What I'm trying to talk about is to give you some actual feeling for what we mean by transmission outside the scriptures. or practice itself. There are various kinds of practice and most of us probably practice because we're sort of suffering.

[01:04]

or sort of troubled by things and we want some relief. But maybe to practice most effectively you have to be a little crazy or you have to care so much that you could be crazy. To care too much about things is a kind of craziness. everything's always wrong and depressing, et cetera. We ourselves are never good enough. But the energy of that kind of caring is necessary for practice. A bodhisattva is one who wants to carry his practice to the ultimate point, or he wants to find final satisfaction.

[02:07]

he's willing to try completely. And it's that energy, and energy is one of the paramitas, you know, never a moment of slackness, never a moment of giving up, that's what energy means. To have that kind of energy is necessary and that energy is released or comes out from a sureness of, a sureness in your practice, a surety about practice. and some understanding of the scale of practice, you know.

[03:13]

Not that, oh, practice is something which by the time I'm such and such an age I'll have it figured out or be ready to be a teacher or something. But rather a sense of the endless impossibility and the constant effort. At first we need to push ourselves or give some direction, but after a while that effort or direction takes care of itself. It's there already and you It's like moving out into the stream. At first you have to push yourself off the edge, bank. And you may get swept back into the bank.

[04:18]

But as soon as you're out in the stream, suddenly you just go. And practice is like that. After a while, suddenly you just go, you know, with it. And everything is going with you. but we have such attachment or clinging to the bank that it's pretty nearly impossible to give up. And I think at base, we have to realize how our suffering is linked with everyone else's suffering. That our suffering creates other people's suffering. Other people's suffering creates our suffering. and to decide to do something about it. To help somebody you have to help yourself.

[05:21]

To help yourself you have to help somebody. These two things are exactly so one. And suffering, sometimes we don't feel we're suffering. And there are various kinds of people. Some people don't care so much. They don't try to find some satisfaction, so they don't suffer much. They're easily satisfied. But it doesn't change the linking of their disguised dissatisfaction with everyone else's, which once you see, you have some responsibility for. And it doesn't.

[06:30]

And sometimes we protect ourselves from being in situations that cause us suffering. In fact, most of us do that. Ninety percent of the time we avoid situations and people. and conditions. Most of you don't spend too much time in a cancer ward, you know. And it's actually some conscious effort to avoid that, or mental hospitals. And if you want to help someone, it's quite a legitimate decision. Well, I could go help one person who's in a mental hospital or is suffering. Just spending a lot of time with somebody you can give them some real pleasure or relief.

[07:47]

But we prefer not to think about that such and such a person exists or that our giving up our own life that we want to do would help such a person. So in that way we refuse to think about many things. And also we wisely know that we would go under maybe. We ourselves are not strong enough to sustain that kind of torture. So at first, it's not such a real question because most of us aren't strong enough to do it. And maybe we want to help society, not just one person. So for one or more reasons, we start practicing

[08:56]

Zen Buddhism or something like that. And after a while, you get so that you can stand that kind of torture. And maybe it leaves you a little weak, you know, but you just see it. knowing that's the actual condition of things, of all of us at some point, and often at many points, and for many people right now. Then the question is more real. Should I devote myself to one person to see over several years what can be done? or should I devote myself further to Zen practice?

[10:02]

Either way is okay. I think we understand Zen practice at that point more deeply, and we don't see suffering just in such a gross form as someone who has cancer. The understanding of suffering is maybe one of the most difficult points in Buddhism. Basically it means you have a misplaced desire for the unconditioned or absolute or unlimited and you always try to find satisfaction in some limited form. some determinate existence which you think is substantial or real or long-lasting. And because you make this mistake, in Buddhism we call it ignorance, because you make this mistake,

[11:20]

attempting to express your deepest urge for enlightenment or the unlimited, absolute, unlimited things, you're always dissatisfied, always restless. Nothing quite satisfies you, so you try something new. Or you continue what you're doing with some distaste. This is not so unpleasant, it's in levels we can tolerate, but thousands of millions of people doing this is what causes most of the sufferings in the world, wars and confusion and social injustice, etc. So from that kind of small mistake, ignorant mistake of misplacing our deepest urge, thinking we can find it in limited things, from that rolls and rolls of samsara churn out.

[12:30]

Some people for some reason have the insight to see that, maybe because their own suffering pushes them to do it. or they care so much they want to go to the root of the various things that link us to conditioned existence. So they find in themselves this deep desire, bodhicitta, or desire for enlightenment, for the welfare of all beings, comes alive like maybe a small flame, and they cup their hands around it until it's stronger and stronger.

[13:39]

It doesn't have to be just insight, you know, it can be the decision to practice in that way can come from other factors, love for your teacher or for practice or for people in general or some intuitive sense that makes you stick to practice. And this kind of, we can say it in words, but to know it completely may not be the beginning of your practice, may come later. But at some point anyway, we make a determination for one or another reason, to practice, to carry practice to the ultimate concern.

[15:21]

With this urge you can relieve yourself of all suffering. Or what happens to you? You don't experience that suffering anymore. Maybe same things happen to you, but you don't experience it as suffering. and you don't experience other people's suffering as suffering but as some process which if they are sensitive to they will see the root of it. So you always are relating to people so they see the root. So it's helpful to see your own process in action, which we try to see in Zen practice, seeing how things appear and disappear.

[16:43]

And maybe time has to slow down so you can see in that kind of detail. So, I would suggest you think of time as space. Don't think, I don't have enough time. Think, I have these physical acts to do and this sidewalk number of blocks to go. This represents time. I don't have space enough, maybe. Anyway, by thinking of time as space, as an exercise maybe, you will maybe see how you yourself create time and space.

[17:53]

that you are producing time and space. You are space and by your movement you create space. Going here, that's some space you've created. And people move in that space and you move in that space. So zazen is so many heartbeats and breaths and changing of your body and moving of the heavens. Anyway, as an exercise, find yourself always recognizing time as space.

[19:01]

then maybe in addition you'll be able to pay attention to your space. When we think it's time, time is running out so we rush through our space. And so we speed up time by rushing through our space because our space is time. Do you follow me? I'm talking about... But if you pay attention to your space, time will slow down. Time then is the space of one thought after another. You will see the interaction of your space and thinking. And your space and your thinking should be one rhythm. And if so, and you're not scurrying about, thinking your time is running out, your life is running out, and you only have so much time before you have to achieve something that someone has to know about, even before you do it, just that you're thinking about it, you want people to know.

[20:23]

without thinking about all those things which distract you and make your mind race about and you lose your time and you are lost in space, actually. You don't know what your own space is. So just relaxed in your own space. Fly buzzes in and out of it. some person buzzes in and out of it, you know. Various things happen and you don't have any urge to swat the fly, you know, or to react especially to what comes. It's not some time thing which you're going to have to relate to because it has to do with your future or past.

[21:31]

It's just something happening in your space. Maybe it comes this close. Maybe it comes only one mile. Maybe it comes one million miles. It's just in your space and which is closer? Who says this is closer than that? Anyway, quite calmly, you know, you can do this. And maybe you've had the experience sometime of studying, say, and for some reasons it's interested you or you've been under some pressure so you're concentrated. And you have been reading, maybe, or working on weaving something or drawing something or some pottery, something that completely absorbs your concentration. You're completely absorbed, and you may find you've read some page very, very carefully, every word, and you've had hundreds of thoughts about each word.

[22:48]

Oh, that is, and oh yes, and et cetera, you know. Or you've in great detail seen the cloth that you're working on. And you stop a minute. Oh, what time is it? And your body thinks, ah, when this many thoughts have occurred, usually 45 minutes or an hour has passed. Then you look at your clock, and maybe five minutes have passed or 10 minutes. because you haven't been running around in your head, having many disconnected thoughts and wanderings, worrying about time running out. That's actually slowing down time.

[23:48]

Your life will be much longer. Really, your life will be 200 or 300 years. Other people will measure it as 80, but you'll know it's two or three hundred years. Sometimes that experience is forced on us by anxiety. In a few minutes I have to go into the operation, or something serious, you know, exam, and two or three or four minutes seems, you know. Anyway, this is what I'm talking about is pretty obvious, but I don't think we always understand the significance of it or why we don't always have such an experience. Anyway, that kind of experience or attention is necessary to understand, say, a koan, because you have to experience it minutely.

[25:11]

And the purpose of koan is not to by Koan to awaken in yourself the echo of such an experience. Or, oh yes, I understand that in my own life I have similar problem. That's one level of Koan. You find similar problems in your own life which you solve. But actually Koan means, or Zen story means, you have the actual experience of meeting the emperor. Experience of bodhidharma or nonsense is your experience or Joshu. So when Joshu puts his sandal on his head, you put your sandal on your head. It becomes your experience. This way our experience is one with Buddhas and patriarchs.

[26:19]

So to have that kind of experience in which you find the experience of everyone is your experience. Maybe you have to practice and get rid of your restless mind. And you can look then at how you have certain tendencies And those tendencies are expressed in your actions. And your actions lead to suffering. And your suffering leads to those tendencies again, reinforces those tendencies.

[27:40]

And your previous actions lead you to have more actions the same way. And it leads to more suffering, which leads to more tendencies and more. And you go round and round and every time groove gets deeper. Until it's almost impossible to see what you're doing. And it's very difficult to see the necessity to get out of that cycle because our, actually we're expressing our deepest urge, our desire for enlightenment, for the welfare of all beings, our seeking for unlimited state of being or nirvana. but because we always express it in some limited form, mistaking, you know, big mistake in Buddhism is to mistake the conditioned for the unconditioned.

[28:53]

So each time you cut that groove deeper and it's reinforced and reinforced. So you should be able to see how, before a situation arises, you have some tendency to do such and such. And when the situation arises, you condition its arising, producing the same groove, or looking for the same groove, and following it, and producing the same discomfort and dissatisfaction. And then you say, this is terrible, but you look at the root and root is okay. You're trying to express yourself or help someone. And there's no reason why, you know, talking before about giving up your life to help somebody.

[30:00]

It's rather contradictory to give up your life to help somebody to have the kind of life you're giving up, you know? You have to be to know the kind of life. That is deeply satisfying in order to act with others. And that deeply satisfying life is when you can express your unlimited feelings. So here at a place like Zen Center is a kind of ground where we can express our habits, our karma, our conditioned experience, and we can see the effect on it on each other. So each of us is offering to the other

[31:03]

a field to express your karma in and suffering and to reflect it back. And we should be able to absorb it and reflect it and not to be such a simple place as just creates the groove for the person deeper. Most situations, job or usual social situations, people want to typify you immediately and want you to stay in some groove, will reinforce it and will make you suffer the effects of your action immediately by not telling you, not giving you any opportunity other than that which you create.

[32:08]

But here in a sangha there should be some more intimate relationship where we accept each other's suffering or inconsistencies as maybe a reflection of our own suffering and inconsistencies. And what we form then between people, what you're doing maybe is forming alliances, maybe enlightenment alliances, in which you agree. We don't say it so clearly, but you agree. I'll enlighten you, you'll enlighten me. I'll appear in your dream, etc.

[33:12]

But actually something like that's going on. We agree to help each other to realize our unconditioned nature. And you give up at that point. You give up relating to people in ways that increase their conditioned entanglement. You don't put them down and you don't refuse to act with people in any way they are, but now maybe conditioned activity is like just dust or dirt which washes off in first light rain. So because of your practice you don't collect the effects of your actions and other people's actions so much, because your effort is always, as I say, turning toward emptiness rather than turning toward rebirth.

[34:21]

So in each thing you do with other people, you turn with them toward emptiness, turn with them toward enlightenment. not reinforcing their entanglements, but, you know, maybe like a rare rabbit jumping into the briar patch with people, but not getting stuck. Anyway, to see your habits like this, which keep repeating themselves, how desire becomes troublesome when it's expressed in some limited form which actually can't be satisfying,

[36:07]

When you see that, you have that kind of eye of wisdom. And you have that kind of energy which doesn't let grief or fear or entanglements get you down. Then practice is, you're almost sure to realize your practice. No matter what kind of person you are or your talents, you know, those talents are relative talents to usual worldly existence. For what I'm talking about, everyone has equal talent. If they can arouse, if this deep desire to be aroused, and we see the error of seeking satisfaction in what won't give us satisfaction.

[37:11]

But most of us, I do think, even people practicing pretty seriously, tend to say, well, that's true and I've gone 90% of the way, but the 10% of the way I haven't gone yet is the nice part of life. And that 10% I want because it's so pleasant to have these kinds of relationships and etc. That last 10% though maybe is 99% of the way. and it depends how deeply you've decided to actually do something and your scale includes all beings. Such a deep urge burns away all entanglements and makes you

[38:32]

bear to everyone. And everyone is so relieved to see you. Do you have some questions? Yeah? Did you hear what she said?

[39:44]

Oh, no. Maybe you should say it louder. I don't care. It seems that there is no calling it back. There is no way to continue. I wish she helped me understand. Well, she started out by saying she, this morning, almost bumped into me and I had to move and she had to move and I said, excuse me, and she went by and she said she felt not so good about being devastated, my goodness, devastated by being not present, etc.

[41:51]

But my experience of it was exactly the opposite. I was walking along and suddenly you were right in my space. And it was quite wonderful. There you were. It felt very good and I bowed to you and you bowed to me and I could see you very close and then we went back. That's all. I liked it. Please do it again. You thought I was Jerome at first? Jerome, you missed a good chance. Uh-oh.

[42:56]

Yeah. Perhaps I'm wrong. My experience has been that when you practice for a while, you become aware of what you need and desire in a different way, not so confused, not so attached. And then you can set about to satisfy them in a deeper way as part of the practice. And it seems to me that it's only when you have done that that you can actually begin to practice with everyone. Some kind of solidity, some kind of real attention to the actual You're setting me up.

[44:12]

Hmm, well first I think just whenever we add the element of time in our practice we should be cautious. Whenever we say this, this and this exist and this comes first and that comes second, usually we're wrong. It's only effective or accurate, both effective and accurate, to do them simultaneously, to see them simultaneously, to be simultaneously satisfying your desires and simultaneously giving them up. It's not right to say, well first I'll do this and then later I'll do that. We have to take whatever opportunity we have, you know.

[45:56]

You can't create a pure idealistic world and practice in it that way. You have to practice with the situations that present themselves. So, we met. And maybe it was some clumsiness or inadvertence which led to your bumping into me. But after you bumped into me, it was just an opportunity for us to bow. It didn't have to have anything to do with your inadvertence. So it was suddenly a new opportunity to do something. And the more we can find each situation like that, now we're in this situation and you do whatever. So while we're practicing our desires,

[47:07]

become much less entangled and we see much more clearly what we want and what we want to do and how to achieve it. And some strategy is much clearer. And our ability to take everyone into consideration simultaneously becomes better so that when we satisfy our desires it's more like everyone wants us to do it. Everyone cooperates in helping us. it's more in harmony with our life, you know? But I don't think we have to think of it as desire per se, but just something's happening right now and we do it the best we can, that's all. as free as we can and as helpfully for others.

[48:09]

If you're eating, we talked one day here about having six desserts or something like that, you know, that when you take a vow it doesn't mean you have some rule, I'm never going to have dessert, but each time you have dessert you your vow renews itself about just at that moment why you shouldn't have six desserts. So it's not a rule, no six desserts. But every time you're presented with six desserts, you find out you don't want six desserts. But if your karma has led you to the point where people have put six desserts in front of you, Which often occurs. And we find ourselves in the middle of eating the dessert.

[49:20]

Then we should at that moment renew, ah, this is eating the dessert. It's quite tasty. And yet I know the effects of it. And while you're eating it, you're aware of everything that's happening in relationship to it. And so you eat differently. Next time maybe your karma will only have four and a half desserts presented to you or something like that. And eventually we won't see it as dessert or not dessert, but it's just some activity. And if there's no karmic effect of our activity, we can do anything. There's no such a thing we shouldn't do. It's only the effects of our actions we should know. Another way of describing the mistaking the absolute in the conditioned is to say we mistake the conditioned for the unconditioned, but now I mean it a little differently in that we don't see the fact, the interrelatedness of things.

[50:58]

So we think we can just do that without any effect. That's ignorance. And that's what Dogen was trying to say about the incense. With one hand you offer incense and the other hand, or this hand, everything this hand does is connected with the one act of offering incense. So, unconditioned activity means maybe when you control the effects of your actions or there are... Anyway, that's a good enough way to say it. Not controlled by some manipulation, but there's an appropriateness to your actions. your actions come out of each situation, not from your past seeds or karma or something like that.

[52:09]

So whatever we do, the more we should try to free ourselves from the motivation rising from our karma or seeds, klesa. I don't know, it's a little difficult to talk about this kind of thing, but I think you understand what I mean. Yeah. Can you give an illustration of turning towards emptiness? Don't turn toward rebirth.

[53:16]

Don't turn toward creating more things. Each, it's like dropping a stone and no ripples. Maybe you put it right at the surface and it goes, that's all. Yeah. I think in this last 10%, traditional Buddhism and Buddhist schools would say, only a priest can do that. You have to be a priest to do that. You have to be a priest to really practice. Not just be a priest, but follow certain prehistory rules for your whole life. And if you do that, you can do the last 10%, which is 99%.

[54:19]

Why aren't you going to do the best you can? But maybe our tradition doesn't say that, but sometimes it seems as though it's not. It doesn't say it's true anymore. It isn't true. Maybe weaker ones become priests who need some constant limitation. It's in the Zendo, you know, I watch you getting up. And for you who aren't priests, it's too easy for you to get up. You just stand up, but the priest has to adjust everything and his robe's untied and he has to tie it up, you know?

[55:20]

That constant relationship with our space is very helpful. I like the Some okesas, Buddha's robes, are like a shawl. And when you bow, you have to turn it this way and bow like this. Then when you get up, it slides off, so you have to turn it and wrap it around yourself again to stand up. Then as you start down, you have to undo it again. You know? Why this is so is something mysterious. I don't know. It's not something you can explain with words. But we are doing it with our blood and our skin and our eyes and that fact that it's form and emptiness or always in some our hands are going down.

[56:27]

But our mind forgets it, you know, and so that this is our fingernail or our skin is something useful in knowing your space. But I don't think other than it's easier to practice as a priest and also it's more helpful to other people usually because People don't... You know, we have various levels in our mind, and the most superficial level is the most easily activated.

[57:31]

And it's very difficult to relate to our deeper nature. And since we can't trust ourselves, we don't trust someone else who looks like us, you know? That's true. So you have some more trust for somebody who seems to visibly have offered his life to practice. So anyway, there are various reasons like that, why it's useful to practice as a priest or to live as a monk. Maybe eventually, when you have very few desires, or your desires are not so strong, even if you weren't a monk, you would tend to live like a monk. You wouldn't have a large wardrobe, you'd have one or two or three simple things you wore, and you would know the complete experience of putting that piece of cloth or sweater on, and its action with you, while you

[58:45]

It's not some effort, it's just your mind isn't thinking about anything, so it knows what's happening. Anyway, you tend to live pretty close to being a monk, I think. So, being a monk in advance is, of that time when you have few desires, is some way of reminding us. Much of Buddhism is, you have entered the stream, but you're going to return many times. But because you've entered, we trust you and will teach you completely. So the degree of your commitment, even though you're going to waver, has to do with how seriously you're taught about Buddhism. So I don't think it's that only priests can do it, but I'd rather express it from another point of view.

[59:56]

Those who can do it usually decide to be priests. It's quite different meaning, actually. Those who can do it usually decide to be priests because why not? What's the problem? But to be a layman, I think our Zen practice essentially is layman's practice, and we must remember that. And you're a priest for some convenient reason and some acknowledgement or expression of your vows, but anybody who makes these bodhisattva vows, any way they live is okay. they will find, each person will find some difference in how they can practice with others depending on what kind of a layman or what kind of a priest they are. Sometimes being a priest is terrible because it

[61:04]

helps your practice to a certain point, but gives you the satisfaction that you don't have to practice because you're a priest. That being a priest is enough of practice. Oh, I'm living as a priest. That satisfies the need to practice. It's just stupid. Excuse me for saying so. Since we don't, since those of us who are priests don't wear robes all the time, in this country for various reasons. Maybe someday we'll wear robes all the time. Most of us don't wear robes all the time. We have some opportunity to practice with people dressed as a layman. And it's more difficult. People don't help you practice. They try to draw you into rebirth. And you are insulting if you hold back to them. So you have to be drawn in and yet not be drawn in.

[62:11]

It's rather more difficult practice, I think. Yeah. But you're doing it no matter how you're dressed, you know. But for us weaker ones, we choose to wear robes. Yeah. It would seem that if one is right on or, you know, at home in stillness, let's just say, and then coming out of it as the inquires, that the appropriate, whatever the appropriate action would be, would be forthcoming in that moment and that would be, if my understanding is correct, that would be cutting through, that would be crushing it and it wouldn't really make any difference whether it was happening in here or happening outside.

[63:20]

Is that my understanding? That's the right idea. I mean, I believe it's attainable. I won't even say it's a question. I'm sure it's attainable. So I don't see... You got heated there for a moment. You got a little heated there for a moment. Is that attainment? I don't know what it is. Yeah, the words you said are okay.

[64:29]

I don't disagree with them, okay? To say that's attainment, I wouldn't say that, but the words you said are okay. But to use those words to try to determine something is not so good. They don't determine anything, I should do it here or do it outside or do, you know. There are, we make some alliance, no matter where you practice, practice means maybe you make some alliances, enlightenment alliances, to help each other. And wherever you make those alliances, there is Sangha. That's all. So if the alliances are here or there it doesn't make any difference. And the work of someone who understands this is those alliances. Whether they're very brief or long is not so important.

[65:34]

And the deeper those alliances the deeper our realization. It's not, realization isn't contained in some words like stillness and action and appropriate. Something not contained in any such description. And that description is just the top of the flagpole, actually. Your description isn't Zen, but a kind of Buddhism. Anyway, we shouldn't use Buddhism as an excuse to do something or not to do something. Buddhism doesn't even exist. Just what are you doing right now?

[66:43]

What is the effect of what you're doing right now? And how can you be comfortable possessing your own space, which has no end? That's all.

[66:58]

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