2010.11.02-serial.00226

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Serial: 
EB-00226
Description: 

Joining the Tassajara practice period; reminiscences of the first Tassajara practice period; kitchen practice and the Tenzokyokun;

Auto-Generated Transcript

instance
good morning

and so i thank you for
i'm inviting me thank you
stay me again
and i feel you know quite honored to be here at tessera during your practice trade and you have been humbled specially since you know i forgot my robes
you know come into the farmers and center in the western hemisphere
and i forgot my robes in my area okay and my
stick
so
you know i'm dressed for the occasion there are thanks to the chanter and go when the his summer robes and added me again hands
outfitted me with an okay sir
and saddam and the especially the abit robes that it's kind of large close to fail
and
hang these rooms i don't exactly feel like myself so i'm not sure what will happen know
know who will be talking you know if i give a target and and this is a course one and the concerns about having people come to
you know inviting some to practice for you don't know what they're going to say and i'm not sure what i'm going to say either so we're going to find out so i consider this you know am
and you know
on one hand you know i'd like to invite into the ed brown magic show but in others is a record cloud
i'm a regularize like a magic show certain might be when a magic show we're not sure and on the other hand you know all it does her during a practice for this is a ninety day therapies
where each of you is each of us is a participant in one of the actors and then we're also the audience know a rochon and were been matched
and we've got outfits and know set pieces and you know that we shop for and and then sometimes there's improvisational theater and that happens even and people occasionally i allowed to talk
me here for his things service and seven
no
quite remarkable event and i feel
i'm touched to be here for this and to be a part of it for a few days
damn

one of the things that's happened
for me while i've been here is a certain
times in my practice and you have come back in come back to me and
you know the whole time that
i did in the late sixties early seventies i think a twelve pack feds all and the other zondo you know that was burned down so many of the places where i practiced aren't here anymore
but i remember sitting in the third seed
along the stone wall
and it's right near the door
closes door to the office
third sit down from there
and i remember
you know it wasn't until after by that the kitchen when i was ten zero and we women the servers to
so we cooked when we been on clean opens we serve the food is under than we came back and eight and cleaned up and it wasn't until some time later that you know somebody figured out
people from the zendo command to help serve
didn't you know that i mean it was probably toxic i'm a mercy
but even him it took him allowed to get around to explaining this to us because i think he was your first and nineteen sixty eight
when i was still tens o but it wasn't until some time later that
the whole business with so grew and service in this ando you know is somebody figured it out to do that
and i remember you know the first practice period
i hear tassajara
there was seventy people and we sat in their own sendo was very hot first is period was in july and august
and tessa her was officially dedicated and baker as she wanted to do it that way you know on july the fourth so we have so we would have the same birthday as you know our country and they can be our holiday and not there's no
and richard was ordained
it was first they had everybody was wedding and harbors or in a ceremony to become a priest it might have been like the day before the dedication like the third
and it was so had everybody was doing it i think that my surname was in japanese
and then we said and sweated and
you know a richard had his head shaved

and then i became in the first back to spread he was issue so and the director

you
if you're going to be in charge you want somebody competent to be in charge

so
and i think this is so my first task here my shoes so in reno or island the owed zendo
and
ah
and i think the last time i was you had just heard was named and for a practice previous nineteen ninety one
i was asked her to practice britain nineteen eighty four this time of year in the spring and and i was they had resident teacher for twenty two students
with twenty two students
it was dying and
you know shoes outside the door era their shoes were outside the door here at tesla her
this was he alone
so we had a practice period and then in the middle of the practice period eighteen and as well i'm nineteen of us went up to the city for big meetings
to discuss the future of sand center
and for people stayed here at ten sorry for the weekend
and the you know also i remember you know sitting with suzuki roshi and his cabin which has now been moved bed so
do i remember the cabin which is meant i will space which is now the case santo

anyway it is as they say like a magic show and were in a practice field like this
you know read disappear
beneath the waves
and in our work we go under and
and so

this underground way inhabit together
and it turns out that even underwater you know we cannot breathe

and i think each of us in our own way nowhere in know steady
and i like em
you know a couple lines of rocha poetry he says
that right
right is blind
like a breeze
listen to that
the uninterrupted message
flowing out
forming itself out
uninterrupted message for a minute serve out of this jones listen to the uninterrupted message from in itself out of this jonas

and of course sometimes it's difficult to
distinguished the uninterrupted message flying itself flying farming itself out in the stillness and what seems to be uninterrupted message from in itself out of one's says
a bad self and how i'm doing and whether the paper thanking me
so instead he runs the difference
which messages rich

an and
since i've been here this week and
i've been working in the kitchen and an ad visiting with people while we work in
i'm talking about go again and cocaine and
see him if we can get some food done
he had another magic show

and this week it's been occurring to me you know how much we like to play
i'm know hide and seek
and and
half an inch of us in our own way are hiding
but it's hard to place you know when we're playing hide and seek with somebody will find us
somebody will recognize as somebody will appreciate in are a good heart
our sincere effort
our wholehearted devotion somebody was see what a wonderful person you are
cindy will be able to find you
and you know it's often pretty challenging because semi yourself
i'm speaking from experience here now i don't know about interview but just to save from my experience i've often done quite a good job of hiding
you wouldn't want just anybody to find your roger
you'd wanna be sure that the person who finds you really cares enough to look through our that all those barriers you've created to actually find you
somebody who cares that much when somebody who doesn't care if will find you and then so what but wouldn't you want the person who's going to find you you really care enough so you'd wanna be sure to you
carefree conceal yourself so that you know that the person finds you really loves you really cares they can really fear
we have kids it's a lot of fun you know
you can do many hiding six games and when you find you know your child or your grandchild know there are so happy
to be found oh i can't see you enough if their child is in the bed in out with some covers of them out
rams my daughter
you're finding our that just so the language
so each of us in olivia when when we first thing
recognized appreciated you know i think reading reading and reading
it was kind of find us
and maybe if you know way
follow the schedule well enough
you know have some good experience here in are successful
you know unless somebody will say thank you know
he dead
but obviously that's not quite working is it
somehow we're not seem quite near enough as we'd like to be in appreciated and
so i feel known to be invited here and fear
in some way on seen

sarah thank you
this again
at know

and it turns out of course that person zan is
well you can say you know
no it is about meeting face to face and being seen
and but as or we can say that zen that it's a learning are finding out how to have problems
once you lose or way to have your problem or difficulty how'd do how'd you work with a problem
diet sleep
nays bags promotional or papers distress centuries it's how do you work with it what will you do

and of course is accuracy told us at associate in san francisco
the problems you are now experiencing
well continue
for the rest of your life
all that i think he was going to say will continue until you know you wake up getting right into
see more clearly
and we say nope
we're going to continue for the rest of your life
so this is a big
you know
so if you're going to be seen
oh i'm gonna be seen as somebody who has problems
is that okay
would you just like to have that wonderful person
thing
so can you had one and may be on the other are there some way to
set up the screens
anyway
so i'm going to him and took a few minutes and
sam little bit about the tens okay okay
and some of my interests i'm gonna keep it very shy and because hp topic i have here is like and these the lecture i mean to give you five topics and you know the next five lectures that i'm not going to be here for that you can listen
but what is blowing like the breeze you can listen you'll get the same come to the same conclusions and different language
the uninterrupted message
so in my reading and the agenda a joke and i decided to do i don't really preserved duggan's arrangement
it doesn't seem you know structurally sound to me so anyway i've put it into my arrangement so my five talking points and
first of all durban says on people who work in the kitchen should arouse way seeking mind
this is true of course not just in the kitchen but way sick in mind the mind that seeks the way
so which raises
the way to be seen as not having problem is the way to be seen as having buttons
the way to be yourself

the way to be a buddha
add the way to run peace and harmony the way to get the rice good
the way to cut vegetables
what is the way
the way to watch the line is the way to prepare lettuce
either way to work with others

so i tablet what is the way in this large sense
oh you know what is the way to walk under the water you know to go under like an impact is period and
this three month magic show
and what do you need to do to survive when the way
you know to have enough strength to be with your problems
to have enough what is the way to have enough when is the presence of mind you need how do you do that
how are you sustain yourself
i used to in the practice field and nineteen eighty four hour before evenings as and i did shoulder stand head stand back bends to me it was like i can't it survivor yoga i am not gonna make it through two periods of thousand
and that's i did his first
if you do enduring presence you'd get a in some blame your head
i don't do that anymore but it got me through the nineteen eighty four
a what is the way

and the second and
you know dogan later in a gives you particular pieces of advice book in a lighter things and ice shelf heavier things in a low shelf and
but anyway
and there is no visa relate to each other don't complain about the quality or quantity of the ingredients you're given

so you know that might be helpful but in a larger sense you know was were standing what am i do this
had arrived that the man i have an immense stood in my life which is the whole world
and the second
prime foot i'm strikes me in the tens okay okay is
during the work seen with your own eyes
working with your own hands

and and once you start to study this
you may find it almost impossible

it's taken me years to find my hands
you know to connect a consciousness it so often in your head
in your hands
so your consciousness fears with your hands feel it's not your constantly telling your hands read to do
it's giving your customers to your hands so you can feel that your hands are feeling
this isn't as and to do you feel your hands
do you have hands i spent twenty years had sinned center are they have a feeling in my hands except for when i worked i never felt my hands and citizen
swearing thing since you know i in zen center i've studied have in hands
this is not so easy
one of my friends said
are you spirits are people are the same
so we're ready mean he said well you know your own sounds so you've had plenty of laughs and you've made so many mistakes and all of your past lives in this thread you say where i'm just not gonna do anything just in case it might be wrong so i'll just not do anything about will be sure don't do anything i'm just not as i
don't do anything wrong said of issue and i joined the war i just know of hands
so in never supposed spiritual practice since like the epidemic and suggests i mean you know we can fall into that not have hands but what about having your hands instead of how to have hands and what your hands sense and fail and know as
insane with your eyes
and then somehow the a tropic bathrobe and stan grof and he'll come around the room and work with people at some point and then he'll say
people say night i don't want to read usa
today's your birthday
break the rules it's okay
you can do something you've never done before
and you know rather the examples i go to the kitchen paper
night photography chance to remarkably in an overnight when i realized you know mostly people take will take a picture you take a picture of on valerie gary and mark
and you you take a picture of a thing
but when you look at the picture later what you've taken a picture of is not the thing you've taken a picture what was in the viewfinder
so look at what's in the viewfinder

you know otherwise you're going through the motions your taken a picture of a thing but and then you get a picture later but it's not you haven't seen with your own eyes when in your take a picture of and you can do that you can see what's in the viewfinder
so you can actually meet in other things and in the kitchen you know is the mother's clean or dirty
what is the shape of something what does it look right

my third category in diving and the tinsel kilkenny is m
don't waste a single grain
so apparently this is you know run into the monterey county health department
m and the food can be heated twice and then it's to be discarded
so
so oh well so much for duggan
i then but you know i when i'm at home i'd taken very seriously i i i'm one of these strange people like you know i wash and dry my plastic bags and then i fold them up and i then i put them in a larger plastic bag
and the thicker kind didn't take back to the during reuse them so i'm guessing that in my lifetime you know or even at ten bucks a week
the five hundred bags a year
ten years five thousand bags twenty years ten thousand beddings and i will have saved a lot of plastic bags
i finally talked to my student and from danny perkins and is worth it
one just wasting my time he said it's okay you know plastic bags or petroleum oil tanks in a patrolling to make them
it's a help
but when you do it sometimes you feel this is as are related to in dog says don't see with ordinary eyes and ordinary mine

anyway
i use a rubber spatula and i've been teaching the kitchen you know let's clean out the buds
but then you know we haven't typed that service yet from the xander
and then if we're not going to eat it anyway after the second time around why should we say that the first time
it's a complicated question
i don't know what to do
i don't know what to suggest
in a traditionally in and take one food
it goes into something else sense of how i learned to cook
when i was the joke here before you know when it was tele resort well jimmy and really taught me to take tuesday's dinner and germany and at thursday's launch when there's dinner fairies ledge
and we used up all the leftovers
and then we
then would put things into soups and night in a medicine ball type things

so what's the way i don't know
so are studying
what do we do
personally i've found that you know do it with your own eyes using your own hands that you know when you clean out parts regularly i think your consciousness changes
just like your conscious changes when you got show
regular when you bow when you sit zazen new awareness or consciousness chefs if you practice cleaning out pods and bows
what makes the food precious
if food is only precious if you treated as though it's process
if you introduce yourself as though your precious your precious
if you treat ours is their their purchase they will be precious
and for me know i had to start with food

so hard to treat you know cause i was so
wounded

so i started taking care of food
little by little over the years i understand something about taking care of myself taking care of others
so i take it seriously
and it hurts me in the settler to see how much food
how much work is done how much effort goes into making on the food that goes into the compost

the i don't know what to do
but if you know people who are here in december interested you know your study it
don't take on that study i've not knowing what to do what is the way how do i use my body i don't use my eyes you can see it going out to the girl post
it's not hidden

and my first category and the teams okay kilkenny is anna let things come and abide in your heart let your heart return in biden things
this is like saying the problems come in abide in your heart that you hurt return by in the brightens
because we often trying to set up a place that where i don't have to relate to things
that's nice to hang out there appropriate
when you simplify and you have silence and then you can observe instead of things more carefully in are things in her world to message blowing in the breeze blowing like the breeze

but for the curcuma you let things
come and into your heart then how do you respond to your heart you let your her go out to things
and this is different than your head
your head turns to figure out how can i do this so that everybody likes me so that nobody criticizes me so that i'm you know said several i'm doing what i'm supposed to be doing
so the first category dog in his don't see with ordinary eyes and don't
ah in our think with ordinary mind
and how are you use your awareness
you know it's such a gift or awareness we can treat something is being precious and then it's precious
roping give our awareness the something and then such a huge gift in a to feelings two sides to sensations will give her a runs and it gives life or awareness gives life to things
and then something you know by the gift of my awareness with were saying
we see in our thing
matt things meters people meters

and so and i gonna talk to your lungs i'd like to and also tell you a couple lines of roomy poetry
excuse me for not having more zen
and the probably getting enough have now been chewing on things you know returned for us to the wig and things

in raikkonen be making you know various assessments how well i'm doing how well i'm doing compared to others and by getting it and my noggin in it but will indicate that

two people like me didn't outright me to they see me to they not see me right on the appreciate a mile in own

and anyway remy says
just to be held by the ocean
is a great piece of luck
just to be heard by the ocean is a great piece of luck

it's a total awakening
a total waking up just to be held by the ocean
is a great piece of luck
it's a total waking up

phil
the notions of tenderness
feel the emotions of tenderness
the buoyancy

fear the motions of tenderness the buoyancy
packed his parents like this in a part of
great ocean of oliver's studying and practicing sitting together
let's go in a remarkable
just to be held by the ocean is a great piece of luck
sony you can feel the you can feel the emotions of tenderness

the buoyancy
suzuki roshi it's soft mind
let's your lying he served that your body be soft
i
working in the kitchen that was suggesting
once your hand as be sad
when you are telling your hands were to do there will be heard when you're allowing your hands to be hands and receiving their hands their be sad

thank you