Roshi, it is said that this it, this is it. Tozan said that's only half respectful. What more can you say? Show me this it. Thank you very much. Roshi, in the sutra it says in the three worlds all buddhas depend on prajnaparamita

[01:10]

and the mind is no hindrance. What does it mean? The mind is no hindrance. Is your mind a hindrance? Hindrance to what? What is it a hindrance to? Dogen says hindrance hinders hindrance. What's hindrance? There's nothing to hinder. Who says? Hindrance says. Oh. Okay. Thank you very much. Roshi, there's this little fellow that teaches me buddhism.

[02:22]

He tells me how to adjust my posture. He reminds me when I'm caught in things to let go. He's pretty smart. He understands most of the things you say. But when I come before you, he has nothing to say. Say something. Who? No. Roshi, I don't know who asked this question. I don't know how this question is asked. I don't know even what the question is.

[03:30]

You should know. You should try to know. If you really try to know, then you don't know. Roshi, these mountains don't discriminate, do we? Do you? It seems like I do everything. So, what are you going to do about it? What can I do about it? You can't become a mountain. I can't? Roshi, you're really a stinky fool, don't you think?

[04:51]

I haven't thought about it. Why are you so strong? What are you seeking? I don't know. I think you do know. Please continue. Roshi, it settles in this spot.

[06:05]

Here I am, where I've longed to be. I'm glad. I'm glad your question is short, too. Roshi, I have an iron ball. I can't let go of it, and I can't hold on to it. What am I to do with it right now? What's right now? That's not right now. What is right now?

[07:12]

Louder. I only hear my heart. That's a good thing to do. It's like an airplane that can't land. That's only touching down. Does the helicopter know what it is to land? I'll try. Okay.

[08:25]

Roshi? How big is this ball? How big are you? Not very big. Maybe a little too big. You can live in this world if you can live in it as your own. Okay. Let's try it again. Roshi, it's said that we all have a treasure chest.

[09:56]

Mine has a very heavy stone resting on it. Who put it there? Why can't you take it away? I don't know. I wish you could tell me why I can't take it away. I can't tell you. How did it get there? I was going to ask you that. What do you think is in the treasure chest? Some treasure. I don't know what. I'm hopeful. Carpenters tools? Maybe it's several kinds of metal. You've got a big golden hammer.

[10:57]

You don't have the golden hammer in your hand. You just hit the stone. Right. There'll be no treasure chest. There'll be no treasure chest. Right. What if I hit my tongue? You do sometimes. Anyway, you have two thumbs. So keep hitting. Okay. Thank you. Roshi, what is good practice? What is your practice? No practice. No practice?

[12:01]

No practice. Really? No practice? Nothing I've qualified as good. Not good. You can practice without qualifying. You can practice. Please continue. Roshi. Roshi. My practice is perfect. But I see no practice. In my Buddha bowl, I don't see the universe.

[13:03]

I barely even see my own desires. And this session is absurd. And it's terrible. And somehow it's very beautiful. Now that confusion is clear, I have no question. Roshi. What is essence of mind that you always talk about? I don't know.

[14:09]

Then why do you talk about it? What do you think it is? I don't know. I want you to think about it. Thank you. Roshi. Roshi. If a boy has no mind and a man has no body, who approaches the Dharma? Why do you say a boy has no mind and a man has no body? Because a boy acts without thinking and a man thinks without acting.

[15:32]

So acting without thinking and thinking without acting, who approaches the Dharma? That which does not think nor act approaches the Dharma. Does that have a body? Roshi. Too many questions. Roshi. I have no question. I have a number of questions. I just wanted to sit here and listen to my heart and look at you.

[16:35]

Thank you very much. I get the same pleasure. Thank you. Roshi, everywhere there is a question, there is no place where there is no question. What would be, what should be my attitude in that situation? That's a good statement. But what are you going to do about it? Understanding is not enough.

[17:55]

Where is the creation? Good question. Roshi, when the emperor asked Bodhidharma who stood in front of him, Bodhidharma said, I don't know. Didn't he say that because he knew it? No. You don't think so? Harsha, I wanted to ask you two questions. That question is not so important.

[19:01]

I wanted to know if you took a bath this issue. Yes, I took. You took two baths? Did you take them during the day? During the day. Thank you. This universe seems to question and answer simultaneously. What? What? What do you think you're asking? What? What do you think you're asking? What do you think you're asking? I want a little more.

[20:11]

This session is a chance to be completely alone with everything. And it depends on the rules, necessity of coming, participating. Where is the necessity? Where are the rules in our everyday life so we can have this chance always? Monkey mind makes them for you. So don't practice, just practice. Know your monkey mind. Not just us. Harsha?

[22:09]

Harsha? My eyes are the same. It's very painful. I can't face it. I can hardly face it. What I need to say is my loving isn't mine or my life. And I can't let go. I wanted to, I was going to ask you what I should do, but I know what to do. My question has answered itself. My life is a question.

[23:18]

Will it answer itself? But do you know what to do? To continue. To try. To sit still. What is the extra that makes your life so painful? Possession. Will you share your life with me? Try. Try. Harsha, how can I let go of the mind that waits for the bell? Where is the bell?

[24:21]

Out there. Where is your mind? Don't answer me. Where? Where? Just listen to the bell. The bell is also your mind. So when you hear the bell, you're letting go of your mind. If you think it's something up in there, though, it's kind of stuck in there.

[25:27]

So see your mind everywhere. And then that way you can let go. Roshi, what is the difference between a student who knows and accepts his karma and Roshi? Do you think there's no difference? I'm really not sure. In some way I think there's some difference. Okay, there's no difference. Okay.

[26:36]

Roshi, how can I best be a companion? Come forward. Come forward. Roshi, since there's no stopping on the way, how can we not be caught by taking refuge in the Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha? It's pretty nice and comfortable here in Tassajara. Since there's no stopping, how can we... Not be caught?

[28:06]

Not be caught by taking refuge in the Dharma. Staying at Tassajara isn't taking refuge in the Dharma. Taking refuge in the Dharma has nothing to do with geography. We take refuge in the Dharma to stop ourselves. Yes. Can you stop yourself? I think maybe you can. Roshi, where are you close to Suzuki Roshi?

[29:14]

Where am I close to Suzuki Roshi? Yes, where are you close? Was I close? Where do you feel close? Right here. To Suzuki Roshi. Right here. Where are you close? Where is Suzuki Roshi? Right here. I'm serious. Right here. Where is Betsy? Right here too. Where are you? With Betsy? Why with Betsy? Because I want to be. What about the other people who ask questions? With everyone, separated from myself. How can you be with everyone if you're separated from yourself?

[30:18]

That's what I meant. I'm separated from myself. I'm not friends with myself. And therefore I'm not friends with my friends. I'm just separated from them. Less so than you think. Yes. So stop thinking about it. So stop thinking about it. Thank you, Roshi. Roshi. How many questions are there to ask? How many moments are there to you? Ten thousand in every one. So what's your one question?

[31:19]

Right now. Am I resting? Are you resting? I am not. Do you want to rest? Yes and no. Does resting mean idleness? Yes. It does. You must be resting. If you can find a good place to rest, please tell me about it. Roshi.

[32:25]

There are things that I have lost. But in order to be here, I had to leave them. To be able to leave them, I had to build a brick wall. The passing of time and space. The brick wall froze. And I see that I'm walking. Roshi. How can I leave passing time to do that? Stay with your practice. You don't have to leave them when you practice. Actually, you're practicing so you can be with them. Roshi. Isn't that true? I'm not sure. There's a difference between being there and being here.

[33:33]

What's the difference? What do they want you to be? What do we all want you to be? I don't know. So, please do that. Roshi.

[34:47]

Roshi. Where do I find the ordinary me that gives in to this? Can you say your question loud enough so everyone can hear? Roshi. Where do I find the ordinary me that gives in to this? Roshi. It's the ordinary you that likes the extraordinary. Isn't it? Where do I find the extraordinary? Why do you think it's extraordinary? It's because you make a distinction between ordinary and extraordinary. You get caught by something special. If you don't see it as special,

[35:50]

it'll be much better. You understand that, don't you? But you can't do it. It'll be much better. You understand that. You understand that. Roshi. How does Kano move his arms with all the world's tears in his throat? How does Kanzeon do what? Move his arms with all the world's tears in his throat.

[36:56]

How does Kanzeon move his arms with all the world's tears in his throat? How do you move your arms? Are you having trouble? Let's see you move your arms. It's the same. I think it's a different situation. Can't you see those other 999? Why do you want your robe soaked with tears? It's not my robe. Oh. And don't get it wet.

[38:04]

Don't make problems with it, I know. Whenever I ask a question, I get the answer. And I think, I knew he was going to say that. So why do I feel compelled to ask the question? What do you want instead of an answer? You don't want to say the answer? I guess I don't want to say the answer. I think I

[39:26]

don't want to do that. Then tell me. Maybe I don't have the answer. Maybe it doesn't matter. What compels you? I'm not sure. It feels like reassurance. To have a home. You say, the ground you fall down on, you get back up on. By the ground you get back up. That's all the reassurance you need. Rishi, how to find the energy to leave my head and enter the present?

[40:48]

Steady. Rishi, it's very stormy on these dark moors. Where are the storms coming from? Everywhere.

[41:50]

Is the weather everywhere the same? Yes. Oh. You want it to be different. How do you know it can be different? I don't know.

[43:19]

Thank you, Rishi, for joining our supper. Who's eating? Are you eating? Yes. You're eating. Thank you. Is that enough for you? It's enough for my mind. Thank you. All right. Close your eyes. Open your heart now.

[44:27]

Open your heart now. Don't think about it so much. Like Lin Roshi, I almost sat in the middle section, but last night, during the chanting of the Heart Sutra, I found a question that I don't know how you would answer, so I'm going to ask you. How do Buddhists distinguish between truth and falsehood? In law courts, in science, there are ways that it can be done that other Buddhists do not.

[45:36]

What do you think is falsehood? That's what puzzles me. Evidently, there must be something that is false, or the Sutra wouldn't say that it's true. On the one hand, false, on the other hand, true. Are you asking the question, or is the Sutra? The Sutra is telling me. I'm the one who knows. What does the Sutra say? Uh, then... Roshi, will I know my teacher when we meet? Maybe not.

[46:40]

Eventually you'll know who your teacher was and is. But don't look for a teacher. Take everything as your teacher. A teacher is not something special. I never looked for a teacher. I just came. Let them keep coming. Look at your actual situation. And if there's a teacher there, use him. Is this wrong forever? Not forever, but a long time.

[47:47]

Why do you want something different? What makes you think something different is possible? I don't know. Sometimes I feel like an adulteress. Does Rinpoche feel like a cuckold? Who's Rinpoche? I don't know. Do you? No. Then there should be no problem. What's the problem? I don't know.

[48:54]

You're looking for the teacher inside yourself. And it keeps moving. She keeps moving. Every teacher and everything speaks through that teacher inside. So just open up to that teacher inside. Roshi, please tell me how to practice Buddhism. Don't separate Buddhism.

[50:02]

Don't think of such a thing as Buddhism. But practice. Then I would just go on living my life the way I always did. Why just change? Why change? Why did you change? I had to. What's that had to? What's that had to? What's that had to, Buddhism? How to live with that had to is practice.

[51:03]

We don't care whether you stay with Zen Center or practice Buddhism. We only care about your living with that had to. That's what I don't know how to do. You have to find some imperfect way. Roshi, last night in Dogasan I lied to you. And this morning it seemed very important. But since I've been in the ceremony, it doesn't seem so important. It didn't matter. It doesn't matter.

[52:27]

There's no lying. Just now you prefer something else. Roshi, I feel some hope that I've had ever since I was very small. And it's been a source of, seems to be a source of hope. But I think now I have to give that up. Because I don't know how to give that up. Is that true? It's true. But it's a delicate point. So do it completely.

[53:31]

But do it carefully. Roshi, why is it so hard for me to practice? Why is it hard for all of us to be alive? Why don't we go on? Why do you go on? Sometimes we feel like we don't want to go on. And sometimes we're not cut off in what makes us able to go on.

[54:35]

Don't worry so much about it. Even if it's terrible. It's really not terrible. It's not, you know. It feels good. Forget about how you feel. Some function. Just reach right through it. Practice right through it. It's like pushing a big rock. It's so big. But all the energy just keeps it in one place. When you get tired. Then you get up and move on.

[55:47]

That's true. It's so big. Just lean against it. Have a smoke. Drink. Put a little tent beside it. It's all right. It's terrible. That's a bloody diamond there. Roshi. Roshi. I brought you a love poem. Behind warmth. A dazzling furnace consuming all discrimination. Behind each gentle smile.

[56:58]

Avalokiteshvara. Behind each helpful word. Amida. Amida. You're talking about yourself. Don't expect too much. Don't expect too much.

[58:07]

Karin. Does Roshi have a nature? I have a bite too. That's too easy, but anyway it's fun. Roshi. Roshi. All that I do not care for will not be. And all that I do care for will not be. And I will not be. And all will not be. Roshi, what will be? Is all that first part true?

[59:13]

Sounds like a tragedy. Everything you are right now will be. That's also not being. You can't look for not being somewhere. Over there. It's all located. Nearly. Roshi.

[60:27]

Roshi. Our old man will die soon. But I know it's alright. And so I practice with you. But I'm afraid all the time. There may not be time enough. But I try. I'll go on trying. You can give Buddha twenty years. The world will be different. You'll have a new name. Hey.

[61:31]

Roshi. Roshi, my job here in Sankhachi is to pick leaves out of your garden. And sometimes I see a leaf between two rocks, hidden under a tree, just sticking out. And I hedge in order to pick it open. And a mantra occurred to me that if I see it, it's really there. Is that true? Yeah, that's true. Anyway, you should leave the rock and the stone and the leaf there. Leave the leaf there? Yeah, leave the leaf there. Even though it's true that if I see it, it's there. Even if it's not true, leave the leaf there. And leave your own shadow. Roshi, it seems that this very stinky self should mind the smell more.

[62:54]

How? Where is the strength to bear that suffering? You're the only one with a nose. It doesn't seem to work very well. I don't like all this talk about stinky selves. I don't either. It wants to get away. Back to your stinky self? Except what other people think, too.

[64:04]

We don't think you're stinky. We're stinky, too. I stink worse. I stink worse. That's just a kind of vanity. I stink worse. I stink more than anyone. Yeah. I just keep thinking that that vanity stinks, too, and that I'm gone. So there's no end. So just forget about it. Look around you for what you are.

[65:09]

And be grateful for that. Roshi, what must we learn to practice Buddhism? Nothing. What did Dick Baker learn? What did Dick Baker learn? Saying nothing. So why aren't you Kim Roshi? I just found you as Kim Roshi.

[66:17]

Nothing happened? Just this moment happened. I mean, maybe we can say this moment happened. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Do you want something more than that? Yeah. That's the problem. Don't you have to make a lot of effort all the time? At first I thought so. But it was too much, I couldn't do it, so I gave up. So you just wait to give up? No, I give up.

[67:23]

I give up. Roshi, the one I can keep in my body and mind all the time, I don't interfere too much with the way things are going. How can I get that for myself in my everyday life? So I don't interfere so much. Enjoy your hindrance. Let people enjoy it. We know we like your hindrance and your interference. Let us like it, don't decide in advance. People have put up with you for a long time. We don't want to stop.

[69:01]

Just let us keep putting up with you. All right? Can I? Roshi, is there any difference between monkey mind and big mind? What do you think? I think you're going to find some way to say no, but I think there must be. Yeah, there's a big difference. What can you say about the difference? Like you haven't already said? There's neither monkey mind or big mind.

[70:13]

How about that difference? Don't think about it. You said the purpose of Satshi is to get a glimpse of monkey mind. It's not there. I didn't say it's not there. What's your actual experience? Roshi Tozan said,

[71:27]

the unattainable depth of practice can be elucidated. And the inexpressible elucidation can be put into practice. What does that mean? Are you elucidating at each moment? After a moment. In what? Ask me another question, entirely different. Entirely? Entirely different. What's the right way for a Zen teacher to take a break? Come watch me sometime.

[72:34]

Roshi, I'm Kansho Doshin, and I'm also gay brown. What is the one reality? That's Kansho Doshin. That's not good. Oh, I'm sorry. How can I say anything so you can understand? You're doing okay. Roshi, ever before seen, ever before tasted,

[74:12]

would you like a matcha snow cone? Well, what are we here for? They don't know. What are we here for? What are we sitting for? What are we here for?

[75:23]

For a long time I puzzled about the terms condition and my condition. And I tried to find a condition in terms of a thing. You know, where is not my condition? I realized a presence. This is a presence. A presence, which is like a great state, which holds all things in condition. From which all things are created. And have created. No eyes, no ears, no nose, no tongue, no body, no mind, and no existence. Have I understood? Yes. Don't forget it. So it's all about time. Roshi, all week you sit on the altar and serve reheated oil.

[77:06]

It's a little hash. Today we serve a little bit of food and ask for handouts and throw out medicine. You look like you're a cook boy. I can't seem to settle on any questions. I don't know. I have a question. I have a question right now. Is there something to grasp? No. You look a bit brown. What is it? Although the evening sky is the color of the yucca,

[78:35]

the lanterns glow in the caverns. High between the feet, birds play on the four winds. There is no ancient mirror to be found. Right. There is no ancient mirror to be found.

[80:29]

There is no ancient mirror to be found. There is no ancient mirror to be found.

[81:19]

@Transcribed_v002L
@Text_v005
@Score_83.59