starts again. And qing yin, if we had enough space, qing yin can be as fast as running. sometimes for 20 or 30 or 40 minutes. Sometimes it's in nearly complete darkness, in spaces where there are suddenly beams and ditches, drainage things, ice, and you get so you can do it, actually.

[05:20]

And there's always some crazy monk behind you and in front of you who's trying to go even faster, so you have to get some rhythm and just go. And eventually your feet know when the draining ditches appear and your head knows when the beams are appearing, especially for me when I was there. I had more beams per square yard or quarter than the Japanese monks had. And you peel off if you want to go to the toilet. And then you wait your place and you have to jump in really quickly. And you keep chashu the whole time. Bathing, I don't know quite what to say. I saw some of you taking baths even the first day. Traditionally, in a monastery, even in regular times, you only bathe every four or nine days. But that's, I think, mostly because bathing is not just a physical luxury, but a financial luxury in Japan and China, because to

[06:59]

heat a tub for this many people with wood is quite expensive. So, you only do it every five days. In Mumon Roshi's temple, the tub is really unbelievably teeny. It's about that deep and about that big around, maybe almost as This is six feet, maybe five feet, something like that, for 25 or 30 months. And first, I think, Hiroshi has his own bath connected with his quarters, but he, on four nine days, he comes and bathes first in the water. Same water is used for everybody. Of course, you don't soak in the water, you just soak. And senior monks can stay in the water as long as they want, which means five or six of the 25. And the other 20 have to get in and out fast. I don't know how they work it with five guys sitting in that tub and 20 more trying to get in. But anyway, they do it every four or nine days.

[08:28]

But in Sashin, it's quite strict that no bathing is allowed throughout the Sashin. You should accumulate the... In Tangaria, they carry that further, where you can't change your clothes or anything. In Sashin, you are supposed to accumulate the stench and beard and etc. of seven days. Excuse me, but except for the dojo, it's not supposed to do that. Tsukiyoshi especially, I don't shave every day, but Tsukiyoshi always shaved every day. But for the dojo, it's supposed to be somewhat different schedule and sashin and everyday usual schedule are supposed to be nearly the same. So, not much difference during sashin. is the tradition, so he may shave every day. But bathing is such an institution here, and it doesn't cost us anything to heat the water, that I guess because of that we allow bathing during sashimi. We didn't for several years, and then we changed. I don't

[10:02]

68 or so. We began putting the bath time in, if I remember. Anyway, I'm not suggesting right now that we eliminate bathing from Sashin, but not to change your state too much during Sashin. Bathing may change your state of mind too much, some relaxed feeling. There should be some continuity, continuation of your state of mind. until the end of session. And also, bathing is rather innervating. I would suggest you don't take, not get in the big tub, but just get in the small tub, not too warm. And Steve tells me some people have swelling knees after bathing. I don't know about that. I mean, it's too hot?

[11:25]

Recently, I've gotten some names confused, so I want to straighten them out, if I can remember. It's a little complicated, because every priest in most of the stories has at least four, which means eight names. No, at least six, and sometimes eight and ten. because you have your birth name and your Buddhist name and your place name and sometimes your posthumous name and sometimes your courtesy name. So there's four... three to five names. And sometimes they're... a teacher is referred to as by his birth name and sometimes by his Buddhist name, sometimes by his place such and such a mountain, Tassajara-san.

[12:42]

Most common is place name and unless they have a posthumous title like Kokushi, national teacher. And then you have all of those in Japanese too. So you have eight, you double it because Anyway, the man enlightened by bamboo is Kyogen. And the man who was 18 years, answering yes, is Ryogen. No.

[13:47]

Kyo Rin, Kyo Rin, Kyo Rin, and the Kyo Rin, and the man who, you can look him up from these names, and the man who was waiting for his Abbott, to come. Now he is born, now he's in the water, buffalo, etc. He's Neo-bin. So I said those a little mixed up, I think, a couple of times. There's two words I want to discuss today. One is me-an, and the other is do-sai, two Japanese words. And me means bright or clear, and an means utter darkness, complete darkness. And do means movement,

[16:05]

And Sai means calmness or serenity. And these two words, which we have no equivalent for in English, most exemplify our attitude in Zazen. There's even an admonition in monasteries, one of the rules of monastic life. is mixed in with many statements, do this or don't do that, is don't do anything carelessly, always distinguish movement and stillness. So in cultivating our way in developing our practice. Meyan and dosai are very significant. Do sometimes means the ocean, and sai sometimes means lake.

[17:38]

And feeling here is, even in a great ocean storm, a movement of the ocean in a storm, you can feel the calmness of the ocean, sense the vast calmness of the ocean. Even in a still lake of silence, even in a completely still lake, you can see some movement. You'll find some movement. The important thing here is not movement or stillness, but your attitude. So do doesn't mean usual movement. It means movement from the point of view of calmness. Calmness under any circumstances. Calmness when your legs are hurting. Calmness when you're forced to move even though you don't want to. Or you find yourself having moved against your will.

[18:51]

we find our movement when we're doing zazen. You may, maybe zazen can be said to be, to become aware of your slightest movement or one with your slightest movement. May on brightness and sigh, calmness, also mean the Absolute. But not in the more Western idea, idealistic way of thinking of calmness or stillness. But in the sense, you have your calmness right now. It's something, the idea in these words is something very concrete, and realistic for you at this moment, that you, in your movement now, whatever it is, your calmness is there. So it's not some idealistic state of frozen zazen, but right now, what is your calmness in your particular zazen, in your particularity? Always we're concerned with the Absolute in the particularity of this moment.

[20:47]

Apart from that, it's, oh, in the future when I've matured, that's idealistic. Just to find it now. That also is like I was talking about yesterday, engagement. And this practice of this hearing of the stream as the voice of Buddha, the voice of your teacher, is quite similar to Shingon or Tantric Buddhism. The relationship between Shingon, or tantric Buddhism, and Jodo, pure land Buddhism, and Zen are rather interesting. Tantric Buddhism, the emphasis in tantric Buddhism is on the Adi Buddha, or the Vairochana or Bhadrasattva, some cosmic Buddha.

[22:18]

in which we are all its manifestations. Everything you see, your seeing is the Adi-Buddha seeing. So ritual becomes very important, mantra becomes very important, because your voice is then Buddha's voice. So tantric Buddhism, Shingon Buddhism, emphasizes ritual because it's the way you bring yourself in in a line with or awaken or express the cosmic Buddha or various deities. So in tantric Buddhism they sometimes say your nature is not immutable, your nature changes and because your nature changes you can become Buddha, or you can receive the light of Buddha, or you can awaken to the essence of Buddha in everything. This way of practice has much more a sense of progress and of imagination and initiation, stages, in which you take some gross substance and enlighten it.

[23:43]

Of course, all forms of Buddhism are the same, you know, in the sense that each one says the same thing the others say, but the emphasis is different. And in Tantric Buddhism the emphasis is on the side of the cosmic Buddha and of your development toward its realization, until finally the touchstone is the divine. You are divine. Your acts are Buddha's acts. Even when you are involved in license, eating meat and carousing and etc., it's a ritual. It's not just ordinary carousing. It's a ritual to bring yourself closer to Buddha. So we manipulate or participate in the cosmic Buddha by the development of our ritual, by the development of our activity. So tantric Buddhism tends to have quite a separation from experts and initiates or beginners or laymen.

[25:19]

and it tends to express itself always in a rather Buddhist context. And Zen emphasis is not on Adi Buddha so much, but on Shakyamuni Buddha and on zero, on emptiness. And its touchstone is ordinary life, ordinary activity, not some divine. So just mountain stream is sound of Buddha. In that, it's almost the same. And Soto particularly has many tantric elements in it, but they're rather implicit than explicit. So Zen emphasizes very ordinary life. Even though we have this period of retirement from usual activity, still, basic Buddhist life or expression of our life is in ordinary circumstances. And Jodo Shu

[26:56]

Jodo Shu emphasizes Adi Buddha, Amitabha Buddha, Infinite Light Buddha, which is everywhere, and so emphasizes mantra and chanting. Hakuen Zenji used to make fun of... I guess Jodo is becoming so powerful. Rinzai Zen particularly made fun of Jodo Shu all the time. Hakuen would say things like, calling Amida's name into a horse's ear. Making it sound useless, you know. But anyway, Jodo Shu emphasizes Adi-Buddha, cosmic. I think you described what? many people feel and a question which arises for people is which part is real? Which is the real attitude or the real one to do, etc. And I think we find by experience you can't know. Or after a while you decide, well I'll decide these types are real.

[28:24]

You're not quite sure, but you'll say these types are real. Because you've sorted out, you've seen most of the permutations of your attitude, finally. Eventually you begin to find out there's a kind of stock phrases, stock responses that you had. And one of them seems to be more, seems to be preferable. So you can stick with that. But practice is not a matter of talent or some special ability or effort or in any way a sign. As long as you think of practice or emptiness, as long as it's still in the realm of an attitude or a sign or an entity, especially as long as you think you have some choice about practice. Your practice can only be a therapy or benefit you. It can be an extraordinarily potent therapy, but it can't lead to enlightenment.

[29:41]

Unfortunately, most people retain a little area of choice. I will practice as long as it works for me. I'll practice, certainly I'll devote the first 20 years of my adult life to practice and then I'll do something else. They have some, any idea like that is, you have a choice. That doesn't mean practice isn't something you should be doing. or shouldn't be doing. But what's required for the kind of practice? We can say, when you're patient, okay, when you're impatient, you have to be patient with impatience. You have to keep extending the patience. When you're patient with impatience, being patient with impatience, you can extend those attitudes. to your patient with being patient with impatience, etc. But that is a kind of game and a kind of development of the possibilities of entities, the possibility of concepts, which I think particularly those of us who are intellectual have to work out the limitation. Do you see the limit? When you take the world as real,

[31:07]

And when you meditate, you can find out the limitations of viewing the world as real. Then you can try viewing the world as unreal, and you'll find out it's a much more potent, much more productive way to view things, a much realer way to view things. But practice is its most fertile, and patience is its most perfect. when you have somehow come to a decision to practice which is no longer a decision. In other words, like having an arm. You don't decide to have an arm in the morning. Today I'll have a right arm and no left. Today I'll have a left and a right arm. Somehow you've made a decision that practice is one with heartbeat, breathing, etc. If you give up practice, like for instance, you can say in session, I will try, I will keep trying, but what are you going to do when you stop trying? Well, when you've made that kind of decision, you can say, you know inside, even when I'm not trying, I'll try.

[32:30]

Even when I stop trying, even when I give up practice, I'll practice. That has to be so complete that there's no more decision about it at all. When that's true, one's practice is very fertile and very fast. And it doesn't matter how talented you are. But Anyway, not so easy to do that. Why would anybody make such a crazy decision to practice life? What motivates us to do it? That itself is quite extraordinary. Maybe for some people you've seen the impossibility, the impossibility, the utter impossibility of abandoning others. And some deep recognition has to come up. Then from then on, everything you do, as I said yesterday, carpentry or the work of a Buddhist priest or neighborhood foundation,

[34:01]

writing, working for some company. Whatever you do is actually just an opportunity to practice with people. And you develop some skill just to practice with people, not in the sense of a possession or attainment. So I think it's pretty easy to understand what I just said, but very difficult not to become discouraged, not to lose the point. Something else.

[35:07]

And in some senses there's no alternative but now, there's no later. But if now for you is something you have to do, There's plenty of time, because when do you recognize? If you move toward sitting posture, if you move toward, always are moving toward that utter recognition, so there's no choice at all. It doesn't matter what you do. Somehow we often have to unwind our various possibilities. We're not quite strong enough or confident enough to cast yesterday's goals away, realizing that yesterday's situation can't meet their goals with today's situation.

[36:45]

So whether we unwind those possibilities by activity or by zazen, mental quick, quick, quick, it's not so important if we're moving toward that utter, that decision which is no longer a decision. Yes. That's why you have to practice harder. Could you hear what she said? She said she's got pretty good patience with others, and better patience even with herself. She's willing to wait for herself forever. That's very good. I think that's good. We should feel that way. But she's not sure everyone else has enough patience to wait for her. That's the problem.

[38:02]

So we can forget about waiting and get to work. Although I prefer sitting on the cottage, my situation is such that I'm not sure how it would occur or if that would occur necessarily on a day sitting very well on the cottage. And the experience of sitting in a chair Yeah, it takes much more wisdom to sit in a chair.

[39:37]

It's true, but it sounds funny. If you sit this way, your body takes over, and you have one whole you can get. You can sit very still, without much decision involved, and you have one whole experience of your body, or more than your body. Sitting in a chair, it's pretty difficult not to experience your body in parts, your back or muscles or legs or something. It's very hard to have one overall sense which begins to drop bodily distinctions, but I don't know, there's no word for it. Some feeling which, when there's calmness, and resolved patients some joyful feeling there. That experience is a little difficult to have in sitting in a chair because our body doesn't easily feel that way. And that feeling allows your mind to relax. It takes over your mind.

[41:11]

But if you sit in a chair, when I say more wisdom, you need to resolve your practice through differences, not through oneness, which requires more wisdom. You can resolve your life through any activity, but it's more difficult than through stillness, physical and mental stillness. So the most important thing is, if you want, the more you want to bring your body to the aid of your practice, the more you want to find some way you can sit without any mental decisions about your posture. This way, that way. It's very difficult when you're sitting in a chair because there's a tendency that you have to hold yourself forward or back. You can't jack and completely relax or you'll slouch. Because your legs and back and buttocks punch in a way that supports you. So I think that if you have concluded that you will be... I think what I would do, if I concluded I could not sit, maybe when I'm old or something, this will be the case, if I concluded that I could not sit for some years or forever,

[42:40]

on a cushion, but I knew I was, you know, I was going to be practicing with others. It was important to sit with them, plus it's helpful to my own practice. I would probably, but I think my motivation would be more because it's more helpful to others if you can sit with them. I would start and I would pretend chairs didn't exist. takes much more wisdom to sit in a chair. It's true, right, but it sounds funny. If you sit this way, your body takes over, and you have one whole you can get. You can sit very still without much decision involved, and you have one whole experience of your body, or more than your body. Sitting in a chair, it's pretty difficult not to experience your body in parts.

[43:56]

your back or muscles or legs or something. It's very hard to have one overall sense which begins to drop bodily distinctions, but I don't know, maybe I can't, there's no word for it. Some feeling which when there's calmness and resolved patience, some joyful feeling there. That experience is most difficult to have in sitting in a chair because our body doesn't easily feel that way. And that feeling allows your mind to relax. It takes over your mind. But if you sit in a chair, When I say more wisdom, you need to resolve your practice through differences, not through oneness, which requires more wisdom. You can resolve your life through any activity, but it's more difficult than through stillness, physical and mental stillness.

[45:16]

So the most important thing is, the more you want to bring your body to the aid of your practice, the more you want to find some way you can sit without any mental decisions about your posture. this way, that way. It's very difficult when you're sitting in a chair because it's a tendency that you have to hold yourself forward or back. You can't jacks and completely relax or you'll slouch because your legs and back and buttocks punch in a way that supports you. So I think that if you have concluded that you will be I think what I would do if I concluded I could not sit, maybe when I'm old or something, this will be the case, if I concluded that I could not sit for some years or forever, on a cushion, but I knew I was going to be practicing with others, it was important to sit with them, plus it's helpful to my own practice. I would probably, but I think my motivation would be more because it's more helpful to others if you can sit with them. I would start and I would pretend chairs didn't exist.

[46:41]

You know, Dan Welch, when he came back from Japan, where chairs don't exist in the world he was in, he painted great paintings of chairs floating in the sky. And when you went to visit his house, as you came to Berkeley. There was a chair that was made out of wood, it was so high, when you stood, it was flat. Anyway, you turn chairs into some vision like that. Then you figure out, how am I going to sit? So you, maybe you would start, I would start building myself some wooden contraption that would allow me to sit with my back straight and my weight sliding forward, you know, this way, like that, you know, and which there was not too much pressure on my legs.

[47:53]

Or I would arrange pillows. There must be a way. I would feel there must be a way. But on the other hand, I don't want to pressure you too much to force your legs. The two or three people I know who have sat the best from the beginning, We're in full lotus pretty rapidly, which could sit through anything, all have half-damaged legs now, because they sat in some circumstance without enough consideration for their legs. And I've always, I don't know, I still, my leg still clicked recently. Now it's, last few days it's been rather difficult to bow because this leg clicks in and out of joint as I go up and down. That's from an injury when I was about 19. But I've been quite considerate of my legs, quite patient with them. And my legs are not damaged. I never had... In fact, the damage that I had from earlier injuries has gotten better. I'm not sure I'd try tennis.

[49:09]

If I wasn't, you know, didn't have this job, I would play tennis because I think it's important. But if I play tennis and ruin my legs, I'll get fired. You could hang me from the ceiling. I could sit in an old swing. I talked to one of the students who said, well, one time when I was in a session, I was taught how to stack it, and it was great. And these things fell off the tree, and now I know how to stack it. And I am trying to get a little more interaction, so I can find out what I'm doing.

[50:16]

No one can hear you, right? Okay. She said when her legs start to swell up, she loses her judgment. That's too simple what she said. She said some student told her that he sat through his legs. And she asked about the pain in his legs. Some older student said that he had the same problem or something like that. And then at Kasahara, he sat through sashin, which his legs were swollen and turned yellow.

[51:21]

Maybe he or she was just trying to impress anybody. So now she's wondering what she should do. That's not exactly what she said. Is that alright? I'll change it over. We're going, we're in a non-repeating universe, we don't want to have the same event. So, well, most people who've done that, that I know, their legs have not been, some of it comes out all right. For some people, their legs have been not so good since then. They damage their legs and knees by doing that. But it's difficult to say. Some people, you know, if you go out looking for a job and you're walking around a lot, your ankles swell up. And some people, particularly when there's an emotional situation they don't like, their knees and ankles swell just from walking. So, if you're that kind of a person, then you can't tell if they're swelling.

[52:34]

But my own legs would not swell unless there was damage. So if I ever had swelling, I changed slightly so that whatever was causing the swelling stopped. So in the end, you have to decide for yourself whether there's physical damage or not. Swelling isn't always an indication. But my own tendency, partly because I don't have much experience with swelling, is that if there's swelling, I'd be cautious. But if you notice that the swelling occurs before there can be much possibility of danger or damage, then the swelling is a part of a kind of shock reaction and not something normal. There's quite, should be quite a lot of, like the posture you're sitting in right now is okay. So, there are so many possibilities for changing your legs, like having your feet out, out like that. That's not bad. And you still, your back is still pretty good and you're still working on getting your legs familiar with a world of no-chips.

[54:01]

Yeah, the more you're pulled together like this, more you're sort of centered underneath yourself. But the posture you're in right now is sort of traditional breast postures and I used to use that. I always sat One of the first sessions I did, I always stayed on my cushion all day, during rest periods, too. And I stayed in that posture. Sukhya should come and sit with me often. We had a very small number of people there. Not much to do in the day. And when Sukhya would be short, he'd just come into the window, and he'd sit there, cross-legged, and I'd sit that way. And...

[55:11]

Sometimes, I think just before I began to be able to sit through a week's Sashin without moving, I would sit some periods that way. Anyway, my feeling was to stay on my cushion somehow, and I stayed on that posture if necessary, which Zogyoshi taught us as being traditional rest posture. This is pretty good, I guess. I had to, I think I told you this, when I first started I could get this foot down like that, but if I did that the right foot stuck out from behind my bottom this way somehow, and so I had some arrangement where that would work. I called it the half lily.

[56:19]

And I thought that way for years. comes only when you no longer exclude anyone from that extension of non-abandonment. As long as you say, well, this is my family or that's my family, but those aren't, that joy is not possible, as long as you exclude something or someone. Is our actual experience by this meditation

[57:18]

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