Yesterday I mentioned Tozan's answer to a monk who asked, what is Buddha? And Tozan answered, three pounds of flax. This is a question you must ask yourself sometimes. What am I doing here? What is Buddhism? What is Buddha, Dharma, Sangha? And we can give various answers for it.

[01:10]

And the commentary on this story talks about the life-giving sword and the life-taking sword. Life-giving sword means positive way. Life-taking sword means negative way of teaching. If you're going to teach, you have to take one way or the other. Like giving sword is to try to point out the absolute by some gesture or word. And by taking sword is like just sit, no action.

[02:15]

The kind of answer of Tozan, Umon's disciple, is typical of Umon's school. But Suzuki Yoshi felt that it's not just a style of Zen at that time, but also because there was great historical, great persecution during that time, or Buddhism. And Sepo was in the deep mountains and Ganto was killed. And it was very difficult to live in China at that time as a Buddhist. So they didn't waste much time. Sukhyo Shikha. Explanation. People were more alert or ready.

[03:45]

in a time when there's enough social disorder so everyone has to know karate or carry a gun or sword to protect yourself. It's pretty difficult for Buddhists. We don't carry guns, swords, etc. So what are we practicing for? What is Buddha? As this story, the background, the foreground of this story suggests, there are many ways to answer this question, to respond and encourage But this... In this case, Tozan is not using, really, life-giving sword or life-taking sword in any way. He's just saying, three pounds of flax. It's more like a thrust than some word.

[05:38]

He means stop thinking about what is Buddhism, what is Buddha, what am I doing? But that's pretty big. That's the biggest answer to what is Buddha. Stop thinking about what is Buddha. So, you know, that always is the problem. What are you going to do then? We always want practice to be something, everything to be something we can manage or understand or digest. We want to say, Tozan meant that you are Buddha. Or we want some kind of explanation other than just three pounds of flax. We want to make Buddhism manageable. If you want

[06:55]

Easy practice, you want it manageable. If you want strict practice, you want to be managed by practice. Real problem is stop thinking about strict practice or easy practice or what is Buddha or what isn't Buddha. Can you live with something which exceeds anything else in your life, to which everything else takes second priority, but you yourself don't know what it is? You can't explain it, you can't understand it, you don't know how to do it. Best you can do is just try to be sincere with yourself.

[07:59]

Tozan's answer to the monk, three pounds of flax. But everything, you know, if you understand what Tozan meant, then three pounds of flax is good. Everything takes first priority. As Philip said during the Shuso Sermon, there is no object without your mind which observes it. There is nothing you perceive independent of your mind. So, Buddhist way and way of Oriental culture, too,

[09:06]

to look at the mind that's on everything. What is the mind that's on everything? Always you see some entity plus mind. What is that mind? So yesterday I was talking about this consciousness from here to your pillow. And when you breathe in sashin, I want you to be aware of this consciousness from here to your pillow. Let's start there. So your body is like a hole, H-O-L-E. Just a hole. And air is coming in and going out. Actually, mostly it's air and some goes in and some goes out.

[10:08]

sometimes a lot, and sometimes not much, sometimes almost none. And your breathing should penetrate into your intestine and stomach. You'll feel it way down. And instead of criticizing people or making some judgment. As soon as you make some judgment, consciousness is lost. At the same time, it's a very particularized thing. The consciousness of a juggler who doesn't concentrate on any one ball which is rather stable, the direction we're talking about. And if you're breathing,

[11:44]

and consciousness begin to penetrate. If you are sitting relaxed, your consciousness and breathing will penetrate to the cushion and to the top of your head. And you'll feel it. It will then fill out this whole, whole. And then your hands will begin to feel it, the arms. And pretty soon you can, your breathing will reach every part of it. With every breath you'll feel this infusion. And sustain. This consciousness without an object, finally, without any object, pure consciousness, has a full, complete feeling.

[13:39]

no ambivalence in it, no contradictions in it. And in Latin, the word virtue means whole and complete, like integer, which also has a sense of being able to be integrated at the same time as whole and complete. So when you find yourself with ambivalence, or always some divided kind of consciousness, I think there's no way to avoid

[14:56]

Look, on one side, looking at our morality or virtue. And if you're a person capable of fine-tuning, your state of mind is very finely tuned. Even though you think you're doing pretty well, if your state of mind is always divided, it's not just that your zazen is not so good. But in some way, you're not sincere with yourself and with others. And in this practice, a miss is as good as a mile. Just slightly off, and your state of mind is divided. On the other hand, if you're trying and missing, it's then possible to have this experience in your zazen of pure consciousness. And today, people are starved

[16:24]

for people who are sincere with themselves. Everyone is looking for it. Everyone wants to find somebody who feels honest And this honesty, in Buddhist sense, means you know your consciousness before it's divided.

[17:29]

Go as you go, without thinking. This is very strict practice, to just go as you go, without thinking. Or to find out how to practice. Tozans. three pounds of flax. Something which we can't manage, can't understand. And yet somehow we approach. It means we have to trust each other and trust each other. To trust Sazen means just to trust yourself, to trust your pure consciousness.

[18:46]

And it's not all hopeless, you know. It's not done just from your head. You will find out after you practice for a while. If someone asked you, how do you do something, or how do you see something, you'd say, I see it from my stomach. Tsukireshi, talking about when he was a monk listening to the teacher talk about the koans, he said, we were getting up at two in the morning and going to bed at nine and

[20:33]

every day, not just doing fishing, every day, and there were no naps, and if you did zazen, when you did zazen you were hit all the time, you were sleeping. So lecture was the only time you could sleep. He said, I couldn't even remember who the person they were talking about. But he said, it's like a walking stick. If you're going to walk, you have to have a walking stick if you need it. And so he used koans in that way. If he was going to talk, he needed something to talk about. But he said, actually I'm talking about what my stomach sees. So let's start, as I said yesterday, making this consciousness sit with us. And breathing throughout this consciousness, from your pillow to the top of your head. And letting this consciousness take care of you during the session.

[22:11]

We know we don't understand the three pounds of flax, or what is Buddha, or what we're doing. So what do you let take care of you? Can you quit trying to manage your life? Is Tso-tsang's suggestion. Commentary says, Tozai was not wasting his short life with some offhand remark, three pounds of flax. And said,

[23:37]

As the cormorant flies, the rabbit is pounding. Cormorant means the sun, and rabbit means the moon. Have you noticed in the moon there's a rabbit? Yeah, you must have noticed. Do you still see a man? Anyway, in India and China and Japan they see a rabbit. If you look, the rabbit is much clearer than the man. He has ears, and he has, it looks like a rabbit, and he's got something in front of him, making a bow to you. And in the sun they say there's a, sometimes they say there's a crow. And I think the reasoning is when you look at the sun, you get a black spot in your eye. So they say there's a black crow in the sun. But anyway, the kumara also means the sun. And it means... Implication is incessant Buddhist activity or skillful activity.

[25:08]

I've never seen comrade fishing. Have you seen it? But... Tsukiyoshi had never seen it either. But he said it means skillful means because I guess they maybe managed ten birds or so and you have to get the fish out of the bird's mouth? I don't know how to go for it. That's the explanation that he had heard. They do it on the river over there where Nero used to live. Do they use one bird or more? Several. Don't they have it fixed so the bird can't swallow the fish? Have you seen it too far? Do you have any questions about breathing or posture?

[27:14]

So, what do you want to deploy it? Find the default mode. I'm going to affect the luminaries for the last one. Can I also pop that? What can I say? Some muscles you have to use in zazen, particularly beginners, just to work against muscles that are already tied up. One of the most, as I pointed out before, subtle things that you do in a monastery is you always carry your hands this way, everywhere you go.

[28:55]

And it requires some muscles and strength to do it. And eventually it begins to kill you. And your back hurts and hates to hold it. Every chance you get, you want to put your hands down. And anybody else in the monastery says, no, no, that's for old men. Only old men walk around like this. It's old men, so you have to put your hands down. It hurts you like a knife in your back if you do it day and all the time, where you're tied up. It's like if you take this kind of clear posture, it eventually makes the unclear ways you're tied up give way, but they hurt like mad for a while. The same is true, your posture. Most people are a little bit left or right or forward or backwards or twisted at first, so you need some muscles to keep trying to sit straight.

[30:11]

will help to a very large extent by your breath. So you visualize the volume of air supporting you. And turn your attention to your air and see if it will help you. But the first one or two days of a session like this, you're just getting hit. You'll be a little more awake later on.

[31:52]

Yeah, something wants to lose. Something wants to escape. Something... No, it might be something in your muscles. Depends what you mean by mind. Anyway, that's very common. Physical movement and mental movement. That's when you get very still on the outside, the physical and mental movement inside is very difficult to actually sit still. It will stop. And if it doesn't? Surround it. I don't know, it's hard to describe. Anyway, we surround it.

[33:39]

Just reflection. I used to think. I really don't think it's right to think that way. I experienced it too a lot. I don't know what happens over there. I love it. Did you hear what he said? No.

[35:05]

He said he's pretty groggy and bleaky. And he doesn't think it's just because he's tired, but because clarity is bopping him over the head. That's sort of what he said. He doesn't like pain too much. I think other people share that. But that's easier than clarity. Clarity is more painful. Tunes one out more. That's very true. Completely true. And you're, maybe, after this precious spirit, you're leaving the touch of the heart. wondering what to do, what your practice is. Do you want to go to sleep? I think. But because you're leaving, that kind of problem will be increased. Yes.

[36:35]

Can you speak just a little louder? It sounds musical, but I can't hear. If you tried to stop me? My body is empty. Yeah. I can't keep it off. I know. Well, you have to breathe. So I'd stick to doing

[38:16]

and see what happens to the rest. Can you hear me? Can you hear me? Can you hear me? With what? With our breathing. Oh. And if you try to do it with your breath, it gets hectic. It gets hectic? Why does it get hectic when you try to loosen it with your breathing? Well, um, it's not really a shock. It goes to the point of being hollow upon the surface. And I can feel it. I feel it. I do not feel it. It's funny. I just get it. I'm just now feeling it.

[39:47]

may be some contradictory attitude. One is, if you come to some blockage, you're completely willing to stay there. At any stage, there may be one million stages, doesn't matter what stage, but if you want to change too much, Your way is not very subtle. First you just, okay, I may be blocked. I'm alright. That's very close to justice. No idea or attitude. You're justice. Some things block, alright. But as things come and go, you let them come and go. Everything is welcome. Including block, demons, the devil.

[42:20]

Miller up a bit. If demons come, you ordain them. If you can't ordain them, you let them ordain you. Preach the dharma to them. If there's some blockage there, you preach the dharma to them. Or just welcome them. Oh, hello, blockage. But also you can... I like the idea of you trying to loosen it with your breathing. You could try to do something like that. Or you can just take what is that bucket? What is that bucket? For the whole session? Or the whole year? Or your whole lifetime? What is it? Without expecting or needing an answer. So I'm friendly, not adversary.

[43:31]

You know, the feeling is more like you meet somebody you like. And you don't ask them, why do I like you? Or, where did you grow up? What kind of person are you? So much as you just, when there's an opportunity, you take the opportunity to spend time with You sit on their doorstep, and that's just a noose. And like that, what is it that's like that? It's just to take an opportunity to spend time with the friends you've discovered lodged in there. That kind of attitude. And way back there, Yep.

[45:16]

I think putting your mind in your hands is very difficult. Very common advice, but very difficult. You have those kind of problems, like I was saying yesterday. Where are my hands? What is my mind? What is putting my mind? You don't know exactly. But you noticed you went way off. As I said, it's very difficult to be sincere with yourself and to follow your consciousness. Just keep your attention on your consciousness. Not wandering about with this or that idea that you think is real. More like a juggler. Even if your mind goes off, it's just like going to come back.

[46:50]

You don't lose awareness of your whole being at the same time. So just go, it's like acrobatics, you know. For a while you just go back and forth. First you're caught, and then you come back, and then you're caught, and then you come back. And eventually you begin to find out that even though you're caught and come back, it's beginning to happen. within your consciousness. I find myself driving down this one a lot. I don't know.

[48:16]

It'd be best if I gave one lecture a year. And you really listen. And since you don't listen, altogether you don't. I have to keep repeating myself in different forms. One koan is all we need. Just one koan. If you really penetrate it enough. But actually, everything I say is the same. And every koan is the same. In a session like this where we're doing, I think you should try, unless you're really working on something, you should try what I'm saying. If you're already working on something and they don't come together, then stick with what you're working with. But the depths of our Opportunities or consciousness is very great. The more you're conscious, a seven-day machine is a thousand years. Not just some thin narrow hour by hour.

[49:41]

The best way in all of Zen teaching is to forget it as fast as possible. You hear it and forget it. When you're talking about something, you're only talking about what is happening just then. When you're doing Zazen, you don't have to select all these things. You just do what you're doing just then. and the rest of the stuff you can forget about. You know, what I'm trying to do is, I'm maybe with you in detail like this, 100 hours or 500 two years or five years, maybe 1,000 hours, but I want to convey to you 2,500 years of Buddhism for many, many thousands of hours of your life. Well, it should be possible to speak to you so you forget and so you remember when you

[51:23]

I am always remembering things which Zykiewicz said, which I didn't know I even heard at the time, or were contradictory to what he was saying, but now I. So, in the years I was with Zykiewicz, everything, I will never exhaust what he said, or my time, or my one lifetime, or all your lifetime, Someone over here? Yeah. That's the one with the problem. That's great. We're just saying, it's just locking.

[52:29]

This is not exactly what I meant. That's true. It may be interesting to see what happens when it collapses, etc. But usually, if it collapses, we're not paying attention because we didn't know it. We've lost the chance already. But the more that you don't try to, you know, find, oh, that's the position, and then you sort of put plaster of Paris in your muscles, can fix it. Anytime your hands come together they automatically fix it. It's your mind in your hands that gives it its position. And when your mind goes, it goes. That's what happens actually. But then You know, eventually your mind is in your hands, too. Your hands are their own consciousness and maintain your mudra. And the feeling, you know, in your mudra is a lifting feeling through here. And feeling in your back through this area,

[54:11]

you have, you feel like you're lifting like that. And through your back, it's the feeling of if I hold this still and I try to lift this point, you know, that happens. So you're not actually curving your back in as much as you're lifting through the back of your neck and the small of your back. You're lifting up to here. That makes your back curve slightly. And then you relax. It's true that the half lotus or lotus posture is more stable than the half lily that you sit in, or whatever we call your posture. But you, that's what I call my posture, the half lily.

[55:38]

when I couldn't sit. But your back you can still have straight in that way. It's harder to, unless your legs, lower part of your body is stable, you always have some tendency to do this. And sitting Seiza, or with your legs back and your pillow underneath you, you can sit very calmly, but you still are using muscles, because there's a tendency to do this. And you can't have that lifting feeling. So, you just do the best you can. But any approach toward cross-legged posture is better than Seiza posture. Seiza posture is too swingy, for a long time. But how is it the same? Yeah, you don't want to just fix it. You put it and you have the feeling of opening it up, that's all. Opening it up and touching your thumb slightly and keeping it that way. By your attention

[57:17]

Oh, one more. Okay, let's just talk about it from an involuntary point of view, all right? If you sit a long time, or sit session, your muscles will tense up, that's true. And when your muscles tense up, a second sort of involuntary action occurs. You want to get up.

[58:37]

You want to move, you know. So, that's quite usual. So, you have to counteract that, you know. And when you counteract that, you add tension to your pain. So, you make it worse, you know, by resisting wanting to move. So, the first stage, there isn't much we can do about it. If your muscle tenses up because you're sitting a long time, it does so. The second stage, we can do something about it. If you finally can realize you're not going to move, unless there's some physical damage to your legs, assuming it's okay, You're just not, you're not going to move, you're just going to sit this machine, that's all. You're just going to practice Buddhism, that's all. That feeling. Then, that desire to move goes away. Or you can begin to, you know, ignore it. And physically ignore it. When you can begin to physically ignore it, then you can begin to relax your muscles, it's tense. The first stage is to

[60:02]

get so that you can get through that involuntary desire to move, which makes you tense. But you have to keep fighting it. In your muscle you fight it.

[60:14]

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