center and you know really involved for many years the story he told of when he first came to to practice maybe you've heard me tell this before some of you but he was this was in the 60s maybe early 70s and he was hippying around in his VW bus going you know to various spiritual localities in the United States and he went to Tassajara he blew into Tassajara one afternoon and thought it was a groovy place so he stuck around for a while and I don't remember the exact circumstances oh so at Tassajara for those of you who don't know there's this bath bath house where everybody takes a bath you know certain

[01:03]

times of the day and at that time Suzuki Roshi was the abbot and he was at Tassajara and one of the perks of being an abbot is that you get to take a bath without a lot of other people around so you get this special bath time it was like from 4 to 4.30 was the abbot's bath time and then from 4.30 to 5 was everybody else so but Ed didn't know about this rule so he goes to the baths at some point you know in the middle of the afternoon and there that you know work is over and there it is there's only one pair of shoes there so great I have most of this place to myself he goes in he sees Suzuki Roshi taking a bath Wow the Zen master I can get to take a bath with a Zen master maybe some of his knowing will rub off on me you know in the bathtub Zen dirt some of his Zen dirt

[02:08]

will get on to me you know and then I'll know what to do with my life you know I don't know if he thought those things but anyway he thought it was pretty far out that he was gonna get to take a bath in this you have to know a little bit the setup at Tassajara usually two or three people would jump into the same bathtub and they'd wash off with soap and then they'd go into the big plunge after they're clean it's kind of a Japanese style so this was in one of those small smaller tubs so he got in right next to Suzuki Roshi and Suzuki Roshi didn't say anything so but after a couple minutes Suzuki Roshi got up and left and Ed is sitting in the bathtub there and it's dawning on him you know what the situation is you know it's becoming more and more clear to him

[03:11]

what jerk he has he has made of himself you know he's becoming more and more you know ashamed and embarrassed feeling more and more ridiculous for having been so arrogant and stupid and intrusive and then believe it or not Suzuki Roshi peeks his head around the door looks at him and says it's okay far out that's really far out anyway we don't know why he said that or what and what it was about you know but for the purposes of my talk today I would say that's the parents love that and actually and actually it had the appropriate effect Ed was able to go right straight ahead from that point

[04:17]

that was his turbo charge okay from there that was his inspiration there's one other thing that I want to read well maybe yeah one which touches on some of these same topics in a different slightly different way and this is by Rilke who for some reason seems to be a natural so to speak a natural Buddhist or something I don't think he knew about Buddhism I don't really know too much about Rilke I don't think he knew about Buddhism formally but you find these passages in his writing that are so strikingly you

[05:22]

know virtually they could come out of the sutras you know or something like that different language but that feeling so this is Rilke in letters to a young poet you are so young so much before all beginning and I would like to beg you dear sir as well as I can to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language don't search for the answers which could not be someday far in the future you will gradually without even noticing it live

[06:24]

your way into the answer take whatever comes with great trust and as long as it comes out of some need of your innermost self then take it upon yourself well as I can to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language don't search for the answers which could not perhaps then someday far in the future you will gradually without even noticing

[07:40]

it live your way into the answer take whatever comes with great trust and as long as it comes out of some need of your innermost self then take it upon yourself and don't hate anything the point is to live everything this is right straight ahead this is Kadagiri Roshi's let the flower of your life force blow right now right here and he says it a little bit differently he did he's he's you know I was saying just stay in the questions stay in the unknowing live out of that place he's

[08:44]

saying perhaps then someday far in the future you will gradually without even noticing it live your way into the answer it's the same thing without even noticing it denoticing it is not the important part at the end of the session back there somewhere years ago Suzuki Roshi said three people in this session have attained enlightenment but they don't know it for many years I thought what good does it do that here you don't know it isn't that the whole point to know it I yeah I attained enlightenment back in that session there in 1969 and since then I've known exactly what to do that's this way of certainty knowing

[09:49]

three people attained enlightenment but they don't know it who's benefiting from this somebody somebody's benefiting oh yeah also and then Dogen you know says the exact same thing more or less he says in one place in the Genjo Koan he says Buddhas who are fully actualized Buddhas do not necessarily notice that they are Buddhas yet they are fully actualized Buddhas who go on actualizing Buddha that's what he meant it's nice that you don't necessarily notice it that isn't so much the point in going right straight ahead you don't turn around and say hey this right straight ahead is looking pretty good you know it looks lousy it looks terrific it looks stinky it's not that kind of thing it's just going right straight ahead as long as it comes out of some need of your innermost self you know how do we

[11:03]

know what is coming what how do we know you know something that shows up on the doorstep may be the need of our innermost self let's not jump to conclusions it's not be too sure about the way our innermost self needs to go one day far in the future you will gradually without even noticing it live your way into the answer take whatever comes with great trust and as long as it comes out of some need of your innermost self then take it upon yourself and don't hate anything the point is to live everything this is right straight ahead this is

[12:06]

Katagiri Roshi's let the flower of your life force bloom right now right here and he says it a little bit differently he did he's he's you know I was saying just stay in the question stay in the unknowing live out of that place he's perhaps then someday far in the future you will gradually without even noticing it live your way into the answer this is the same thing without even noticing it the noticing it is not the important part at the end of the Sashin back there somewhere years ago Suzuki Roshi said three people in this Sashin have attained

[13:07]

enlightenment but they don't know it for many years I thought well what good does it do that yeah you don't know it isn't that the whole point to know it I yeah I attained enlightenment back in that Sashin there in 1969 and since then I've known exactly what to do that's this way of certainty knowing three people attained enlightenment but they don't know it who who's benefiting from this enlightenment that they attained somebody somebody's benefiting oh yeah also and then Dogen you know says the exact same thing more or less he says in one place in the Genjo Koan he says Buddhas who are fully actualized Buddhas do not necessarily notice that they are

[14:08]

Buddhas yet they are fully actualized Buddhas who go on actualizing Buddha that's what he meant it's nice that you don't necessarily notice it that isn't so much the point in going right straight ahead you don't turn around and say hey this right straight ahead is looking pretty good you know it looks lousy it looks terrific it looks stinky it's not that kind of thing it's just going right straight ahead as long as it comes out of some need of your innermost self you know how do we know what is coming what how do we know you know something that shows up on the doorstep maybe the need of our innermost self let's not jump to conclusions let's not be too sure about the way our innermost self needs to go let's have an open and ready and flexible mind to not hate anything that's

[15:22]

why I circled three words here patience trust don't hate those are the that's the feeling of of the of the that's the context in which going right straight ahead can occur you

[16:37]

for many years when for many years practicing you know I used to think of my image used to be that enlightenment was or something was behind this door and I was I was on the other side on the outside of the door banging on the door that was my image something was enlightenment happiness I don't know what you know peace of mind and I was on this side of the door let me in let me in after you bang your fist for a while then you start banging your head against the door and eventually your head gets bloody from banging it against the door you get worn out so I don't know what happened but somehow it's it's a little bit I don't

[18:01]

quite think that same way anymore I don't worry about it so much I'm on this side of the door that's not so bad over here you know it's a lot to do you know a lot of nice stuff over here the door disappears I disappear thank you

[18:28]

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