is everywhere, and so he invented mothers, if you like, simply as God. And then as creator, God is present as the creator of the created. But finally, God is present as the beloved to the lover. And that's the kind of thing that Romuald is talking about, all these levels, but in a chief and especially key that way. Now, the Latin here has a phrase that Father Thomas in his discretion eliminated. Cum timore et premore, with fear and trembling, which is a very good Old Testament, New Testament phrase, which has this sense of the awesomeness of God. Rudolf Otto has this exploration of the holy. He says, at least one component, one key component has to be this desire to draw back. Peter says, withdraw from me, Lord, for I'm a sinner,

[01:02]

that kind of thing. But also attraction is that paradox. But if there's not that fear and trembling, then maybe we've got a God who's a little too cozy. We're not really in the presence of the living God. So he says, with fear and trembling, then he uses a very concrete image of that time with the attitude of one who stands before the emperor, literally, with fear and trembling, as if standing before the emperor. This is good 11th century stuff. It doesn't mean much for us. We wouldn't perhaps be in fear and trembling before President Bush. And I was trying to think, well, how do we cover that? I think we can't in a certain way. I think it's part of our whole democratic breakthrough or breakdown, depending on, that there's no longer that sense of fear and trembling before a concrete other. But I think it does give us still a little glimpse into an attitude before God.

[02:03]

We're not at the final stage here. We're going to get to number seven, which is much more tender and even maternal. But as a kind of immediate preparation to go into that, to realize that one is in God's presence, and it's healthy, I think, if it is this timore, tremore. This is good stuff for us, sixes on the enneagram. And I'm not sure, it'd be interesting to ask Thomas. I think he would say it's just a little too ferocious for us moderns, who maybe have had a bit too much about the fearful cast of religion after Jansenism and so forth. But still. Here, I read somewhere recently that the Hebrew word that was translated as fear of God was actually more like thought. That's a key one. I think that is true. And a good expert here would be Thomas. But I've heard that too.

[03:04]

It's not just like the, I don't know, the abused child who's about to be beaten again or something like that. But it's this overwhelming astonishment at a dimension and a holiness. And also, a certain awareness of one's own unworthiness, et cetera. But yeah, it's not primarily the negative thing of terror for one's own existence, but just astonishment at the overwhelming inflict divinity of the other. Yeah. Now, the fear, this is a very basic emotion in the human person. Certainly, from the very first moments, birthing is a rather terrifying thing, normally. And that sense of radical contingency, et cetera, et cetera. But we don't want that in the presence of God. And perhaps, but it is a strong phrase, timore et tremore, a fear and trembling auto-talks of this mysterium tremens,

[04:11]

this astonishing, we say tremendous out of this, comes from this tremens, which is tremor. But I think it's right. It's not primarily in the negative, I'm about to be bashed sense, but in the sense of the awesomeness of the other. And perhaps to avoid all that kind of misunderstanding, Thomas simply went into the be there with the attitude of, which is a little soft, but there you are. Other comments about that? I think our motto sums it all up. I'm with you, I with you, you with me. The I being God, being Yahweh. This is the fundamental theme of scripture, it can be argued, the whole covenant spirituality. There's a lovely book out on it. The key theme that holds the whole of scripture together is elusive presence.

[05:12]

Isn't it the author of Pairings or something like that? And he traces this through the whole Exodus thing, through the prophets, through all kinds of variations. But basically, this is it. God is there, God is here, present, but not as a book is present that I can control and dispose of, but this awesome, he uses the phrase, elusive presence. But I think the heart of our vocation is to open it to that. It's interesting going to Berkeley and watching some TV, MTV, which is apparently what the kids watch all the hours and hours a day. And well, there's just a lot of running away from this whole reality of divine presence, certainly, with all the goodies of the culture, with all this frenetic entertainment industry stuff. And I think to turn around, to go in the other direction,

[06:12]

and we have that lovely phrase, I think, in our brochure, that we try to have a faith so strong as to live in the reality of God. So I think Brother Lawrence is right. This is what, basically, it's all about. And this is fundamental to all the great world religions, and in a particular way, of course, with the Judeo-Christian, it stresses this personhood of God. Then we have an interesting phrase. Again, Thomas rather, I wouldn't say gently or blandly or whatever, he says, empty yourself completely. Now, the Latin has, destruete totum, literally, destroy yourself totally. So there again, why did he change it? I think he would argue that translation isn't just kind of word for word, in a kind of a literalism,

[07:14]

fundamentalism, that might even falsify the ultimate significance in that other language. In some cultures, black is a color of rejoicing. So if I say, I'm feeling black today, or I'm in a black mood, white is a color of mourning. So if I say, I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, well, I could translate those phrases literally for that culture, but that would mean they get precisely the wrong meaning. So sometimes, translation means quite changing language, not the one-to-one dictionary. That's sort of a black Christmas. So I think that's what Thomas would say, again, this destroy yourself in this most violent of centuries and in the whole violent culture. This isn't quite what Romuald's getting at. The danger is that you reduce it to too bland a thing.

[08:18]

I remember this marvelous phrase in John of the Cross, where he simply says, that Christ crucified be enough for you, and with him suffer and take your rest, and hence annihilate yourself in all inward and outward things. So here, you're to annihilate. It'd be interesting to look up the Spanish there. But it's almost an echo of this whole thing. Now, we get nervous there, and we say to be in a self-destruct mode. Could someone flip on the light, the black one? It is getting a bit black. But here, again, there's the issue of translation. And it isn't this kind of a spiritual suicide thing. I think that that's what Thomas had in mind. We are created in the image and likeness of God. And that deepest personhood is to be loved and enhanced.

[09:24]

But this isn't in the kind of 20th century, 1980s self. What do they call it? Where you really promote yourself all the time. The whole key issue here, of course, is which self. Because Jesus also says, whoever loses his life for my sake, whoever takes up his cross daily, all this. Now, that for my sake is key there. I think it's beautiful that Romeo puts this after you're in the presence of God. But it's in that context, then, that it makes sense to annihilate or empty oneself of ego, empty yourself of illusion, if the Eastern religions are quite as rigorous as we are here in this, looking carefully at the whole Tibetan Buddhist approach. It has to do with just dying to ego and all the illusion that that's involved in. So that destroyed te, that te there is, again,

[10:29]

not the ultimate personhood created by God. But it's this me at the center of the world, me who's self-sufficient, that whole kind of thing. Gerald May, I think, does some beautiful things, just on the psychological level. Because this can sound, again, self-destruct, kind of masochism carried to the nth degree. He would say, no, even for our psychological healing and fulfillment, we have to get to the point where we realize it's not just me promoting my ego thing. It's just not where it's at. Questions, comments on that? So in this context of God's loving presence, this makes sense. There's these ferocious maxims and exhortations of John of the Cross. And Merton has a lovely essay where he says, remember that this presupposes that John of the Cross is experiencing God's drawing of John

[11:33]

into this deepest of unions. In that context, it makes sense to set aside all those things that can be obstacles, temptations, distractions. But you don't just start by destroying yourself and then see what happens kind of thing. It's not a magical, first I'll put myself down and then God will lift me up kind of thing. We start with God's loving intervention and that we are enfolded in God's presence. And then in that context, it makes sense to put aside that ego, which is the basic obstacle to being in the presence of God. And then you don't stop there, but then you have that and, et, and that key final exhortation, which is just lovely, which gets beyond the fear and trembling before the emperor and quite a different image. And sit waiting content with the grace of God

[12:34]

like a chick who tastes nothing and eats nothing, but what his mother brings to him. Now, I think that's just splendid. First of all, think of, I meant to bring my psalter just this last night, we sang about the birds who prepare their nests and it's the bird image also in the songs, but it's a very concrete and I think delicate and fragile. And it recalls to me, Jesus says, Jerusalem, Jerusalem, how many times would I have gathered you and brought you to me? As a mother hen would gather her chicks. And wonderfully concrete. Kind of like the fishes in the fish room and the first and the third, et cetera. Here also, there's an amazing parallel in St. John the Cross, who's apparently a kind of a crypto-commandalist. He was certainly drawn to the strict solitude.

[13:36]

What was that one? Oh yes, feed not your spirit on anything but God. So you empty yourself totally or you destroy totally. You destroy yourself, but then nature hits a vacuum. What happens? It's this being then filled and nourished, feeding on, but only what God gives. There's what comes from Satan, there's what comes from nature. But this, in this key moment when you've gone into your cell, you've sat down, you've put all the world behind you, you've put yourself in God's presence, you've emptied yourself of ego, then it's purely this, we would say, infused contemplative prayer here, with the discernment required that you don't open your mouth for the other things. It's precisely this food of grace that is received and is nourishing. With the simplicity and this need of the chick.

[14:41]

If you've ever seen chicks, they're almost all beak when they're eagerly expecting from the mother. They're just gaping, beaks. And so I think it's dramatic. And so we have to be, that's the ultimate challenge to be nourished there. If we're not nourished there, I think the life sooner or later will dry out. If we are regularly, daily nourished there, we can get through an awful lot of stuff. Whoever the prior is, whoever his mood is, whoever the person next to me, and however they are or aren't doing their job, and the cold cell, and the dripping water, and the sewers that overflow, and all this. If there's this, that assumes a much more relative, indeed, John the Cross is welcome all that other stuff. The worse, the better, because it frees us from the compulsive pleasure principle.

[15:44]

I'm just here to feed my need to have pleasure. John the Cross is nonsense. God supplies God to us, and then all the rest of the stuff is not. Well, in this moment of prayer, Romuald says something very analogous. I think we'll find a beautiful balance in truth to this as we now move into St. Peter Damian. That is, in God, that in God only, we receive back friends, and all of humanity, and all of creation, and all pleasure, et cetera. And John of the Cross, in the living flame of love, he says this, in my beloved, is the mountains and the hills, and a beautiful, soaring, affirmative love mysticism where precisely in God, everything is recovered, and everyone, and every pleasure. So, that's the, I think, a marvelous, culminating little verse. Comments on that. There's another, but it's not mine.

[16:46]

I'm putting mine in the document, I don't feel like. Mm, that's very good, yep. It's right back there. You don't remember where that's from? Pardon me? The Psalms. Uh-huh. Now, that's the basic thing, and it makes sense because the Psalms were the basic nourishment of Romulus, and of course, the whole, this culminates in the Eucharistic imagery in Christ is the living bread, and the true vine, et cetera. So, it's a whole, an oral nourishment thing, it's very good. Julian and Norwich, and several of the videos, and some also, I think, says Christ is our loving mother, nourishes us as the mother at her breast, et cetera, with the nourishment of sacrament and worth, et cetera. I think Raphael Brown has an interesting conclusion

[17:47]

that without forcing this rule too much, you can see in these seven points a kind of a basic method of solitary contemplative prayer. First of all, you go into your cell, you close the door, you sit down, and you become aware of that place, and you very much affirm that place. Sit in your cell as in paradise. If you've read this literature about centering prayer, or read The Cloud of Iniquity, the first thing is to be there, and aware that you're there, and at peace there. And if God is there, God is here. God is not elsewhere. So that's the first thing. Get there. It's very concrete, very Semitic, this. And then you don't just sit there for the next 20 minutes thinking about what Aunt Gertie said, and what Seward and Seward did in the liturgy, et cetera. But then setting, as The Cloud says, putting gently down into the cloud of forgetting,

[18:49]

or cast all memory of the world behind you. Then get inside and see what's happening. Become aware of what's happening. What's the mood? What's the space? I think Gerald May is good there. Stop running away. Stop trying to fix yourself. I've got to be happy. I've got to be at peace. Maybe you're angry. Maybe you're distracted. Be there and be aware of that. Then if you journey to the heart of there, God is there too. Whatever you're feeling, loneliness, joy, exhilaration, God is there at the heart of any situation. Acknowledge where you are and be there. And then, the famous method of The Cloud or hesychasm, again, verses from the scripture, verses from the psalms, journey with the psalms, focus on the psalms. Might be just a brief little phrase. And it might be another kind of invocation. But that can be very helpful. And this, then, going beyond this,

[19:52]

is simply vocal prayer right into the heart of God's presence. That's where this leads. And this enables you, this final emptying of ego and all the compulsions and needs of ego. You're putting aside now all your thoughts and the whole world and everything else. And then just pure receptivity, pure availability, pure surrender, if you like. So it's a marvelous little encapsulment of contemplative prayer, which is the kind of, the model for the whole day for us here. In one way or another, we do that whether we're in the guest house or in the chapel or in a factory or whatever. So again, I would say to claim this as a real model of what our life is all about. Comments, questions? You're very yellow, aren't I?

[20:56]

Yeah. Yes, yes. Amen. So now we're going to another near contemporary of St. Romuald. Apparently he never met him directly, but he did meet his immediate disciple, St. Peter Damian, doctor of the church, cardinal monk, sinner. Kind of, he's not your very mellow, mild, integrated man. Our former general said, he's not a well man. He's syndromic. Lots of the saints were not well. Let's see, 107 to 1072. So he lived a ripe old age. It was St. Romuald who was supposed to have lived to 120, but that's thought to have been mythical. And one of our monks still defends that. St. Peter Damian, the cleric says of him, he is one of the most learned men of his day,

[21:58]

this key 11th century, this key moment of transition. So he's an interesting person for us to study in any case, whose education and personal gifts give him a high degree of theological culture. A poet, a writer of much talent, learned in theology. He was above all a prophet. Our former general wrote this book, St. Peter Damian, Prophet, and there's some ferocious phrases. He was against a kind of a creeping avarice, spirit of avarice. This is the first immersions of something like of the capitalistic system, as in the Italian cities, of the whole market system begins to take, to emerge out of the feudal system with all the advantages of that. But he has a tremendous sensitivity to the disadvantages to just this craving for wealth. You do anything for a price. He was one of the very first to be a professor

[23:00]

and earn a salary at it in one of the universities. And he felt tremendous guilt over this. In the medieval schools, there were schools, but a monk never got a salary for teaching the young ones. You communicate the wisdom you've received as you hand the Eucharist to the faithful, as you do spiritual direction. It's not something you get money for. Well, you're starting to get money for it. That's the kind of thing. And then the church wasn't in that hot of a shape. And he was a ferocious attacker of every kind of vice and abuse in the church. He sometimes has recourse to the most earthy of language in condemning and attacking. He has clearly, as he himself says, tremendous temptations of the flesh. And he gets through that. And he's very strong on a form of asceticism that we would think of extreme. And he praises flagellation

[24:03]

with great glee, et cetera. He's not the person that's most easy to approach. Some ways, St. Romuald is much easier for us, but there's tremendous insight, wisdom in him. And there's moments of lyrical breakthrough. Some ways, I think he balances out Romuald. So we want to see him also. And I think it's fun to have a kind of a crazy in the family early on, because any family has crazies all the way through. And this is characteristic of the whole Judeo-Christian. Sometimes people just, as I say, they're not all mellow and mild. A few brief things about his life then. Born in Ravenna, this again is the great city, this opening to Eastern Byzantium. Now he, very much unlike Romuald, it's paradoxical because he becomes the cardinal and doctor of the church. And Romuald becomes a very simple man wandering around in the forest. Romuald was born of the very wealthy noble family. He was born of extremely poor parents.

[25:05]

Apparently he never knew his father. He was, father left or died or something, or it seems he was orphaned early. He had a very cruel brother who was not happy when he showed up because that means dividing this little tiny patrimony. So he once overheard his brother saying to the mother, you shouldn't have had that kid. And then the mother hands him over to a archpriest to take care of, who does with great love. But so he's got this trauma in his early years. Well, scholars have done various things with it, but he didn't come out of a serene and mellow background. I think this is interesting. Some of us come out of the most disparate of backgrounds and it's not as if you just have to be from the healthy, integrated Catholic family to make it. Well, mine was healthy, integrated Anglican family, except for a few problems. So he studied at Faenza Parma.

[26:09]

He very quickly emerges quite brilliant. And so he ended up as a teacher of philosophy, of theology at Faenza Parma. And again, perhaps the earliest case of really coming to grips with this new situation in all its ambiguity of teaching as a career. I think it's lovely that we have teachers from the very beginning. And I think it's lovely we have teachers who see the teaching of something like theology in such a high level, that it's not just, you know, do your career, get ahead. Then he entered the hermitage at 1035 of Fonte Avellana that had been founded some years before Camaldoli, you know, 980, quite a distinct foundation that then comes into the Romualdian reform. But as a monk there, he was still permitted to teach at Pomposa and then at Benedictine abbeys. I think this is interesting. When our people here go out to teach or give a conference,

[27:12]

or if it may well be that Victor in Berkeley will get his doctorate and be teaching there, this isn't any some great scandal. This is going back to our earliest heritage. About 1042, he writes the life of St. Romuald, writes all kinds of things. He's chosen his prior, which is to say abbot there. He writes, this may be not too prudent, but he writes the Archbishop of Ravenna stressing the need of church reform. Then he writes Pope Gregory VI, the need for church reform. And then he gets hooked. You're saying, well, if you want this, come aboard, you help do it. I think this is marvelous. When someone writes you a memo that such and such should be done, you'll pop it back to them. Well, then can you please do it? So that's what the archbishop and the pope did to him. You want church reform? Come out and help us reform the church. So he was made cardinal, and he spent lots of his time then on the road preaching reform, stressing the need for a clean church,

[28:14]

condemning simony, every kind of church corruption. I think we're extremely fortunate. We're at, well, centuries now. We might have problems, this problem or that problem with the Vatican, but it's not often claimed that the pope has several children or something like that. Now, this would have been rather common in key periods of the early Middle Ages, the Middle Ages, certainly the early Renaissance. It got, you know, and so and so is a priest because his uncle paid a nice amount of money to the bishop kind of thing. This doesn't happen. All this kind of stuff. So he stresses poverty, asceticism, this whole thing. So he is this prophetic voice, and kind of exciting and still challenges us. And I think he suggests to us that we should be a prophetic voice. We were so aware in these days at Berkeley, monasticism is radically counter-cultural.

[29:17]

If you look at these billboards and ads, the whole thing is just get out and enjoy, and if it feels good, do it. And what it's all about is getting money and the most cynical T-shirt messages and all this stuff. Well, we're in quite a different space. Simply the whole idea of there might be some value to poverty. There might be some value to obedience rather than me doing my thing now. Some value to chastity, to stability. Let's move on, et cetera. Radically counter-cultural. So I think that's an exciting monasticism, not so much as running away from problems, but courageously living a style of life that is a way, perhaps a key way out of those problems. So we'll continue with St. Peter Damian next time. Get St. Peter Damian's selected writings,

[30:19]

someone please, and then put it on reserve on the shelf. If it's not out there in a couple of days, I'll do it. But it's this lovely collection, and then look at the very first essay, which is just the sublime, the book of The Lord Be With You. Questions, comments? To my world. [...]

[30:40]

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