Can you tolerate some repetition? Did someone tell you to smile when I asked that question? Did I smile? I did, huh? So the Buddha taught to train the attention thus. To train the attention to focus on the way the mind consciousness, the way the ear consciousness, the way the eye consciousness knows.

[01:30]

How does the eye consciousness know? In the herd, there's just the herd. It just knows hearing. So the Buddha encouraged us to train the attention into the nature of awareness itself, which is to know without grasping, to train over and over until That's how it is. That actually, when something is heard, that's it. There's no identification with it. There's no disidentification with it. There's no you and it. There's just the heard. Or there's just hearing. There's no you and it.

[02:40]

so you're not involved with it. It isn't yours. You don't do it. There's just the herd. And when in the herd there's just the herd, there's no grasping after the characteristics of the herd. There's no grasping after the characteristics or the signs or the names. of the scene. In the scene, there's just the scene. And when it is that way for you, this is the end of suffering. So I've heard that about a thousand years later in China, the founder of Zen said, Outside have no involvements.

[03:46]

Inside no gasping or sighing in the mind. with a mind like this, with a mind like a wall, thus you enter the way." So he gave the metaphor of a mind like a wall or training the attention to abide in the mind-like nature of... in the wall-like nature of the mind. The wall-like nature of mind is that it doesn't get involved in its objects, it just knows them.

[04:57]

image of the mind like a wall, which the ancestor suggested you train your attention to focus on this image of mind as a wall, is to focus your attention on what we call no-mind. No-mind. But no-mind doesn't mean there is no mind, it means the nature of mind that doesn't get involved with its objects, that just meets them without grasping, that just touches them, that is just touched by them, that embraces them without possessing, that sustains them without controlling. It is the mind which relinquishes. It relinquishes control over what it meets.

[06:12]

It is devoted and has no life other than what it meets, but it controls what it meets. It gives up trying to control what it meets. To be devoted to everything without and giving up control. This is the way the mind knows. And this is the way the mind is born. It's born through that touch, through touching and being touched by each and every phenomena. The mind is born and that's the life of the mind. the life of knowing, of awareness. So in this no-mind, in training ourself to focus on no-mind, we're training ourself to focus on relinquishing all views, which is the practice of emptiness.

[07:26]

We're training ourselves to relinquish grasping anything in the mind, which is training in mental stabilization. We're training ourselves to relinquish the disposition, the habit, of thinking that we are doing the practices to relinquish, to not grasp the view that you by yourself do things. And this relinquishing is letting go of thought, is letting go of grasping, it's non-grasping, it's letting go of thinking, it's non-thinking, But it's also giving all this away.

[08:33]

Probably nobody wants it, but you're giving it away anyway. You're giving away all the things which you usually grasp onto. You're giving away good and bad. When something happens, you don't grasp good and bad. Simultaneously you give it away. When something happens, you give away the perspective that you are doing this. You give it away. You give it away. You let go and give it away. You're constantly giving at the same time that you're releasing and being released. being released, releasing, and entering into giving. And you, in a way, you give away all these distinctions like self and other.

[09:40]

But that doesn't mean that you dump the responsibility for these distinctions on other people. By giving away the distinction of self and other, you give away any limitation on what you're responsible for. And then you can respond to everything appropriately. This mind like a wall is a complete relaxation.

[12:18]

Complete relaxation of all grasping and a complete giving. Thus, we enter the way. Are you completely relaxed?

[15:28]

Yes? Would you say that louder, please? As a matter of fact, if you want to say something, would you come up here and say it? Are you completely relaxed? You are? The mind that is like a wall, how does it feel, your teaching? In the herd, there is just the herd. In the herd, was there just the herd? No, there was more. You weren't relaxed? It was trying to understand. It was trying to understand, yeah.

[16:33]

Well, trying to understand is not the mind like a wall. But if there is somebody, if I do see somebody who's trying to understand... I just let that image of the person who's trying to understand be the image of the person who's trying to understand. I don't try to understand the person who's trying to understand. I just let the image of that person be just the image of that person who's trying to understand. You don't understand? Do you see an image of somebody who doesn't understand? Can you let that person who doesn't understand just be a person who doesn't understand? Hmm?

[17:44]

That's the mind like a wall. That's relinquishing control of this person who doesn't understand. It's not trying to control her into being somebody who understands. If there's anybody who wants to bring anything up, they can bring something up.

[19:13]

Bring something up here. Something's coming up. You talk about the mind embracing and sustaining without possessing and controlling. The mind embracing and sustaining without possessing or controlling? Sounds good. Is that something we have to worry about or does that just take place? Does that always take place? It's taking place right now. And you don't have to worry about it. As a matter of fact, worrying about it is antithetical to it. But if you want to you can accept Buddha's help and let your mind be trained. You can even relinquish the idea that you have to train yourself.

[20:18]

The Buddha spoke in conventional speech. The Buddha said, train yourself thus. But really what he meant was, let the mind be trained into relinquishing control. Let the mind be trained into relinquishing possessiveness. Let the mind be trained into being like a wall. Let the attention be trained to be the way the mind already is. Every moment there's a There's a knowing which is not controlling, which is not grasping, which is just knows. Train the attention into that mode of knowing, which is constantly operating. So, again, is training a matter of letting go or allowing?

[21:25]

Yeah, allowing. The Dharma has happened. This Dharma has been conveyed to you. Let it sink in and let it take over. Let the Dharma of non-grasping, you know, let it take over and let it train you, let it train your attention into the non-grasping mind. Let the Dharma of complete relaxation, let it in, accept it, and let the mind, let the attention be trained into complete relaxation. Let the mind be, let the attention be trained into no grasping. except for the people who have to ring the bells and serve meals, I know of no other responsibility you have today other than to listen to the Dharma, let the teaching of the ancestors sink into your mind and accept the teaching that all you have to do is accept the teaching.

[22:49]

Just keep accepting the teaching. The teaching is there. The teaching is don't grasp anything in the mind, and so on. Just accept it, and the attention will be trained. The attention will be focused on this non-grasping. The attention will be focused on relinquishing your attempts to control what's happening. The attention will be trained to give up picking and choosing about what's happening. The attention will be trained into accepting and being touched by each event which is already going on. It's a matter of giving away all the trips and accepting all the gifts. And to accept in this way is to receive this instruction and let this instruction blossom as your freedom.

[24:00]

But the habits, the dispositions are still strong, so they may keep functioning. So there may be still grasping going on while you're hearing the teaching of not grasping. There still may be these discriminations arising of good and bad, self and other. They may be still arising and there may even be grasping of them. But simultaneously with this chaotic scene there can be simply accepting that and not trying to control this mess. So even while there's attempt to control the mess, there can be acceptance of the attempt to control the mess. And if you try to control the mess, that's just normal habit.

[25:05]

That's not the practice. The practice is, if there's a mess, in the mess there's just a mess. And if there's an attempt to control the mess, in the attempt to control there's just the attempt to control. The practice is to relinquish trying to control the controlling. And if there's no controlling, then let there be no controlling. And make that into a great gift. When you give away controlling, make that a great gift. If you'd like to come up, please.

[26:38]

You can just come up. You don't have to raise your hand. You can just come up. What you were just saying about making a great gift, would you say more about that? what it means to make it a great gift, to let go of things? Well, I don't know. If there's something you're used to being very concerned to control, if there's something you usually feel like you have to grasp, then let go of it, but see it as a kindness that you're doing to all beings, that you're giving this away.

[27:45]

Like, for example, you're giving away the distinction between yourself and others. That's a great gift because now you've entered into a relationship with people without the distinction between yourself and others. This is a great gift. So if I should, if one is, if there is practicing of that, You could, but if you do think the thoughts, now I give this away, then in thinking that thought, now I give this away, you don't grasp that thought. You don't get involved with that thought. You don't own that thought. You don't use that thought to control the giving. But you might say, now I give this away. Now I give this away. Now I give away the distinction between myself and you. I give it away.

[28:45]

I give it as a gift to you and everyone. I give it away and now I stand with you without that distinction, without grasping that distinction. I meet you. So having those kinds of thoughts, you and I are the same. of giving this away for everyone is a practice. To have the thought, you and I are the same, is not necessarily a practice, no. Not this kind of practice. That's just a thought. But the thought, you and I are the same, if that arises, to let go of that thought is the practice of a mind like a wall. So the thought, I am giving this away It's a thought, right. Nice thought. But, huh? The thought, I'm giving this away to all beings, is just a thought.

[29:47]

And to let the thought, I'm giving this away to all beings, just be the thought, that's no mind. That's mind like a wall. And to have the thought, I'm not going to give this away to all beings, to let that thought just be that thought is also mind like a wall, is also training the attention into letting whatever thought it is just be that thought. But you can also understand, without saying anything, that this is a gift. you understand it's not just letting go, it's also a gift because you're not holding on to the control, you're not trying to control anymore. You're letting go of control and being with people without control. So, right now, are we sitting here holding on to control? Now, the thought occurs to me that maybe somebody's still trying to control what's happening here.

[30:57]

But again, I give that thought up. And if anybody is trying to control things, that's just another thought. Nobody is controlling things, just various people might think they are, or might think they would like to if they could. So having the thought, I don't want... We were talking yesterday. Having the thought, I don't want to be a Buddha, is just a thought? Having the thought, I don't want to be a Buddha, is just a thought. That's all it is. Having the thought, I do want to be a Buddha, is also just a thought. And you welcome each? You accept each. And the thought, I do want to be a Buddha, thrives under just being accepted and not grasped. When the thought, I do want to be a Buddha, arises, if you relinquish that thought, it thrives.

[32:00]

And when it thrives, it offers another opportunity to be relinquished. And the more the thought, I want to be Buddha, is relinquished, the stronger it gets. And the stronger it gets, the more it asks to be relinquished. And the more it's relinquished, the stronger it gets. And it grows and grows through relinquishment. Now, if you have the thought, I don't want to be a Buddha, and you don't grasp that, that thought deteriorates. However, if you grasp the thought, I don't want to be a Buddha, it gets stronger. If you grasp the thought, you do want to be a Buddha, it deteriorates. You lose the thought, you want to be Buddha, when you grasp it. You kill the thought that you want to be Buddha when you grasp it. You say, this wanting to be Buddha is no good. You don't like it anymore because you grasp it. It turns into a trashy, I want to be Buddha thought.

[33:04]

Not because it's a bad thought, but because you grasp it. Now, a thought, I don't want to be Buddha, if you grasp that, You don't say then, this is a trashy thought of I don't want to be Buddha. You say, this is a good thought. I don't want to be Buddha. This is really a good, bad thought. This thing works. It feels lousy. It really is real. So then you grasp it stronger and it gets stronger. So grasping the thought, I don't want to be Buddha, I don't want to be helpful, it gets stronger. And more and more you believe you don't want to be Buddha. you do want to be, you are a jerk, and the more you grasp, I want to be jerk, the more it gets to be true and the more I feel like I have to grasp it because obviously it's true, because I'm grasping it and it feels so true. But I want to be Buddha, the more you grasp it, the more it deteriorates. The more you don't grasp it, the more it grows. When there's a thought, I don't want to be Buddha, and there's no grasping of it, Buddha is realized.

[34:10]

When there's a thought, I don't want to be Buddha, and you don't grasp that, Buddha is realized. But the thought, I don't want to be Buddha, actually, it can even grow in non-grasping until you have this great, radiant, I don't want to be Buddha. It's the great, you know, the great joke of Zen. I don't want to be Buddha. I do not want to be Buddha. And I say that with my whole heart because I'm not the least bit attached to I don't want to be Buddha. It's just a thought. The other one's just a thought. They both can be realized through non-attachment for the benefit of all beings. But most people that attach to the thought, I want to be Buddha, get bored very fast. Whereas if they attach to the thought, I don't want to be Buddha, they don't get bored. They're very excited about it because they're so miserable. And they feel honor-bound to keep grasping it because it is so toxic.

[35:13]

How can you not take this seriously? This is a major problem here. You've got to grab this, right? I don't care about people. This is a problem. I can't not grasp that. I've got to grasp and get it under control. Otherwise, it's going to wreck everything. So, it does wreck everything because of grasping. But the thought, I want to be Buddha, does not require grasping. Matter of fact, it needs protection from grasping. So the thought of, I want to be Buddha, as soon as possible, give it away. Let it go. Give it away. Then it blossoms. And then when it starts to blossom, you may be more tempted to grasp it. Say, this is good. This is my thought of, this is my blossoming thought of being Buddha. So I'm going to take this home and show mommy. Just leave it alone and it'll grow. But leaving it alone, you leave it alone up close, you're right with it, leaving it alone.

[36:14]

It's within graspable distance, but you don't. You're like a wall. You have no mind. You relinquish this wonderful thought. And so good thoughts blossom in non-attachment and evil thoughts blossom in attachment. And attachment can be positive or negative. Like Dogen says, flowers fall in attachment and weeds grow in dislike. So if you try to get rid of I don't want to be Buddha, or you try to promote I don't want to be Buddha by attachment, it the weed flourishes. But if you try to attach to, I want to be Buddha, you kill it. However, it can be reborn in the next moment of non-attachment. And then keep non-attaching to this newly born thought of being Buddha.

[37:24]

And it will thrive. But you have to be up close in the moment, giving it away. You can't just, like, let it grow and then leave town. It won't grow by itself. It has to be closely attended with this mind like a wall. Go with it wherever it goes without attaching to it. Does that make sense? So, if there's a will, or unworthiness, and there's the thought, I want to be Buddha, and you let go. That thought thrives. The thought, I want to be Buddha, thrives? That's right. That's how you protect the thought, I want to be Buddha, or the spirit and the wish to be Buddha. You protect it by practicing non-attachment, primarily by practicing giving. I'm so fortunate to have this thought that I want to be Buddha, and so now I give it away.

[38:28]

And it gets bigger and healthier. And now I give that away. And it gets bigger and stronger. And now I give that away. Even if there is unworthiness or even if you have the thought of unworthiness? Yes. Yes. You have the thought of unworthiness. Yes. What about it? Never mind? Okay. Yeah. And then the thought of unworthiness just has its life and ceases and doesn't grow. But if you try to get rid of the unworthiness, it thrives. It seems to become more and more true, and the more true it seems to become, the more you think you have to grasp it. Because it's so true you have to try to control it because it's so true.

[39:32]

And all of its truth is coming from your grasping. Your grasping makes it grow. Without grasping, it's just a thought. It's not nothing. It's just a thought. In the thought of unworthiness, there's just the thought of unworthiness. And then there's no identification. But if there's... In the thought of unworthiness, there's a thought, this is true of me. Then there's identification. Then the thought's over there and you're over here. And then you're being harassed and afflicted by that thought. And since you're afflicted by it, you think, well, I've got to do something about it. I've got to get it under control. Well, this mind like a wall is saying, I'm afflicted by this thought. That's it. And that's another thought. So focus on the body posture, the upright posture.

[40:43]

Not the running around grasping posture of the animal, and there's that one too, but the one that just sits like a Buddha. and lets things be what they are and relinquishes control. And relinquishing control is constantly giving, giving, giving, giving. When everything's a mess?

[43:05]

In other words, when there's a thought? No, when there's a thought, everything's a mess. There is a thought that there's a situation going on around you. There's a thought that people are screaming. You're hearing people scream? You're hearing people shouting? I'm talking about the situation being a father of children and trying to raise kids. And sometimes you have to get into a mediator and sometimes you have to say something. You can't just go and sit in the corner and start to meditate and let them act it out. You can't just go in the corner and sit and meditate? You tried it? Sure did. When you hear someone yelling, what I'm saying is, I'm not saying go sit in the corner. I'm saying when you hear someone yelling, let the yelling be yelling.

[44:08]

That's what I'm saying. I'm not saying go someplace. That would be a controlling thing. I'm going to go over there and meditate to get, you know, get control of the situation or, you know, become a Buddha or something. No, Buddha is right there when somebody's yelling, you hear them yell. Daddy! No, it wasn't about me. I mean, I'm talking about... What's it about? It's about... Okay. Daddy! She's being mean to me. Daddy, she's killing me. Daddy, my sister's trying to kill me. You hear that? Yeah. So you hear that. You hear that. And in the hearing, there's just the hearing. And you give up control of your girls. But somebody has to somehow help somebody. You know what I mean?

[45:10]

Somebody, what I'm suggesting to you is somebody is helping somebody all the time. And I'm talking about how do you open your eyes to how somebody is helping somebody. But it's very hard to do that without controlling. It's impossible to do that with controlling. If you try to control, you won't open to this world of where everybody's, where somebody's helping somebody. Your children are helping each other and they're helping you and you're helping them. That's, that's the world of Buddha. Well, that's the way that most of the time the situation around… The world, the world, there's a world like this all the time. If you can see it some of the time, then you say, thank you very much for being able to see this. But if you cannot see it, if you don't see that your children are helping each other, if you have that thought, these children are not helping each other. If you have that thought, let that thought be that thought.

[46:12]

I'm saying try to train yourself so you don't grasp the thought, these children are not helping each other. Try not to grasp that thought. You've got that thought. You've got the thought. You're all set up in terms of thoughts. Got a nice thought there. These children, these girls are not helpful to each other. You've got the thought. Now what I'm suggesting is you let go of the thought and see what you do. What will you do if you let go of the thought? You know what you do if you try to, if you have the thought and you hold it, you know what you do. You do various things, so what you do is you, I don't know, if you hold the thought, then that usually goes with trying to control the behavior of these girls. But you can't control these girls. You can try, and then they say, well, at least he tried to control them. They did do some damage to each other, but he tried to control them. So you did your part of trying to control them.

[47:16]

And people may say, we would like you to try to control these girls so they don't hurt each other or anybody else. You say, okay, I'll try to control them. I'll do that. So then people won't fault you for trying to control. And what we're afraid of is that we'll get punished if we don't try to control. So I think I must try to control. But I say to you, you cannot control. You can't control them anyway, but if you try, then the world will not fault you because the world says you must try to control other beings. So if you try and if things go well, people say you controlled them well. If you try and they don't get under control, they say, well, you tried. That's what we wanted you to do. Thank you very much for trying to control these children. You weren't a very skillful father, but at least you were good in the sense that you tried to control these girls.

[48:18]

But these girls do not need you to control them because you cannot control them. These girls need you to love them. They know you can't control them. They're testing you. They're testing you to see if you will love them no matter what they do. And loving them is giving to them, not trying to control them. And the reason for not trying to control them is twofold. One is you can't. When you try to control them, you're basically saying, I don't trust you. And you're second of all saying, I want to have power here. I'm not giving to you. I'm deciding what you will be. But if you have this thought, these children are hurting each other, I'm not saying it's a wrong thought. If you have the thought these children are not hurting each other, I'm not saying that's a wrong thought. I'm saying the mind like a wall to let go of that, let go of that thought, and then see what you do. You will do something after you let go of the thought.

[49:22]

You may say, guess what? Daddy's nervous. Guess what? Daddy's afraid. or whatever. I don't know what you'll say, but it'll probably be fairly interesting, and they will find it interesting for two reasons. One is, it's about their father, who they're quite concerned with, because they're basically, one of the main things they're doing is fighting between each other to get your attention. They're competing with each other about which one's going to take over your attention. Each one of them wants all your attention and zero to go to the other ones. Each one of them wants to control you. And then once they're in control of you, they will decide how much time you can spend with the other ones. That's what their main thing is. And you're there to teach them love. And part of that is that they can't control you because you can't control them. But they can try and you can not try to stop them from trying to control you. But I think the problem, all of what you say is true, and you keep telling me I'm a great father and so forth, but it's like, in response to children, it's like you have to put limits, you have to put some kind of boundaries for action, so to speak.

[50:39]

You can put limits in, but limits are just something you put out there for them to knock down and jump over and evade. But that's fine to put them, but to put limits in to try to control them is different than just putting a limit there. Like the limit is, guess what? Here's a limit. Deal with this. Daddy does not want you to do this. That's a limit. It doesn't control them necessarily. You just give them information. There's a wall here called Daddy. Daddy's going to try to tell you he doesn't want you to do this. But you don't have to grasp that limit. You can just put it out there. It's a gift. I got a limit. Here, have it. Daddy doesn't like this. Daddy wants you to do this. Daddy wants you to do that. But Daddy can do that without trying to control the children. Daddy can let go of the limits which he puts out there. Relinquish the limits because you have no idea, no limit on what could be good with them. But if you have an idea of what's good and hold to it, this is not the practice of mind like a wall.

[51:43]

But you do have ideas of limits. So you just put the limits out there. You give them away. You say, here, kids, you take care of the limits. I'll give you a list. These are five limits I've got. You take care of them. You have a little meeting and decide what to do with Daddy's limits. That's what they do anyway. But when you're holding on to the limits, when you're holding on to the limits, it's hard for you to remember how much fun it would be to give them to the kids. But when you give them to the kids, you see, oh, this is great. Now you guys got the responsibility of daddy's limits. One time I was taking a bath with my daughter, and her mother was out of town. I think. I wasn't home anyway. And my daughter said, let's go in the kitchen and get the dishes and break them and put them in Mom's bed. And I said... Now, did I have a limit there, do you think?

[52:57]

Do you think I had a limit? I had a limit, didn't I? I probably had a limit, don't you think? I had a limit, and what did I do with the limit? I gave it to my daughter, and I said, okay, let's do it. And what did she say? She said no. Once I gave her the limit, she said no. I said, okay, let's not do it. Now you say, what if they actually, you know, what if they actually say, okay, well, maybe you go into the kitchen and maybe you get the dishes and you go in and you break them in the mommy's bed and then maybe they look at the broken dishes in mommy's bed and then they realize, daddy, let's clean the dishes up because I love my mommy. So they want to push and see if you will love when they push, but they do not want to kill their mommy and daddy. BUT THEY WANT TO GET CLOSE TO SEE IF WHEN THEY GET CLOSE TO KILLING EACH OTHER AND TO KILLING YOU, TO SEE IF YOU WILL KEEP LOVING THEM AND STAYING WITH THEM WITHOUT TRYING TO GET THEM UNDER CONTROL.

[54:05]

IF YOU TRUST THEM REALLY, AND YOU DO TRUST THEM, YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW THEY DO LOVE YOU, BUT THEY WANT TO FIND OUT WHAT'S THE LIMITS OF YOUR LOVE FOR THEM. SO THEY DO THIS STUFF. SO WE HAVE TO GIVE UP OUR CONTROLLING THING WITH THE CHILDREN, AND IT'S VERY, VERY HARD That's why we have these Sashins to warm up to these kinds of situations. Because they're so much harder. So with your own mind sitting in Sashin, you can let go of your own thoughts and give away your own control. Right here in this fairly simple situation, you have a chance of extending it into these more challenging situations where these people have nothing more important than to see if you will slip into trying to control them. I'm sorry, may I ask another question? I'm not trying to control you. Okay. I immediately came to think about one situation, like if you talk about limits and the limit is, okay, certain things have to be certain ways, I mean like small things.

[55:13]

You think certain things have to be certain ways? Yeah. Yeah? Well, for instance, let's make an example. A girl has to go to bed at a certain hour. You think a girl has to go to bed at a certain hour. Yeah, you do. But it's not necessarily true that a girl has to go to bed at a certain hour. You just decide that's what you want. That's what daddy wants. Daddy wants girls to go to bed at a certain hour. But that's not actually necessary. You just want that, and you do want it, which is fine. You'd like to, like, have them go to bed so you can go meditate or something. But sometimes it's okay to stay up all night with the girls. Sometimes that's okay. But usually you want them to go to bed at a certain hour, at a certain hour, not just sort of whatever hour, at a certain hour. That's what you want. That's fine that you want that. They need to know what you want. So you tell them what you want, and then they work with that.

[56:15]

But what you're doing is you're telling them what you want. You're not telling them, actually, the time that girls need to go to bed. You do not know that. What you do know, though, is that you would like them to go to bed at this time, and you think this would be a good time, so you tell them. You say, your father would like you to go to bed at this time. Now, what are we going to do about that? The mind like a wall is a mind of you expressing yourself honestly without relinquishing control. Expressing yourself with relinquishing control or relinquishing control and then in relinquishing control you say to your girls, I would like you to go to bed now. But you're saying that without trying to control them. So they feel what you want free of you trying to control them. So then they probably want to find out, if I resist what he wants, will then he shift into trying to control me?

[57:17]

So then they'd say, well, we're not going to go to bed now. And you keep expressing yourself. And maybe some night they don't go to bed all night because they keep pushing you to see if you'll slip back into trying to control them. And the next day, it's a big problem because they stayed up all night and they didn't, and when they got up and went time to go to school, they were so crabby. And then they went to school and the teachers call you up and say, what's the matter with these girls? Don't they sleep at night? And they say, you get those girls under control, mister. And then you say, I'm sorry, I couldn't control them because I relinquished my control. And then they have the social worker come to your house and say, you get these girls under control. And you tell the social worker, I can't help it. I love them so much. I've given up trying to control them. I just tell them what I want. And last night they didn't listen to me. But today, now that they see the social worker here, they say, Daddy, we're going to bed at 9 o'clock. Because we don't want the social worker to take us away to the home for uncontrolled girls.

[58:25]

But maybe sometimes it has to get that far for them to see. We decided we're going to help you, Daddy. We're going to go to bed when you want us to because we saw what happened to you when you did not try to control us, but just kept telling us all night, please go to bed, girls. But not as a controlling thing, but as a desperate daddy who really would like them to go to bed because he doesn't want the social worker to come next day. But not trying to control them. just expressing yourself beautifully, moment after moment, showing them who their father is. This is what they want. They want to see who you are. Not who you, not how you are when you're trying to control them, which shows you don't trust them, but who you are when you're just showing them your limits, your requests. This is much more dangerous, much more alive, much more trusting. of everybody's Buddha nature, rather than, okay, you know, I know people have Buddha nature, but first of all, let's get them under control.

[59:33]

You're welcome. Thank you. So Bodhidharma's instruction may sound cold, you know, the Zen thing of mind like a wall. I have no involvements, but this is really instruction on skillful love. This is really a way of becoming more intimately involved with beings. And it's kind of scary that you're going to go into relationships without keeping these people under control. So it's really a cool instruction on how to be really passionately involved in a beneficial way.

[60:57]

But it's kind of esoteric, you know. Mind like a wall doesn't sound like a love fest. But it really is the path of love. And it's really, it's a scary way to go. It's dangerous. But the other way just keeps the sickness, you know, back in the closet. Which is the sickness of thinking you can't trust other people. You've got to get them under control. And you can't trust yourself. You've got to get yourself under control. You can't relinquish control, which you never had anyway. You can't relinquish trying to control yourself because basically, you know, you're not Buddha. So how can we train ourselves without having that training to be an insult. So we have to be very gentle about the training of ourselves into the nature of mind, which is not trying to control.

[62:04]

The nature of awareness is not a controlling thing. It's a knowing thing. It's a being informed thing. It's getting information about the universe thing. It's being touched thing. It's not a touching thing. But we also have these other aspects of our mind which don't trust and we are trying to control and grasp and manipulate and gain. We have to take those elements of the consciousness and train them into this non-grasping mode, which is available. It's already going on. It's just a matter of getting the attention to accord with it. The Buddha mind is already operating. We just need some gentle training, gentle and consistent, firm and gentle training of the mind onto this no mind, of relinquishing all views, all karmic tendencies, all grasping, all impulses to control, all distinctions between self and other, and even all ideas of the sameness of self and other.

[63:23]

Even enlightened ideas, relinquish those too. Don't grasp the unskillful thoughts and don't grasp the skillful thoughts. Grasping the unskillful thoughts, they get stronger. Grasping the skillful thoughts, they get weaker. Remembering the skillful thoughts is okay. Just don't grasp them. Forgetting the unskillful thoughts is fine. Just don't try to get rid of them. Don't hate him. So Fred, do you understand how to take care of your mind during sitting?

[64:31]

I want you to be happy, but I'm not trying to control you.

[64:58]

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