We want to develop some feeling for practice. It's not something you can learn through some experience or through insight, but although you make it started through insight or through some experience, the actual feeling for practice, which you can trust completely, comes about usually rather slowly and has been passed

[01:00]

to us by Suzuki Roshi, and now I'm trying to give you a feeling for practice. And we're trying to continue what Suzuki Roshi started, the feeling for practice that he started. But a feeling for practice is not some … Well, you can say feeling for practice is – almost you can say – it is ultimate reality, you know? But when we say ultimate reality, we don't mean something in contrast to this reality

[02:08]

that you see. Not something hidden behind this reality, that this reality is just an image of, a symbol of. So, what is this reality we apprehend? And first of all, you know, it's you, you're apprehending yourself, apprehending. But also, what are the aspects of what we see?

[03:12]

If our activity itself is our practice, you know, what … why do we have this problem with seeing things as they are? What do we mean when we say to look directly into the nature of reality? You know, that kind of statement implies something other than this, you know? As I said yesterday, if we practice the four mindfulnesses, you know, mindfulness of body and feelings and mind and objects of mind, you can come to some calmness, you know, some

[04:35]

way in which you can see minutely how things happen, exist. So the first thing you notice is that everything is changing, and of course Buddhism is posited on the idea that, the fact that everything is changing. But everything is changing is in a time, everything is changing or conditioned, looking at it from the point of view of time. And things arise and decay, but things also, if you look at them, you know, we can say

[05:37]

sometimes things are also perfect, just as they are. That's outside a time or space framework. But we can also notice that everything is a part of a whole, and also a manifestation of the whole. And sometimes these kinds of distinctions are not reality itself, you know, but they're useful to make because we get caught by one or the other. Many… there's some poets now, their poetry is always pointing out the universality of

[06:40]

everything. But this is to be caught, you know, by one aspect of everything. And many Zen stories are meant to catch a person, you know, who's caught by everything is one or one is everything. And also, every part is different from other parts, you know, where the world isn't all apples or David Chadwick's, or some particular person. And yet, each part is also in some way the same as other parts, you know.

[07:46]

So, when you see something, you can't say, you know, I think there's some statement Buddha has asked, you know, do we view things as images, or as the mind itself? Does one dharma grasp another dharma? And Buddha, you know, answers in this … Buddha is said to have answered in this context. In a sense, in effect, he said, the image is the thing itself. So if you see the reflection of the moon, the reflection of the moon is the moon.

[09:36]

The moon you see in the sky is the moon. We can't say, that's not the moon, the moon's up there. Or as Durvamsa said the other day, you know, this is the sky, the sky isn't just up there somewhere. Well, you experience it at Tassajara very clearly, because we live beside that stream all the time. Where does the stream begin and end? Is the stream just the water on the rocks? Are the rocks not the stream? Is the sound of the water over the rocks not the stream? Is you, is the sound of the water over you, you know, not the stream? Where does the stream begin and end? Where do you begin and end?

[10:40]

You think, you know, when I say something like this, well that makes sense, but it doesn't have much reality for you, you know. It's like an idea or some nice thought, you know. Mostly you know, practically speaking, you do have a beginning and an end. But actually you don't, and it's only because your mind constantly overlooks actual reality that you think that. Our mind is very clever and convincing, and seemingly controllable, so if you combine

[11:48]

such a mind with our tendency to be, you know, greedy and deluded and angry or, you know, we say greed, aversion and delusion, that's just some way to characterize our tendencies. And you put all of that in the service of an ego, and you have a pretty tricky combination. Almost it's impossible to see things as they are. So somehow you have to practice to see through greed, hate and delusion, to find some way

[12:49]

to practice so you're not caught by your tendencies. The tendencies may remain, you know, almost forever, but you can be free from the tendencies simultaneously. And our mind is quite lazy and tends to simplify things. So, you can understand the story I've told you, I think many times, about Tozan and Ungan

[13:55]

and Onjo. After years of practicing with various teachers, still he hadn't quite got the feeling for practice completely. And he asked his teacher where he would meet him, or where he would meet Buddha, or how he would continue the feeling of practice that his teacher gave him. And he didn't quite understand, you know, what his teacher said. But as he was walking, you know, he saw his reflection in a stream, and to express how he felt at that time, he composed a poem which goes something like, if you look for

[15:00]

him elsewhere, or if you look around for truth, it will recede from you, or it will be farther and farther from you. He says, something like, alone I proceed through myself. He, referring to the reflection or to Buddha, he is the same as me, I am not he, he is me, I am not he. If you understand this, you are at one with ultimate reality, absolute reality. So, this kind of intellectual presentation of our way of looking at things, it's a very

[16:26]

interesting way of looking at things. It's for some people, you know, quite useful to catch themselves, or counteract their preconceptions. You have some idea of what you see, it's actually quite fixed, you don't notice it, you take for granted it. The way you perceive things is accurate. But if you remember, you know, these various kinds of ways of looking at things, or these aspects of things, and actually see them on everything, more and more you will begin

[17:35]

to see things from a much wider point of view, a point of view which always includes you. So eventually you can't be disoriented or separate from things. The nature of reality isn't such that you can be separate from things, there's no way to be lonely. Everything is appearing here, you know, each moment. And we can almost say, solely for our benefit, but it occurs in such a way that, if you're

[18:53]

If you actually are participating in it, there's no trouble. It's because of our idea of what we mostly see, even if we try, as I say, what you see normally what we call present, it's already past. By the time you see it, it's over. So our normal six, what we call our usual senses, always perceive the past. So how can we actually be the past, present, and future included in each moment, as this thing we all are, it's manifesting itself. And our effort isn't to, little by little, see it more and more, you know, it doesn't

[20:27]

work that way. You can remind yourself about it, over and over again, which helps, but your effort is to, constantly to cut off discriminating thoughts, to return to your essence of mind. If you have this feeling for practice, you know, you will follow, as Suzuki Roshi said, innumerable precepts, you know, automatically. So you need some conviction in this practice.

[22:08]

Not relying on other things. And you need some faith to let go of your discriminating mind. You know, maybe after you see, clearly, the futility, you know, of our discriminating mind, you know, it's useful, but not useful in the service of an ego. So, maybe when you see the futility of it, you know, you can try to let go of it, try to let go of it. Not little by little, you know, being satisfied with some progress, but completely, each moment,

[23:25]

just try, now, to let go of it. So, maybe what we mean by ultimate reality is the inexpressible unity of all these, these relationships which we can identify, you know, particularity, or sameness, or oneness. Actually they're just, you know, names. But there's some inexpressible unity of this, you know, that you yourself are. And there's a kind of, we can almost say a kind of knack, maybe it takes ten or fifteen

[24:39]

years to get, but a kind of knack for letting go, but a kind of confidence and trust, because it's like I said, you know, it's like turning your lights off on the highway at night, you know, it's rather scary. You'll turn them back on quite quickly, you know. And if you're practicing Zen, when you first try to let go, you'll turn on your discriminating mind almost immediately, it's terrifying. Somebody might do almost anything to you, or take advantage of you, you might lose out in some way. But how to just not care, you know, you take some kind of big chance. There's really nothing stopping us, you know, it's not a matter of acquiring some ability

[25:45]

but rather getting rid of the interference, you know, the hindrances or fear or preconceptions we have. So, something like the feeling for practice, which is without form. Or how to let go, you know, how to stay with your essence of mind, you know, is quite fragile because we replace it immediately with some form or object of perception. So, you need the example of Suzuki Yoshi, who could do it, who lived that way, and

[26:57]

lived quite effortlessly. Otherwise when you practice, you keep overlooking it. Not noticing. So we do Zazen, and the more you do Zazen, the bigger the spaces between the words get, the bigger the spaces between your various activities get, between your thoughts. Even when you have as many thoughts, the spaces are what you… where… how can I say?

[28:07]

Anyway, you cover everything. That way, you know, you can, with that kind of experience then, you can begin to have the confidence, you know, to let go, into the real present, you know, or the inexpressible Then you'll find still, at some point, that you can't resolve, or that always seems

[29:34]

to be an obstacle, and that your teacher can help you with, or your experience, you know, with others helps you with. And you… you know, our practice, our particular Zen way of practice is to emphasize this kind of… noticing this kind of obstacle, and sitting on it, or committing yourself to resolve this one point, whatever that point is, when you have an obstacle. Without an obstacle, there's no chance to practice. So your Zazen, and your practice here in this community, and your relationship with your teacher, is meant for you to bring out some obstacle that you can't resolve.

[30:48]

By placing it in your stomach, you know, or becoming one with it completely. Do you have any questions? I said, maybe they'll be there forever.

[32:53]

Well, you know, there's no point in saying they'll go away. What we usually mean by discriminating, I don't like to say to cut off discriminating mind completely, but that's actually what I mean, because then someone will ask, well, what if I'm about to, you know, trip over something on the stairs, shouldn't I pick it up? And then shouldn't I figure out why it's there, and etc.? Of course, our discrimination, our mind, is useful to figure out such practical things. But usually we're not in gear. Our mind is like an engine in neutral racing.

[34:01]

And if we can keep our, if our mind is related to practical things, and when those practical problems are solved, that your discriminating just stops, that's okay. So, if you ask, though, how does enlightenment use discriminating mind, it doesn't make sense as a statement about enlightenment, or... You can't characterize enlightenment in that kind of way. Certainly, some, we say, discriminative awareness or wisdom, you know, certainly there's some kind of, I'd say there's something we can call wisdom, maybe.

[35:08]

But it's not in the same category of usual discrimination, because you participate in the arising of things, you know? So you don't have to think about them in the same way, because you don't arrive on the scene after it's over and have to figure it out, do you understand what I mean? You don't have to figure out how the accident occurred, because you are in the midst of it. So, just the process itself is wisdom, there isn't an observer of it who says, oh, now I'll discriminate about this or that. So, today, because of the bad weather, not so many people, which is a good feeling, actually.

[36:15]

I'm wondering what to do about the lectures in the city, actually. I've been thinking about discriminating, because our practice is actually quite intimate, you know? And it's one thing to practice with people you know, maybe best is one-to-one, you know? Maybe that's not so good, because then the student becomes too dependent on the teacher. The student should be thrown out or left alone, you know? So he depends on himself, you know? He is the same as me, you know? But I am not him. So anyway, it should be some few number. And the better we know each other, the better it is for us to find out how to practice together,

[37:21]

how to be one with that inexpressible unity. It's pretty difficult even to be one with ourself. We feel separated from our hand, or from things we do. Then we feel even more separated from what we call objects. So how to open yourself up to some other person? And it doesn't matter whether the person is good or bad. If you can be one with someone, with their faults and with their good qualities or whatever, however you want to describe their aspects, then you have some chance, you know, of being

[38:24]

one with your own aspects, whether you describe them as good or bad, or whatever. So our practice, what Suzuki Roshi used to call warm, kind-hearted feeling, our practice is some intimate feeling. Intimate with everything, because everything is us. If we have twenty new people or thirty new people, still that's okay, maybe. We can be in some touch with that many people. But in San Francisco, every Saturday there seems like a hundred. One solution is to put the parking lot a mile or two from the place where the lecture is,

[39:38]

but in San Francisco we can't do that. Constant bad weather, which Greenbelch has during certain times of the year. Everyone is curious about Buddhism, but maybe it shouldn't be so easy as just coming to a lecture. It's so easy to get the illusion that you understand practice. Maybe you hang out around Zen Center for a few years, you know, and what you do actually is you use up the actual opportunity to practice. You change your ideas around a little bit and take what is convenient for you, and then

[40:40]

somehow it isn't answering the fundamental questions of your life. So you go somewhere else. Maybe you lose the opportunity to ever answer, anywhere, your inner request. The moment of your life is actually right now, not, I'll wait till some crisis, I'll wait for some opportune time. With that attitude, you know, the opportune time will never come.

[41:42]

This moment, right now, is your opportune time. We are not separate from Buddhists, anywhere, ever, at any time. Their practice is your practice. That was one question.

[43:09]

I shouldn't say anything about it. Already it's explained too much. It's rather interesting just like that, don't you think? What's that? His question? Oh, I'm sorry. He said, can I say something more about he is not, he is me and I am not him. I am not he. Thank you very much.

[44:18]

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