is that too loud for people? too loud. is that better? no? too loud. yes? how about that? hey okay good. I talked with somebody the other day. is he here? no he's gone I think. I hope he's gone. he had a beautiful perfect baritone. he was around here. did you notice? still a little echo. it's echoing in my ear. he had a beautiful baritone or true baritone voice. it was beautiful. he had a really nice baritone voice. is that good? I'm actually happy to be with you here

[01:06]

tonight. I'm happy to be here tonight with you. I'm happy to be with you here tonight. I'm happy you're here with me. welcome to our Wednesday evening talk. two weeks ago I spoke with you about right speech and at that time pretty much I mostly it was heartfelt talk and I didn't go so much into specifics today what I want to do with you is go into specifics some specifics not many and I'm just going to put them out there because basically I feel I trust that

[02:08]

you guys will I actually trust you guys it will take this up so basically I'm just going to give you information and you can deal with it you know as you as you will and I and that will be great I do want to say though that the first thing about so I'm talking about right speech and like last time just a reminder it's really important and one of the reasons why you know it's important is because the Buddha spoke about it and stuck it in his very basic teachings right away and a lot remember that part I said that last time okay now just to remind you a little bit though I'm going to talk about just the worst kind of wrong speech that you're all familiar with it the verse cut the worst

[03:11]

kind of wrong speech is the speech that actually we say to ourselves in here all the time I mean it's not all the time but as you know that stuff I'm talking about right so everything I'm going to say today can be used just by yourself yourself first so how you talk to yourself is really important now I don't want exactly make it sound schizophrenic but most of the time that's what we're doing we're kind of talking to ourselves which in itself is like a bit peculiar so when you listen to yourself do that please listen if you're talking to yourself with kind speech with right and kind speech that's one thing and the other thing is please pay attention if you're deluding yourself if you're denying something or if you are telling yourselves lies or if you're talking to

[04:11]

yourself in an unkind way or if you're using speech inside your own head to bolster up some identity of who you are we do that all the time so it's a very good practice to to listen to your own speech in your own head and get that pretty as straight as you can before you say anything at all which probably if we did that it'd be real quiet around here and of course as you all know that speech that's going on in our mind we do that inside it comes from already it comes from the delusion that there's a self inside that needs to be protected needs to be puffed up in a certain kind

[05:15]

of way needs to be whatever it is that is your particular needs to be so based on this sense of self we talk to ourselves in a certain kind of way you're probably already paying attention to that but if you could just add this little kind of frame it in the context of right speech it might give you a little handle okay now one other thing a little bit of a thing here the way we speak has everything to do with intention what our intention is if our intention is to basically really live for the benefit of all beings you can't hear me I'll try to speak louder or the cars going I guess if our intention is to really live for

[06:18]

the benefit of all beings it would be interesting and sometimes this people can take on this practice what would it be like if everything that we do we I can't even get out of my mouth what would it be like if everything we did we actually did for the benefit of others the benefit of all beings and that's an amazing thought really we're saying this all the time with by habit all around here at the meal chant right the vows that we take we vow to live to benefit all beings what would it be like if everything that came out of our mouth was to benefit some some beings it would it's an interesting thought one of the things that if you would if we wouldn't speak like that we would have different

[07:27]

kinds of meetings between ourselves and among each other I've spent it reminds me I've spent time a lot of time now as chairperson of the elders council which I'm really glad I am because when I was just a member of the elders council I had to say stuff about what people were talking about and the first time I did it was just stunning shock because what happened was people were talking you know and I raised my hand to say something and then I was called on and when I was about to say something all the hands in the room went like this you know they're actually going to listen to what I'm going to say it was a surprise a lot of times we don't really listen to each other in that way so I had I felt like what came out of my mouth needed to add something to the discussion not

[08:33]

something in terms of what I liked or didn't like or my opinion sort of but actually to move the discussion forward in some way so at your at the residence meeting the last one which I didn't get a chance to go to which I was really sorry because I understand it was really a good one I think you spoke a little bit about rights but I don't know how it came up exactly but this handout that Toma put together is terrific and in it somebody said John contributed these things about right speech oh I have to hurry she said questions is it kind is it helpful is it necessary when you speak right you can ask these questions is it timely is it true and Catherine added from the

[09:40]

Dhammapada again is it true is it beneficial and again is it the right time and also we have when you speak you might notice do I want to be right you know that's a really good one do you notice that one when we talk a lot of times we're saying that we want to be right you know we don't we're not even well you know about all of these just reminders just reminders how about do I not want them to be right it's a good one how about am I addressing a situation from the past and dragging it into the present conversation out of I don't know what am I addressing an idea rather than an actuality this is really slippery

[10:48]

area here in other words am I talking about a person my opinion about a person or am I actually talking about solving the issue we really get mixed up on that one are these ringing bells for you are you okay well yeah if you like if you're in if something happens and you have an opinion about a person and you're talking to somebody and you're trying to get the group and you're trying to the group is talking about some ish taking care of some issue and instead of talking about the issue you justify your opinion by talking about the person instead of the issue we do that really well and it

[11:48]

doesn't it's not helpful to the person you're talking about it's saying you know in these books these about right speech one of the things that's really kind of difficult to do but they keep saying it over and over is when you have problem with another person and you think that they're really a difficult person and in some ways maybe they are right but what we're asked to do is actually set aside our opinion of that person as a bad person and try to find something about that person that is actually truly a I don't know what word to use nice thing good thing you know these are all karmic words but something about anything it could be that they you know you just saw them the other day and they don't speak harshly about people it could be just that or it could

[12:49]

be that they have nice plants anything to keep that in mind so that when your thoughts about ultimately what a bad person they are and it's written somewhere in heaven that this is really a bad person always that that somehow it's you know it doesn't take hold because somewhere down here you know they're really good with plants something to loosen that stuckness our stuckness and some and somehow look at our side of it when we have that kind of a person oftentimes you know obviously oftentimes what it is is our own difficulty that we don't want to look at in ourselves that we project onto the other person you know I used to do that a lot and I can confess I'll confess because I think I'm much better at it but I'm always watching myself with people who I feel who I've defined as meek because I used to never admit to

[13:56]

myself how much I needed people you know how much I needed how much a friend I was of people but really that's what it was so when I saw that fear in other people it was just okay I hate to even I'm sorry even to say this but it's good that you notice about me because then you can be careful but you know if somebody if somebody is offering himself as a doormat people do that for their own reasons right I will put on my boots and I've heard a lot of people that way you know but I'm hyper aware of it and I really try you know to not to you know anywhere near that but something okay well that's because I don't you're talking

[14:59]

about it it sounds very clear and obvious but in my actual experience of interpersonal relationship it's actually a lot more ambiguous and what I find in my interactions with people you know is that sometimes people just don't meet each other and it's not because of wrong speech and they're not trying to be kind or kind of relative and sometimes I can be really direct I have this sort of New York Jewish directness about me that people feel offended by sometimes but that's not my intention so it's there's a lot of ambiguity just how people are interpreted when two people meet each other because they're both coming from their own world so it's sort of like you can just I guess do your best mm-hmm any advice for such a we all have something like this right any advice nothing from the cylinder I can't believe it as gentle as possible because they're still going to hear the message and

[16:30]

maybe they'll be able to take in more effectively if I make it as soft as possible and it doesn't come out soft at all because soft is not my way but it feels soft compared to probably how good of it I can try really hard any other suggestions from the Sangha? you know that's another problem it's very common with women right any advice for people who can't be direct who are always trying to save the day practice with a friend first you won't die if someone gets angry with you are you sure? this whole thing is an experiment we will in some way take care of each other that's what Sangha is about

[17:37]

you know when it's your time to actually experiment with putting yourself out there and you know doing it really badly because you've never done it before that kind of thing just you know cross your fingers for some people this is you ought to be doing this you ought to just experiment as embarrassing as it may be and get yourself out there and get the response you know that you're going to be getting and then learn to work with that you'll be surprised what people do you know in response to you but the main thing that we're about here is discovering who we are and that's a very wide spectrum and so what the Sangha is about is allowing each other to be that person and somehow or another supporting each other to do that and yes we're going to bump up against each other and so on and so forth but the thing about monastic practice which we do here in the building because we're bumped up against each other

[18:37]

like little this is the image that's a very common image like little stones in a washing machine and after it goes round and round and round eventually this is our way this is Sutta's end way you get bumped up you know with each other and so on and your rock is big and you know this other rock is pointy and some other rock is like a little pebble or whatever but anyway we bump up against each other and we smooth out we learn who we are and we smooth out the edges and for people who have done this for years and years and years even though there's karma you know among us we actually respect the other person for doing this kind of horrendous, courageous, frightening, determined, effortful in many ways, joyous, sometimes amazingly you know gratitude in us practice because we've seen you know what each other has had to come through

[19:42]

our embarrassments and our fears and so on and so forth anyway get it out there it's not going to do you any good to keep it inside you will never be free of it if you're swallowing it all the time and for people from the other side Reb is a very good example I'll tell this story I've told it lots of times Reb used to, if there are two people standing over here, Reb's way is like here I am Reb and you know make of it what you will he puts it out there so the people in this for years people would tell him Reb don't do that and for years he used to think what they asked him to do was you know but no they weren't asking him to do that instead of going like this and knocking everybody over they just said please go like this you know by yourself completely but just you know take into consideration that there are people standing next to you that kind of thing

[20:43]

okay let's get back to Reb's speech yes yes I mean like I think people who are not reserved oh my god yes yes yes of course quite rude right exactly that's right that's actually true I was reading a book the other time on relationships one time and they said something like you know people we've all been brought up in different families so like my family was angry out loud with you know a passionate kind of passion so when I just you know speak loudly sometimes I hardly notice it

[21:49]

where for somebody else it's like way over the line right it's just it's just different but we do have to take each other's different styles into consideration if I want to be with you if I didn't care you know I wouldn't care right but we live with each other and we're trying to be free of the things that we hold to so it's okay for Reb to be like this however if he holds to this as just who he is it's a real problem if it's time it's sometimes to go like that he should be able to excuse me for talking about Reb when he's not here but I could talk about me in the same way all right so there are four traditional on this little paper that was handed out right here I hope everybody got it and is reading it there are four traditional ways of talking about right speech

[22:49]

so I'm just going to list them for you and you can you have the little paper so you can keep it on your little wig and work with it you know so you guys are so great it's so wonderful that we are doing this together it's really unusual in the world there are billions of people and there may be like I don't know how many people actually well all right never mind here are the four okay lying you know we all do that sometimes lying now if you think about the precepts I really have to hurry see okay I'm going to go quickly if you think about the precepts you can't do the precepts if you lie and in fact if you don't do the precepts you are lying if you don't take care of another person sexually you're lying if you're using somebody sexually you're lying

[23:50]

we're lying if we steal we're lying to ourselves more than anything else right lying lying it's all over there lying don't I mean I'm not going to tell you what to do you do whatever okay lying spoken with the intent of misrepresenting the truth that's lying next one is divisive speech spoken with the intent of creating rifts between people or within the Sangha nasty nasty we do it when we're hurt okay let's you know let's show some kindness to ourselves we hurt you know we get hurt by somebody haven't you done this you know you can't stand the feeling so you go out around and you blam to everybody what the situation was of course totally from your point of view right so you just kind of dump the hurt

[24:50]

because you don't want to feel it not good harsh speech spoken with the intent of hurting another person's feelings idle chatter spoken with no purposeful intent at all is a distraction and a waste of time so so my suggestion and there's one more I want to include is humor this is everybody's responsibility all of them is everybody's responsibility when you hear this happening don't participate that's all just find a way to say excuse me I'm uncomfortable now or like Galen and I for years have done this right speech together and what we do is when we're talking to each other we've done this for years we don't tell each other when the speech

[25:50]

we think the other person is doing wrong speech that would be a little bit although we give each other permission to do that but what we do is we give each other permission to stop and we do it all the time it's like I'll be saying something all of a sudden I think to myself I don't know and then I just stop and she knows and I say excuse me I have to think about this a second and then she waits really patiently while I think about whether I really should say it this way or should I say this at all or anything just stop and then when I'm ready I'll start talking again and same with Galen so with humor this is difficult for many people because we often get easy laughs with exaggeration, sarcasm group stereotypes and silliness and sometimes people use humor to hurt people and it's kind of sneaky because you're supposed to laugh

[26:51]

so what are you going to do? not be part of the crowd? no well silliness when it's hurtful you know alright I have to stop because alright so I'm going to skip this stuff because maybe I've put enough out there so I just want to read something to you now this is from Katagiri Roshi it's in the book Returning to Silence he was my teacher did you know that? I love this guy he's quite dead hmm okay I do want to say one small thing we really try our best everybody does

[27:52]

so whenever we do something that is like wrong speech or whatever it is almost always it's from pain we've been hurt we're afraid so you know let's give ourselves a little bit benefit of the doubt and be kind to ourselves when we make a mistake we'll just do better next time because our intention is pure inside I believe that okay kind speech this is one of the four guidances for Bodhisattva the original ultimate nature of existence functions just like a filter we don't know what it is but it's sort of like our lungs when a person goes through the filter of ultimate nature of existence and comes out he or she is of course the same person but a little bit different this is transparent then this is it's a sort of a transparent person

[28:54]

we call that person a Buddha or enlightened person then this transparent person is exactly like a mirror reflecting and accepting all beings equally trees, birds, tulips spring, winter all of life that is why when this person hears the precepts right speech or whatever they don't moralize thinking don't do it or something like that the person actually can't do it because they are the same as the other there is no separation same thing so what is it? a person, a dog some particular soul no they are all just universal life just universal life comes up if you become a priest oh yeah if you become a priest you must be a filter you must function as a filter not only in Zazen but in everyday life if we focus on countless lives

[29:58]

in an immensely long span of time all we have to do is focus on right now right here without looking around this is to practice in the eternal world step by step if you become a priest you have to function constantly as a filter to help other people function as a filter you cannot have any particular pattern such as being stuck in a concept of I'm stupid or I am not stupid this is compassion we are not in a portion of the whole world we are completely the world ourselves we accept all sentient beings as exactly one regardless of whether we like them or dislike them if we get angry very naturally there is a feeling of vilification so the important point is if we see people who don't have virtuous qualities instead of criticizing them we should suffer finding a way to help them in order to improve grow, deepen and enrich

[30:59]

all of our lives even if we don't see any progress after practicing kind speech with people who are he says not so good but anyway we are really helping them sometimes through a third person we may hear that someone has spoken kindly of us at that time we are really touched we are really moved by it and will never forget it that's why wherever we may go we shouldn't speak ill of others if we see somebody who is not good even though she is not in front of us we should see the good aspects of her life and speak about it to others this really helps if such kind speech reaches a person indirectly from a third person she is really touched by it this is Buddhist practice so anyway so I hope that

[32:02]

you know just as some of us were kind of like talking a little bit together that you continue you know and talk amongst yourselves and try to help each other as a community we need to do this because it will develop a trusting Sangha a Sangha that can trust because no matter what we do even if we make mistakes if we don't add to it by you know exacerbating it and telling everybody and putting you know dumping our stuff and making divisiveness and so on and so forth we develop a Sangha that's a Sangha that we can all be in together and I think that I think that you guys are going to do this I think you I do so so that's what I have to say so I'm sorry I spoke too long

[33:03]

tonight so

[33:20]

@Text_v004
@Score_JJ