There's a story, not even a story perhaps, but where a farmer is standing in his field and a friend of his is going by on the road riding a horse, going very, very fast. And the farmer standing in the field says, where are you going? And the farmer on the horse says, I don't know, ask the horse. So this is what we call the first day of Sushin. And I wonder if the horse has gotten out of control yet. We haven't had much time. I noticed this morning that my horse had gotten out of control, actually, very early. And this story is often used to illustrate the nature of our minds when our mind, when

[01:04]

our discriminating mind goes on a rampage, or I mean from its point of view it's having fun or just doing what it does. But it's not just, just a little down lower, I think, it's not just a story or a joke that somebody thought up, because I want to tell you a real story, one in which there is no way that I can look good. So I hesitate to tell it, but it does, it does seem to speak, especially if you don't think about me, if you think about actually the horse, because the horse is the star of this story. After my first practice period here in 1990, I went and lived in the city for a while.

[02:04]

And during that summer, I took a parish, I filled in for a priest, a Christian priest, who had gone away for the summer on sabbatical. So I took his parish, it was in the East Bay. And the organist was probably still there, a great guy, and we got on really fabulously. And his wife was a, she loved horses, and she had horses. And they talked to me about this a bit, you know, oh, you should come out, you should come out riding with us, and I said, oh, a horse. I'd never been really close to something that big, except from just a distance behind a fence. And, so they said, oh, oh, you can, Randy, you can ride Randy, Randy is really gentle. Like that made a difference, something that big, gentle.

[03:12]

Well, anyway, so I ended up, I ended up out there. We drove to this stable, and it was in the East Bay over those mountains there, whatever those were, whatever those are. And it's very hilly, very hilly, and there's nothing on those hills either, maybe a tree here and there, but they're pretty bare hills. And, so, and actually it was fine. Randy was gentle and considerate for what he had to carry. So we went out riding twice, and the third time, the third time was after work. So I went out with Stan and Marty, and we, and the sun was going down, which made it a very nice, very nice time of day. And, so we went riding, and we got, I don't know where they were, they were behind me

[04:17]

somewhere. And, so here I was on this golden palomino, big golden palomino, at the top of the hill. And then we started down the hill to go back to the barn. It was quite a ways, it was quite a ways. And I would find out later that you have to be really careful at that time of day, because the horse has only one thing in mind, and it's not you, it's getting home, to be fed, and then to go to sleep. And apparently that's very, very strong. It's very strong. One could almost say it might be like one of our samskaras, one of our addictions, one of our habits. And so, so we started down the hill, but then it became he was going down the hill. And I, rather innocently said, what's happening?

[05:20]

Why are we going so fast? And he continued. In fact, he went faster, because, being new at this, I wasn't quite, quite skilled at making it stop. And so what I was doing, I was pulling back on the reins, I knew that, but because of my terror, I was leaning forward into his, you know, his big neck. Which meant, so the pulling back on the reins meant stop, but leaning into the neck meant let's go. And he did, he did, off he went. And I was getting scared-er, is that a word, scared-er? Scared-er and scared-er. In fact I was terrified. And we got, I hope you can't picture this actually.

[06:26]

I was picturing what that was like. So we went down this big hill, very big hill. And so then it started to level off, and by this time I, or whatever, whatever was left of this was saying, oh this has to stop now. And what I, let's see, oh here's the embarrassing part. So, I'll just maybe, I'll just say it quick. So I decided, I'm getting off now. And I remember thinking, I've seen this on TV, where the guy gets off the horse that's running. Of course he's supposed to be dead, but I know he was a stuntman, right? So somehow you can do it. And so I started to, I was holding on to things and lifted my leg off the saddle, right? And this is okay, this is okay, I can do this, this is going to work.

[07:32]

And thankfully, Randy sensed that something was wrong, apparently. So, because Randy stopped. So, and I'm really glad that he did. God, that would have hurt, and I probably would have been dead. But he stopped. So, and what that meant to me when I was thinking about, you know, what are you going to do for your session this week, in employing all the instructions that we have on meditation. And Rusty, who was a horse, was able to put himself aside from what he wanted the most in the whole world, oats and home, and was mindful enough, apparently, that when this very strange idiot on the back started shifting his weight, that something was wrong, and he just stopped.

[08:36]

Can we do less? Can we do less than he did? So, whenever I think of meditation practice, I think of the fukunzazengi, well, among other things, but the fukunzazengi, especially with the idea of non-thinking. I mean, I thought that was, I remember hearing that the first time, you know, think of not thinking. How do you think of not thinking, non-thinking? I thought, oh, this is perfect, totally ridiculous, right? I mean, how does it make any sense? But it sounds so certain, so easy. And I wonder, you know, even if we ask again, you know, what is non-thinking? What is it again? I think Dogen would say, well, you know, I just told you. I just told you. Look back a few paragraphs where he says,

[09:38]

cast aside all involvements and cease all affairs. Do not think good or bad. Do not administer pros and cons. Cease all movements of the conscious mind, the gauging of all thoughts and views. And if that's not bad enough, have no designs on becoming a Buddha. So, usually what I think, whenever we hear, you know, do not do this, cast aside, stop this, cease this, we think, well, is that repressing? Am I going to just repress and make things worse? Well, Dogen doesn't seem to care. All he says is, stop doing things that get in the way of your actual life. They seem like they are a part of your actual life, and they are, just a little teeny tiny wispy bit. But if we really focus on them, they grow and bloom and actually stand as a curtain between us and our lives. So, if simple things, like cast aside all involvements and cease all affairs,

[10:45]

don't think good or bad. What else is there to think most of the time? But he says that when you see it, stop it. That's all. Do not administer pros and cons. Is this better or is this better? If I move, is that going to help? He says, don't do that. Just be there. Just be there. Sometimes we need even more help than instructions like that. I think those are pretty handy. If you are at a certain point where we can be still, when we're still, I think then we can begin to notice that we don't want to cease affairs. We want affairs. We want contact. We want relationship. With anything. With anything. Especially while we're seated. So, I think the key is exercising mindfulness and compassion.

[11:57]

Last time I spoke, I think, or two times ago, that those were apparently the things that the Buddha used at the end. He just relied on mindfulness and compassion. Mindfulness in a sense of staying with what's actually happening. Being opening and opening aware. And compassion in terms of just accepting completely what's actually happening. Accepting. Not squeezing out anything. Not trying to hold on to anything. But just allowing with an open heart and an open mind. Allowing what comes up and what disappears. So, we've been looking at the four foundations of mindfulness. And that pretty much covers our experience. So, all it asks is that we see the body as the body. The feelings as feelings. Mental states as mental states. And mind objects as mind objects.

[12:59]

And I don't know about you, but it took me many years to be able to get that kind of perspective. Because when I had a thought, it wasn't a thought. It was me. Completely me. Or if I had a feeling, even if I had a name for it. It's not like I was having a feeling. Like it was a visitor from some foreign country. It was me completely. Or if I was having a bodily sensation. You know, in fact, it still can happen. And I remember sitting over there one morning for breakfast. And I was hungry. Well, I mean hungry because I was having a sensation in my stomach. My tummy. And then I noticed that all of a sudden thoughts came up. I hope it's good. I hope it's filling. And then I noticed that that thought. It's almost like it... What? Moved. Moved and filled my body till it met the hunger pang.

[14:02]

And said, this better be good. It really fed itself. And it occurred to me a few seconds later. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. This started off as just a little hunger pang in my stomach. And then all of a sudden it's a whole drama. Dramatic event. And so, what? It's taken me maybe 20 years to learn to see that. So, I think... I think one way that we can... As I was saying last time. The breath and the attention. I think are the foremost. In being able to help us. Whenever... At least the way I see it is that the attention is the mind. And the breathing, the breath, is the body.

[15:03]

And those are two things we can actually deal with. We can... They can help us. If we enlist them. And as long as we have... Whenever we have... We put our attention onto our breathing. Then the mind and the body are one. They become one. They become united. And that is where we can begin to see the body as the body. Sensations as only sensations. Feelings as only feelings. And whether you want to call that emotions or pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. In a lot of ways it doesn't matter so much. And that mental states or mental formations are only mental formations. And where the mind objects... Each of the thoughts, each of the ideas, each of the habits... Each of the stories is only that. It's only that. There's a great freedom in that, I think.

[16:04]

It's very difficult, I think, to do. Um... I want to just end with a couple of things. I was reading something by Masao Abe. Who is a... I guess he's a Dogen scholar. And... So he wrote about Dogen. And one of the things that we often object to is... Well, you know, if I become free from my body, the sensations and the feelings and the mental formations and the mind objects of mind... Well, free from thoughts and... Well, you know, you know. Then what will that make me? Will that mean that I will be flat? A flat person? Or will I seem like dead?

[17:06]

Do you know what I mean? That kind of... If I'm free from my emotional entanglements, for example, is that going to make me a dull person? I mean, I've heard people ask that. And I ran across this thing where Masao Abe talks about Dogen himself having been liberated. He said that for Dogen, when Dogen... Because of his practice, when Dogen was full of joy, he might have laughed out loud. When sorrowful, he may have wept, sorrowing. Whereas his feeling is completely disclosed because it is now rooted in emptiness, bottomless depth. So his joy appears from the bottomless and disappears in empty sky. No disturbance, no hindrance. His sorrow appears from bottomless bottom and disappears in empty sky. So joy is really joy.

[18:08]

Sorrow is really sorrow. And there is no trace of joy or sorrow after that moment. So in other words, this moment, this feeling, this thought is complete in itself, in its fullness. So that when we are able to stop the story or stop the trying to get away from what's going on or trying to seize what's going on and pull aside the veil which that creates, which those things create, then we actually respond completely to what's going on. And it's real, and it's full, and it is full of life. If any of you... John says, show me an arhat. Show me an arhat. Have you ever seen them? They're statues.

[19:09]

There's a catalog of Japanese temple stuff. And there are 16 arhats. And I've seen some in Edeheji. They took us up into the big gate, the front gate. And it's filled with statues and buddhas and arhats. And I wouldn't bring this up if they weren't all the same, if all the arhats look pretty much alike. And what they look like is crazy people. You know, we think of Buddha or somebody who's finally landed on the other shore as somebody who's very placid and peaceful and doesn't get upset. In fact, I don't know what they do other than just sort of glow, a golden glow. The arhats, you know, they look like madmen, totally crazy, some with no teeth. They all have these crazy licks in their eyes and in different poses.

[20:11]

And the Buddha actually talks about what it's like being with the arhats. And mostly what he said is that whenever they got together, most of his time was trying to quiet them down because they chattered and chattered and chattered. So, I think that's pretty good. So maybe we can become crazy arhats. Of course, the guidelines won't permit most of what an arhat would do. Right. Well, so I want to end with something that Pema Chodron, who I've just sort of, I've just discovered her recently. I am embarrassed to say because I've certainly heard of her for years. And one of the things that, this is what she says. She calls meditation staying, learning how to stay.

[21:18]

Stay. Not to lunge out and grab. Not to try to get away. But learning the technique of staying. Just staying put. Staying. And, so she says, oh, and this is an invitation. It's an invitation to us, since this is the first day of Cixin. And you probably don't have anywhere else to go for the next week. She says, stay. Stay in the present moment as if you had invited it. Work with it instead of against it. Make it your ally rather than your enemy. Isn't that nice? Stay in the present moment as if you had invited it instead of it being imposed upon you. Work with it instead of against it. Making it your ally rather than your enemy.

[22:20]

One other thing I want to say too is that I was thinking this morning how it's day one. Well, let's see now. Cixin, then service, then breakfast. And what occurred to me was, I wonder if any of you actually see day one, that we have to get through day one so that day two can happen, and then day two so that we can get to day seven, and then the day off, and then go home for Christmas eventually. Do you know? That's not really what actually happens. Because there are no distinctions like that, really. So Cixin is a time, I think, to play with that and really look at it because that's just a conventional way of looking at things. That I have to do this in order to do this in order to get what I really want. That's the way most people live. They have a job, so they get money to buy themselves stuff.

[23:27]

Everything is for something else, and it keeps going on endlessly. Well, what if today is just for the debt today? You know, what if King Him is just for King Him? What if sitting there is just for sitting there? Will we be bored, or will we become arhats who are never bored? So she ends with this. We can stay, and we can accept the present moment because what we need, which is the wisdom, strength, confidence in our awakened heart, and confidence in our Buddha nature, is here, now, and always. Thank you very much.

[24:13]

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