I'm tired, so I just have basically one thought. And the one thought I'll give you right out, it's radical obedience. That's what I'd like to talk about. But I'd like to begin by telling you a story of something that happened to me a year or two ago. We had just finished a series of our discernment dialogues. This was the one on church renovation. And usually at the end of those, we were all pretty drained. And so we weren't going to have any more dialogues for a while. I particularly felt tired, but I also felt called to go into solitude for a while, a couple of days. I usually take one day a week as a retreat day. This week, I kind of knew that the Lord wanted me to take two days. in complete solitude.

[01:03]

And I'm not the kind of person that gets these inspirations, you know. I'm very low-key on that. But I didn't have any doubt that this was what the Lord wanted me to do. So we have a little cabin that's quite far from the monastery, and I would fairly often go there for a day of retreat, but I had never stayed overnight in the cabin alone. I happen to be one of these people that is very uneasy in a house alone at night. I just get very uneasy. It's not easy for me to stay alone at night. So I had decided that I was going to go to this cabin, and if I felt called to be there for two days, there has to be a night in between. So I kind of knew that I was going to have to spend the night alone in this cabin. And I knew I'd feel fear, but I figured that that's what the Lord wanted me to do.

[02:09]

So I went out, and I had a very good day. And then night approached, and knowing how I would react, I did everything to make myself feel secure. I locked the doors and left a little light on, and I went to bed before it was too dark. This was in the summer, so the night wasn't too long. Thank God. So then, got into bed, and after a while, I began to feel the unease coming on. But I also began to notice a kind of a phenomenon was happening. that every little sound that I heard, I had to identify. Whatever the sound was, if I could identify it, then I was okay. I was peaceful. But if I couldn't identify it, then the adrenaline would start going, and I began thinking, what is it? Should I get up, check it out? A couple of times I got up, and once it was a rabbit under the window, and the floor creaking from nothing.

[03:13]

So this went on for a long time. But what I realized was that if I could identify the sounds, then I was in control. And that's what I had to have. I had to have control over the situation. At the same time that I experienced that need to have the control by simply identifying the sound. It's no control at all, but at least it feels like control. I also felt this pulling to simply yield to God because He had called me there and I didn't have any doubt about it. And if God called me there, He'd take care of me. Whatever, He would be there with me. And couldn't I yield to that? So this went on, this pull to identify every sound and feel and control, and the same pull or another pull to just yield and to relax and rest in the Lord's will for me, because I didn't have any doubt that He was with me.

[04:20]

So finally, after about four hours of this back and forth, I finally fell asleep. And I think it was sheer exhaustion. I don't think it was that I finally yielded absolutely to the Lord. But while all this was going on, I began to realize something else. That this yielding to God, this letting go of the control, was like a dying. It was really kind of just an entering into that total loss of control that is death. And the movement into sleep was really a movement into the unknown, into a sort of a death. And I guess that wasn't a very new insight since our office of Kaplan is really a preparation for death as well as a preparation for the night rest. But this night it was very palpably clear.

[05:23]

I really experienced that if I let go, I was entering into that same movement as the movement into death. to yield or to die by letting go of the controls is what I came to call radical obedience. It was like letting go of the last remnant of myself and of my own control over myself. And I had never seen so clearly the intimate relationship between radical obedience and that human instinct to hang on to control. In fact, to choose to relinquish ultimate control can only be done if one's faith is very strong. And even then, the pull, the hold on control is very powerful.

[06:24]

Even when I felt God's presence and call to be there, still the instinct to guard was strong. So what I learned from that experience, at least the way I interpreted it, is that I would say probably the greatest obstacle to radical obedience isn't so much pride or self-will as fear, a fear of the unknown, a fear of losing control. Even when I want to let go of the control, even when I believe that God is calling me to complete freedom, the ears are always pricking up. What will this do to me? Will this hurt me or harm me? Can I let go?

[07:28]

And that's all fear, I think. In our life, the supreme act of freedom is to yield, to yield to the God who calls us and who loves us and cares for us like the flowers of the field. I think that there are many fits and starts along our way of responding to God's call. And in His mercy, God does show us once in a while how tenacious our hold on ourselves really is and how we can expend a lot of energy in protecting ourselves. And sometimes I think it is good to remind ourselves that we really want to be moving in that opposite direction. in the direction of more and more surrender into God's loving providence.

[08:32]

And that's what I call radical obedience. It's at the root of our being. A being made for God and destined to find happiness only in God. And to me, radical obedience encompasses every other aspect of our life. It's primary and it's pervasive. It really enters into all of our life. For a monk, this radical obedience has a definite shape and form. The prologue of the rule is full of words like calm and follow, the call. And the rest of the chapters maps out a plan of response to that call. Obedience isn't one of the ways that we return to the Father. It's the way. As it was for Jesus, it is for the monk, it is for all Christians.

[09:36]

But as we read on in the Rule, especially Chapter 5 and 7, there's a great emphasis on what we might call obediences. St. Benedict talks about the abbot or the abbess giving a command, or the senior requesting something of a junior, or the person in charge of an employment giving directions, or a community guideline decision that we've come to that is to govern behavior. Evidently, Saint Benedict understands that there's a real connection, if not identification, between these apparently external acts of obedience and that deep and very personal, very radical yielding of oneself to God. I shared these thoughts with our community one Sunday, and then the following Sunday we had what we call a value sharing.

[10:47]

Oh, that's another meeting that I forgot to mention. We have value sharings every once in a while when we take a monastic value and just express what it means to us. It's very informal, the way we just sit around here and say, what does obedience mean to us? And the subject of the sharing was the connection between radical obedience, that obedience that comes from the very root of our being and governs our whole life, and these daily obediences, these little things that come along. And it was very interesting, as I listened to the community, and an image came to me. And the image was of a river. a strong current full of vitality and movement. And this was how I heard the sisters speaking of what radical obedience is in their lives.

[11:48]

It's a strong movement that pulses through their whole life. And the source of this river is love. Many mention that specifically. Love must express itself, and if it is true love, it must express itself in a way that transcends self-interest. The nature of love is to be other-centered. So love hears the call and responds. And the current or the movement of this river is the force of this response. But this river has many rivulets, little streams, little creeks and basins. They're all part of the river, but they're not the whole. And so this was kind of an image for me of how our ordinary daily yieldings of ourselves and of our personal interest in the service of others to the community is related to the whole thrust of our lives.

[13:08]

If a stream or a channel of the river is dammed up, it lessens the flow. but it doesn't stop it altogether. It weakens its force, but the flow is still there. There's one last thought I might mention that I think is a real difficulty for many people today. Today our society, and we are very influenced by this, holds personal autonomy as a very high value. Maybe it's over-emphasized, even idolized in some instances, but personal autonomy is a value. And how do we relate this value with the traditional value which Dalmarmian calls bonum obedientiae? the good of obedience.

[14:12]

And two things occur to me. If there is a tension in a person's life between these two values, it could very well be a healthy tension. Because I think the only way to integrate the good of both of these values is to live them in a peaceful tension. And secondly, if fear, fear of losing one's autonomy or lessening one's possibility of development becomes primary in one's life, it becomes the dominating force, then the flow of the river is greatly reduced. one has lost the tension and there's an imbalance and the fear takes over. We may not recognize it as fear but I think if you look at it very, very honestly analytically even we would recognize it as fear.

[15:23]

I do a little weaving from time to time nothing like Brother Stephen's beautiful weaving but just a little bit And it's very important in the kind of table loom weaving that I do, that the warp be kept in proper tension. And if it becomes slack, then there's no way that you can introduce the weft into it. And the process comes to a halt. And I see, as I see it, personal autonomy is necessary for true obedience. Personal autonomy is the ability to make a mature choice and it is the ability to cooperate. The opposite of true autonomy isn't obedience. It's dependency. And my limited experience with myself and others, mainly women, is that dependency is laden with fear.

[16:33]

fear of making a mistake, fear of being responsible for one's own choices. This is what really cuts one's autonomy as a person. So the tension that I'm referring to here between true obedience and autonomy isn't one of futilely trying to reconcile within oneself two mutually exclusive tendencies. But it's the reconciliation of two values that can really serve each other. And in a sense, if both of them are to come to fruition, they must serve each other. Or I should say, if either of them are to come to full fruition. I choose to yield. And in that mature choice, I become more fully the person that God calls me to be.

[17:37]

Sometimes obedience does mean I die. But I, as an autonomous person, can choose to yield to this. This isn't an easy subject to talk about. It's not an easy thing to live either. And I've wandered around quite a bit. But if anything here gives you food for reflection, for thought, then it's worth meandering. And I suggest Psalm 39. So is there anything that you'd like to just talk about or question? Well, there certainly is a place where to discern these other problems.

[18:42]

It's hard because there's so many pseudos in our life. It takes a long day's mistakes, I think. And as prostitution is a little civil relationship in marriage. She'd be curious if you were saying that we recognize the placement of the lonely crowd, isn't that so? We as a people are under-directed by which other people direct our lives, we don't have to. How do you tell the difference between being under-directed by other people and directing yourself towards others. It's not an easy path. See, I know myself, people can talk about other brothers in need of control, you know, have any insight into their own controlling ways. And again, it's necessary to control and to take, to be responsible and so on and so forth. But you say it's part of, it's not the opposite.

[19:46]

It's not the opposite of autonomy. It's a very difficult thing to see ourselves as we really are and to what extent. Are you speaking primarily, Father Martin, of control in the sense of controlling oneself? No, I mean controlling situations. Controlling others, yeah. Think what I want happens. As I say very often, we're the When you can point that out to people, and they actually accept it, they really are surprised that that's what they were doing. They don't. It's so kind of natural that it works that we don't. Remember I was one of those big, big, big, kind of G group things. They had four or five of us, and I'm sort of going, they give you an odd number of coins, and tell you to divide them to come up with an even number. Money is impossible, I mean, you cannot do the thing. But you could at least make some arrangements so that, you know, the tax.

[20:47]

Every time we deal with a freckle, doing it, one person would always get pulled back. And it was the weakest psychology member of the group. But they controlled the whole group by that. And I'm sure the person wasn't doing it deliciously at all. It was against a fear that they don't think they recognize. Let's say we're supposed to divide $36.15 or $0.13 among nine people evenly. It was something you couldn't possibly do mathematically, it wouldn't work. So some are going to have to wind up with less money than others. This was just a test to see how people, how we manipulate and control the situation. Yeah, the Thornfield years ago. No, the Thornfield years ago. Do you want to go?

[21:48]

13 dollars, 57 cents. No, the same thing happens in a codependent situation. The person is trying to take care of the alcoholic, and they're trying to control that whole situation. And what they end up doing is giving their whole life to the alcoholic, and making it worse for both, rather than taking care of themselves first, and not helping the alcoholic be an alcoholic. We want to control the situation. We want to be in control, yes. Being in control means making sure that the other person doesn't drink.

[22:49]

It could be a child or a husband or whatever. And that's learning. Right. This backfires every time. But I see it. We do it not only with things that are important. We do it even in things like who does the laundry, or who does the dishes, or whatever. We do that kind of thing around here an awful lot. between ourselves. Of course, there has to be some authority. I mean, it's not as though you can't live together without areas of authority within a community or a group.

[23:55]

That is what Baldwin means, when a person is controlling by, sort of like, well, in a way, Father Placid takes control by insisting on the dishes in the cupboard being in a certain place. You know, that's his way of controlling his environment. You know, the little sauces have to be here and the big plates have to be here. Everything has to be arranged just that way in the cupboard. If he comes to the cupboard and it's not arranged that way, you have to rearrange it until it's right. And if you add a new pile of dishes to the cupboard, you don't know what will happen with it. It wreaks great havoc with his, because now he has no place to put his little dishes. It takes months before he finally resolves that confusion. It took at least four months before those new dishes had a place. There was confusion every time they came out of the country. did a lot of geriatric nursing.

[25:01]

She was a sister of St. Joseph and she used to be the nurse in the retirement home and taking care of the old sisters, actually the sisters who were in infirmary. And she said that that's very typical of older people, that they have to have things in their own place. And it's really important to them that they have that place set just the way they expect it. And maybe because they're afraid they won't be able to get what they need at the time. Yeah, I think Father Gladden's afraid it won't be his job anymore, or something like that, that he won't be able to do it, or he won't be able to see, you know, where they belong or something, in the wrong place. There's a lot to do with that. But it's controlling the environment and taking care of it. And in a way, he ends up being a slave of that. Because if they're not where they're supposed to be, then, you know, everything's wrong.

[26:07]

Not just those are wrong, everything's wrong. Because it is related to responsibility, as I say. And then some people won't take any responsibility, which is the opposite. And if you take responsibility, how do you distinguish between, say, you know, controlling a situation? And I think we always think I'm just being responsible, and everyone else seems to be doing it. It's a hard thing to do. It's a great community. Yeah. Is this the definition of peace? I think it deals with order. Peace is the tranquility of order, is that it? Peace is the tranquility of order. I think that's what it is. Does that sound right? Is that it? Good, thanks. And in some ways, it could be a different order, but the order has to be there.

[27:19]

Which is, you know, whose order is it? That's right. The other kind of thing. The sermon. I think it is helpful, at least for me, to put those things into different terms. As you say, people either often come to confession by confessing pride, or the pride that you've never heard of. Right, it's probably tremendous insecurity. They're trying to be less proud, or dearest, so un-proud. You wish you could inject a little into them. I think it's very difficult to recognize it in oneself. It's very easy to see it in somebody else, but very difficult. I wonder how one tells... I wonder if somebody tells one. I think you started out by saying it's a question of discernment of spirits.

[28:25]

That discernment of spirits can have a really deep influence on us if we get into a habit of what is prompting me in this situation, especially if there's a beginning of conflict. We say, where am I coming from? But where is my behavior coming from? What's motivating me in this situation? And if I'm honest, I may say, well, if this thing goes in the other direction and it's done the way Brother wants it to be done, I'll lose control of it, or I'll look bad, or I won't be comfortable, or something. And I think we can get in touch with what's really causing us to hold on to a way. And sometimes maybe it's my responsibility, this job has to be done and it's my responsibility and maybe I have to say I'm sorry, but it really has to be done this way. That's where the discernment comes in.

[29:27]

So it's not an easy thing. But I think if we're willing to at least take those few moments to ask myself, what's motivating me in this potential conflict situation? And if both persons do it, then the possibility of coming to honesty, I think, is much greater than if we just kind of plow in and the strong man wins or, you know, whoever has the greatest authority will win. But to at least be willing to ask ourselves, what's motivating me in this particular situation? Does that touch on what you're thinking? Yeah, I think maybe one thing to ask oneself is, first of all, it did my job. Yeah, yeah. And if it isn't my job, then it's kind of doubtful whether... That's right. I should be pushing my way of doing things. And sometimes if you tell the other person their motives, then it's just what you want them to do.

[30:33]

It's a good point. You know, you tell them, why do you feel that way? And they actually feel strongly about something. You have a feeling about it. You can communicate that without communicating it in an insistent way. But the death has to be done that way because, you know, Father Martin said so, or the rules say so, or, you know, that tricks my feelings, you know, one that I feel strongly about. And then in the end, if it can't be my way, then I can yield to it graciously. I think that's part of the order that you're speaking of. Because it does have to be someone who makes the decision in these little things. Someone along the way who has the authority to do it, who makes the decision. But to be willing to listen to another way or whatever. I guess it's bound to that also the idea of inner authority, which may be another way of saying personal autonomy.

[31:49]

But I think when a person has an inner authority, they're less needful of controlling. I don't know how to explain it. Does that make sense to you? Do you know what I mean? Yes, self-worth. Yes, it comes from a sense of self-worth and a peacefulness with yourself. And whatever way it goes, it's okay. But I have my own ideas on what would be a good way. But my whole life isn't dependent. As you're saying, you know, Fr. Placid now, he's more dependent that these things be such and so. But we don't have to be dependent because our peace isn't there. Our peace and our self is in here. It's coming from within. But this is an important thing for our culture, because we have a distorted notion of liberty.

[33:12]

All of what Paul said, your liberty becomes a source of self-indulgence. The freedom is marvelous in many ways, but it has become, can be a source of self-indulgence. Freedom can be an idol. That's the truth. So I think in our culture, I think it's real. Very good. Now we would have a conference tonight with Sister after... I'm sorry, after last week. So Vestpress is at 6 tonight, and then we eat. We eat at 5.45, it's about 7. Okay. We'll have to count. We have one more dinner. No, I don't think we'll eat that long.

[34:15]

I just want to figure out where he fits in here with dishes and all that. So after dishes, we... Did you set it? I didn't... Pardon? Well, we kind of cleaned up. The Lord. Amen. So tonight I'd like to talk a little bit about stillness. One day the reading at vigils struck me very much. We had been, in fact we still are, it's been about two years now, we've been reading the Philokalia as a kind of an ongoing reading at vigils when it's not a feast. And at this point we were reading Saint Peter of Damascus. And listening to public readings isn't my strong point. I'm a visual person.

[35:29]

But this day, I just heard these words. And the words were, flee into stillness. And you don't hear that too often. In fact, the words almost sound contradictory, to flee into stillness. But later I read a little bit more to understand better what he meant. And actually St. Peter spoke of stillness or rather he speaks of stillness quite often as the basis of our inner purification. It's more than a silence. It's a kind of an attitude of listening to God and of waiting upon his will. And he says that when someone is tempted by the demons that he should flee into stillness and with tears of compunction with patient recourse to God and diligent inquiry into scripture and a desire to accomplish God's purpose

[36:43]

the demon is expelled. And then he says, nothing so benefits the weak as withdrawal into stillness. And since I read that, I've been very conscious of stillness, questioning myself on what it really means. I call it the interior quiet and silence of mind. And in my experience and the experience of others who share with me, it seems to me there are two places of stillness to which we can flee. There is a physical external stillness and an interior stillness. And in today's world it isn't all that easy for most people to find a place of stillness, a place where they can really dwell in silence for any length of time.

[37:51]

And I think that's one of the obvious blessings of a monastery, that we do live in stillness, generally speaking, relatively speaking. And we even have the opportunity of greater silence. I visited your hermitage yesterday. And we also have two hermitages and grounds that we can go to and know that we'll really be in a quiet place. A couple of years ago I visited a monastery in Spain. I had to go to a meeting of the order. And this monastery dated back to the 12th century. And much of it was destroyed, but the refectory of the monastery was still totally intact. And it was one of the most magnificent things I've ever seen. It was unbelievably beautiful.

[38:53]

Very, very simple. But the stone work was just beautiful. And the acoustics were so good that I was up in the reader's pulpit that was all stone, just built into the wall. And the others were at the end of the refectory. And it was a huge refectory, like a big church. And just speaking in an ordinary voice, and I don't have that strong a voice, they could hear me exactly, perfectly. It was like just a perfection of tone and symmetry. And the abbot told us that where the monks live is not a beautiful place at all. It's a very poor monastery, actually. And they only have this refectory as a remnant of their once gorgeous 12th century monastery. But he said that when the monks get upset, or if a monk is angry, or if he's just feeling depressed,

[39:56]

he'll go over to the refectory and just walk around the refectory. And he said that that really helps them to get back into perspective. And I think it's the symmetry and beauty of lying, but I think it's also the stillness of the place. We all need places like that where we can find stillness in our lives. But probably Peter of Damascus was referring more to interior stillness, to which one can flee at any moment when anxiety or anger or whatever may bother us threatens to kind of engulf us. And someone may ask, but if I'm struggling with all this chatter in my mind, how can I reach any interior stillness?

[40:59]

And I think that what we have to do is to go below the cacophony, to that place within us that is really not disturbed, like the depth of the ocean not touched by a storm raging on the surface. And I'd like to suggest two ways by which we can penetrate into our own inner stillness. And the first way is prayer. Short, piercing prayer. And the second is the practice of contentment. Short and pure prayer. I think this is the preference. I think this is the prayer of preference of Saint Benedict. He seems to indicate that prolonged prayer is by special invitation.

[42:05]

But every monk is called to give himself to the practice of short, pure prayer. And often. The Desert Fathers have spoken at length on the value of short prayer. I'd just like to mention in this connection a contemporary writer, Walter Brueggemann. I notice that you have many of his books in the bookstore. I especially liked his book on the Psalms, but a while ago someone gave me another of his books called Finally Comes the Poet. And even though this book is primarily for preachers, I found that it captured a profound insight for anyone who tries to pray in an authentic way.

[43:09]

In one sense, Brueggemann is saying we mustn't be silent. We mustn't let our own pain and fury at injustice and oppression force us into muteness. Because there can be no relationship if one party in the relationship is mute, unable to speak. As I understand that, of course he's speaking in the context of a whole congregation gathered for worship and of the leader in that congregation who must invite and even prod the people to articulate honestly their need and thus keep the possibility of communion with God open. Where there's no communication, there can be no communion.

[44:12]

But I think our own life of prayer demands a like honesty with the Lord. and short, piercing prayer that comes straight out of our heart into the heart of God, penetrates right through the tangle of words and emotions. In a sense, there's no time for the emotion to take over in short prayer. And in crying out the pain or anxiety of our heart, the Lord, it seems to me, that the hold that these emotions have on us is lessened. But even more importantly, we are thrusting them into the hands of the only one who can carry that burden. And this places us in a true relationship with the Lord of our life.

[45:20]

because in casting all our care upon him, we can begin to quiet down inside and to find rest in his will for us. The psalms are really a great model for us in this. There's hardly an emotion or a complaint that we can express that a psalmist hasn't already voiced in powerful terms. Save me, O God. How long, O Lord? O Lord, come, help me. Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord." The prayers of complaint, which we call the lamentations, serve a purpose. And Brueggemann calls this kind of speech a courageous face which addresses God about the pain of the world. And after all, isn't our pain part of that universal pain?

[46:28]

Our temptations and our trials part of what all people suffer everywhere. I think this prayer can lead to inner quieting and stillness by allowing us to move through the turmoil into the love and mercy of God. We don't have to carry the turmoil that's troubling us. Impel us into that inner stillness. Isaac the Syrian has written Stillness means silence to all things and it is ridiculous for us to speak of achieving stillness if we do not abandon all things and separate ourselves from every care. We might want to think about that and maybe talk about it later because is it possible, is it really possible to abandon all things and separate ourselves from every care?

[47:49]

And Isaac says again, When one is deemed worthy of constant and unceasing prayer, one has reached perfection of stillness. In the Four Quartets, T.S. Eliot writes very strikingly, we must be still and still moving into another intensity. for a further union, a deeper communication. We must be still and still moving. These words capture an important fact. Stillness or inner quiet is not an end in itself, at least not in Christian prayer. Inner stillness or the quieting or letting go of all anxiety or resentments of murmuring.

[48:58]

This inner stillness is a movement forward toward a further union, a deeper communication. And then the second practice that can lead us into stillness is the practice of contentment. Again, this is another favorite of Saint Benedict, though to my knowledge he uses the word only once. In the sixth degree of humility he says that a monk is to be content with the lowest and most menial treatment. A true disciple finds contentment even in the lowliest occupations. And it takes very little to keep a truly humble person happy. Maybe because he isn't beset by fits of sadness, since he isn't reliant on external goods or praise for his joy.

[50:16]

When someone has let go of that clamoring for status occupations, he is able to bear with others telling him what to do and he is prepared to do his best at any task given him without expecting congratulations. The spirit of contentment is the antithesis of murmuring. RB80 translates this grumbling, which, according to Benedict, is the vice above all vices. And I guess we've all wondered why Saint Benedict places so much emphasis on rooting out murmuring. In Chapter 5 on commands of the superior, in Chapter 34 on the distribution of goods or the amount of food and wine in Chapter 40.

[51:24]

In fact, he almost pleads with us, do not give in to the evil of murmuring. He's very compassionate about other weaknesses. But this seems to be the unforgivable sin in monks. And I've wondered why. I don't know if this is Benedict's reason, but this is the way I see it. I think murmuring is a discontentment, either in thought or word, or simply in one's heart. And it contradicts the whole point of monastic life, that is, to live by faith. If I miss that point, then I judge only by human standards, and they simply aren't good enough.

[52:31]

A monk has to be seeing people and events with God in the picture. And we can't be doing that really and then kind of murmur a little on the side. So Saint Benedict says, be content. And in that contentment, inner stillness is born. Contentment is an attitude of one who is poor in spirit, one whose heart is set on God and who labors to see God in daily events. I came across this passage in a book by Irénée Hausser. Contemplation is proportionate to our being content with everything God does. but content with a certain spontaneity, with ease, in a relaxed way.

[53:43]

To be content with everything is to be a contemplative. It is a secret revealed to true children of the Father. Do we want to make progress in peace, in a deep and calm contentment, and in the joy that comes from the Holy Spirit? The essential thing is precisely this, to live content under the gaze of God. When I read this first, I was reminded of Saint Thérèse of Messous, This secret revealed to the children of the Father sounds so simple, just like Therese's whole doctrine of abandonment sounds simple. It is simple in the sense of direct and uncomplicated, but it isn't easy. Because this contentment, this inner peace in the face of every human event, can only be the work of love, and sometimes heroic love.

[55:01]

I don't know if you are familiar with the movie Therese. Did you see that? No. You didn't? We had it on video and I had heard a lot about it and heard that it was a really excellent film. It's an artistic film and had gotten really good ratings. I only saw a little bit of it and what I saw, I wasn't terribly impressed but that was just But the part I saw was where Therese was dressed up as Joan of Arc. You may remember that scene in her life. And she had put on a play for the community of Joan of Arc. And a sister was taking a picture of her. And I think this picture taking had gone on for a long time. And Therese collapsed. And shortly after that, she died in the movie.

[56:04]

I don't know whether that was true to life. But in that scene, I could see the whole of Therese's life, her little way. Because she had wanted to be a missionary, and she had wanted to be a martyr for God. And in fact, she was. Her love was heroic and it was universal. But this was how it was expressed. By standing for torturous moments while her sister took pictures. It was so ordinary and so simple. Only the costume she wore belied the courage that was underneath. She really was a warrior like Joan of Arc. In Matthew, Jesus praises the Father for revealing these things to little children.

[57:13]

And later in chapter 18, He speaks even more strongly. Unless you receive the kingdom as a child, to live content under the gaze of God. This is a secret revealed to true children of the Father. It is simple, but it isn't easy. It is a love that endures all things. Inner stillness, dwelling in the cave of one's heart, where thoughts of wrongs suffered and pride of spirit are barred, requires that we forget ourselves, that we quiet discordant voices, not by running away from them, but by piercing through them.

[58:18]

In short, continual prayer to God. And this stillness requires that we live content under the gaze of God, letting go of all obsessive worry. I suggest Psalm 130. I think it's living content. Oh, but quieting discordant voices, not by running away from them, but by piercing through them. Finally comes the poet.

[59:20]

You have it in your bookstore, I think. Is that the name, Luke? I think it is. Anybody else know that book? It's a good one. We're very still. Do you find that this culture doesn't help? This thing that we had on, even for contentment, I mean, nothing but titans, nothing but titans.

[60:30]

Yeah, yeah. This is not, this is not easy. The documentary on Lawrence and the man, one person was saying that in those days, people were content to be, you know, a servant. That was their way of life for the rest of their lives, their parents, they could be a servant. I don't know if contentment is the same as resignation. It's a form of resignation, but it's a real thing.

[61:40]

Yeah. That's right, you choose something. But that's a good question. Would anyone else have any thought on that? Is it possible today in our culture with, you know, the emphasis on achievement Yeah, growth. That's right. That's right. If it doesn't go up, it's going to go down. So do you think this is possible or even something that is good? It's more difficult in our culture because, again, the condemnment can sound like resignation, which nobody wants to do. You don't ever experience real condemnment. That's right. Yeah.

[62:40]

The border is so close. We're so encouraged, which also has the right to understand that. Is there a difference between contempt and self-affirmation? I would say contentment leads to apatheia. Would anybody else have a thought on that? Passionlessness. Like if you're sitting in your hut making a bed, I can see apatheia being even more easily practiced by people who are much

[63:46]

Lots of work today is so complicated. You have to sort of go to it. It's a more aggressive type of work. And I often thought that this notion of alapheia was probably incompatible with that kind of employment. I don't just mean the wrong part of it. I think that's a balance. I think that alapheia craftsmen is not evidencing discontentment in the fact that he intends to make each thing maybe better, or the very best hope building. That's not discontent when he keeps trying to achieve that perfection of skill and put it into each piece of product. That's not lack of In fact, that can be very much contentment, that you're going along with each one.

[64:49]

Each one is the very best that you can do. That kind of contentment, I find great contentment in that. I find that very peaceful. My point is that most modern people are not craftsmen working at a simple job, like a map maker or a carpenter, but they're into kind of aggressive employment. They are salespeople, they have truck drivers on the open roof, people who are involved in economics, sort of like Petco Motion. Well, there's the job, so it's just more complex. Challenging. Well, I mean, he's one of the top salesmen for GE, but it's a consuming type of work. Well, at least he's paying for it, but he's certainly not apathetic. Of course, I wouldn't say this to a businessman.

[66:00]

I mean, this is for monks. I think there's a difference in what we can do. I feel a monk is called to something that a businessman isn't called to as far as a spiritual path. I think the monastic path is slightly different. So I would never say this to, you know, like a congregation like this morning at Mass. But the idea of the apatheia and contentment, for me, they're not the same. And I think you can be really content in this sense of innerly quiet and be doing things and be quite absorbed in what you're doing, you know, quite given to the task and doing it well. To me there isn't a dichotomy. But I'm not answering your question about apatheia because I'm not that familiar with apatheia. No, you said that you don't think they're the same.

[67:01]

I don't myself. What would you say is different between our path, if you want, and the path? Well, I think the basic path is the same, and it's the path of love returning to God. But I think the way is different. And for me, our way is the way of the rule of Benedict. It's the Christian life lived according to the rule of Benedict and the monastic tradition. So it has a lot of explicitations of the gospel, you might say. Well, everything that comes into the monastic tradition, I would say.

[68:06]

You just used another word besides tradition. I don't know that I can say it in any other way without getting very specific about all the monastic way practices. Sure, I would say not even so much time for prayer, but a commitment to prayer. I would see prayer, I would see the community commitment, responsibility, the vows, obligations arising out of the vows. By community, do you mean to this particular community?

[69:12]

Because I've chosen to live in this community, I am responsible to this community. I didn't have to join this community. That's what I meant. It doesn't look like personal business. I'm able to work and have family. But it's different. Yeah, that's why I say it's basically the same. Goals and final results are not going to be the same. The techniques will be different. The values might be the same, but the actual If he's a family man, one of his methods would be to make sure he has insurance to take care of his family or something.

[70:15]

With a monk, that's not a method. That would be a wrong method. You know, to insure his life so he won't suffer when he's gone. Anybody else have any thoughts on that? Because there certainly are certain practices of the monastic life that many people live, so they're not confined to the monastic life. Everyone prays and needs to pray and needs to have contact with the Word of God as you were saying this morning in your homily. It's just maybe the way it's done. I don't know how else to say it. I don't know how else to respond to that. How distinct we should see us from the faithful.

[71:29]

Okay, we're not talking about higher, lower, better, worse, or anything like that? Okay. I don't know what more I could say than simply that the way I would see monastics are Christians who have been called and chosen to live their Christian life in a specific way. And that specific way involves, and this will be according to what rule they're living, the obligations of a rule that they find helps them in their journey to God, and everything that springs from that rule.

[72:37]

obedience, humility, celibacy, fraternal love within that community. It doesn't set them apart from other Christians who are also called to the fullness of love, but it just specifies the way that fullness of love is going to be expressed. Would you say something else, Father Mountain? Well, no, no, I was one of those kind of questions that seems to be less of one of us. And yeah, it's a little thing of Augusta. You know, if you ask me what I mean, I'm probably going to try to explain lost. Because, again, technically, we don't live in St. Benedict in precise. We wrote in some sense for all the right rules. So it, I mean, we are living in this in a certain way.

[73:42]

And I mean, I believe that there is a distinction about our life. I think it has to do with the things that you mentioned, this community, especially the community of people that are living there. That's kind of primary responsibility to these people. With love. I think that love. It's wrong for some men to be, you know, as you realize, the humility version of the true sense of what it actually is. I'm also living out to be a child of Jesus and through Jesus. Which could be pretty close to the same thing. What did you ever plan to do? So, in that way, our obedience can be not different or not that different from people in, you know, GM or McDonald's or McDonald's.

[74:46]

And the fact that we chose it, if I had one more volunteer, I'm sure we'd belong into this. And our intention is to stay with it. There is more intense sense of the spirituality of the opportunity of the environment to produce the tools of prayer where there are distractions. I know many people, lay people, in my judgment manifest very over-excited. fulfilling that journey to their God, to their family, and the state, all the things that I would do. But one of the things that I didn't need to be asked about was the fact that there'd be the opportunity to intensify some of the things that I was not able to in secular life. One instance, I used to occasionally drive by a Catholic church and I'd stop to make a message.

[75:49]

And the next thing I know, it was since the time that I began Maybe an hour or longer, I feel, you're violating distributive justice. You're not doing what you should be doing. If you want to do this, you are in a good place where you can do it. Don't expect somebody else to pay for your time. Worshipping God, all of that science, all the human activity. It violated my obligation, my covenant with the organization which I was So, it's these moments that I never thought would occur in my time. Well, let's go back to all this business. As I see life, when I first came in, they would speak about seeking God. Well, they were somewhat plainly amused. I said, well, in various states of my life, I've always known God. And I mean, I don't seek him. I realize I've already found him.

[76:51]

The question is like being in love with somebody. You may be absent for a time, but your thoughts, your mind, all your being is constantly thinking about him. I think it's one of the intensity of living in an environment where you can do this and avoid so many distractions. secular society, even with all the people who do those things, many of them are hermeneutical politicians. That's science. Well, it's science. There is a certain evidence of commitment. I see it in a nasty light. It isn't evidence. most people in a secular environment. Longer term commitment, but more involvement with the idea of commitment, of having made that commitment.

[77:57]

Consciousness. Consciousness, yeah. You know, a lot of times in secular life, you make commitments, It's not a major portion of the life. It's not brought up every day. It's not something that's very damaging to what you're doing. It's not part of your day-to-day activity. I think it's a fantastic life. I find that that commitment is, in many ways, the very core of what you're doing. You're quite an omniscient of it. Not that it's a great way to be enjoyed. I hope it is. But that's not everything to me. A lot of people in the secular life want to change my life and my life with the secular people.

[78:59]

Yes, I just saw it. It has been a great commitment. It was all known to me from the United States. We can't determine busy ourselves. We can't determine inside and outside. That's our fault, of course. That's the thing that makes you wonder what, you know, precisely that represents. That isn't doing business about you. You know, what is the charism that one needs in modern times? We're always trying to work on both of those, you know. But you're doing it in an authentic way. I'm not asking you about one name. But nevertheless, you're doing it in the terms of 1991. I like to ask people what do they mean by it, you know, take up your cross, some of those kind of statements. They just kind of keep you thinking.

[80:13]

Well, tomorrow we've got mass.

[80:15]

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