very often. Oh incomprehensible creator, to enlighten our understanding and to remove all darkness of sin and ignorance. You who make eloquent the tongues of those who want utterance, direct my tongue and pour out on my lips the grace of your holy blessing. Give us a diligent and obedient spirit, quickness of apprehension, and the powerful assistance of your holy grace, so that what we hear, we may apply to your honor and the eternal salvation of our souls. We make this prayer through Christ our Lord. begin this evening with a reading from the Gospel of Mark.

[01:08]

After John had been arrested, Jesus came to Galilee proclaiming the Gospel of God. This is the time of fulfillment. The kingdom of God is at hand. Repent and believe in the Gospel. In his autobiography, Nikos Kazantzakis relates an incident where, as a young man, he went to visit an old monk. He writes this, working up the courage, I entered the cave and proceeded toward the voice.

[02:12]

The ascetic was curled up on the ground. He had raised his head and I was able in the half-light to make out his face as it gleamed in the depths of unutterable beatitude. I did not know what to say. Where to begin? Finally, I gathered up courage. Do you still wrestle with the devil, Abba Makarios? I asked. Not any longer, my child, said the old monk. I have grown old now, and the devil has grown old with me. He doesn't have the strength anymore. Now, I wrestle with God.

[03:18]

With God, I exclaimed in astonishment. And do you hope to win? He said, I hope to lose my child. My bones remain with me still and they continue to resist. Yours is a hard life, Father. I too want to be saved. Is there no other way? You mean more agreeable? Asked the ascetic, smiling compassionately. More human, Father. One. Only one, he said. What is it? Ascent to climb a series of steps from the full stomach to hunger, from the slate throat to thirst, from joy to suffering.

[04:34]

God sits at the summit of hunger thirst and suffering. The devil sits at the summit of a comfortable life. Choose. I am still young. The world is so nice. I have time to choose. Reaching out with the five bones of his hand The ascetic touched my knee and pushed me. Wake up, my child. Wake up before death wakes you up. The words, wake up, concisely capture the basic notion of conversion.

[05:42]

conversion of life. The Bible is full of words that speak about this reality. Repentance, transformation, conversion, resurrection, rebirth, regeneration, healing, transfiguration, They all mean change. When Jesus spoke, things happened and things changed. Follow me. And Peter, James, and John immediately left their boats and their nets and their families. Matthew put his calculator and slide rule aside, pushed aside his W-2 forms, and left that tax office and followed the Lord.

[07:04]

Throughout the Gospels, men and women, rich and poor, encountered Christ. and their lives were never the same. Now, the initial teaching of Jesus, which is what we heard tonight in this little pericope from Mark. It's the very beginning of Mark's gospel. Jesus is emerging from the temptations in the desert, and he comes onto the public scene, and his first message is, repent. The kingdom of God is at hand. The kingdom of God is fulfilled in your midst. Repent and believe the good news. This is the very same message that his predecessor, John the Baptist, had preached.

[08:11]

Repentance, of course, gets a pretty bad rap. Doesn't it? It conjures up these sort of images of some freaky, unglued guy on a street corner with a placard yelling, repent for the end of the world is at hand. But Jesus's words were not weird or flaky. He is basically saying that change is not only possible, but it is necessary. And we must believe that we can change, that change can happen. Because change is the first message of Jesus and in a sense, everything else follows from that message and really nothing else matters.

[09:17]

Change is the first message. Repent translates the Greek word metanoia, which means to turn around. to change one's mind and one's heart. Because you see, our thoughts often determine our behavior. And for that reason, thoughts matter. Which just happens to be the title of a very fine book by Benedictine Prioress, Margaret Mary Funk. You can't teach an old dog new tricks. May be true. But we are not dogs. And we must believe we can change.

[10:23]

We must desire to change. Jesus would not have told us to change unless it was possible to do so. It is very true, my dear brothers and sisters, that God loves you just the way you are. But it is equally true that he loves you too much to leave you that way. God loves you just the way you are, but he loves you too much to leave you that way. Now, lest you think that I'm advocating some kind of Pelagian gymnastics, let me assure you that I believe deeply in the words of Jesus, without me, you can do nothing. All authentic conversion begins with grace.

[11:30]

It begins with God. If you know anything about 12-step programs and 12-step spirituality, then you know that the very first step to overcoming any kind of an addiction, whether it's to alcohol or gambling or sex or food, the first step is to admit one's powerlessness over that addiction. The recognition of a problem and one's inability to solve it comes only through God's grace. And having made that admission, The next steps are acknowledging God as the one who has the power to bring about the change, and then surrendering oneself to God's power.

[12:39]

But as I say, we must desire to change. See, one of our basic foundational, core, fundamental theological principles is that grace builds on nature. And so mindful that all grace, that all is grace, we also know that we must take responsibility for our own lives. We cannot sit back and expect God to do everything. It's like the man who keeps praying to God, please let me win the lottery. Let me win the lottery. Until God, sick and tired of hearing it, finally says, at least buy the ticket.

[13:45]

We must take responsibility and desire change and conversion and conformity to Christ. Because conversion is always the result of God's grace and our choice. Because along with that long list of words the Bible gives for change, It also often speaks of things like striving, pressing on, working out, putting on, rekindling, abiding, changing, and running. These are all verbs, action words, which stem from one's choice. stressing our own personal responsibility and willingness to change.

[14:53]

We have to get beyond the excuses. Nine soldiers were given an overnight pass from their base. When the morning came, none were present. And so an hour after their absence was noted, the first of those nine soldiers finally staggered back to the camp. He was immediately ushered to his commanding officer. He said, sorry to be late, sir, but I had a date and I lost track of time. And I missed the last bus. And I wanted to be back on time, so I hired a cab. But about halfway back, the cab broke down. So I went to the nearest farm, and I bought a horse.

[15:58]

And I was riding like the lone ranger, when suddenly the animal stopped, fell over, and died. I had to do the last five miles on foot. But here I am, and I'm sorry. Well, although quite skeptical, the commanding officer let him off with a mild lecture on the virtue of punctuality and told him not to let it happen again. Shortly after, seven more soldiers showed up, one by one, and reported the same story. Had a date, lost track of time, missed the bus, hired a taxi, taxi broke down, bought a horse, horse died, came on foot. Finally, the ninth soldier showed up.

[17:02]

The totally exasperated commanding officer growled, and what happened to you? Well, sir, I had a date. I lost track of time. I missed the bus. I hired a taxi. Wait a minute, says the commanding officer. Are you going to tell me that that taxi broke down? He said, no, not at all, but there were so many dead horses in the road, we couldn't get through. You see, we're great at excuses. Finding all kinds of reasons why we can't or we won't or it's too hard. But you see, holiness means we have to put out the effort. We have to desire it and want it. We have to be passionate. And that desire

[18:09]

has got to be rooted in humility. Saint Bernard, the great Cistercian abbot and doctor of the church, was once asked to list the four cardinal virtues. He said, humility, humility, humility, And the last one is humility. You alone can do it, but you cannot do it alone. You alone can do it, but you cannot do it alone. Conversion is rooted in humility. because it is the truth about ourselves.

[19:12]

I am both saint and sinner. I am both angel and beast. As the Sufis say, a saint is a saint unless he thinks he's a saint. Then he's a devil. And an old Hasidic tale says that one should always carry in each pocket a note. In the one pocket that note should say, I am the beloved of God. Unrepeatable and blessed. The other one should say, I am the worst of sinners. Because you see, both are true. We are the beloved of God, but we are also bogged down by a broken human nature that is suffused with sin.

[20:35]

not death-dealing sin, but it makes us lethargic and often unresponsive to God's grace. So we need desire, we need humility, and lastly, we need time. Because while it is true that God can do things suddenly, like Pentecost, fire raining from the sky, and thousands converted immediately. Ordinarily, God takes time. But God is working right now. We want microwave maturity and overnight success.

[21:42]

And when it doesn't happen, we want to throw in the towel. We want to come up with those excuses to get ourselves off the hook. It doesn't happen that way. And I suppose in some ways, thankfully so. because our frustrations and our failures in having to wait help us to learn humility, that necessary ingredient. And finally, we need self-awareness and honesty. Another means of learning humility and making progress along the way of conversion is ruthless self-honesty. What is the one area God is calling you to change?

[22:53]

Don't think of ten. Just think of one. And really reflect and meditate on that. And ask yourself why it is that it is not changing. What excuses prevent you? What lack of desire prevents you? What basic inability to believe that you can change it? is preventing you. It is a very practical exercise for the remainder of the retreat to identify that one critical issue that you need to address in your life. Honesty means being willing to see and admit what is really going on in oneself.

[24:05]

The truth will set you free, no matter what the shame or the pain. Face it, embrace it, and God will grace it. Dear God, In the darkness of the Virgin's womb, the Holy Child grows. In the darkness of the world's pain, the blessed light begins to kindle. In the darkness of our own doubting of thee and of ourselves, the great hope begins to rise again like a lump in the throat. the hope that you will come to us truly, that the child will be born again in our midst, the prince of peace in a world of war, the hope that you will ransom us and our world from the darkness that seeks to destroy us.

[25:27]

O Lord, give us the gift of new life new light that can be a gift truly only if we open ourselves to receive it. So this is our prayer, Lord, that you will open our eyes to see your glory in the coming again of light each day. Open our ears to hear the angels' in the stirring within us of joy at the coming of the child. Open our hearts to the transforming power of your love as it comes to us through the love of all those who hold us most dear and have sacrificed most for us. Be born among us that we may ourselves be born.

[26:32]

Be born within us that by words and deeds of love, we may bear the tidings of your birth to a world that dies for lack of love. Be born in us that we may change and grow into the full stature of that child in whose name we pray. Amen.

[27:08]

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