with the stream rather big again. I don't know if I can be heard in the back. It's okay. We changed... I changed the schedule a little bit in this session so that you... I'm sorry, don't get as much sleep. My intention is not to make the sashim more difficult for you, but rather to get you lost. So since there isn't so much time to sleep,

[01:10]

In this sasheen, it's okay to take, during breaks, you can take a nap if you want to, or rest for a few minutes. And, of course, you're going to have to be more careful of your energy, more conscious of how much energy you have. But I don't really want you to get through a sasheen with your energy or with trying to get through it. But I want you to find some other strength. You're the real source of your strength. So daytime or nighttime, it doesn't make any difference. The order of a sasheen should be disorder. It should disorder your own order. If you depend on sasheen being a certain way, it's the complete opposite of a sasheen.

[02:38]

If you want to figure out the structure of a sasheen and then rely on it to get through, that's not the point at all. But to be completely disordered, maybe, but to just continue. to be lost, you know, without any sense of value or realm in which you can accumulate something or measure. or acquire something. Several of you are fond of the gatha at the end of the Diamond Sutra, like a dream,

[04:21]

mock show, a fault of vision, a lightning flash, etc. View all things which are conditioned. It means to be lost, but found. There's no If everything is like a dew drop, how can you acquire anything or measure anything? And it's actually so. It's not just a philosophical statement to remind you that the permanent isn't so permanent. So every sutra says, you know, just recite this sutra. Merit may be, as again the Diamond Sutra says, that

[05:45]

There is no merit, and because there's no merit, we call it merit. But even greater merit than that is just to recite four lines of this sutra. And the Lotus Sutra says the same thing, and every sutra says the same thing. It means you must practice, that if you're reading this sutra, you should be one with the sutra. not just looking for its meaning. It means to be lost in the sutra. We need, you know, to be lost. It's like we need darkness. If it was always light, It would be terrible. Always you could see things quite clearly. Your mind and body would never have any rest, so darkness is necessary. Sleeping is necessary. But this isn't the real darkness of Buddhism. Real darkness is there at daytime.

[07:11]

in the daylight and the night time, and real light is in the darkness. So the beginning of the second story in the Blue Cliff Records, Engel says, the universe is too contracted, or by comparison, heaven and earth are too narrow. The sun and stars and moon are not bright enough. Even the sun is not bright enough by comparison to this one mind. And yet the real way is not difficult. The sun itself isn't bright enough, but the real way is not difficult. Only no discrimination. This one mind, you can find out in this sashim, if you can give up everything.

[08:36]

Something will continue you night and day. We don't even need to sleep four hours. Something will be transfusing you at nighttime and daytime, when you're asleep or when you're awake. You will know it even if you're sleeping on your cushion. So in a sashin, we should go beyond sleeping or not sleeping or mealtime or zazen or kinhin. 2.30 is a good time, I think, to get up because after 3, you think it's almost morning. 2.30 is the middle of the night.

[09:45]

I want to talk a little bit about the way we hold our eating bowl. Most people, or many people, hold it with their fingers or thumbs, using the hand as some implement which picks things up. and holds it. So, bowl is rather inactive in this kind of relationship. Bowl is just there, something you hold. It could be anything. But usually, except when you're cleaning your bowl, the bowl should just rest in your hand. Just rest or sometimes you may just have it in your hand like this, but usually like this. And thumb should not come over the edge or finger over the edge. This kind of way of using our hand is rather difficult for us to learn because we're so used to using our hand as an implement

[11:27]

not as just this against the ball. So we, for instance, always tend to use the tip of our thumb. How Japanese people use this part of their thumb. They pick things up this way often. They use the whole of their hand in ways we don't. We don't use the palm so much. We tend to use our fingers. So if you use the whole of your hand, then the bowl is holding your hand and you're holding the bowl. Some equal relationship. The bowl is participating in it. So there's some intimacy there between you and the bowl. Do you understand what I mean? So there's some range between picking something up, any object, and the various ways in which you and the bull are one. Bull is holding your hand and you are holding the bull. It's like the statement,

[13:28]

view conditioned things as a dewdrop or the sound of one hand clapping. You know, if you understand it just mentally or like a philosophical statement, yes, everything is transient, so we view it as a dewdrop. knowing that, holding four lines, or knowing that so thoroughly that everything you see is like a dew drop. There's no question of trying to make something of it, or trying to find a substitute, as when, in this beautiful springtime, we see something, green grass or flowers. If you have some yearning to make the experience complete by finding a substitute for it in language. It's not quite complete, you know, until you paint it or write it or something. That is suffering. Grass is not green or anything particular. Just what you see.

[14:56]

And if naturally you find some equivalent in language or writing or something or drawing, it's independent. It's not some completion of the experience. It's just as green as the grass then. Ashes are ashes and firewood is firewood. So you abandon all hope. Abandon any kind of location. It's such a wonderful experience to realize you're actually lost, just swimming, maybe even homeless. We don't know here with this Buddha and each other and this room.

[16:04]

Where this is? Do you know where this is? Where are you? If you think you know, you're wrong. What time of day is it? When you can transcend these discriminations, the real way is not difficult and you will know you are one mind. your original nature. So to be really lost, you know, to have no supports, to find that life which doesn't need any supports, Who's going to keep track anyway? Your parents? Your friends? If it's really like a dew drop, if you really believe that, there's nothing keeping track.

[17:19]

So if you understand the sound of one hand clapping, for example, again as some philosophical statement. But there is activity and there is the potential for activity. And one hand represents the potential for activity and clapping is the activity. This is not... It's like trying to pick up the bowl with two fingers. already you're in some contracted world and don't know it. Sound of one hand. Some people forget in this statement the clapping. Sound of one hand clapping. One hand is the absolute and clapping is the function.

[18:44]

So Ango says in his introduction to the Blue Cliff Records, case number two, about the real way is not difficult. He says the heaven and earth are too narrow. The sun and stars are not bright enough. Buddhas understand it in themselves. Patriarchs can't expound it completely. Sutras can't explain it. Even priests, and by priests it means even those who adopt completely Buddha's life, can't understand it themselves. Even to say Buddha's name is like wallowing in mud and water. Too much, it means too much kindness from your teacher can't help you.

[20:40]

It's true just now, but don't be attached to it, is the emphasis of this case discussing the relative and the absolute. A couple other things I wanted to mention. One is, when we chant, we say... it sounds like almost, oh my, ku-la-sai. It's not oh-ma. It's ohm-ma-ku-la-sai. And many of you still say ra instead of la. If you say each syllable, and then sva-ha, lasts quite a bit longer than when you're chanting. Anyway, you're saying OM-MA. M, maybe OM and two or three M's, or at least two. And some of you are ga-showing this way. And sometimes it's alright. Usually it's

[23:00]

Older priest does that. You're supposed to be strong enough to do it. But sometimes, it depends on the circumstances, it may be all right, but usually you should, particularly any case where a bow is called for and not just you're returning some bow quickly, you should bow. Anyway, in this session I'd like you to know what it's like to be lost, to not anymore have any realm of achievement. Do you have some question? Well, I said you'd have to be careful with your energy.

[24:53]

You don't know what I mean? Well, I mean if you don't have much sleep, you know, three hours or four hours, you don't have any extra energy. Maybe in the morning you can... I have three candy bars of energy, which have to last all day. So if you know at the beginning of the day, I have one candy bar or two, you can last all day. We shouldn't waste our energy in some unnecessary movement or thinking too much. Fantasies take a lot of energy, so not too many fantasies. How are we to arouse a way-seeking mind without being caught by realm of achievement? Could you hear what he said? He said, how are we to arouse a way-seeking mind without being caught by realm of achievement?

[26:17]

Way-seeking mind is the mind which doesn't need attachments, doesn't need discriminations. It's not goal-seeking mind. So maybe way-seeking mind is characterized by the feeling, oh, I don't need this. I don't need that. I'm already on the way. or this just as I am is the way, or some feeling like that. Not trying to get something. Some feeling of comfort. You know, what I remember, recently I remembered that I used to be guided by some sense, some aesthetic sense that wanted simplicity or toughness or absolute. My tendency was to prefer something absolute. So things that weren't absolute I

[28:08]

just washed off or something. And I was reinforced in this by Zen is quite simple and Zen painting is quite essential. So I tended to prefer things which, a garden or something which made you feel stark. Anyway, my fondness for this helped me to avoid many involvements. But you have some problem with this. If you go to Japan, for example, next to a very simple Sumi scroll, there's the most gaudy altar you've ever seen, with hanging pieces of plywood painted gold in an intricate fashion, which make a kind of aura of gold and all kinds of

[29:39]

doodads everywhere, quite ornate. And even this kind of aesthetic, which may help us, you know, is a realm of achievement. To have some preference, I prefer this to that. So there's no reason why, if you give up that or find that goes away, that even aesthetic preferences you can be as frilly as you like, or as simple as you like. The only thing which seems to make Zen rather simple is that, not because it has an aesthetic or style of simplicity, but because we find our needs are quite few.

[30:59]

Although our needs are few, it doesn't mean we prefer a garden which has no flowers, only just sand and rock. So what I mean by realm of achievement includes anything by which you measure your experience and try to guide it. And way-seeking mind isn't such a measure. In this session, I'm emphasizing, let's emphasize forgetting where we are. and what we're doing, and what we're being or becoming or anything. Just put your strength here, or let your strength be here, and lift up through your backbone.

[32:33]

and realize you don't know where you are or what you're doing. Who could know it? Who is there to know it? But even that which does not comprehend functions. That's the sound of one hand. Viewing conditioned things as do is the unconditioned. It's not some philosophical statement with illusion on one side and the Absolute on the other. You are illusion and the Absolute right now.

[34:06]

and something on which nothing can be written. So quit trying to write all over yourself. I'm out or I'm in. There's nothing to be in or out of. If you trust that, you know, you'll have everything you need. There's no fooling around or ducking. Dogen said, you know. Realize the

[35:16]

continuous body of Buddha and yourself as the nirmanakaya. Realize how that which does not comprehend also functions. I want you to give up your life in this session. You can't remember who you were. Just to sit on your cushion this moment is all.

[36:48]

Sometimes I see something that proves to me that I'm in a contracted world. I see it and I know I've been screwing around. in this contracted world. When I see something like that, it's difficult to accept it. Because it's not true. A contracted world isn't true. What do we do when we see some indication? Not just some small indication, but when we hurt someone or hurt ourselves. Some serious contracted world.

[38:56]

And just accept that. I can't do it. I don't think that's what you mean. What do you mean? That's my contracted will coming and kicking me in the behind. You mean you accept it, but you feel immoral unless you do something about it? No? No, I don't accept it. I think you accept it, but you want to do something about it or improve. Yes.

[40:20]

You know, the contraction is you, right? So just forget about it. If you can forget everything, there's no more contraction. If you should pay for it, you'll pay for it. You don't have to make yourself pay. collecting demerits is not nobler than collecting merits.

[41:58]

The trouble with merit and demerit is it views ourself as a... it objectifies ourself. And problem is caused by that objectification. So there's no solution except to drop the objectification. So there's no subject and object. No realm of achievement. Everything is like a lightning flash or dew drop. For this moment, we see something. So we can say it's like a lightning flash. But it has no merit or demerit, no collection or accumulation or achievement, no realm in which such a thing can occur. So drop the very realm in which you're trying to measure the negative effects of your actions.

[43:37]

We're not a tub, you know, that you rinse out of negative things and good things will fill it up. The realm of our practice, the realm of our actual existence, is, you know, I can say something like, don't use your hand, you're like a tool, cooperate with the bowl, so hand and bowl are one. And maybe because we always think about picking it up, we grab it, you know, and so we don't know that which just supports, you know. where it requires much less energy because the bowl is doing half the work. That I can explain. But how that which does not comprehend also functions I can't explain.

[45:11]

what the realm of our practice is or our true life, I can't explain. How to forget yourself, I can't explain. Just in this session, if you try to, as Suzuki Roshi said, make your best effort, If you just try to sit each period, that's all, and do kīnyan, and eat, and sleep for four hours, and get up. And you don't try to wiggle through the sēshīn, but just meet each period straight on. Not trying to say, oh, I'm such and such, or I should have enough strength, or someone is here practising. No such idea. If you can do that, maybe you'll forget yourself and find your true life.

[46:39]

And you realize how illusory, how foolish it is to have viewed for so many things the objective world as our body or contrasted with our self or something in which things occur and can be measured Bye.

[47:41]

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