Looking for a poem. While I look for it, I would just say that I would like to continue to discuss with you meditation on the first truth, examining the causes and conditions of suffering. So, it's not there. quietly explore the farthest reaches of these causes and conditions as this practice is the exact transmission of a verified Buddha.

[01:37]

The daring statement has been made that the whole vehicle of the Mahayana, the whole universal vehicle of salvation, comes down to simply the fact that the protection of all beings is accomplished through the examination of one's own mistakes, not the examination of others' mistakes, which some people are good at. Almost everyone's good at. So I can't find it.

[03:05]

But I'll tell you what it was. It's a poem which I probably will find because I know where it is, but I couldn't find it. It's not in my notes. It's called Wild Geese by a woman named Mary Oliver. And basically she says... Something like, you don't have to crawl across the desert on your knees. You don't have to, and then she lists some other real horrendous practices that some people have done. You don't have to do that stuff. All you got to do, I think, is something like hug the teddy bear or something like that. How does that go? Does anybody know that one? Huh? What? Can you say it? Anyway, the idea, all you got to do is hug your teddy bear, something like that.

[04:16]

In other words, spiritual practice is not your idea of what's hard. It might be something that sounds kind of cozy, like hugging a teddy bear. that you really like to hug. But hugging the teddy bear might be in the middle of...you might be hugging a teddy bear in the middle of crawling across the desert on your knees. Or you might be hugging a teddy bear in the middle of a seven-day sashim. So it is important to make yourself comfortable so that you can study the farthest reaches of these causes and conditions. One person stopped being an asesheen because he said he wasn't prepared for the next six days. He was already in lots of pain, and his back was going into spasm and so on.

[05:32]

So I said, well, you do what you think is best, and so he stopped. I hope I'm not revealing too much to say that he told me that the last session he sat here, during that session, he dropped a 25-year habit. But this session, he didn't feel like... He was prepared to deal with what was coming up, so he left. As I went up to offer incense to our founder, I looked down and saw a rare and beautiful sight.

[06:33]

I saw the entryway to the zendo. And there I saw a woman standing by the bell on the polished wooden floor. in the soft light, all by herself. There was no one else out there. Everyone was in the zendo. There were about 75 people in the zendo. who somehow got themselves up and got in this room before that door was closed. In a way, I felt sorry for her being all by herself, even though it was beautiful for me to think, you mean they're actually all in there?

[07:49]

I've seen other days when there's like ten people inside and ten people outside. I won't go into that. I'll just mention that this morning the enthusiasm around this place was such that I saw that. And I don't want to make anybody feel bad, but then later one person came And then one other person came. But for a while there, there was this incredible Buddha land manifested here in this hall. And the people who came weren't very late. They just, you know, about one minute late.

[08:55]

But all of you got in here. I saw kind of a headline in a Buddhist newspaper. It said, The Dalai Lama said, it's not a time to pretend, to just sound good. We have to do something real. And you people did something real this morning.

[09:56]

I don't know what you did, but something real. Now this leads me, it leads me to say something I never wouldn't dare to say, and that is, would you please continue this practice? And just that one thing of leaving the bell ringer out there by herself, please do that just at least for the next, for the rest of Sesshin. After Sesshin's over, I don't know what, but I ask you at least for the next five mornings, see if you can repeat that and get here on time. It's for me, but it's actually for all sentient beings. that people know there's a place that has 75 people who are so dedicated to the welfare of beings that they get up in the morning to get in a room and encourage each other to meditate on the causes and conditions of human suffering.

[11:16]

That they come to do the practice of the enlightening being of infinite compassion. To meditate on how this body and mind is born and dies. To meditate on the one great matter of birth and death. And they don't just sort of drag themselves in there and kind of look at it now and then. They get in there on time And they all support each other and encourage each other. So I ask you, please continue and amaze me and amaze each other that such a thing can happen for seven days. And maybe we won't be able to continue it after that, but let's not think about that for now.

[12:20]

And I'm sorry I even mentioned it. Now, the one problem of this is the bell ringer, who's out there now all by himself without being packed in there with all those other nice people. But I have a practice for the bell ringer that I heard from Suzuki Roshi, and that's a story he heard about a monk, and I forgot the monk's name, but... Anyway, this monk was about to go to the head temple of the Soto school in Japan, Eheiji. And before he went, his father, who was a priest, said, when you get there, they have this great bell and you may get a chance in your training to hit it, to sound the bell for the whole monastery.

[13:27]

And The way you do that is you do a full bow and then you take the striker and you sound the bell. And when you sound the bell, you understand that as you do that, the wheel of the Dharma of the Buddha turns a little bit. And every time you strike that bell, the wheel of the law, the wheel of the true law turns a little bit. And Buddhism lives at the sound of that bell. For you and for the whole monastery, So the boy went to Eheji and he got his chance to ring the bell.

[14:30]

And as he was ringing the bell, the abbot sitting in his room heard the bell and said, who's hitting that bell? He could feel that devotion, that dedication. And that little boy grew up to be so-and-so's Zen master. I forgot. He grew up to be a great teacher and help lots of people understand what all this suffering is about. So you bell ringers out there, maybe you'll be all alone, but we'll be in here listening. Please feel connected to us when you do your job even though no one will be out there with you anymore.

[15:34]

Quietly explore the farthest reaches of these causes and conditions as this practice is the exact transmission of a proven Buddha. Also last night, before I came to Zazen, I was talking to our friend's wife in the hospital who had to watch her husband go through these grand mal seizures. And I asked her, you know, what was hardest for her.

[16:42]

And the hardest thing for her is that when these things happen she starts in her mind rushing around which you can imagine you might do if you're in a room with someone you loved who was having a seizure while also being not just have a seizure but a seizure was connected to all kinds of tubes and equipment It might be hard not to rush around, but that was her problem. That's her problem. Her practice is to try to stay. She said, I'm just trying to stay here. I remember I went to Portland with Suzuki Roshi one time. While we were there he had a gallbladder attack while we were sitting in a sashin and he suddenly keeled over.

[17:53]

And then we went back to San Francisco and I was sitting next to him on the airplane and I noticed that I couldn't stay in my seat. Here I was with my dear teacher who I made such a big effort to have a chance to be with, and now he needed me to be with him, but my mind was racing all over the world. I was like thousands of miles away. I couldn't stand to sit next to him in his pain, in my pain. I kept trying to pull myself back to my seat, but it was so hard. The protection of all beings is accomplished in the thorough examination of one's own mistakes.

[19:11]

This is a bitter practice. So in order to do it, we must practice great generosity, great giving, so that we have the sweetness and joy of giving, so that the bitter is not just bitter, but there's sweetness there too. There's a sweetness of wanting to give yourself to your teacher or your friend or your husband or your wife or your child. There's that sweetness of being willing to give everything to the practice. But there's also the bitterness of noticing what you must notice, what I must notice, my own mistakes, The life of the enlightening being is one continuous mistake.

[20:27]

The life of a cruel person is they rarely notice mistakes. Or when we're cruel, we don't think we're making mistakes. If we are cruel and we notice we're making mistakes, that's the kind of thing that protects beings from the next cruelty. Noticing our contact, moment by moment, that's how you get to the zendo in time. And again, one time I was practicing with Narasaki Ikko Roshi, and he was visiting a monastery, and I was too, and he wasn't leading the practice there. He was giving lectures, but he was not leading the practice.

[21:34]

He was following a schedule just like me. And I noticed that the old guy always beat me to the zendo. I'd be going zendo, and he'd be ahead of me. And he didn't live any closer either, and he walked slowly. I started thinking, how has he beat me every time? Well, maybe his jisha gives him warnings or something. Better get up now, come on, let's go. Well, maybe so. But I figured out that the reason he beat me was because I was always doing one or two more things after I heard the bell. There was the bell and then one more brush of my teeth or tidy up my room a little bit more. If I actually went right when the bell went off, I would probably arrive just about the same time as him and might even beat him because I can walk faster.

[22:40]

But I think the reason why he beat me was because he actually went as soon as the bell went. So I watched more carefully. And then I watched more carefully. I noticed many little things I would do after the bell would go. Or before the bell would go. Many commitments I would get involved in. And I'm talking about like, I'm visiting this place and I've got nothing to do. I just have a little pack with me. It wasn't like there was telephones and stuff or any excuses like that. I was just involved in whatever I was involved in. In other words, if you practice for many years, you can get pretty good at dropping what you're doing and responding to the call. But I think it comes from noticing carefully what you're doing for a long time. And then right after that session we did in Minnesota, we both came back to San Francisco and he came to visit Zen Center where I was an abbot.

[23:54]

And his jisha came to me at Tassajara and his jisha said, you know, the Roshi's tired, but if you don't tell him to not go to Zaza, he'll go. and then he'll get too tired. So would you tell him not to go?" That's all I said. So he came walking by and I said, "'Excuse me, Narzakiroshi." I said it in Japanese, too. I said, "'Please don't go to Zazen. Go home to your room and rest.'" And he very happily said, "'Yes, sir.'" and trotted off to go to bed early that night. In the Heart Sutra, there's something very unusual about the Heart Sutra, which is nice to notice.

[25:12]

And that is, it's in Chinese, in the Chinese version of it, it says, Kanjizai bozatsu. Kanjizai. This is one way of saying the name of Avalokiteshvara Bodhisattva. And it's one of the rare times, almost, I think I heard it's like the only time when it appears in that form in the Prajnaparamita Sutras, usually they say, kanji, no, kanzeon, like we said last night, kanzeon, or kanan, or guanyin, which means to listen or regard the cries that come from the world of birth and death, to meditate on to look with eyes of compassion at all the sentient beings, at all the suffering beings, and to listen to their cries.

[26:23]

That's the more usual name, Guan Yin, listen to the sound, listen to the cries, or Kanan. And Kanzeon means regarding the world cries, the cries of the world. But this one's different. It says kanjizai. Ji means self and zai means abode or existence. So one way to translate that is the self-existing contemplator or the contemplation of self-existence. That the being of infinite compassion is contemplating self-existence. And self-existence could also be translated as natural existence or independent existence or independently existing.

[27:33]

Self could also be called selfly or automatically or naturally. All that's there and those words turn because meditation on how the self abides, how the self exists, is also meditation on how the self becomes liberated. The being of infinite compassion is meditating on how the self exists. This being which meditates on how the self seems to abide saw that the constituents of a self existence are totally empty. quietly explore the farthest reaches of the causes and conditions of this self-existence.

[28:55]

This is the practice of infinite compassion. Watch how the self seems to exist, seems to abide. And as the Buddha also said after awakening, the way the self actually exists, at the end of the study of the self's existence, you will see that it is liberated from itself. But it still abides in its momentary self-expression. the self's abode is the current expression. Its address is simply how it's happening now. Aside from this expression, it has no abode.

[29:56]

Aside from this expression, it is liberated. This meditation is the name of the being of infinite compassion. Watching yourself beyond time, watching yourself do whatever you're doing, watching yourself run away from your pain, watching yourself come back to your place, watching this current expression of your life, this current way the self exists is the meditation is the contemplation of this being. And Dogen Zenji rewrites the Heart Sutra slightly. Usually when you read it, we read, when Avalokiteshvara, when the regardor of self-existence was practicing deeply the wisdom beyond wisdom.

[31:14]

she saw that the aggregates of personal existence were totally empty. But Dogen Zenji writes it a little differently and says, the time when the meditator on self-existence practices perfect wisdom is the clear vision that sees the aggregates are empty. The time is the clear vision. Time, the time when you practice is the vision That's why in Zen it's important to be on time.

[32:23]

It can be easily misunderstood as some kind of like militaristic thing, getting all the little Zen soldiers lined up on time. But there's a softer way of understanding it, that it's a prerequisite to realize compassion is to be at a place and a time, being on time, being time. This is Buddha time. Not a time and space separate, but time and space united. So last night when I was talking to Dan's wife in the hospital and she told me that she was trying not to run away, I offered the practice of the old Buddha.

[33:56]

I said, I told her the story of asking if we've had breakfast, and then saying, wash the bowl. So I said, when you inhale, have your breakfast. When you inhale, take in all that pain. Chew it up. And when you exhale, just wash it off. Just let it all go. And then again, inhale, let all that pain come in, and exhale, let it go. After I said it three times, she said, it's already helping. She immediately started to practice it. any point of experience can be used to be a time... to be a time when... when Kahn Zeon practices perfect wisdom

[35:46]

both breath and posture are constantly offering themselves to be a point in time and space to contemplate how that time, how that point in time and space comes to be how it is. Every point of being time is an opportunity to quietly explore its causes and conditions. But we must use those points.

[37:27]

as they're actually happening, which is hard if there's pain. However, if we can't stand to be there with the pain, then we could observe that we run away, and that's the practice too. That's the practice of repentance. I couldn't stand to sit with Suzuki Roshi. I couldn't stand to be in the next seat on the airplane with my beloved teacher. It was too painful. That's my repentance. That's my confession. And if I can't be there, at least I confess I can't be there. And by the power, by the efficacy of this admission of my weakness and my impatience, this melts away the root of running away from the pain.

[38:39]

This melts away the root of abandoning suffering beings. But if you have a chance to get a taste of suffering in your mouth, then you can carefully, thoroughly chew it, taste it, chew it, taste it, and that will reveal its causes and conditions. And if I space out and don't notice that I'm chewing my breakfast, I could admit that and come back onto the path.

[39:53]

And the mind that keeps pulling us back onto the path of being mindful of this experience, that guiding us back is the mind of enlightenment. The mind of enlightenment is not the mind which stays on the point. When you're on the point, then you study. That's wisdom. But the guiding attitude, the spirit of enlightenment, is to gently bring us back to the work of contemplation, of sentient beings. Then we transgress, we run away, the mind of enlightenment brings us back, and then we can practice wisdom again. Wisdom protects the mind of enlightenment, the mind of enlightenment, the spirit of enlightenment promotes wisdom.

[41:07]

Of course they're all one thing, but they have this manifold interrelationship. So the mudra, the mudra is one of the ways you can find a time and a space, a point in space-time to focus and to study the Buddha's teaching of causation. The Buddha was awakened by understanding causation and after awakening continually reviewed the teaching of causation and taught it. the mudra placing the hands against the abdomen touching the baby fingers to a point below the navel two or three inches below the navel bringing the thumb tips together

[42:41]

Touching gently, but definitely. Touching at a point in space and time. This time, this time, this place. Now exploring the causes and conditions of this mudra, of these hands which are touching the abdomen All the fingers and the palm and the bones are making this possible. The wrists support and bring forth this mudra. The forearms, the elbows,

[43:44]

The arms are held away from the body a little so that there's space under the armpits. The upper arm. The shoulders. The upper back. the neck and the head, the lower back, the pelvis and hips, the legs, the feet, of course the abdomen and the chest and the ribs and the eyes and the teeth and the hair. These are causes and conditions for this mudra.

[44:57]

All these causes and conditions bring this mudra forth. This mudra is brought forth by the whole body. And meditating on this one can see the other side too, namely that the mudra brings forth the whole body. The body brings forth the mudra, the mudra brings forth the body. And thus one can also be led to see that the whole universe brings forth this mudra, and this mudra brings forth the whole universe.

[46:22]

Very ordinary. simply the meditation on the farthest reaches of causes and conditions at a particular point in space and time. This is a traditional yogic form to do this meditation of causes and conditions, but you can also do it on your fingernail You can also do it on your nose. You can also do it on a little chunk of pain. And someone did this meditation and he said to me, when I saw how everything had to be lined up to make the mudra, and he could have said it the other way, when I saw

[47:34]

how the mudra made everything lined up. My persona dropped off. He said that, but I think that's true. That when you see the farthest causes and conditions of anything your face drops off, your self drops off. The separation between you and others drops off when you realize how this works. This is one example of meditating, this is an example of meditating on the self-existence or self-abiding of your hand mudra.

[48:40]

The same with your breath, following the breath, following your awareness of the breathing body. Everything has to be lined up for you to breathe, and your breathing lines up everything. You don't have to look around to see all these causes and conditions. They arrive. All we have to do is sit here, and they'll come and present themselves to us. But we know how hard that is to be here, so we're patient with our running away, but we also notice our running away.

[49:48]

We guide ourselves back here, and we notice something, we run away, we bring ourselves back. We don't get angry at ourselves. We're patient with ourselves. Or we're patient with ourselves not being patient with ourselves. And so on. One of the characteristics of the tradition coming from Suzuki Roshi is that there's many, many most important things. So the latest, most important thing to come out of my mouth is it's very important to make yourself comfortable.

[50:50]

So I sign up for a session. I sit down and cross my legs and then I say, now, it's most important to be comfortable. Under these circumstances, please make yourself comfortable. And the man who left Seshin, he wasn't able to hold his back straight. He was getting more and more curved and more and more painful. So I search for the posture in which I'm most comfortable. I call it an upright posture. But there's no such thing as an upright posture. And yet I search for it because upright posture is the posture that's most comfortable under the circumstances of having a back and living in a world where there's gravity.

[52:07]

Sometimes an upright posture is to lie down on your side. Sometimes it's to lie down on your back. But no matter what posture you're in, the most comfortable way to be in that posture is upright. Or upright is the name for the most comfortable posture. It is the most comfortable posture, and I'm not kidding. It is the posture which is the dharma gate of repose and bliss. under a given circumstance. It is the posture which is just the posture, which is not trying to get anything out of the posture, which makes no promises and has no expectations.

[53:17]

This is the most comfortable posture. So please Find that most comfortable posture. Or I shouldn't say find, please look for it. Please explore the causes and conditions of the most comfortable way to be at a particular time. Please find the most comfortable way to be under the circumstances of noticing your mistakes. And after you notice your mistakes, wash your bowl.

[54:42]

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