Today we're going to have a memorial service for Suzuki Roshi It's been just about a year since he died and Can you hear me in the back, okay? What not too well, okay I never know with this machine how loud I should talk. Anyway, many of you were in the Sashin a year ago when Suzuki Roshi died. So, on this occasion, I should have something to say. But actually I don't have anything to say. And if I... I suppose I could think of something to say, but...

[01:17]

I almost feel I would be doing him a disservice to say something. Of course, all this year we've all been saying something about how to continue Suzuki Roshi's practice and life here. And we're doing that pretty well, and so there isn't much to say from that point of view either. But continuing his way doesn't mean just to do the patterns

[02:27]

that he taught us some patterns of how to live and how to practice. It means to constantly renew your relationship to him as a teacher and to everyone else as a teacher. and to Buddha as a teacher. So we do a memorial service, of course, to remind us of Suzuki Roshi. And how do we remind ourselves of Suzuki Roshi? We do a memorial service. So just doing memorial service, I could almost say doing memorial service is observing things just as they are, moment after moment, but then why do we do some kind of special service, you know?

[03:59]

It's a way of reminding ourselves to do everything, moment after moment. Because the main thing in a memorial service is we just do, first of all, most important, we treat Suzuki Roshi as if he were alive. We offer him some food, you know. Anyway, there's quite a lot of teaching in Zen stories that concern memorial services, why we do a memorial service. It seems rather strange to offer food. And at Tassajara, I've been talking about this actually almost for the last month.

[05:09]

because we had a sashin during which we had a memorial service for Suzuki Roshi and because it's such an important point and the stories of Tozan who founded from Tozan anyway we can't say exactly founded but from Tozan the lineage which So I've talked about this quite a bit, you know, already at Nassahara and up here last week, a little bit, but I'll do it all over again. Anyway, the story I want to tell you again is about Tozan visiting Nansen, and Nansen and Tozan lived I guess the end of the beginning of the 9th century about and Nansen was quite a bit older and when Tozan met him Nansen must have been you know pretty old I don't know 60 or 70 and Nansen must have been 60 or 70 Tozan must have been anyway he was near the end of his life and Tozan must have been

[06:39]

I don't know, 20 or something. Anyway, the story is that Tosan went to, was sent to Nansen by his first teacher, maybe he was a local village priest or something. And he came to Nansen's assembly or monastery, and Nansen was preparing the monastery was preparing for a memorial service the next day for Baso. Baso was Nansen's teacher. So, Baso, so Nansen said, tomorrow we will offer food to Baso. Will he come and eat it? The same I could ask you this afternoon again, you know, will Suzuki Roshi come and eat the food we offer him today? Anyway, no one understood what he meant, but Tozan was there and he had some, felt he had something to say. And so he said, you know, he will wait for a companion.

[08:05]

And Nansen said, oh, there's a man, he's quite young, but he's worthy to study Buddhism. And then Tozan said something like, oh, don't say that, don't insult me in that way. by saying I'm worthy to study Buddhism. Anyway, we can say that Nansen was asking, does anyone understand what I mean? Or, is there a student here? And Tozan didn't say, I'm a student. He just said, he will wait for a student. He will wait for a companion. This is a very subtle point. Of course it means

[09:37]

that you must make an effort to be a disciple. You must make an effort to realize Suzuki Roshi's teaching. But it means something more than that. It means actually eating with Baso or Suzuki Roshi. It actually is a statement about how we exist, how we actually exist. So there's a very interesting story that follows that story, which is near the end of, later on in

[10:41]

in Tozan's life, he was preparing a memorial service for his teacher. And his teacher was Ungan Donjo. As you know, when we chant the lineage, we say, Yakusan Igen Dayosho, Ungan Dojo Dayosho, Tozan Ryokai Dayosho. Anyway, Ungan Doenjo was Tozan's teacher. So they were preparing a memorial service for Ungan Doenjo. And a disciple of Tozan engaged him in a dialogue about it. And see if I can remember what it was. I think the disciple says, did you receive any teaching from Unghan Dojo? That's very important, he's asking, did you receive any teaching from Unghan Dojo? And Tozan said, no, I didn't receive any teaching at all.

[12:12]

So the monk is still seeking something, you see, and so Tozan says, I didn't receive any teaching at all. And the monk said, well then why are you offering food to him? Why are you having a memorial service? And Tozan said, well, how could I go against him? Anyway, Tozan won't say, he gave me any teaching, but he won't say he didn't give me any teaching. So he says, how can I go against him? So then the monk, who's still seeking something, says, well, your first teacher was Nansen, who we just talked about. Nansen's the famous guy who held up the cat and said, give me a good word or I'll kill the cat.

[13:16]

a story that Yamada Reiren presented us in a sashin once. Suzuki Roshi and Yamada Reiren Roshi, who's now a second head of Eheji, presented this Onsen and the Cat Koan in a sashin in about 1962 or so. Anyway, the monk, the disciple says, well why are you, if he didn't teach you anything, your first teacher was Nansen, why not offer to Nansen?" So, Tozan said, I'm not making an offering, we're not doing a memorial service for Suzuki Roshi or for Ungan Dojo because he was

[14:19]

virtuous or great teacher of the Dharma or because of his great practice, but I'm doing it because he refused to reveal the teaching to me. And so what did the monk say? The monk said something. Anyway, the monk's very persistent. He's still trying to seek something. The monk said something like, well, do you still

[15:21]

agree with him. Do you still agree with ungandonjo? If you won't, if he didn't give you any teaching, but you joined the memorial service, and you don't want to contradict him, so you must agree with him. Do you still agree with him?" The monk said that was his sort of thinking. So Tozan said, I half agree and half don't agree. So, anyway. So then the monk didn't know quite what to say, and he said something though. Let me think a minute. What did he say? And, oh, the monk said, why don't you agree with him completely? The monk's still seeking something to be in agreement with. I said, why don't you agree with him completely? And Tosan said, if I agreed with him completely, I would be doing a great disservice. Or he's saying to the monk too, of course, if I agreed with you completely, if I agreed with what you were saying, I would be doing you a great disservice.

[16:50]

you're looking for something. Anyway, Suzuki Roshi's way was very definitely to not reveal the teaching, and more so than usual actually. And I remember when some other priests would come from Japan, they would say, well why does Suzuki Roshi always give such simple lectures? Why does he not say where it's really at? Give us the real dope. But many of you had some pretty obvious, very strong experience of Suzuki Roshi as a teacher. But what you were actually experiencing was your own relationship to him as a teacher and the relationship of other students to him as a teacher, not Suzuki Roshi. That was pretty clear when Suzuki Roshi was first here because almost no one noticed him.

[18:21]

near the end of his life everyone was saying, oh Suzuki Roshi is wonderful and if I could only have doksan with him or if I could see him some more, you know but when he first came most people didn't want to see him most people some people had some feeling for him of course but hundreds and hundreds of people came to Zen Center they'd come to lecture and generally the feeling was he's just another Japanese priest in Japantown very nice man and most of the students in those days went away they'd come for a while and go away and what made the difference was when more and more students began to understand their relationship to him So I know when I first came, I couldn't see Suzuki Roshi exactly, you know, but I could see Betty Warren's relationship to him. Something was happening in Betty Warren, you know, that was some like magnetic field or something I couldn't see but I could feel. And more and more as various

[19:50]

people in Zen Center had that experience. More and more students kept staying. Something happens which more and more people can participate in. There's a very interesting sort of thing which we always say, you know, which came first, the chicken or the egg? Which came first, Suzuki Roshi or Buddha or however you want to say it, but anyway, which came first, the chicken or the egg? And Nagarjuna, you know, the great Buddhist master maybe and theorist of the Madhyamaka school. The Madhyamaka school is the main background for Zen. Anyway, when you first look at the question, which came first, the chicken or the egg, which you probably hear when you're about, I don't know, six years old or five years old or four years old, you start to puzzle about, you know, the chicken had to lay the egg

[21:24]

but the egg had to hatch the chicken and you can't figure out which came first. But eventually you notice that of course the chicken and egg are two aspects of one phenomena. So there's no chicken and egg came together. But then you can think that you've answered the question. But the question really is asking, What makes it a peculiar question and rather interesting is that it's really asking, what came before the chicken and the egg? Nagarjuna says on this point, he says that you can't, he says the idea of chicken and egg precedes the idea of no chicken and no egg. So the idea of non-existence is based on the idea of existence. So what came before ... so the story of what came first, the chicken or the egg, is very interesting because it's the same thing as Nagarjuna actually.

[22:49]

Because when you go through it, you come back to the fact on the third step, you know, that there's, well, the chicken and the egg existed before the chicken and the egg, or chicken and egg exist forever. So you can't ask the question, what came before the chicken and the egg? If we ask the question, what came before the chicken and the egg, we have to say it's something incomprehensible. something we don't know. And if you're going to practice Buddhism you have to practice in this realm of the incomprehensible, of the before the chicken and the egg. Which can't, you know, there can't be a before the chicken and the egg because that has to, is based on the idea of a chicken and the egg. Anyway, that's a rather interesting place. So such categories as existence and non-existence or nature, your nature or your extended nature in everything,

[24:20]

or your self-nature, or being or non-being, are just confusing ideas. You don't need such ideas. But our actual being is beyond being and non-being. So we offer food to Suzuki Roshi. not paying any attention to being or non-being. So, Gautama Buddha, he practiced for many years, maybe pretty hard for six years, they say. seeking some way to express his strength. You know, we each actually have some secret experience of a strength that we can't live on, that we can't get out. And most of us, it's interesting, one of the things which characterizes Zen Center students, you know, is that they're all quite sensitive people who don't know how to be sensitive.

[25:43]

Not all of you, but anyway. So, anyway you have some strength which you, we can't actually, our real strength we can't express, you know. So Buddhism is some attempt to, to acknowledge that real strength. So after six years, Buddha recognized that just as he exists, everything exists. Before that, you can say, he was Buddha, but when he realized, still Buddha, you know, but at this point he realized, without any other ideas, that just as he exists, everything exists. Just as you exist on your cushion, just as you exist right now, just as you exist in everyday activity, doing zazen. Doing zazen I mean to exist just as you exist. It's just as Suzuki Roshi existed or Buddha existed.

[27:08]

But to recognize just as you exist is how everything exists. Took even Buddha six years of hard practice. So it's not so easy as it sounds anyway. So then the teaching, most of the teaching of Buddhism are sort of a bunch of don'ts. don't do this, don't do that, etc. And the precepts are pretty important, a kind of foundation of Buddhism which we tend to ignore. But when Buddha realized, when you realize that you exist just as you exist, then you don't want to do this or that, because just as you are is okay. So we don't do this or do that. You don't have so much interest in doing this or doing that, or finding out what the teaching was. What instruction did you receive? That kind of looking, you know? But how to practice, how do you as a companion of Suzuki Roshi come forward, doesn't mean you're seeking some teaching he had.

[28:38]

What does it mean to come forward to practice with Suzuki Roshi? Anyway, so because just as you are is okay, when you start to do something we say, oh don't do that. Just as you are is okay. Don't do that. Why do you want to do that? Doing that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. Usually we have some idea we're gaining something by doing it. So I'm not saying, you know, that Suzuki Roshi possessed some teaching that he refused to reveal. I'm not going to reveal this, you know. That's my way, not to reveal the teaching." He didn't have any idea like that. He didn't have anything to reveal. Buddhism isn't some thing, it's how we use each moment, how we use our karma, how to be alive on each moment.

[30:00]

So how do we use each other? How can I use you? How can you use me? And how can we use Suzuki Roshi? There's the actual body of Buddha. So we talk about Nirmanakaya Buddha or Sambhogakaya or Nirmakaya Buddha. Anyway, we aren't talking about something unreal, though in the literal way you understand it, trying to make some object out of it, it may be incorrect, but we're talking about something actual. And when we understand what it means to be a companion, then there's a link of companions all the way back to Buddha. And Buddha comes striding right forward and sits down and has tea with us. So Suzuki Roshi knew how to take care of his life pretty well. He lived quite simply without too many problems. Though if you know the details of his life, he had many problems.

[31:33]

So he didn't have much experience of himself. But when he had a relationship with you as a disciple, he had an experience maybe of Buddha. And he didn't know what to teach, but when you were there, some teaching came out, which he doesn't even know if his teacher told him or not. but after many years, actually Tozan said to the disciple, I was with him many years but I didn't receive any teaching. Anyway, after many years of being, Suzuki Yoshi being with his teachers, he doesn't know what instruction he received But when it's necessary to teach Buddhism, suddenly what's necessary is there. So how do you come forward and make the body of Buddha visible? Make Suzuki Roshi

[33:08]

Join us tomorrow or today, I mean this afternoon in this memorial service. Yeah. I don't know. It happens anyway. Should we talk about something? Do you want to ask some questions? He said,

[34:43]

that teaching is, the precepts are important and I said, the teaching is a lot of don'ts, don't do this, don't do that. So, he said, who said that? I said it. things I can say to some people, maybe don't do this, don't do that, just this. Other times I feel the possibility to be saying that to you. But then I lost that

[35:55]

sound, but I sort of let everything just go with what was happening. I'm not saying you can't do that. But still at times I feel in myself that I need to do something. If there's someone I can say, I can do that. And I can take that and say, I'm going to do that. I don't think you can hear, so I'll repeat what he said. He said sometimes he feels like saying to someone, don't do that. And sometimes he feels that someone should say to him, don't do that. Don't do what you're doing.

[36:58]

And other times he feels that they should say that to themselves, that just as it is, is okay. Well, excuse me, several stages. One next stage is that people should say, should be able to say to themselves, don't do that. That's true. And then he said, but then also there's the realm in which don't do that doesn't exist and everything just as it is, is okay. whether you do that or don't do that. And then he said, but I feel the need sometimes to be in a place where someone can say to me, don't do that. And I can take that and say, okay, I won't do that. That's right. Okay. That's true. We have to be pretty careful when we say to someone, don't do that. Usually the best time is when the person comes to you and says, I want to be in a place with you where you can say, don't do that. And then they write a big sign saying, please now say, don't do that. Then you say, oh, don't do that.

[38:27]

And then they don't do it. Sometimes. Yeah, sometimes they do. So that's maybe being a companion. It's some kind of trust or love in which you realize that don't do that or do that is not important. But it's fun, you know, to have some relationship with someone. And it's some way of opening our channels to each other. You know, we have a tendency, as I said before for our mind or body. By the way, it's interesting when we say remember or remind, remember is like to re-body, remind is like to re-mind, so how to give Suzuki Roshi a body and mind again. Anyway, our

[39:53]

Our mind, when you know the nature of your mind, it has a tendency to always look for some resting place or some restlessness. Same thing. And you have to make some effort always to bring yourself back. And we tune up. In some ways, practice in the beginning is like being a radio, and you tune yourself in. Mostly you tune in W-E-G-O or some station like that. Other times you try to tune in other things. So first we try to tune in to other people and to the things about us which have their own rhythm, their own space. So we talk a lot about non-doing and things like that which means to allow the space around everything to exist so doing exists within that.

[41:27]

And the secret there is to treat each existence moment after a moment, to just observe each existence moment after moment, to do one thing at a time. To be nowhere else but just that one thing. That's some kind of simple advice but some kind of secret, how you enter into everything. So eventually, after you get so you can tune in, you find you're not stuck just on WEGO and you can tune in to your teacher or tune in to various people or tune in to the actual events around you, then you can give up tuning altogether. You can smash the radio or throw it away, because the wavelengths are everywhere. So, you know, Tosan was saying to that disciple of his, quit looking for a particular wavelength. There's no wavelength. But still, at first we have to find some way to practice together. And usually it, or rather it must be based on

[43:01]

some effort to trust each other. Even if you can't trust each other, you trust each other. And something will happen. Suzuki Roshi trusted us completely. And in the early days when we were here, When he first came, we couldn't understand why he trusted us, because we were obviously completely incompetent, unable to understand anything, and dualistic, you know? The Western mind is dualistic, and we were even more dualistic than Westerners. And it seemed like a kind of tragedy. Here was this great teacher, teaching away. And here were these numbskulls, you know, sitting, listening away. And there was no hope for us, you know. We couldn't possibly understand him, and we didn't. But he trusted us completely.

[44:27]

And every now and then he'd say, oh, one of you will, some of you will realize this teaching. And we were all snowed when he'd say that, of course, but actually we thought he was kidding because he was so nice all the time. But he didn't think about whether we could actually understand what he was saying or not. So that's one reason he named the wind bell, the wind bell. You know, Windbell is from a poem of Dogen, which the rough idea is that you don't know whether what you're teaching has any... what he is receiving or not. You just hang there by your teeth and you ring. So he hung there by his teeth, ringing, you know. And he's still hanging there by his teeth. We just have to be able to hear him. He still trusts you completely. Thank you very much.

[45:56]

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