This Sashin is not too difficult, but any Sashin, particularly when it's your first, second, third Sashin, is pretty difficult. The strongest feeling I get from this Sashin is that we want to practice together, or we want to practice the Buddha Dharma, our mutual Buddha nature. If it's too personal, it's more difficult.

[01:01]

Because we're practicing a common way. That's everywhere, present and yet the result of many ages of full-minded transmission. It's everywhere, like Sutongpo's poem. As Dogen explained, you know his poem. I've read his poems to you before. The famous one, Dogen uses this.

[02:13]

His body is the sound of the water, is his, a long pure tongue. The color of the mountains is his pure body. I've heard myriad verses in these streams and mountains. I've heard myriad verses. How am I to convey them to others? Dogen makes an interesting commentary on this poem.

[03:22]

Sutongpo was supposedly sitting up at night at a monastery, at Zen master's monastery or temple. And during the night he wrote that verse. Dogen says that the day before, he asked a master at the temple he was at, what is the meaning of insentient beings preach the Dharma? And he was not mastered, so he explained something to him. And he had no special response to what he said.

[04:32]

But that night he wrote the poem. Pure, the mountain is Buddha's pure body, and sound is pure voice, something like that. And Dogen asks, is what he heard on the stream and mountain his teacher's Dharma? Was he enlightened by his teacher's voice on the mountain? Or was he enlightened by the mountain? Was it always there? Or were the mountains enlightened by him? Dogen asks, is Buddha's body near when we hear those verses?

[05:40]

And is it far away when it's obscured? Is it half present? Etc. Practice is like that. On everything, very clearly we find the sections, the mountains themselves. Just as everything is. And yet we also hear the mysterious voice of our teacher, of Suzugyoshi, of Buddha. Which awakens us.

[06:44]

In the same piece, same essay, Dogen talks about Ryogen, Kyogen, Ryogen. Who was asked by his teacher Isan, famous Isan, we talked about before. You're very bright, he said. You're very bright and clear. And learn it. Give me from before your parents, before you were conceived,

[07:57]

give me one word of the way. And he couldn't say anything. And Dogen says he regretted his mind and body. That's rather a good thing to say. He regretted his mind and body. And he searched through his many texts and couldn't find anything to say. So he burned the books, as Zen monks are supposed to do, at this kind of moment. I've been known to go retrieve them out of the fire. I've literally done that. And so he was burning all his books. He was burning his books.

[09:00]

And he said, a picture of a rice cake can't feed anyone. So from now on, I'll just be a meal-serving monk. I'll just serve rice to people. So he tried from then on to just, at least he knew he could do that much. He couldn't figure out what to say to Isan's question. And he regretted his own mind and body. But at least he could just simply serve real rice and not pictures to people. So his practice was just to be a meal-serving monk. This idea of a meal-serving monk is a fundamental form of Zen practice,

[10:05]

fundamental expression of Zen practice. We don't want to be a big man on the Zen campus. Some modest goal. So he did that. And one day he said to Isan, you know, I'm really still very clouded. Can't you say anything to relieve me? And Isan said, if I say something, you'll regret it. We'll regret it later. So he went on doing this practice and he went to various places. And finally he was, the famous story, you know, he was sweeping

[11:15]

and some pebble hit bamboo and by the sound he was enlightened. And he went back to Isan's temple and offered incense and said, if you had said something to me that day, I never would have had this experience. Very much like the monk I was telling you about, the Japanese monk who learns Buddhism by rote, but doesn't really have any sense of it until some occasion arises. I think it's necessary to realize how completely we are with the stuff of ourselves.

[12:36]

The utterness with which we are with the stuff of ourselves and no Buddhism or anything is actually going to help us. A good student is then characterized by not being particularly maybe a good person, but developing the ability to acutely observe, accurately observe what they're doing. Very little, the kind of observation where there's very little wish about what we are like presently,

[13:38]

just observation, this is what I am like. So many students, so many people practicing, they may be quite good, but very difficult for them to say what they're like. There's always a big element of what they want to be like. Just to start with what you're like, not worry about comparison. And to begin to trust your impulses, you need a pretty small ego. You don't have to worry so much about anger and all those things, if you can get rid of your ego.

[14:39]

It's not so difficult if you set your mind to it, if you set yourself to it. As I said yesterday, the power of that thought to do it is extraordinary. And what I'm trying to convey to you, Ms. Sachin, is that Buddhist practice is your own possession, is not something distant. Sutongpo's poem, as Dogen says, extends to Dogen's presence and extends to our presence. It did extend to Dogen's presence, some years, some centuries. And it does extend to our presence. And the more completely you can acknowledge that, yes, what I'm doing is practicing.

[15:55]

What I'm doing is practicing with these people. I might as well do it, I might as well help the people I'm practicing with. You'll find out what a spiritual friend is by that resolution. I'm doing it, so I might as well do it. Where in me is holding back? Recognizing it's quite possible, not so difficult.

[17:03]

Not to hold back is maybe difficult. But if you don't hold back, not difficult at all, with his voice and body, with the mind. Finding, you know, finding the ox. In the ten ox-herding pictures, he finds the ox is found by the seeker, in this picture. When the ox and the body of the seeker are, when the ox permeates the body of the seeker, as if, you know, when you're stalking some animal maybe, pretty soon you, an animal I'm moving,

[18:14]

maybe you stalk Buddhism. With your concentration, because you just decided to do it, that's all. And you realize you're just a collection of stuff. There's not some intrinsic thing you're going against by deciding. It's your deep preference, so why not do it? Why not have the courage to do it? To reside at ease among the mountains and flowers is the desire of everyone, man and beast. So, in the second picture, seeker and ox have permeated each other.

[19:34]

The seeker finds the ox because the seeker is permeating. So this is what Suzuki Yoshi always talked about, this way-seeking mind. In the third picture, it's quite interesting. The third picture is when the seeker catches the ox. And you're in your own first, second and third picture. This is where you are oscillating. Third picture, seeker catches the ox by letting go. The story says he lets go of his hold on the cliff and falls backwards into the abyss

[20:44]

and wakes up to find the ox running away. It's interesting in this picture because he catches the ox by letting go, but then finds the ox is hastily feeding it back to the sweet grass. So at the same time as you let go, you have to begin to have some restraint or discipline. And it's also very interesting that the ox is found in the sweet grass, still rather greedy. Someone asked me this morning, expressing this very well, they said they were rather tired of restraining themselves,

[21:52]

of some moral imperative, some control, seeming rather artificial. Of course, it comes afterwards, it's a kind of afterthought. And there's something pure about the greedy impulse. It just came up. Nothing artificial, you just were greedy, suddenly, it appeared from nowhere. Very pure impulse. Deep, sweet grass everywhere. So this person said, I like it better there. Not exactly, but this is, I've changed my approach. But that's what this person said, I like it better there.

[23:04]

And it seems purer, more, I don't like all this restraint. You know, I think it's important to be able to do what I call try-ons. You know, to find out the extent to which you feel something, as I've said before, you try, you imagine, I probably feel more than that. I would guess that I'm covering, I do cover, I must cover. Of course, one of the reasons you find out how to sit still, mentally and physically, is because you can take the cover off when you can. Until you can sit still, mentally and physically, you can't take the cover off because you're afraid you might do something.

[24:09]

We're all afraid that we'll find, you know, in our stomach a murderer, or a demon, or somebody who's hopelessly in love. It both scares us, because we're so dangerous to others and to ourselves. So, it's pretty difficult to face that, until we know we can sit still, not run amok. You'll always feel a little crazy, until you have the confidence to let everything come up. You'll always feel you're hiding some inner layer of craziness, that you are oppressed. And many of you are practicing, because you're simultaneously afraid of the inner layer of craziness,

[25:14]

and yet drawing some crazy magical strength from that inner layer of craziness, some fire, some power you feel. But you can't deny and cease the statement, that kind of statement. So, but when you can sit still, mentally and physically, you can allow the depths of your feelings and inclinations to come out. So, as you begin to be able to sit still, you can try on, how deeply do I feel? What if I felt fear completely? What if I felt anger?

[26:16]

How angry can I get? Fire breaking, everything. Well, two try-ons that are, when you have the confidence, courage to do it, two try-ons are, if I had no restraint on me, and could do anything I want, get away with anything I want, there was no retribution. What would I be like? What would I do? You can try it on. You might be bored with such a person.

[27:19]

To try it on. Face that person. Are you restraining? Are you really just being deceptively moral, because you can't get away with it? Moral morality is some afterthought. And then you can try on the other. What kind of person, if I could, would I really want to be? What kind of person do I want to be thought of? How would I like people to understand me? If I could mold myself perfectly, what would I look like? How would I act? What would my character be like? How pure and respected would my actions be?

[28:32]

How completely uncontaminated could I be? So you can try that on. I think you'll find that both of them, you can't brush either off. You can't say, well, actually, the moral thing is just some stiffness or artificial idea of a person. Actually, I think if you try it on, you deeply want to be that kind of person. As deeply as you want the sweet grass. As deeply as you want, you know, that, I don't know what. Cookie, pie, food, whatever. Whatever we take as the object of desire.

[29:42]

As deeply as you want that thing on this moment, which you have some moral inclination to stop. Just as deeply. One of the things you will see is that one is more like a description of yourself in time, and the other is more a description of yourself at a particular moment or in space. Just at this moment, we want to be such and such. But if I extend this to ten moments, or to tomorrow's stomach ache, we don't want to be that kind of person, just as much. But we're unable to bring this dimension

[30:45]

into this desire. One of the things that happens in practice is this dimension is always present in this desire. And this desire always expresses this dimension. You understand? So that's why you look in the sweet grass for the ox. That's why this person is quite right this morning when they said, yes, my desire is quite pure. But how does that pure desire extend to include Buddha? That's a fundamental problem in practice. And the key is, the more you can quit comparing yourself, the more you can drop your ego, which, you know, your ego is nothing but a thought.

[31:47]

And as you get so that you can slow down or participate in your thinking, as I was saying, just observing this collection of concepts, when the concept, I like it, or I want it, or I wonder what they think of me, or I did that pretty well, I'm pretty good, it's just an idea that comes up. When it comes up, you just forget about it. Just drop it. Just like a habit. You get to be able to drop it. Not changing your nature in some fundamental way or going through analysis. Just drop it. Not by force. Just changing the subject. If you can't do it, then you have another kind of problem. I've talked about that problem other times.

[32:54]

Today I'm talking about this one. So, when you have this, when you get so you have pretty small ego, you're not too concerned about yourself, you can trust your impulses. You can trust the sweet grass. You can trust that what you're inclined to say to somebody just arose purely. You don't have to think, what is the effect, what does it mean? You do if it arose from your ego. But if it just arose like some greedy person or some desire for food,

[33:57]

if you don't have much ego, you can trust it. So, this is our practice, I think. Step for you now is to deeply acknowledge, to re-acknowledge that you're practicing. You've noticed it more fully on this session. What does it mean? If you're doing it,

[35:00]

you might as well do it. Now you know it's possible. It's not something outside this room, not something in the future or the past, not something outside yourself. Buddhism has lasted all this time because it's not outside you. It's not in history. Buddhism has lasted all this time because it's your own possession. And Buddhism

[36:00]

is nothing but the acknowledgement of your fundamental aim, your fundamental desire, the acknowledgement of your fundamental desire, the realization of your fundamental desire. I'm not saying it should be Buddhism or Buddha or anything. I'm just saying Buddhism is the acknowledgement, the realization of your fundamental desire. Your practice is not to seek for Buddhism, but to seek for what your fundamental desire is. So I'm not putting anything on you. Buddhism is not putting anything on you. We call Buddhism the seeking, what is really the seeking for your fundamental desire. And the realization of your fundamental desire. And we are here together

[37:06]

simply to help each other realize our fundamental desire because we sense it as something in common. This is Sangha. Sense it as something in common with each other, in common with Buddha, in common with the lineage. We intuitively feel. When we encounter Buddhism, we encounter something, we say, this is close to my fundamental desire. So we start to practice Buddhism. But don't seek for Buddhism. Seek for your fundamental desire. And make that complete revelation to yourself that you're going to realize your fundamental desire in this lifetime. Why waste this lifetime?

[38:07]

Why not devote this lifetime to realizing your fundamental desire? What else? Why not? Why do something else? Why not make everything you do the realization of your own fundamental desire? This practice is nothing but clearing the path so you can realize your fundamental desire. And you can,

[39:13]

you know, forget about your troubles. When you remind yourself that at last you've found the path to realize your fundamental desire, lesser desires and problems you can forget about. If this is not your fundamental desire, if Buddhism is not your fundamental desire and you realize your fundamental desire, we'll all call you Buddha and join your way. Your effort

[40:45]

helps everyone more than it helps you. Your effort is experienced very directly and extends everywhere in the session. Like down the aisle we can all feel like something transparent. And when you are like a

[41:54]

you you So let's acknowledge how we are practicing and see if just for the rest of this day we can just do what we're doing without any reservation. Just practice, just sit, just eat and listen. Very simple. But without stepping back. Right.

[42:59]

If your energy fades, if your mind wanders, bring it back. If you can really do it for a short time, you can find the way to do it eventually, every moment. It's not so difficult. But at first it's difficult. First it's like dragging yourself. How much energy do we waste being on the other side of this effort? How effortless it is once you've gone through it. No longer do you need to worry about your energy. It's always, you're constantly producing energy and it's not hidden from you. Self-joyous state of mind. So many ways to describe it. Here we have

[44:13]

just a few hours between now and the end of the session. And yet your distracted thoughts are so precious. Your worries are so important to solve that you can't put them off till tomorrow. Why not take a detation from life? From now till the end of session. It's as if sit from now till the end of session as if you didn't exist before, won't exist tomorrow and just barely exist now. You know, I hate to talk this way because I sound like a football player. Suck it to them.

[45:17]

But, I'm sorry. You need some encouragement and you need to do it. Simple it is what I'm describing. And if you just try and don't succeed but completely try, if you can completely try, you know, your life will be different. I can tell you. Not a bit separate from what you've been or but. Your experience will be so full that you will

[46:28]

wonder where you've been all this time. So let's just try to acknowledge what we're doing. And you know, you don't know quite what you're doing. You're not absolutely certain that this crazy way of practice is the way to realize your fundamental desire. You're not sure that Buddhism or even this particular form of Buddhism is your way. But put all that aside. From now till this evening you're going to be doing this. So forget about whether it's perfect or not and just do it as if it were perfect. Just do it completely because it's what you'll be doing.

[47:29]

And behind it, through it, kind of repetition, I will realize my fundamental desire. I know I will realize my fundamental desire. I know I will accomplish this fundamental desire. It may take various forms. The teaching may not match it at times. But I will keep turning the dark, turning the stuff by my vow to realize my fundamental desire. You make Buddhism anew. You don't follow Buddhism. You make Buddhism anew when you realize your fundamental desire. Buddhism becomes Buddhism

[48:49]

when you forget about Buddhism and just realize your fundamental desire. Buddhism would cease to exist if we didn't practice this way. I am sitting Everybody is sitting with you. I'm sitting with you. Everyone else is sitting with you. Suzuki Roshi is sitting with me. Dogen is sitting with me. Master, it's only a city. Kill them. Reorganize the city.

[49:54]

Everyone is sitting with you or waiting to sit with you. On every sound. On every point. We hear the dharma. We see the dharma. We don't delay. There is no time to delay. No time exists for delay.

[51:17]

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