I was missing Laika, now we have Kelly. I'd like to speak about a few more details of practice to begin with. One is your Gassho. That's some of you. Essentially, all you're doing is you're taking two palms, which are fingers together, thumb together, and putting them together. That's some of you. And this is quite common, or something like that. There are various other gashos. The lotus gasho. I don't think that's what you're doing. Most of you, many of you...

[01:08]

And it's about the tip of your nose. And holding our eating bowls, usually you just have three fingers and it sits. You don't grip it with your thumb or with a finger. You can if you're afraid you're going to drop it. I don't know, for some reason, but it's alright, any way you want, generally it's just sitting. And we usually hold the ball up pretty, instead of bending down to the ball, we hold the ball up pretty close. And when you sleep in a zendo, and a jikido, one thing you really shouldn't do is sleep on the altar. Sleeping in your own place is good, actually, but you may want to sleep in the back, next to the door, I don't know.

[02:44]

But you should bow three times to the Buddha before you go to bed, after you have your sleeping clothes on, and then three times to your own sleeping place. And actually it's a good practice to do that in your own room. If you have an altar of some kind, you bow there two times and then to your bed. And I want to say something about these musical religious instruments we have. Most of them are quite valuable, and I've never talked about it.

[04:10]

You know, if I said this is a bass by Picasso, worth $3,000, you'd carry it quite carefully. But if it's this bell, or drum, or mokugyo, for us it's more like a piece of furniture. But the value is about, what I said, more now. And generally we don't ever even move them because they're... It takes a man a long time to make one mokugyo or one bell. One of these bells, like the big one in the city, is pounded from one flat piece of bronze. You just start and he pounds it out. It takes a long time. When I was in Japan, there was a little old man making a mokugyo at Ryoshinji. He was... I didn't see him, but he was maybe 80, something like that. And I don't know how long it took him. He was making a mokugyo, I would guess, three times the size of this one.

[05:34]

And they had to make teheji maybe three or four times a session. They make a wonderful sound. But as far as I remember, he was working there for months. They put him in the genkan, which is the entranceway of the temple. He sat there with his big block of wood and his tools. And every day, all day long, dawn to dusk, he worked away. And for at least three months, he was working. And I had left Japan at that time, so I don't know when he finished. Maybe he's still there. Anyway. Particularly in this climate, Suzuki Roshi wanted to move this monkey gyo to the city for a ceremony a couple of years ago and he decided not to just because it's so dangerous to move them and because in this climate they're so delicate.

[07:00]

So anyway, I feel we should know, I feel responsible if we didn't know, don't know so much about these things. Dogen said, when we have not yet fully realized the Dharma, we feel

[08:35]

we have sufficiently understood the Dharma, or sufficiently know things. And yet, when we have fully realised the Dharma, we feel some insufficiency. Let's translate it this way. He says, as you go out onto an ocean, from the boat the ocean looks round, but actually the ocean is not round or four-cornered. We can grasp certain ideas, like we can perceive the parts of things, like we know that blood, we can see blood as blood, water as water. But we know that blood is actually white blood vessels and red blood vessels.

[10:43]

And you can't understand white corpuscles without understanding red corpuscles. You can't understand red corpuscles without understanding plasma, etc. But we can get a sense of such a thing called blood. And when the elements in blood are in proportion, blood works okay. But when they're not in proportion, once there was a girl who took care of Sally, who was unable, the viscosity of her blood wasn't stable.

[11:50]

It was just some very small thing and yet her blood would get too thick to push through her veins. It was extraordinarily painful for her. Finally, one night she died for that reason. She wouldn't leave Sally alone. She should have gone to the hospital sooner because they had some special medicine to treat her. She was from Chile. She was here as a special case for the UC Medical Center. I took her to the hospital. In Buddhism, precepts mean that kind of thing, everything in proportion. It doesn't mean morality in the usual sense, like bad or good. And if you understand it as morality or evil, it's very difficult to practice, to work with your own tendencies.

[13:29]

Evil is something that other people see, or you see in yourself from the point of view of other people. So in your practice of zazen, you can see, as I was talking about last time, how when something is very slightly out of proportion, your state of mind is disturbed. Your practice of zazen is mixed up, out of balance. And so, as your life gets more and more in proportion, each thing has its share, some harmony flows in your activity, you see more and more how easy it is for disharmony to be created, or to have something out of proportion. Finally, you see how just

[14:51]

A single thought, the briefest thought can destroy our deepest feelings. So the precepts are just some way to suggest how to live proportionately. Why should we do this? Why do we lose the sense of practice sometimes? it's because we regain a sense of possessing our life, or wanting to use our life, or it seems the greatest gift we can give our friends. Possessing our self or giving our self.

[16:11]

And yet at the same time you sense in other people that the very difficulties they have are because of an obstruction of that sweep of our life toward nirvana. Death, you know, we could say is just and dissolution of the parts, sometimes uncomfortable dissolution of the parts. And if there is some disproportion, there is a dissolution of the parts right away, just the viscosity of the blood is different, you will die. And actually, if the viscosity of your own nature is just slightly out of proportion, you are always leading some retarded life, some struggle. Even though a sweep of your whole life is toward nirvana, you

[17:49]

are struggling with it until your consciousness, or until you realize that insufficiency. So there is a... we find a verge in our own consciousness to echo that resonates with this sweep of our life toward nirvana. And we have some deep urge to enter this stream. And some of us who feel this urge, are destined to, maybe we can say destined. Once you feel it, it's almost impossible to not awaken that urge more. And that may seem selfish, but when you see other people, again you see,

[19:15]

that their difficulties are an obstruction of this stream or sweep of their life toward Nirvana. And you, I think, intuitively feel that all you can do is enter that stream yourself. And you'll meet them there, just as the bell resonates with the Han, or one bell resonates with another. If you enter that stream of great proportions, those same proportions echo in everyone. So to remove the obstacles in other people that you see them struggling with, the only way is to enter that sleep or stream yourself.

[20:24]

And as it's easy for us to have a sense of a part as a whole, a corpuscle as a whole, or blood as a whole, somewhat more difficult to understand the corpuscle as not separate from blood and you. So it's even more difficult to experience yourself as a whole, But there's nothing which isn't in parts. There's no such thing as a whole, there are only parts. And the experience of the whole means insufficiency, as Dogon expresses it. For if you really understand the parts that everything is, you understand the whole. And there's no limit to this, not just white corpuses as blood, you as a whole, but you can experience everything as a whole. And that experience is

[22:08]

The urge toward that experience is bodhichitta. The urge to achieve enlightenment for all beings. Samadhi is an experience of that whole and actually a giving up of the experience of that whole. So there's no limit, but we can grasp blood or water or our ego or certain aspects of our nature together. And sometimes we can forget ourselves, dropping away mind and body.

[23:26]

no experience of ourself almost except forgetfully conscious. And the real turning around is when, which we call enlightenment, is when you no longer need to have that experience of completeness and your wholeness, experience of wholeness is not limited to parts or to yourself. It's no longer directed toward that which is smaller than you, but directed toward that which is greater than you, which includes you. So Dogen says, when there is realization, you experience insufficiency. This is what Bodhidharma meant when he answered, I don't know.

[24:48]

but is in our own practice as some of you have noticed. We have a fear of completeness. We don't want to quite finish anything because it's like dying. what would you do next? You'd feel the anxiety of not having some strings which lead us to the next thing. So at the moment your zazen may be quite calm, you would disturb it. But to realize the insufficiency which Dogen talks about, you have to be able to get rid of that fear of completeness. To know completeness is to know insufficiency. Some big incompleteness which lets everything in. But first you have to know completely what you

[26:33]

accepting, acknowledging what you are. And we do it in the present moment. One of the most pernicious effects of Western psychology has been the popular reliance on the past, or feeling that the past unlocks our future. That somehow the meaning of our actions now are locked in the past. So we say, I do such and such because if I could understand what I did, I would understand now I could be enlightened, freer, more flexible. That may be partly true, but it's at best temporary, expedient.

[28:06]

Actually, the present creates the past. So in this moment you do something not to get the next moment. The secret is that the past is completely included in this moment. The present moment is a summation of the past. And by your own decision in the present, you free yourself from the past. You reverse its meaning. So samsara and nirvana are one. At this particular moment, all that has led to this moment of so-called evil karma or some effect can just as identically lead to nirvana or enlightenment.

[29:32]

If in this present moment you can give everything its proportion, all your past action is sticky or jammed up only because your present moment is out of proportion. So, Dogen says, there is no look back. He says the ocean is not round or four-cornered, and there is no end to its virtue. And all this back is your past. By this present moment becomes your virtue. Okay.

[30:38]

So zazen is our best opportunity to see the true proportion of things. this present moment will become the past we refer to eventually. So I can't express to you strongly enough how

[32:26]

you're to, you know, stop this logjam in yourself, how your consciousness, once you feel this urge that you want to answer, entering this loop toward nirvana, how not essential, only way for your consciousness to reside completely on this moment. Not any equivocation, not trying to find something just on either side. This way everything will come into proportion and everything will resonate with you. And you will notice as this becomes more and more true how actually everything around you does resonate with you and when you do something

[33:56]

find yourself obstructed suddenly by some small thing, some tendency. How much we find we still love the cause of suffering. Something in our environment will be out of whack, not just in us, This sweep is the refinement of love. is some feeling of rebirth or deep, urgent, which, if you want to answer, you will know immediately what practice is.

[35:28]

You are handsome. I'm here. And it's possible to do it if you can give up your attachment to suffering, the cause of suffering. Bear yourself to yourself. in proportion to your strengths. All at once and little by little.

[36:47]

All at once is your acknowledgement. Little by little is your effort. What would you like to talk about? saying, give up your attachment to the cause of suffering. And the Four Noble Truths says the cause of suffering is desire. And we acknowledge that desire is irresistible.

[38:16]

Because it seems that in vowing to put an end to my desires, that somehow it seems an Sixth picture said clear your mind and body and then listen and then clear away your doubts. So it's very hard to answer that kind of question because the question isn't what it seems.

[39:43]

I'm afraid. Behind our questions is a tangle of things we want to preserve. So first we defend it with this doubt and then with that doubt. And actually there's no way to clear our way our doubts till we clear mind and body. So the first effort in practice is to clear mind and body. then your doubts can clear away. In other words, there's no point to go to, if you accept clearing mind and body, that much is enough, you don't have to worry about anything else. But still I understand your question. It does seem anti-life sometimes. And partly that's the fault of the translation. And partly that's a rather deep feeling that comes out in language that way. So it's not meant to be approached

[41:15]

from the point of view of language or an idea, but when it arises in you as a feeling. You should ask, where does desire come from? From past, present, or future? And why what you have right now isn't enough? Don't question so quickly. Before I say, you're ready to question. There's no hope that way.

[42:29]

Yeah, as long as you don't build a program on them. Why did some flash with you? Why do you have to add anything about what I live? Something happened. Quite nice, but quite terrible.

[43:35]

If you try to make something of it, this, handy like. And some secret of practice is, the tiniest intimation is enough. In other words, we have some, well, I have some experience. So you think, well, the next few weeks I'll amplify that. Or you'll get whiter. Or my zazen will become calmer, or bigger, or nicer, or more blissed out. something was given you, and you should continue your practice, go on to the next unknown. For what gave you that will continue. Do you understand? Our suffering has an end, but our true nature goes on forever. Suzuki Roshi used to say that. And what he meant was,

[45:06]

What you experience has an end. But what is giving us this, that flash, continues. And where it came from is continuing. So to try to make it your own, or to make something of it, is to destroy what produced it. Do you understand what I mean? It's very difficult to resist that urge, you know, to, oh, that works. But that's what I was, maybe the first time I talked, I said, don't build a program on some insight. Even your practice, each moment should be free. In other words, when we take a vow, say that you have trouble eating, So you take a vow not to eat too much, or to have too many desserts. So if that's a program in the sense that you have some fixed idea which in the future, like a New Year's resolution, you're just going to, well, I won't have that. That's one way of practicing.

[46:28]

It's quite limited. Much better is, I'll find in each moment why not to eat dessert again. You see the difference? So if someone gives you six desserts, and you don't, my rule is only half of one, at that moment you think, oh, I'll eat six desserts. And yet, you understand at that moment that you'll only eat half. You see the difference? Our vow is to find it again, on each moment, without some program. So each moment you might eat all six desserts. You're completely free to eat all six or ten. But at that moment you should know what your limits are, not referring back to a past decision. So each moment we decide to know over in some wider scale. So that's why we may bow to our bed before we go to sleep.

[47:53]

Because we see a tendency to have some narrow view of going to bed, we balance it by some other reminder. Now, can you explain what dualism is exactly? Dualism? Dualism, and what non-dualistic practice is, and what dualistic practice is a basis for. If dualistic practice is necessary, what beneficial is it? Rush. I'll repeat. You sound like you've been saving that one. He said, what is dualism?

[49:38]

what is non-dualistic practice, then is dualistic practice useful? What is dualism is, or non-dualism is, about as fundamental a question as you can ask yourself. And I think it takes, it's like understanding the Heart Sutra or something, it takes one or two years of applying yourself to that question, what is dualism, before you see the point of asking, of saying something is dualistic. Since everything is obviously divided, what does dualism or non-dualism mean? Non-dualism means we don't give anything a specific configuration. Something like that we can say in words. But actually it means you have to understand it by your body. You can keep asking yourself the question, but it's like to understand it you have to get outside it. It's like I remember

[51:47]

years ago, people said I was an American. And one day I wondered, everyone says we're Americans, what is an American? It was actually quite perplexing for me, because I couldn't, since I wasn't a European or Oriental, I couldn't figure out how I could figure out what it was to be an American, since I had no experience of being other than an American. So I had to ask myself over and over, what is the use even of saying I am an American? And one day it was very simple. But it means understanding the root of the question, not just the word. Where does the question come from? Why would such a question arise? You have to get back before the question arises.

[53:08]

Such a question can't be understood because our mind itself is dualistic. You have to separate things into this and that to understand it, to see that as a stick. This is a stick and that's not a stick. So you have to understand your mind. It means to understand your mind, how it works, how it divides things. It means to understand before a question arises, before there is even a single thing. It means to be at one with your mind and not caught in its products. Just a moment where you say, clear body and mind. Clear body and mind. So there is no hesitation in the product, in some kind of product of the mind. Last night, Dennis was sick on the other side of the wall.

[54:30]

And it was throwing up. And just as I heard it, I felt I wanted to go in there, just to go over to it. But something stopped. And I thought to my mind, it stopped me from going over. And it went on for a while. And again, I felt it. It didn't go. And I said, well, it's initiating. When you can trust that impulse, and you do it, and it was the appropriate thing to do, your body and mind are free. And all those kinds of things actually do take some practice. Just like my example I've used before, being at a party. And it occurs to you to leave.

[55:40]

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