Recently, I've been talking about intimacy in our practice, and Dogen Zenji says that why we don't know we are already enlightened is because enlightenment is too intimate for us. He uses the word, term, intimate enlightenment, not highest enlightenment or ultimate enlightenment, but intimate enlightenment. So how to be intimate with ourselves is

[01:07]

the sense and direction of our practice, especially at the beginning. It doesn't mean that all of the things which separate you from yourself and other people, like your desires or your aversions, hate and anger, or your delusions, are just there to be gotten rid of because they separate you, they destroy your intimacy with yourself. That's true, if you're not intimate with your anger and your delusions and your desires,

[02:16]

but if you're quite friendly to your anger, anger is not yours alone, it belongs to everyone, and it arises from some causal conditions which include others. So anger doesn't have to separate you from others. The very intimacy, actually, of being angry with someone can make you closer to the situation.

[03:35]

You see, when you understand, when your practice becomes more and more, as your practice becomes more and more intimate, you'll find new understandings of everything, precepts, like do not kill. As you become more intimate with yourself, you realize that do not kill means you can't kill anything.

[04:41]

There's no way to kill anything. To try to kill something is just to create in samsara more of what you're trying to kill. When you understand what others are, you know, you can't steal. When you understand you can't possess anything, there's no point to stealing anything, counting your chickens. Others are only in your own mind, not outside yourself.

[05:47]

What you call outside yourself is only some distinction you make in your own mind. What you call others are not outside yourself. Dogen, actually, for the word he uses of intimate enlightenment, he uses a word which means as one with whom you are intimate or an intimate friend. Some of you, you know, resent even Buddha, practicing Buddhism. You want to do it, you know, yourself, or you resent even maybe Suzuki Roshi,

[06:52]

which means, you know, you don't want to practice Buddhism yourself. You resent the fact that you have to practice Buddhism, that you have to do something. You want to get through this samsara as quickly as possible and attain enlightenment. But this is to reject samsara. You can't reject samsara. Although the ultimate nature of samsara is samyaka, emptiness, still it's characterized by more bewilderment and confusion. Suffering. Suffering just means you're off the path. If your hand's on a hot stove, it means your hand's on a hot stove. If you're suffering, it means you're off the path. Being on the path means to become intimate with your suffering,

[08:12]

with samsara, with your confusion. Satsang with Mooji Satsang with Mooji If you can give up discriminating between subject and object,

[09:16]

and dwell, Dogen says something like, dwell in the midst of all things, in their infinite use. Buddhas dwell in the midst of all things. And you dwell in the midst of all things. And pebbles, bricks, plants, all... I don't know how to translate the next part. Demonstrate Buddha's grace. Demonstrate Buddha's grace.

[10:28]

Anyway, it's... Thank you. Thank you. Anyway, it's... It's...

[11:32]

Our... We say our small mind, but... What your small mind is, you know, maybe takes some years of becoming more intimate with yourself. In small mind, then, we say, if you sit in... big mind, everything will be... all right. And I try to say, you know, I can't find any words to say. You know,

[12:55]

small mind doesn't like rules, and wants to get through the practice as quickly as possible. But big mind has no idea of fast or slow, and actually rather likes rules. You know, because of rules, you know, two leaves are different, and because they're separate, the sun can shine through them, or they can be green. Various phenomena can happen. I've given three lectures in the last three days. And my feeling now is... just to sit,

[14:05]

you know, without any thought arising. Hearing things, you have quite no idea about what you're hearing. And... better than any lecture I can give you. I can ask you, you know, what you actually feel or hear. But even that disturbs. So...

[15:26]

As soon as you recognize what you hear or feel, close the door to becoming more intimate with your practice. If you look on the world as a creative thing with a purpose, any purpose at all, your purpose for you, you cut yourself off from it. The actual, simultaneous, purposeless arising of everything.

[16:40]

Dharmakaya Buddha means this realm, emptiness. And... Sambhogakaya Buddha means the intimate realm of communication, where we know each other and everything thoroughly, without effort, without separation, and in which we express our Buddha nature. Do not kill sometimes means don't be lazy, expecting Buddhism to manifest itself effortlessly. You have to make some effort to realize the path.

[17:55]

And... Stop the activity of your small mind. And Nirmanakaya Buddha means you yourself, the realm of activity in which you manifest Buddhism, your Buddha nature. And these three are simultaneously present. Buddha means these three. To take refuge in Buddha means to take refuge simultaneously in these three aspects of Buddha. So...

[19:17]

So when we really talk about intimate enlightenment, intimate communication with ourselves, with others, we have to give up ordinary kinds of communication and expectations. How else can we hear unanimous objects preaching the Dharma? You know the famous statement, although you do not hear it, do not interfere with that which hears it. You can't make any effort to hear it, but you can make some effort to not interfere with that which hears it. And not be in a hurry,

[20:19]

willing to wait forever for the sound of Buddha's voice, for the sound of your own nature in everything. From someone who is concerned about time and place, to begin to know the real space you live in, what actually the space that you are, that you live in, is. It's not dead space, you know, there, between us. Only your small mind, you know, which wants to grasp things,

[21:34]

make everything simple and convenient, thinks of this as dead space. In which you make distinctions about near or far. This is more mine because it's near me, that's more something else because it's far. Near and far don't exist, actually. Practically, you know, how does such a realm help you in your usual situations?

[22:41]

Knowing that we exist in this way gives you ultimate or true perspective on everything. You see, you know, you're quite easily, if you do one thing thoroughly, you know, you do everything. You know this to be true. So you're not concerned with what you're leaving undone. And you don't give things such importance. At first, because you know you can't understand the relationships between everything.

[24:03]

And so you trust, you know, your opportunity at a particular time to do something as well as you can. If your mind is calm in this way,

[25:13]

everything you put down, place somewhere, you place it in your mind. When you pick it up, you pick it up in your mind. And everything is always present. So there is nothing to lose or gain. And anything, anywhere, is, will realize its infinite usefulness. And everything you are will be its own infinite usefulness,

[26:25]

if you can not make separation between yourself and others, this and that. Expectation, or worry, expectation or worry, or guilt, which removes us from the situation we're in. Always we're overlooking the jewel. You can practice by catching yourself when you're in some situation.

[27:32]

And you expect something. To wonder why you think it's more over there, or soon rather than now. When you have everything you need now, everyone will know they can't keep anything from you. And so everything will be given to you. It would be so relaxing for other people to see you. He already has everything. He doesn't want to take anything. He doesn't want to possess anything. We say, like the ocean,

[28:40]

which, although all the rivers enter the ocean, the level of the ocean stays the same. But as long as you think you're incomplete, you will be incomplete. But when you realize how complete you are, everything will rise up to complete you. Your practice doesn't need to be known or experienced.

[29:51]

Anyway, this way of talking may be too serious. You should know the infinite realm of all possibilities exists and is in your hands right now. And that there is no alternative to that. And that there's no reason to be dissatisfied or look for something else. Just open your hands and close your hands. And if you have some deep dissatisfaction,

[31:24]

dissatisfaction means you are not intimate enough with yourself to know how to act in each situation. So we want to practice. We say secret practice. We can say intimate practice and realize intimate enlightenment. That touches each one of us with Buddha's grace. It touches each one of us with the phenomenal nature of this world.

[32:37]

When you can practice in this world, you can go anywhere in the cities or in the mountains, among all kinds of situations. Without ever touching anything in the sense of interfering. So much space. And without ever leaving. You are at home. You are at true home. Excuse me, I'm so serious.

[34:02]

Stay. Do you have some questions you'd like to talk about? I have a question. [...]

[35:21]

I have a question. Can you, do you all hear what she said? She said, Dogen says that you climb up to the top of a hundred foot pole and then you, with your whole body and mind, take one more step. And although if she has her hand on a hot stove, it doesn't hurt so much.

[36:30]

Still, how do you tell when you're still clinging to the staff? Then she said, if I cause her a problem by asking her, how are you? Okay. Maybe that's clinging to the staff. Or wondering about whether you're clinging to the staff is clinging to the staff. Anyway, it means that you come to the end of thinking or figuring out. And as I said, once you turn your lights out in the dark, stepping one more step off the end of the pole.

[37:38]

Without doing this, you know, the infinite realm of possibilities won't take care of you. Suzuki Roshi used to end his lectures always with, do you understand? And I always objected to that. And I told him, I don't want to worry about whether I understand. Quit asking me. He said, oh. So I don't usually say, do you understand? Sometimes I do. I don't know why I say, how are you? I don't really care too much about how you are. But I look at you and I feel something.

[38:51]

I can't hit you. I can't bow to you in the middle of the hall. So it's the most easy thing to say is, how are you? If you suddenly, when I say, how are you, suddenly rays of Buddha come out from all directions in your head. That would be okay too. Okay. I'll practice this.

[40:04]

Very interesting. Too interesting. As I said yesterday, our practice makes us more and more able to be conscious of our true activity. The true activity which we cannot control. But our practice is at the same time to not be conscious, to refrain from being conscious. To allow our practice to flow without restraint. Some other questions?

[41:36]

Yes. And not just within you. Why does it sound strange? I don't know. What was the last thing you said?

[42:39]

Can you all hear what he said? No? I didn't. No? This room is so easy to hear and I'm never quite sure. Leland raises the problem of who is deciding you're complete. Complete, you know, words like who or complete are just words, of course. And since this is a practice you can use them.

[43:49]

You're actually already complete. But if you notice when you're doing things as if you weren't complete you can counteract that tendency by reminding yourself that you're already complete. In this kind, in this way you are complete. Eventually you will have some sense of how to live as if you are complete. Not expecting anything, not looking for anything.

[44:55]

Satisfied with being incomplete. This is more than complete or incomplete. At this, maybe it takes, I don't know what word to use, but maybe it takes some sincerity, but not, you know, ordinary sincerity. Maybe some futile belief. If you question too much, you know,

[46:08]

is this complete or will it work? Make too much distinction between yourself and others as if you could fool some other person. As if you could fool somebody into thinking you are complete or that there'd be any point in that. You can practice with great sincerity and effort,

[47:33]

but if you reflect on that practice you take all of its strength away and it's just you doing it without anyone to help you, without anything to help you. And this is just some euphemism or deluded way of thinking about the actuality of our situation. Any other questions?

[48:49]

Have I ever told that story before? Well, right now that would be too long a story. What she asked was, the last three lectures, the city practice period and yesterday and today, she wanted to ask me to tell the story of how Suzuki Yoshi began teaching Americans. It's too long a story. He began because of you. He was very passionate about what he was doing.

[50:26]

And then, his other boy, he harassed him, he hurt his back, he said, you should have done this, and why don't you do this? And I felt that, I felt very strong when I was going through the education period. It shouldn't be difficult for me, it should be possible for me. So, I went over to him with a helmet and I said, get the hell out of here! And he just, like, he told me, and he was so warm, and he actually, I mean, he just punched me as hard as he could in the mouth. And I was so surprised. I just, I just kind of stood there, and then I just grabbed him, and I just grabbed him with my headphones, and I just held on to him, and I didn't want him to leave me, and I held on to him so much, and I held on to him, and that's when I realized

[51:29]

that I was going to die. He said, now I'm going to get my order, get me my ice cream. And I said, I'm going to get the police. So, I went to the doctor, and he said, actually, I'm going to get the police. And I went to the doctor, and I had this question to ask him, and I was wondering if he could make a mistake. You know, if he could make a mistake, because at this point, I knew that, that I knew that I could be a Christian, and he could not be, and so I got so angry, I couldn't be, and I just started shouting at him, and I didn't like him. So, there wasn't a problem, because I was actually a Christian.

[52:26]

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