l
you're still sharp iron
last week one of my one of the sunday school children saw me sitting zazen and she said i can do it
she crossed her legs and said know what
now what
i was very interested in her question because many of you have the same question
you come here every day to practice then in your asked me now what now what
i don't think i can fully explain this point it is not a question that can be answered
you should know for yourself
we said in a formal posture so we can experience something through our bodies
not by my teaching but by your physical posture your physical practice
however to be able to sit in a particular way and to attain a particular state of mind is not perfect steady
after you have full experience of mind and body you will be able to express it in other ways as well
without sticking to a former posture you naturally convey your mind to others in various ways
you will have the same state of mind sitting in a chair or standing walking or speaking it is the state of mind in which you do not stick to anything
this is the purpose of our practice
ah so this is my instruction for tonight
whatever happened don't worry
otherwise you just start to worry you know you must be taken to something so
whatever happens
current
and you don't have to worry about accomplishing
as he says any particular state of mind

brown if think most you know i'm know i'm not to look market
i hope am if i be a little bit of from the then speak your nerves that to kunduz in prayer with some cases it's in ah no i don't know that it's so different than the partner in i read a message begin in the evening here but not sticking anything that's a different than know
you know noting in out
ha code vein i'm thinking you know and then just a kid
he just noted in and you know the next thing so you know it's not the different show
i've been no just across the bridge is still have different language
but i'm a little more familiar with kitchens and an empty to past them besides that i have nothing to teach so there you go
famous durians than you know zen teacher who one day got up i think it is she aperture maybe paycheck anyway some chinese did you get up and he said to his much
olive view gobblers of dregs
you get that garbage of drag
then people sometimes referred to you know the teachings of buddhism as dregs you know about people's life
when they studied buddhism and then they left behind some drags called words or kitchens new so all of your gob is of drugs that you keep on like this when will you have today but
ah and nobody said anything
and he said haven't you heard there are no teachers of sand in all of china
and at that point one mounted stand up and say but teacher there's hundreds of monasteries and there's thousands of much in are practicing meditation and steadying searches in he said i didn't say there was no then just there are no teaches within it could be
so he slipped out that when
i to so there are various points of view here
ah but from that point of view
the kitchen is up to you
use you steady york's you're studying your experience finally
right you know you have you have your experience your lot of that's what you're studying and and it's not the point to make your life
over in you know in terms of some directions you got as though there were some fundamental problem with your life needed to read do it according to some new instructions
kyrgyzstan
ready rohtak more about this
i noticed your but you were bed signatures whether i think i'm getting hot i need to take up my sweater to we're going to switch they were going to stand up and the notable stretcher and tech
last time i was here and now i wear my little thin jacket this time i thought i'd come incognito
i could be reposted teacher now
i don't have my outfits why i have a little australia
i don't tell that's story that time ever hear about when i was at the teachers' conference at spirit rock and we had home groups and she's right to three years ago the dalai lama was there briefly and my in my home group was sir joseph goldstein shinzo
or another woman who was given via future and then three tibetan represents gop rep his shit daily grim shape and so give them shape
and i'm in a homebrew with
so we all sit down together renewed do yourself and then certainly represents x across with managers i'm sitting next to joseph and it is so what's their it's true new in him
and i said well our hair shorter see and then
we have this little outfits you know if they don't
and he said no i'm serious
at which point i wish i'd said yes and that difference between you and me
how but i i i missed my line and that point we had done i got intimidated kiss it if i need to be serious i don't have anything to say maybe you could take something series of this new
so i got intimidated by in a day ricochet sorry i felt like a damage school
the
no
i'd say we're going to we're going to stand and stretch a little bit
i forget what we did last time but what will we may be doing the same thing or not i can remember but we didn't you again can we do sounding

deccan can enchanting seems to be know kind of you know really pure and then we get that nice to the residence and you know little harmonic sharing their and
it's really hard to change in english
in or because there's so few symbols that end in about and the really good sound you get enchanting is when you're sober any with the gao
how well

shoot me
no i'm curious but you know this more negative electric blankets or any of you there because are kind of just give my same lecture
a
they won't be exactly the same because you know i don't write it down or anything good
but you nobody was there this morning
was it good
well it was good this morning at the
honestly about tonight

can see all you know i can address ethical
i'm gonna give a low top
can we talk about this of you might want to know what this is this is a little buddhist road
the mini the miniature code
so and then you know in case you forget you get your name on the backer
you know who you are command like there
actually this is my this is my wouldn't call that you know like graduation certificate and
the club i like the deployment him
on

sir partly in i was i read your part of this to a little bit of is chuck i want to tell you about the pure silk and sharp iron
a metaphor for that is it's a metaphor for practice magazine the santa claus nino meditation
and the idea is in this case secure she says that
know we're practicing the to a
to be able to express our true nature
this is a kind of technical term so you could also say repec seem to
in a unearth uncover and express our true character or are are good personality
or you know our character or personality uncovered by ego
and in a piece zeus they are are often art character personality our ego gets in the way
and in this case i'm suggesting that eco has to do with
no ego is you get to go on thinking the same thoughts and having the same pale and since your boy's head
and then in the here in america you recall that freedom

and i'm gonna make sure that i have the capacity to go on thinking my same thoughts from getting my same feelings and nothing's gonna get in my way it's just me from doing that
and and further course
i'd rather not have any experience that i haven't had before
yes i'd like the a comfort food food that i've had before i don't want anything new thank you
ah and you know experiences that you know
don't really have i want to have those kind
so in your happiness and from the point of view of ego is never having to really experience anything
does this make sense
i mean you sit down and you start to meditate and by golly you start experiencing something him
and then use a like why am i here whoa what's happening i'm having to experience something on my show i want to do this and i'm having to notice like maybe i'm anxious or my muscles egg i'm a little stiff or there's a the pain or you know something has happened and usually
of course you can always fall asleep and say i'm not interested in the new are you knows them how tired you are
and of course way
no there's a little kind of problem here is there right and know because if you're going to go on experiencing are thinking the same thoughts and feelings same feeling so you can go on being you
isn't it also kind of a bind
you know that you would be limited to that and so then people have the kind of the christ neck how can i go on being made but have it all work better
how can i go i was thinking my same thoughts feeling my same feelings having my same attitude in are being me but it's all going to work better and be nice and pleasant
and enjoyable for change
so this is very similar to i think of it similar to the the country and western song you know everybody wants to get to heaven but nobody wants to die
similar anything so how are we going to actually
you know open up or i'll be able to experience life more fully remaining have to in the so what what the coverings in buddhism is our thoughts and feelings right you know that we that we tend to go on having the same but having the same field
ginger spanish
i you know i think about it sometimes just and very simple kinds of terms
oh are just this morning i mean these these things happened to me every day and if you're noticing you know you'll notice like the things that happen for you and your life and name and it just goes to show doesn't it
but what happened this morning i reached out and i took something in them when i was coming back and move my hand and then and not knocked over a bottle i like excuse me but i didn't ask you to fall over why are you doing that and i like ike i'm sorry but you know i would like you to go out of your way not to fall over so i don't have to go
out of my way not to knock you over and which you please be more accommodating i don't understand like why you can't be a little more helpful and you know appreciate the effort that i'm making and know i can into these things and just a bottle
but that has to do with you know my reality
i think the world isn't helping me that
you know it isn't it isn't quite a know validating me enough honor in vienna you know there's not quite enough adulation in like oh yes we will help you owe
anyway i don't know
but but then you can have this not just about things but you know people wrote are people like and then once a good kind of posture or scans for you to go through the world in order to because there's these people
and then how close can they get cause
you know they can they be trusted
who are these people and if they're anything like me i don't know if they can meet your team
but and then in know sometimes you know it's men or women right
reich
i now i'm in are becoming as well as vintage you know becoming maybe you knew this but i'm becoming as asserted by change your handwriting guru
and so i look at people's handwriting then know i may ask a question you know i sometimes i may ask someone you know are you interested in relationship
basically because it looks like from their writing like maybe they have some issues there
and then you know people say things like
yes or no or as is one woman said well with women sure but with men it's impossible
hello simple a napa but but but
and then if you if you start with that thought that believe you will find evidence to support your thought there's just it's very simple because any evidence doesn't support that but you just ignore it
doesn't count
know and i mean my example this used to be and i think i have a little more you know kind of self regard or acceptance or you know circle of ability but it used to be like nobody really likes me right
and then if somebody seems to like me what they just don't really know me
or they just want something from me so they're just kind of like doing that to can get something from me so out there something for them you understand so you can you can twist whatever happens so that it supports you thought
the so how is it you know how do we get to see so how do we do this getting through ego or reducing diego the thoughts the a bitch of letting go of the of that the bitch of feelings their habitual reactions
and having you know our experience habitually in always confirm what we always thought
is he how how can we live how do we move into some new world
so this is meditation leaner and it doesn't happen overnight
but a seekers his metaphor in this lecture for yourself sharp iron is that this is a process over you know some time in his his of the metaphor than is a and with silk apparently it's washed over and over again just becomes really white and really soft
and iron when it's very hot you hit it while it's hot to temper it and you can't hit it was called it doesn't help
and so this is the washing over and over again or the being hit while you're hot
is this metaphor for how we are cleaning and know how are becoming more free of ego
in the process of meditation factors
i'm basically as far as i can tell you know
ah if you keep meditating you have to let go of certain thoughts and certain feelings or you can't you know maybe you haven't for a while but eventually like either is it's either i have to acknowledges and they go up this or i'm going to i would have to not meditate in march
it's doesn't seem to be something we do very gracious they are easily
nobody i know as in a damn meditation practice graciously and easily and happily
can understand this is this is a this is you were wearing that were engaging with very deep
yeah stuff in our lives and burn county in it and then we find out what is it that we can do you think you know what is it we tend to feel what is our reaction to things
home
and so on one hand
ah you know we are aiming just to say can we just sit down and experienced things without putting our usual story i know having are huge reaction to it can we just see what what it would might be like to just experience and not and think is so much of are reacting to
things is in our gestures and in our speech so even just as sit still and quietly
let alone in a particular posture or in a following your breath or noting things or in are practicing loving kindness or even just to not be moving and to be quiet we're not going into our immediate reactive a way of handling you know the pretty
color situation is rising
this makes sense so then you have a chance to i don't just connecting and it's various it's very it's painfully slow
i'm sorry to say
i mean i've been i've been meditating for i started in nineteen sixty five an hour and a few weeks ago i was having a transformational bodywork okay and it became very clear i can tell them you know before we started you know i don't think i've spent much time in my body i want some
help with this game because a painful to be in my body you know to actually move into my body it's very painful there
you know and there's there's history there's reasons for this for me
and
you know my birthday is in march and then i was actually born in months premature so every year at my birthday i'm back in the incubator
okay now is that a pleasant place to be and there's some sort of sensibility their that
my mother actually then my mother had cancer
okay when i was in the in utero and so is she a happy person is it a nice place to be
no this is a place where there's a lot of
intense feeling happening this room is a pacer the lot of intense feelings there's a lot of fear and there's a lot of shame and there's a lot of anger and there's a lot of just kind of
worry and anxiety you know about being alive and if it's gonna work out and isn't okay and then here i am in the midst of that and revolution of feeling like maybe i'm going to be the miracle child is going to save her because the doctor said why don't you have an abortion your live
longer and she said no i'm gonna keep the baby okay
anyway we all have our stories
it's not easy to be in a human body when it thinks it happens when you are in your body you start to feel things so some up a nice to you don't learn and we know as babies we learn to
just so she ate you know to remove ourselves from that we learn many skills
you know as babies we don't even have to learn and weakest you know have the capacity did them
maybe later on it's harder to learn the skills you know but we all have bit your ways to to disassociate a remove ourselves from be no and not quite in know exactly here in his body in his place at this time
this is not not easy to actually show up the present
and it was difficult for every one of us
so there's some sensibility hear that when you're that i got out of the room as soon as i could
the painful place to be i couldn't handle this intense emotions i'm out of here i'm getting out of here i'm getting out of here as soon as i can
and then what happens i'm in an incubator for three weeks my mom goes home
and my father's letter you know to my aka says
the baby came home the sixteenth of april so my mother had a very good rest
what was happening to babies who can unremarkable right
anyway we all have a certain history
it's difficult it's painful to exit
no come into your body and then he started to see how would you know it was like
to be in your body
and we've put wave over the years you know and especially when we're very young we learned ways not to be there not to be there for wet was very painful
so when you start moving back and you start to peel or it's very painful
now this is this is very interesting because you're also going to have the capacity to being your body and feel
how he knows basis and expansive and made him again right
when i first started the yoga or which is around i forget nineteen eighty
amazing it was like moving you know from the hobbled down by the swamp into a palatial a building with lots of light and space and know and there's all this space and energy am
is within my body before they've been raised different titan compressed you know and dark and therein
doing the best i can make it our work
and and then you know i can be in an ulcer light larger areas space right
but you know after a few years of doing yoga ah you know pretty soon but there were still closets
pretty soon the clauses in this palace started opening up general closets
so i'd start doing yoga and stretching them it'll soon i'd start kind of until kind of crying you know
and then oh august work through this and then i'd be sabian and packages
and then pretty soon i'd be screaming
pretty said i'd be having a full-blown in a two year old can protection a rainy jam so i decided not to do yoga country with them every day i know and i could do yoga every day cause it's really getting at to much it's opening up to many places inside too
quickly
no sir ross a steady new like can we move back and and and feel the space and then little by little start to unpack and of the zen saying is an
take off the blinders unpack the saddlebags your home
added incentive you're still headed some place
and somehow we tend to have the idea in spiritual practice and lot of places you know like we're still we're headed someplace i where i'm not really going to have to be me
that for i could be come somebody else and who i would be finally willing to be
oh i can become that person and then i could i would be willing to be me once it became this really nice person this really compassionate person i could i could move and then and i could be willing to be made a bad time
so it but this is our way more challenging right this is take off the blinders this as you know that for the horse and all this is a little bit of a david metaphor but you know that keep you focused on your goal
kick off the blinders unpack the saddlebag know here we aren't let's let's make camp let's set up from let's be home and being home is fine they know in your body and at some point you know it's in your heart junior stomach know kind of like we did the church
indian in the new you're here feel more here when you did that chanting

so i didn't know i don't know that there's any in a in a certain way there's some skills you can learn to do this but also it's just join up
it's coming back a you know again and again and sitting down and and doing what you can to be here the atomic make yourself at home in your own being
and so as much as anything that's your willingness to make yourself at home in your on been your courage to make yourself at home in your on vain
ah you know and the kindness to take care of
i can to your own being ill
all of my japanese and churches you to say no with the practice following the brother counting the brad or noting the breath
ready to be really kind or to really take care of the bread
to take care
justin so that's different then
the sort of concept of when the barry made the and translating america talked about jersey train the mind of exploitation in the mind of nurturing
and that are usually tendency is more we have road tendencies know the exploited might as what can i get out of this
and nurturing might as how do i take care of this
so as you meditate over time you know we're developing more and more than nurturing mind rather than exploitive mine and you become less than less interested in what do i get out of meditation as you know how can i take care of rye beam know how can i take care of my breath and take care of the moment
take care of myself
and not go into here
with my various tax on myself and several smoke sense
an
so i started to tell you know i've had this volume obsession in a it's kind of embarrassing you know here i am a zen teacher and but i don't spend a lot of time in my body
come and partly it's embarrassing because i mean you know i was just reading recently like maybe you saw the stories they are you know you've seen dan comments newburgh destructive emotions and he talks about this a tibetan monks you know ted twenty eight or thirty years or more training as tibetan buddhist monk there
the detour them who ran out of these studies were born actually there your europeans but they've they've done years of to administering in is the i just don't think it's you know in infamy as is in person i don't think i could compete
and i can barely get in my body let alone produce these are you know and how various meditations
but it was very touching you know permitted read about that and
because they
i'm
they had these to most they tested them at the laboratory university of wisconsin to get the name of the prison was the head of that average rate but i think he's a buddhist but they're just now people are just now starting to study consciousness scientifically
because the general idea has been there is a kind of just based level of consciousness
and of course you know and the distance-based of and then stuff can go wrong with it you know so you can have abnormal conscious of but there hasn't been the idea that you can actually developed consciousness
and hasn't been in a particular acknowledge than typically that there's such a thing is developed consciousness because you know where all the same and what somebody has a more developed consciousness may i ain't no wait a minute
you know and and you know and bumped by what measure and you know and et etc you notice there's a certain kind of them
ah
way in which consciousness which is not develop feels very threatened by constants that is developed
because i want to go on thinking about of i started getting what a voice found and you're not gonna stop me
i don't care whether developed your night
okay so and and but anyway they were they started these two months in the the they put them in a what's called a functional mri so they can right away get the brain waves
our brains some kind of brain scan and these two are they were they earn they did six different kinds of meditation you know
they did a meditation and compassion a visualization mentor one point in this meditation and space
j nash and fearlessness fearlessness was right and then there is a sick
ah so and they would have this they would happen in you're on signal
do the meditation
so on q e his brainwaves would change and he would do the meditation for ninety seconds and and switch it up
and they said for most people
there's no difference they cannot say much of a difference in brain pattern except between awake and asleep so that's what we're talking about his baseline and here's somebody that could do six different produce six different brain waves in over six different medications aren't you
turning it on turn into under you know a laboratory setting
you know for hours at a time
now these in some machine you know for the meditation i was quoted as he concentrated on the river in them
above him in the in the mri

and one of the things they pointed out which am
was the during when he was doing the meditation and compassion apparently the left payphone part of his brain was especially active
so they naturally this is one of the few things that they know from other century studies that when the rat prefrontal is especially active person tends to be happy
our friendly feel a buoyant cheerful good natured when the right paper is more active person tends to be agitated anxious worried scared if a new benefits a bitch and keeps up there like they have a clinical depression
when you do the compassion meditation near the first beneficiary
you actually when you generate compassion for others
you become happy
and so this is obviously a different sort of strategy or or way of going about something rather than how do i you know how am i gonna get you know something out of this and how do i get these people to do what i want
and you know how do i
you don't get what i want from them
when i see the difference of his sensibility
so it's just now getting become an acknowledged know starting to get into a no scientific literature
anyway i was very touched by that so this is now does that is to ideas one is that you could let go of or in our and generally speaking piece by piece
self let go of self which is your habitual thoughts you're a bitch of feelings and not right away
what those thoughts and feelings on whatever's happening
and just can go to show those things don't help me and as you know people don't actually liked me people can't be trusted this you know is that you know ah
and or this is so sad this is so scary this is so depressing know because but what is it that so sad or so scary and depressing inches you know it's just like well something today happened the triggers feelings feelings of art almost always old
almost eyes you know from our past no memory
something that was touched
by today's events and he noted little closet spilled open and something probably near the emotion popped out
and then you know in in the sort of simple vernacular
in know chicken and says we all know nobody makes you angry you have the seats of anger in you somebody else waters than the flower now how do you relate to their seeds that a floured you know if you relate to them with mindfulness you do not recreate the same seats of anger
the same way if you actually go into your anger and reacting you're angry way and now you recreate the seeds which have a chance to be did the next time around
so we have a chance to kind of discontinue
the reactive quality of feelings know the way that they keep coming up and are same thinking of it as discontinued it so there's one kind of and that's you know this washing the soap over and over again champaran the iron become in sharp focus and then on the other hand there's we could actually
generate or develop cultivate consciousness so we we actually develop capacities
ah and this is something that i'm in our i'm just finding out about i'm just starting to think about even i have no idea by have any capacity with and a step or not
because it then like when i did a step and then when it know and we just said
so ah you know i i i tend to feel fairly compassionate a lot of the time but we don't do like compassion intention we don't do meditation and fearlessness i feel like maybe i'm in a retired school
we don't do visualization or we don't do you know mentor one point in this road occasionally we saved deirdre know kind of metal one privateness but it's not a big emphasis
so this is very interesting to me and very kind of inspiring that you know this can be within with this people can do this we cannot do it as we can develop ourselves
the other things by the way there was a couple other things that they took these monks to san francisco and know peter ekman i think it's peter ekman does the m the lab and needs instead in facial expressions now for fifteen eighteen twenty years
and he's found out that are emotional responses pay in facial expressions are the same every culture around the road
you know that emotions are human that has nothing do with culturing the people you know cross culture they can recognize immersion
you can show somebody new guinea or japan or korea or africa face of somebody who's angry and as a a angry
people recognize and what what he's done is so his identified which muscles are doing which facial expression and over the years in his associate of actually gonna have electrical stimulation of certain muscles in their face and they can do all the expressions
cause sometimes we don't necessarily we haven't we've never we don't do those villagers they said we did we don't necessarily have the capacity to to do the right know to do is sneer
or whatever it is
and he's tested now and so what he has pictures of people and he shows the pictures just for an instant because a lot of the facial expressions are people can not completely can show their facial expressions so although mostly they can yeah you could walk into the airport or wherever and being passed the invocation of they're just peel
you know there'd be a thirtieth of a second or something and if you blinked you miss it you know of the expression cross in somebody's face that shows like what's actually going on with him
so his trained in your like the nec studied over five thousand people taking his test he flashes the picture and then you you say what the emotions that the person's family
and the the people who score high esters secret service agents
and you know maybe the
dalai lama's bodyguards
a added know he hasn't that the term is butting heads but
ah
anyway these to these two tibetan change a months scored higher than any of the five thousand people is tested
and they have been trained to distinguish facial emotions they're just you know empathetic they just have
you know they just feel something right what right away they're able to fail what's happening to sense what's going on and what is that that's because they're not going into
there you should their habitual thinking their bitch of feeling and there that's not sorted between them and no experience
and filtering everything i can just see it experience it made it vividly and then the anything they did on which was really astounding but they checked him over to berkeley there's a lab or they studied the startle reflex
and and the but they actually shoot off a ganar en
and he didn't know used to shooting guns or off
you know acted sound as a certain duration of time a half a second or tenth of a second whenever it isn't in their face goes there are particular expression of being starve
and then is also change in the heart rate falls on the blood pressure perspiration
in response
and this one know of the month
they fired up the gun his face did not move and they at night
and they couldn't believe it because they had never seen as they did not think it was possible
at his all you know the internal things all changed his blood pressure change this cause changed in he had been doing he was this was rally was doing the meditation and in a vast space infinite space soon as sound as you know like one one hundred miles away or in thousand miles away or notice
just disappeared in their space
very astounding and then the dalai lama said things like well you know it's very good that he can do this yogi feeds but that's not really why we're doing buddhism
notice that we can deal with our emotions instead they don't become destructive
so we we know how to be with our strong feelings reflective strong intense feelings without them becoming distracted
we develop their capacity
and it doesn't necessarily mean like they eliminate them that were aware of them in other words she's a certain from that point of view enlightened than is is realizing how deluded you are
he now been awakened is realizing over and over again how how how strongly you feel things how confused you are how you get into how you get involved and you're thinking it's noticing how these things come up

huh
huh

huh
huh
he know in other words net
for a painter the new he just sit with them
and you're not going into a know behavior surrounded
so i'm i'm finding all is quite encouraging you know and i'm deciding to continue being embarrassed
the
and so i'm also hope that this is encouraging for year that you know that you might want to continue studying in a meditative federal
she what you can find out
well
so i profits aren't enough to have some interesting questions or comments and things i've been bringing up today
what is a meditation of fearlessness for this is what i mean you sound just the girl with her
but apparently you generate there's some way in which you instructions your brother where you you you generate fearlessness
you generate the just have something no and but a kind of
i i don't know i don't know any register you know i'm not a tibetan buddhist know that an apparently there's a there's a there's a railroad's huge you're generating maybe you know you could say something like steadfastness are you know retinoids called the meditation and care system
yeah
oh i've done lots of different things this was a transformation and by the where could summon up and gorilla named fred turn has been doing stuff for years i guess
i've never done anything that not quite like this i've done a lot of things you know i'm kind of though
you know i've done so what is that so retrieval is that what it is you know i've done so retrieve i've gotten and psychic readings you know i've you know i've never gotten raj
ah
but you know he was doing things like you know pretty early on he was in okay of secure off they tied in here you know and dead
and this is like this and i think the in a living just in i'm just going to work on this little bit and so i'm starting to breathe deeply you know and any same
any kind of stops and is kind of shaking his hand is
you know that the images which is moving from you know year of to hear you know when have to open up your throat so we can just kind of release some of the step so then he puts on some the rubber gloves and the next thing i know issues him and are you need to enter like again where we make eye contact and like said they were really together on this you know and you know we can trust one another and
he sticks his finger down my throat so i can gag and apparent just opens up your throat he did this a couple times and
and so then it was more like i was a llumar crime rather than just ah man
is it wasn't stuck in my throat anymore they said you know i think it just a little too tight so then he sticks his finger my you know mouth and he's during this cranial sacral you know hands in your mouth and release your jaw thing i mean which you know i have some friends who do that stuff so
said have you ever had this done before he took shit
i haven't i had a fair amount of you know cranial sacral various things no network chiropractor eight am
odds and ends of stock you i'm like a lot of what people call new study of who i studied with called integrated awareness i call it mine from his touch em
and then he managed to lick you know and then somehow managed like sir to this justice seem to come out and and seems like like it seem to be that come out there seem to be an end to it which was kind of unusual because i've sometimes get bodywork and i start crying and crying and now and then the person doesn't know what to do like
do i try to get him to stop drawing up and jabbar this
anyway
so he he from his point of view or what he was describing to me as drained out these different chambers you know
have you know where you've got this stuff stored up and he said don't worry no i'm gonna put this stuff on the shop you i've got a really nice shelf because of i don't put it on the shop you know it may hang around and and you know and get you again you know so i'm gonna put it on the show quarter
so i don't thank you
anyway we had a good time
it was kind of like a shamanic journey
and then after why you know by the does he does it kind of form of kinesiology in other words muscle testing and you know let's let's figure out what's happening with you and when did this start known as his birth his is in utero is is at conception is this past like and on is testing my arm and a no asking these questions and we're getting some answers which you know i've been
meaning to write him or email him and find out wouldn't you find out to
because i couldn't keep track on there is it just opens a day and then
at one point he said who are you i said i'm ed and he said elder i can remember as seventy two
and he say what your favorite color and i said blue
and then a while later he said who are you and i said ed and he said is on twenty two and once you've ever gonna the flu and or that is it another color is blue and the and then and then i started lap and the first time it ask me when it was i said it's blue and i started crying and then the next time he estimates and i say yeah it's blue and i
said laughing says it was really it was very unusual kind of thing you know visit
you know some people out there are very skillful at what they do i feel like this person is very skillful about what he does you know and and i know know what kind of a husband he is your father anything you know guys get it this and his step kicking you another shamanic journey and
later on he said you know that you've been doing good thank you just dropped fifty years there
hello
but we were working all those things that i was telling you about you know so it's kind of fresh in my mind you know
moving back in in vain at home and then so on and practicing you know like just reminding myself i started to get anxious and going to my anxiety thing i belong here
i'm at home i'm at home in this body
in this place at this time i belong here
and that's what i'm working on
and partly that's i remind myself and partly like i'm going to make myself known i'm making myself at home making my seven home long in here for this has stuff i've been working at ever since i started practicing in buddhism
i'd like to just feel like it's okay for me to be here for me to be me and simple enough but you know we have different language for this different people
so it was pretty interesting and but that's an example also of doing something where
ha it did same like we got to a place where
i could experience something beyond my habitual reactions to things my habitual anxiety and
a terror dread and anxiety terror dread it's not just what's going on in the world
which is how very real and certain sense bread
practically speaking here i am nothing's happening with it's actually happening here now
so should i should i make up some story about the future and a lot of that is as far as i can tell is
i'm you know when when you were little you weren't good enough i wasn't good enough to keep my mother alive
she went ahead and died so i i wasn't good enough and when you weren't good enough and that's shameful and then when you projected into the future if you're not getting enough something terrible will happen so you can generate then the future and than m dread and anxiety because you're not good enough you weren't enough
i think that again is habitual that's all just a pitcher
re reagan and so where is there some way to
and you know he said he said to me know some people are in a year you've done a lot of work and the stuff because you're ready for know
of this i have dirty says sometimes i have to do says in are many many sessions and pupils within so get these things
am
but are they the kind of though
roddy we're finding that i've had the most of over the last several years i can stop doing bodywork and same reason they start doing yoga it was to run
it was too upsetting
to be touched and and the and that and a really strange thing is to notice how is for me to find out that
actually agree to be in my body is so upsetting
you know that there's a kind of pain there to that and of course it makes no sense the road you know the reason you wouldn't do in a pain pain is what you you know used to move away from said there's a huge it that's there's a kind of a in buddhism is called vows sometimes but you also collect commitment or courage
or you call it the or steadfastness in a it's a kind of determination determination is another reduce the british amina i am determined to be at home in my body in to be in to be here to be present and determined to do that sir and that at otherwise these things don't just happen
answer so sit here and meditate and end up being in your body
there is some point it's a decision you know
being asleep or awake invitation his decision
i did for years i did i would rather to be depressed and angry
that's and that's not i knew that's not a a conscious decision that gets a great that's an old decision that i'm still doing you know that i did for many years rather than get angry i would rather be depressed
and i will do i would i will do i will commit i'm committed to being depressed in a rather than getting angry
so you know i made sure we have this when in know that's a decision i made in or in a long time ago i know when
and so where this this is this is all the stuff we're working at the know when you start in a committed meditation and you know what's going on your life and how to react to things in and we're finding out all the ways in which we know
we tend to do certain things
no we tend to go to sadness or disappointment or avoid certain things i would rather in or innocence you know at some point it's rather i would rather die than feel that angry ever again
and then short of dying you can be depressed and you know the they decided that is
i don't see how i can live if i'm feeling something this intensely it feels like i'm going to die if i get something nice and gently
and but you know that may
ah i i feel things were intensely not everybody does thank goodness
jana help but i just said anyway very habit
something else
yes
we'll say well wait
shimmer and to do what you said earlier about
evidence from taking your beliefs
evidence it
how many choose to ignore
do i entertain
experience with you have ever
oh i there's no way to authenticate that my hat having yeah that isn't coming around what
right can happened is what keeper utterly to have told me i'm just wondering what he experienced was a narrow let you know personally that it will happen
and that challenging yeah
am know i enter this is not this is not about nine or authenticity
ah and this is more like
ah you know for many years i had no story
nope if so why are you so sad i don't know
cause you know the first thing you do as you say well i'm so sad because it's raining i am says that because you know my partner did this or didn't do that or i'm sad because of the situation of the world i'm sad because around the pollution know and so there's actually no reason for feelings
did you can find the locate we have the idea that their reasons for why we feel something and then then we can control those things and consequently controller and
so it's kind of empowering you know for a child or present was to think it and i'm sad because i got fired from my job so if i get another job i could be happy or if i wasn't fired i wouldn't be said so we're trying to control the things that we'd make up the story about why we're feeling that
re but we just made up a story so for many years though i like i didn't the a story
so then people started suggesting to ms dorries
oh well okay that's pretty good one and then so
and so then
oh i that's another kind of work i've done accident last few years our are fascinating i've done quite lot actually am with them
a fellow who who were originally studied them
i lived in a good shape community in upstate new york for twelve years or something and when he was thirty he went off decided to leave and he went to school and he became a therapist he said oh i practice traditional psychotherapy for whom maybe a week or so
and then he said i started doing what i wanted to do so when he does is he talked to him and then you lie down and then he says tell me what's going on your body from the back my neck is aching so then he'll say i'm gonna say something and you just repeat after me and don't worry about whether it's true or not
we'll just see how your body reacts to it
so a lot of so so it he he's made up a lot of these stories and then you know there's a certain reaction of my body and by golly some of these stories i've just he would start saying these things and my biased it's been
it just rate it's reacting it's not like and then some of the things it's reacting to are like stories about my grandparents or i didn't even know and then finance in my body
you know and he's making up these stories are out of nowhere is where's he getting these stories say and party this is step i told him and then and know but somehow when he says it and then i'm repeating the story yeah this is so if the back of my neck is agonies is this is little boy felt very scared being left
the orphanage when he was three and i'm repeating that he's just saying that this is a little boy but it was very scared who is very scared to be left to be left at the orphanage in our and three years old
and so i'm repeating these things and and then after the business you know what's happening in your body
and so then you know what my lower back is aching or my legs suddenly cut their really tied there really a complete his they feel paralyzed and inordinate say started by bed and it goes on and on and at some point it's like well
i'm asking my body with that this or these are my mother's guns and i can that on them
and then you know and then somehow lol just seems to drop away so it seems to have a kind of tentative reality that you're creating and then you can you can let go of it but until you take it on for the i haven't been able like all those things
so that's another kind of work that i i've done rinse your was very useful for me people in zen i'm interested in the in notes to psychological reposted people are way more you know to swim move across her and the person between capacity psychology and therapy and and all that stepping up is so many of the the positive
teaches a therapist for have you can i protect key and this was making your g professional medical
and but anyway so it's it's not that you can know his mother gas
and then it's something that it just kind of tentative
anyway
but no week we can't exactly know
i don't think by to a and it turns out that
you know in in as far as that goes that guessing you know it sort of like so if if somebody says to me well what is this about as it out of now and then they they may say that if they say i don't know it's about well
gemini guesses the fish so so then well if you don't know what happened what went to make up a story
and then if you make up a story where why do you make up that when rather than another one
it's it just it just play i mean i don't have anything better do with my life
have it i have things to day you know out
you know writing cookbooks and what have you already know our editing and actions but you know the that you know can earn reading but he don't eat something but
i find out the step really fascinating but now it's not about in actually knowing
exactly it's more like
a story or a gas or in your let's try to sign
see in nc
yeah
oh the workshop that i'm doing is what i call mine in his touch
anda so that's very much like meditation rave andor
i actually did this reason and of and possibly little repository trade
southern california with at the end of our two days we spent a while days and in people enjoyed it but what this is is just as easy you will practice touching someone and not doing anything and just receiving them so most hedge implicitly is you know go over there come over here come down straight enough i love
you did you know that had supposed to make a difference can do
so it's most the most touch is you're communicating something from you to them
rather than next just sensing who is this what what's going on here shareware where it will distract his tension and primarily are touching someone as shoulders from behind as and
and then receiving your crystal
you know so and so very much like meditation
and so there's all the sensations which you can break down into like the four elements you know there's some sense of solidity fluidity space he called
you know and and maybe you have maybe your citizens as intention or strasser in our softens or doesn't or and you're saying if you can just let it be whatever it is rather than you know going to and then later on after we've established that we can do that
then we do that a friend things like on purpose i didn't you say if you can find something wrong with them that needs fixing
and fix it for them and see if you can help them out here
and then people right away go
people right away get stabbed
attention they are all the sudden and before when you're just receiving somebody after while we just feel like you're you can't tell your hands stop and the shoulders begin
you know and somebody shook hands feel warm and you know em us come on my hands are warm your shoulders or arm and he and no sisters flow and complete merging
and then okay i'll picks you
certainly a little armor their that a separation now you don't
the
and then you know we see if we can overcome their resistance because it's for their own good
the
and so we get to do various fun things
and that we spend a day with as we do odds and ends of fun things i think of this from things here and we also do for instance
richardson symphony while but you're actually gonna catch them well run out when ye
oh and then i also have the person who's been touched why don't you make sure that the person touching you does not experienced anything that might upset them
how many of us are doing this
you know i wanna i'm seeing if i can get through the world and not in i do anything that upsets anybody
so how do you do that it's so you can find out how to get it is you've been sitting here relaxing and not worrying about whether you're anything that's happening is upsetting the person instead she knew but once you're here do that how to do that well again you you farmer yourself you know in order to have them in or
eager to have them to be on this could be sure that their nuclear experience anything that would be upsetting basically you see if they can now experience anything you say you arm yourself your arm yourself new and against you and you did this very structurally you know you do it with you you do it in your shoulders you do it at the edge of your body you you
you create a wall between you and the person is judging you
is called the know armor and so then and then just to be on the safe side they don't explain are going to experience anything that's my home with you accept that your armored and course that might disturb them but you know aside from that you know their dark spreads anything that can be disturbing like some kind of painful feeling you might have heard
you know what you know you know your whatever you know your pain you're hurt their night so but once you've had a chance to do that than we go to at some point we go to
okay we can relax at men nor does you're attaching yeah like that's going on in this schedule the someone's deep pain in their hurt
what's most pain from their life pledges from in touch it
and is just that is just astounding know
the sense in the room now the room just goes right to ah it just awesome by the when you just agree you just agree to touch someone's tapeworm their pain and you and the person being judged agrees to have that attached because they've just done that five because they've just done the i'm not let them
feel anything
and now and reflect on that when it reaches in or let it be touched and that's just go ahead and touch but is really painful really heard from her life and will just be answered with it
so it's a it's really very analogous to meditation and with snow
but then you can also then you can also do
ah you know
which is they're just so many things you say because then we can also do ah i usually wait until after we've touched someone's pain near retouch your blessedness because the ruined in the breslin is the same thing and if you can't touch your pain you can't teach your residence
so after we've touched the ground and and said like let's go ahead and appreciate you know preciousness of the human being
he's the president of him being as beyond good and bad right and wrong
who you are who you think you are
it's beyond on the wing is grand touch it right his friends that are say good or precious about human life personal attention
that connection
so anyway i enjoyed during the a lot and then i'm so i have a word will see what happens thank you for bringing it up
it's a little a couple of minutes after eight am can we sit quietly and for a minute or two
ah we didn't get an email