Roshi, it is said that this it, this is it. Tozan said that's only half respectful. What more can you say? Show me this it. Thank you very much. Roshi, in the sutra it says, in the three worlds all buddhas depend on prajnaparamita

[01:10]

and the mind is no hindrance. What does it mean the mind is no hindrance? Is your mind a hindrance? Hindrance to what? What is it a hindrance to? Dogen says hindrance hinders hindrance. What's hindrance? There's nothing to hinder. Who says? Hindrance says. Roshi, there's this little fellow that teaches me Buddhism.

[02:22]

He tells me how to adjust my posture. He reminds me when I'm caught in things to let go. He's pretty smart. He understands most of the things you say. But when I come before you, he has nothing to say. Say something. Who? No. Roshi. Roshi. I don't know who asked this question. I don't know how this question is asked. I don't know even what the question is.

[03:30]

You should know. You should try to know. If you really try to know, then you don't know. Roshi, these mountains don't discriminate, do we? Do you? Seems like I do everything. So, what are you going to do about it? What can I do about it? You can't become a mountain. I can't? Roshi, you're really a stinky fool, don't you think?

[04:51]

I hadn't thought about it. Why are you so spoiled? What are you seeking? I don't know. Do you? I think you do know. Please continue. Roshi.

[05:58]

Roshi. It's settled in this spot. Here I am, where I've longed to be. I'm glad. I'm glad your question is short, too. Roshi. Roshi, I have an iron ball. I can't let go of it, and I can't hold on to it. What am I to do with it right now? What's right now?

[07:02]

That's not right now. What is right now? Louder. Louder. I only hear my heart. That's a good thing to do. You're like an airplane that can't land. That's only touching down. I'll try.

[08:07]

Okay. Roshi. How big is this ball? How big are you? Not very big. You look different. You can live in this world if you can live in it as your own. Okay.

[09:28]

Let's try together. Roshi, it's said that we all have a treasure chest. Mine has a very heavy stone resting on it. Who put it there? Why can't you take it away? I don't know. I wish you could tell me why I can't take it away. I can't tell you. How did it get there? I was going to ask you that. What do you think is in the treasure chest?

[10:39]

Some treasure. I don't know what. I'm hopeful. Carpenter's tools? Maybe it's everything in the cabinet. You've got the golden hammer. You have the golden hammer in your hand. You just hit the stone right. There'll be no treasure chest in there. There'll be no treasure chest. What if I hit my tongue? You do sometimes. Anyway, you have two thumbs. Okay. So keep hitting. Thank you. Roshi, what is good practice?

[11:53]

What is your practice? No practice. No practice? Really no practice? Nothing I can qualify as good. Thank you. You can practice without qualifying. Your practice, please continue. Roshi, my practice is perfect.

[12:55]

But I see no practice. In my Buddha bowl, I don't see the universe. I barely even see my own desires. And this Sashin is absurd. And it's terrible. But somehow it's very beautiful. Beautiful. And now I have confusion. It's clear. I have no question. Thank you. Roshi, what is essence of mind that you always talk about? I don't know.

[14:09]

Then what do you talk about? What do you think it is? I don't know. I want you to think about it. Thank you. Roshi, if a boy has no mind and a man has no body, who approaches the Dharma? Why do you say a boy has no mind and a man has no body? Because a boy acts without thinking and a man thinks without acting.

[15:32]

So acting without thinking and thinking without acting, who approaches the Dharma? That which does not think nor act approaches the Dharma. Does that have a body? Too many questions. Thank you. Roshi, I have no question. I have a number of questions. I just wanted to sit here and listen to my heart and look at you.

[16:35]

Thank you very much. I get the same pleasure. Roshi, everywhere there is a question. There is no place where there is no question. What should be right attitude in that situation? Roshi, that is a good statement. But what are you going to do about it? Understanding is not enough. Where is the creation?

[17:59]

Roshi, when the emperor asked Bodhidharma who stood in front of him, he said, I don't know. Didn't he say that because he knew it? No. You don't think so. Roshi, I wanted to ask you two questions. That question is not so important. I wanted to know if you took baths this year. You took two baths? Did you take them during the day? During the day. Thank you. Thank you. This universe seems to question and answer simultaneously.

[19:40]

What? What do you think you are asking? What? What do you think you are asking? I want a little more. Some.

[20:48]

This session is a chance to be completely alone with everything. And it depends on the rules, necessity of coming, participating. Where is the necessity? Where are the rules in our everyday life? So we can have this chance always. Monkey mind makes them for you. Don't practice, just practice. Know your monkey mind. Not just us. Roshi.

[22:09]

Roshi. My wife and my ex-husband are the same. It's very painful. I can't face it. I can hardly face it. What I mean to say is, my husband isn't mine. Or my wife. And I can't let go. I wanted to, I was going to ask you what I should do. But I know what to do. My question has answered itself.

[23:14]

My life is a question. Will it answer itself? What do you know what to do? To continue. To try. To sit still. And suffer. What's the extra that makes your life so painful? Possession. Will you share your life with me? Thank you. Roshi, how can I let go of the mind that waits for the bell?

[24:17]

Where's the bell? Out there. Where's your mind? Sometimes I'm here. I can't answer that. Where am I? Just jump left, listen to the bell. The bell is also your mind. So when you hear the bell, you're letting go. Of your mind. If you think it's something up in there, though.

[25:24]

It's kind of stuck in there. So see your mind everywhere. And then that way you can let go. Thank you. Roshi, what is the difference between a student who knows and accepts his karma and Roshi? Do you think there's no difference? I'm really not sure. In some way I think there's some difference. Okay, there's no difference.

[26:30]

Thank you. Roshi. How can I best be a companion? Come forward. Always. Thank you.

[27:43]

Roshi, since there's no stopping on the way, how can we not be caught taking refuge in Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha? It's pretty nice and comfortable here in Tucson. Yes. Since there's no stopping, how can we not be caught by taking refuge in the Dharma? Staying at Tassajara isn't taking refuge in the Dharma. Taking refuge in the Dharma has nothing to do with geography. We take refuge in the Dharma to stop ourselves. Can you stop yourself? I think you maybe can.

[28:47]

Roshi, where are you close to Suzuki Roshi? Where am I close to Suzuki Roshi? Yes, where are you close? Was I close? Where do you feel close? Right here. To Suzuki Roshi? Right here. Where is Suzuki Roshi? Right here. I'm serious. Right here. Where is Betsy? Right here too. Where are you? With Betsy. Why with Betsy? Because I want to be. What about the other people who ask questions? With everyone, separated from myself.

[30:13]

How can you be with everyone if you're separated from yourself? Separated from myself. Not friends with myself. And therefore not friends with my friends. Separated from them. Less so than you think. Yes. So stop thinking about it. So stop thinking about it. Thank you, Roshi. Roshi? How many questions are there to ask? How many moments are there to you? 10,000 in every one.

[31:16]

So what's your one question? Right now. Right now. Am I resting? Are you resting? I am not. Do you want to rest? Yes and no. Does resting mean idleness? Yes. It does? I must be resting. If you can find a good place to rest, please tell me about it. Roshi.

[32:25]

There are things that I have learned. That in order to be here, I had to leave them. To be able to leave them, I had to build a brick wall. The passing of time and space. The brick wall froze. And I see that I'm walking. Roshi. How can I leave passing time to do that? Stay with your practice. You don't have to leave them when you practice. Actually, you practice. You're practicing so you can be with them. Isn't that true? I'm not sure. There's a difference between being there and being here.

[33:33]

What's the difference? What do they want you to be? What do we all want you to be? I don't know. So, please do that. Roshi.

[34:47]

Can you say your question loud enough so everyone can hear? Roshi. It's the ordinary you that likes the extraordinary. Isn't it? I don't like the extraordinary. Why do you think it's extraordinary? It's because you make a distinction between ordinary and extraordinary. You get caught by something special. If you don't see it as special,

[35:50]

it'll be much better. You understand that, don't you? But you can't do it. It'll be much better. You understand that. You understand that. Roshi. How does Kanzeon do what? How does Kanzeon move his arms with all the world's tears in his robes?

[37:06]

How do you move your arms? Are you having trouble? Let's see you move your arms. It's the same. I think it's a different situation. Can't you see those other 999? No. Why do you want your robe soaked with tears? It's not my robe. Then don't get it wet. Okay.

[38:11]

Don't make problems with it, I know. Roshi. Whenever I ask a question, I get the answer, and I think, I knew he was going to say that. So why do I feel compelled to ask the question? I don't know. Okay. What do you want instead of an answer? What do I want instead of an answer? I don't know. I just don't have an answer. I think I really want to do that.

[39:27]

Then tell me. Maybe I don't have an answer. Or maybe I don't have an answer. What compels you? I'm not sure. It feels like reassurance to have an answer. We say, you know, the ground you fall down on, you get back up on. By the ground you get back up. That's all the reassurance you need. Roshi, I'm very happy to be at Tesshanon, even though it's colder than I'm always here. And thank you for having us here by your side. Thank you.

[40:42]

Roshi, how to find the energy to leave my head and enter the present? Steadiness. Roshi? Roshi? It's very stormy on these dark moors. Where are the storms coming from? Everywhere.

[41:50]

Is the weather everywhere the same? Yes. Wow. How do you know it can be different? You want it to be different. How do you know it can be different? You want it to be different?

[43:04]

Roshi? Suzuki Roshi joins our supper. Who's eating? Are you eating? Yes. You're eating. I'm eating. Is that enough for you? It's enough for my mind. Very composed. Roshi? Open your heart more.

[44:27]

Don't think about it so much. Like Lin Roshi, I almost sat in the middle section, but last night, during the chanting of the Heart Sutra, I found a question that I don't know why you would answer, so I'm going to ask you. How do Buddhists distinguish between truth and falsehood? In law courts, in science, there are ways that it can be done. I think Buddhists do so. What do you think

[45:39]

is false? That's what puzzles me. Evidently, there must be something that is false, or the sutra wouldn't say that it's true. On the one hand, false. On the other hand, true. Are you asking the question or is the sutra? The sutra is telling me. I'm the one who knows. I know. What does the sutra say? Roshi, will I know my teacher when we meet? Maybe not.

[46:40]

Eventually, you'll know who your teacher was and is. But don't look for a teacher. Take everything as your teacher. Teach yourself that your teacher is not something special. I never looked for a teacher. I just came. Let them keep coming. Look at your actual situation. And if there's a teacher there, use him. This will go on forever? Not forever,

[47:46]

but a long time. Why do you want something different? What makes you think something different is possible? Does Rinpoche feel like a couple? I don't know. Do you? No. Then there should be no problem. What's the problem? You're looking for the teacher

[48:55]

inside yourself. And it keeps moving. She keeps moving. Every teacher and everything speaks through that teacher inside. So just open up to that teacher inside. Roshi, please tell me how to practice better. Don't separate Buddhism.

[50:02]

Don't think of such a thing as Buddhism. But practice. Then I would just go on living my life the way I always did. Why just change? Why change? Why did you change? I had to. What's that had to? Is that had to Buddhism? How to live with that had to is practice.

[51:03]

We don't care whether you stay with Zen Center or practice Buddhism. We only care about your living with that had to. That's what I don't know how to do. You have to find some imperfect way. Thank you. Roshi, last night in Doga-san I lied to you. And this morning it seemed very important. But since I've been in the ceremony it didn't seem so important. You didn't lie to me. There's no lying.

[52:27]

Just now you prefer something else. Roshi, I feel some hope that I've had ever since I was very small. And it's been a source of seems to be a source of hope. But I think now I have to give that up. Is that true? It's true. But it's a delicate point. So do it completely.

[53:31]

But do it carefully. Roshi, why is it so hard for me to practice? Why is it hard for all of us to be alive? Why don't we go on? Why do you go on? Sometimes we feel like we don't want to go on. And sometimes we're not cut off

[54:33]

in what makes us able to go on. Don't worry so much about it. Even if it's terrible it's really not terrible. It's not, you know. It feels good. Forget about how you feel. Some function. Just reach right through it. Practice right through it. It's not that bad. It's like pushing a big rock.

[55:35]

It's so big. But all the energy just keeps it in one place. When you get tired and when you get up and move up. That's it. It's so big. Just lean against it. Have a smoke. Drink. Put a little tent beside it. It's alright. That's a pretty diamond there. Roshi.

[56:44]

I brought you a love poem. Behind warmth a dazzling furnace consuming all discrimination Behind each gentle smile a bubble of Prakashvara Behind each helpful word a humdum You're talking about yourself. Don't expect too much. Carrot.

[58:08]

Does Roshi have blue nature? Can I have a bite too? No. That's too easy but anyway it's fun. Roshi. All that I do not care for will not be and all that I do care for will not be and I will not be and all will not be Roshi, what will be? Is all that first part true?

[59:13]

Sounds like a tragedy. Everything you are right now will be. That's also not being. Can't look for not being somewhere over there. It's almost all okay now. Hm? It's all okay now. Nearly. Nearly. Roshi.

[60:27]

Our old man will die soon but I know it's all right and so I practice with you but I'm afraid all the time there may not be time enough. But I try. I'll go on trying. You can give Buddha twenty years. The world will be different. He'll have a new name. He'll have a new name. He'll have a new name.

[61:31]

Roshi, my job during self-pachi is to pick leaves out of your garden and sometimes I see a leaf between two rocks sort of hidden or under a tree just sticking out and I hedge and I pick it up and a mantra occurred to me that if I see it, it's really there. Is that true? Yeah, that's true. Anyway, you should leave the rock and the stone and the leaf there. Leave the leaf there? Yeah, leave the leaf there. Even though it's true that if I see it, it's there. Even if it's not true, leave the leaf there. And leave your own shadow. Roshi,

[62:48]

it seems that this very stinky self should mind the smell more but how where is the strength to bear that suffering? You're the only one with a nose. It doesn't seem to work very well. I don't like all this talk about stinky selves. I don't either. It wants to get away.

[63:49]

Back to your stinky self? Yes. Except what other people think too. We don't think you're stinky. We're stinky too. I stink worse. No. That's just a kind of vanity. I stink worse. I stink more than anyone. Yeah. I just keep thinking that that vanity stinks too and that I'm gone. I'm gone. So there's no end. So just forget about it.

[64:55]

Look around you for what you are. You're beautiful for that. Roshi, what must we learn to practice Buddhism? Nothing. What did Dick Baker learn that he became Baker Roshi? Same, nothing.

[66:06]

So why aren't you timorous? I just found you as timorous. Nothing happened? No, nothing happened. Just this moment happened. I mean, maybe we can say this moment happened. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Do you want something more than that? Yeah. That's the problem. Didn't you have to make a lot of effort all this time? At first I thought so. But it was too much. I couldn't do it. So I gave up. Hmm.

[67:14]

So you just wait to give up? No, you give up. Roshi, the one I can keep in my body and mind, I was scared at the time. That's good. I don't want to fear too much. That's the way things are going. How can I conduct myself in my everyday life with other people

[68:22]

so as not to interfere so much? That's the way it is. Enjoy your hindrance and let people enjoy it. You know we like your hindrance and your interference. Let us like it. Don't decide in advance. People have put up with you for a long time. We don't want to stop. Just let us keep putting up with you. All right? Can I? Roshi, is there any difference between

[69:25]

monkey mind and big mind? What do you think? I think you're going to find some way to say no, but I think there must be. Yeah, there's a big difference. What can you say about the difference? Like you haven't already said? Yeah. There's neither monkey mind or big mind. How about that difference? Don't think about it.

[70:26]

You said the purpose of Sachi was to get a glimpse of monkey mind. It's not there. I didn't say it's not there. What's your actual experience? I don't know. Roshi Tojan said the unattainable depth of practice

[71:34]

can be elucidated. And the inexpressible elucidation can be put into practice. What does that mean? Are you elucidating at each moment? Are you repeating what I said? That's what it means. In what? Ask me another question entirely different. Entirely? Entirely different. What's the right way for a Zen teacher to take a leak? Come watch me sometime.

[72:34]

Roshi I'm Kansho Doshin and I'm also a Yagura. What is the one reality? Kansho Doshin How can I say anything so you could understand? I don't know. You don't know, do you? Oh, Roshi

[74:08]

Never before seen Never before tasted Would you like a matcha snow corn? Well What are we here for? They don't know. What are we here for? Buddha! What are we sitting for? Buddha! Hey! Buddha! Buddha! Roshi

[75:34]

For a long time I puzzled about the terms condition and mind condition and I tried mind condition in terms of a thing you know, where is that mind condition? I realized a presence this is a presence a presence which is like a great space which holds all things in condition from which all things are created and everything is ever created no eyes, no ears, no ears no body, no mind, no distinction have I understood? Of course not Don't forget it, soon it's all about it Time I'm scared

[76:44]

I know, me too Roshi All week you sit on the altar and serve reheated old hash Today you serve a little bit of food and ask for handouts and go have medicine Looks like you're a cook boy I can't seem to settle on any questions I don't know I have a question Take your question right now Is there something to grasp? No You're a bit rough

[77:44]

You're a bit rough Although the evening sky is the color of the yucca, the lanterns glow in the caverns. High between the peaks, birds play on the four winds. There is no ancient mirror to be found. There is no ancient mirror to be found.

[79:50]

There is no ancient mirror to be found. There is no ancient mirror to be found. There is no ancient mirror to be found.

[80:50]

There is no ancient mirror to be found.

[81:19]

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