And so, to make a long story short, we got Green Gulch. And then that was, Green Gulch was a big project for Richard and everybody else. So there were the Green Gloves, Tassajara, City Center, the Corner Grocery, the bakery, the print shop, what else? Alaya. Alaya. Not greens yet, but eventually greens. Hello? No? Well, anyway. So, Richard's empire was getting bigger and bigger. And the students were working, the idea of the students working in the businesses was not a bad idea, basically.

[01:05]

But the problem is, they were supposed to be working and their work would be their support. and so they could practice, and everything would be working harmoniously for everyone, but it didn't work out that way. And people would begin to feel exploited, and they weren't really being able to sit or practice, and they were working long hours in the bakery, or the bakery, and so forth. And Richard was traveling around to Russia and all kinds of places, And he knew all the people in the world that were the first in their line of work, the best in the world. And a lot of them were. Anyway, so the empire, Richard was getting more and more, had more and more plans in the pipeline. But everything was getting kind of top-heavy

[02:09]

in Zen Center. And the last of students, and people had faith in him, but there was some doubt a little bit. And well, where is this going? And people were feeling exploited. And so there's some tensions. And then Richard had an affair with one of his colleague's wife, and that was the straw that broke the camel's back. And then the whole thing came tumbling down. This is the short version. The whole thing came tumbling down. And everyone was disillusioned. And Richard was forced to leave. And Zen Center went into mourning for about five years. Everybody, you cannot believe the kind of misery that everybody was in because they'd all staked their lives on this thing and just, you know, they felt betrayed.

[03:17]

Most people. Some people followed Richard. You know, the people who were only dedicated to Richard were the most, people that were the most vulnerable and destroyed by that. And But some people were more devoted to Zen Center and they could manage it easier. But anyway, Green Gulch was in kind of a chaotic period. Tassajara survived because of the schedule. The schedule just kept going. Everybody felt what they felt, but they all went to Zazen. Well, mostly they did. But there was a lot of anarchy in Zen Center Those people who felt that they were following the rules, the schedule, because that was what you're supposed to do, but still had some doubts, they became anarchists. Why do I have to do this? I don't have to go to Zazen, blah, blah, blah. So people were just kind of living here, living at Page Street, living at Gringotts.

[04:21]

But the practice was very iffy. And Page Street was like a Zen hotel. The Zendo was, people were not sitting in the Zendo. They were sitting in the hallway. So Katagiri became abbot for one year as a kind of interim measure to hold things together. And then Reb became abbot after that. And then the board felt that Reb needed some support in the form of a co-advit, because they felt the Zen Zen was too much for this one person to deal with. So they asked me to be co-advit. But before I go on with that, I want to talk about Dharma Transmission. You know, all of Suzuki Roshi's priests, of course, wanted Dharma transmission from Suzuki Roshi, but he was too sick to be able to do that for the people he ordained.

[05:38]

So the only person he gave Dharma transmission to was Richard. And then when he died, well, he had started giving Dharma Transmissions to Bill Kwong, who was in Sonoma. But he died before he got very far into that. And so, you know, Bill, of course, expected, Jung Cho expected that Richard would complete that for him. other people felt that he would complete Suzuki Roshi's transmission for Suzuki Roshi's disciples. But he didn't do that. So he held that Dharma transmission as a kind of little power trip for a long time. So Suzuki Roshi gave Dharma transmission to Dick and then he died. And Dick became the abbot and finally Dick gave Dharma Transmission to Reb and then he had asked me to work with him on Dharma Transmission so I was working with Richard on Dharma Transmission I thought this is wonderful because we don't like each other particularly and so this for him to do that felt good to me

[07:06]

Because it wasn't, well, everything that Richard did was manipulative, but... It still felt good to me. It felt like there was something real happening. But then, that's when he, we were in it, and then he fell. And so everybody is so really... pissed off at him you know they were just railing against him and i was actually defending him i was because i had reconciled myself to him i i reconciled myself to who he was and what he was about and at the same time um uh i accepted my role as working with him So... But at some point, he felt that I wasn't defending him enough. And he said, I'm not sure we should go through with this. And so that was my out.

[08:10]

I said, fine. But later he says, I didn't really mean that. But then... So Bill Kwong, while... During all this time, when Richard was... Bill Kwong and I used to visit Maezumi Roshi in Los Angeles. Maezumi Roshi was very kind to Bill and I because he saw the problem and he was always very sympathetic to us. So one time we were there in Los Angeles and Maezumi said, you know, Huitsu should complete Suzuki Roshi's Dharma transmission with Bill. So right then and there, he called up Hoitsu in Japan, and he said, explained the situation. He said, why don't you give Bill Dharma, complete Suzuki Roshi's Dharma transmission with Bill? And she said, okay.

[09:10]

So Bill went to Japan and got Dharma transmission from Hoitsu, Suzuki Roshi's son, which is Suzuki Roshi's lineage. What year was that? Oh. Before or after 83? 83. Oh, much before. Oh, yeah. This was during that time. During Richard's reign. It was in the 70s. Sometime in the 70s. And then when I quit my relationship with Richard, and he left and fell. Then, uh, Hojitsu agreed to complete the transmission with me. That was in 84. So I went to Japan in 84 and did Dharma transmission with Hojitsu.

[10:15]

So then I came back, and in 1984, that same year? Yeah, I guess so. I became abbot in Berkeley. So although I had been in Berkeley developing the Zendo since 67, it wasn't until 84 that I became abbot. And then I became, I felt okay about saying that I was a teacher. And then we opened it up more, the Zendo. So then in 88, that's when I became abbot at Zen Center. Co-abbot, went reb at Zen Center. So from 88 to 97,

[11:22]

I was Abbott. Abbott's terms were four years with a three-year extension. But after my seven years, because we were making transitions, Reb stopped being Abbott two years before that. And so Blanche became Abbott. when Rhett stepped down, and then, huh? Well, Blanche was there, but before Norman. They were cold at that safety. Huh? When we stepped down. Well, we did overlap. We did overlap because there were three of us. There were three of us that were Abbott at the same time. Blanche, Norman, and myself.

[12:25]

So they wanted me to extend my stay for another two years in order to overlap Blanche and Norman. But that was not a good idea. It's like when you elect a president of the United States, you don't have the old president hanging around for two years, right? It would have been a good idea. It didn't work in this case very well. So I took a sabbatical in the last year. So I was Abbott for nine years at Sin Center. And so I would do a practice period at Page Street. I would do a practice period at Tassajara. I'd do a practice period at Green Gulch in Berkeley. And I'd go home once in a while to sleep. When I think about it, nine years, I was like a circuit rider or something, just making the rounds.

[13:40]

One time I had three practice periods going at the same time. Three shoesos. And they were getting pissed off at me because I wasn't around so much. But I'll never do that again. Reb and I got along well as abbots. He says, we didn't, but we did. We really did. We had to agree on everything. We made this pact that we would not do something that we didn't both agree on. And we'd always tell each other what we were going to do or ask each other or work it out, whatever. And when one of us didn't do it, the other one would come down on the other one. So that worked well. It really worked well. I really appreciated that because Reb and I have this kind of Zen-centered destiny together, which we realized that way back there in the 60s somewhere that I remember us talking about it, you know, how we were so different from each other.

[14:52]

And yet we had this destiny with each other. And we said that we really needed to pay attention to that, even though we both had different ideas. Not so much ideas, it's just our different ways of doing things. Actually, we both had similar ideas about practice. But it's our way of, our temperaments and our way of doing things were very different. So, I was going to say something. Maybe, well, let's see. Maybe you could ask some questions. I know.

[16:00]

Well, Dick said, oh, you know, I didn't complain. But that's not true. It's just not true. You know, I want to take it back because it was Robin Lowe who kind of turned Dick in. No. I don't know what happened between those two. People say that Rand went over and got Donald J. Bishop from Holy Tooth, but he got it from Dick. They were down here. I'm assuming Roshi helped him. Huh? Well, Huizhou, when he was very young, Suzuki Roshi, actually Suzuki Roshi, when he, after he was here in the 60s, he went back to Rensselaer and told him that he was resigning.

[17:10]

because he was gonna stay here. And Hoitsu became the abbot and he gave him Dharma transmission. And Hoitsu did not like that at all. Getting all this responsibility as a young man, it felt like his father was kind of dumping all this on him. And so he was very resentful of Zen Center and his father and the whole thing. When I went to Japan, I had to work things out with him about Zen Center and his father. It was wonderful, but it was a lot of tension. So our relationship has grown over a long period of time. And it's been quite a wonderful development. Relationship. Could you talk about what happened with your art? Well, you know, my art.

[18:11]

When I was, as a painter, when you get inspiration, you paint. And then when you don't have inspiration, you don't do anything. And so there's long periods that are kind of fallow, you know, when you're kind of wandering around and miserable. So when I got to Zen Center, I hadn't been painting for a while. And I had all these paintings stored in my house. And when I left the house, these new people came, and I left them the paintings. I left them all my paintings. They said, okay, that's great. They're just so happy to have all these paintings. And that was it. I just left them all behind. And I never painted again. Some people think that's not so nice, but I think it's okay.

[19:16]

I was wondering, how did you feel getting Dharma transmission from somebody who really wasn't your teacher? Well, it's not uncommon. You know, Suzuki Roshi said, I will not have time to give Dharma transmission. Our teacher doesn't always have time to give Dharma transmission to all of his students. Then his students, students, or his students will give Dharma transmission to their Dharma brothers. So they're not their teacher either, but they have a relationship. And so, you know, there's three steps. One is ordination, shuso, and dharma transmission. And all three can be the same person, the same teacher. Or they can all be three different teachers. Or two different teachers. And it's very common for them to be all three.

[20:19]

I mean, all three different teachers. So you may have a, you know, root relationship with the teacher, and then have dharma, like I had three different teachers. Suzuki Roshi was, gave me ordination, and then Tatsugami was my shuso teacher, and Hoitsu was my dharma transmission teacher. So, it's true that we didn't have much of a relationship, but we were related. through Suzuki Roshi. And in that time that we spent doing the Dharma transmission, which was about a month, I realized we had to get to the bottom of who we were with each other. And that's what we did. And then everything went very well. So it's not so much a matter of time necessarily, but it's a matter of intimacy. What was the most difficult part of your Zen practice, Stuart?

[21:25]

What was the most difficult part of my Zen practice? Pain in my legs. You know, when I was sitting with Suzuki Roshi, the idea was, you don't move. So when I say that I went through a lot of stuff, a lot of difficulty, it's because we didn't move. It's not like today. A lot of people feel that it's just okay. They don't get this idea that you're not supposed to move, even though it's okay to move. It's okay to move, but you don't want to move. So that puts you in a position where you have to find out how to let go.

[22:33]

You're forced to let go. You're forced to die on the cushion. Otherwise, it's just spending time on the cushion, changing your position. That was the hardest part for me. Also, getting up in the morning. I'd always been a night person. And then I changed to a morning person. And I've never left it. You ever miss painting? No. I really don't miss painting. Sometimes I do, you know. Like, I'll see something and I'll think, oh, that would be a great image for a painting, you know. But I don't, then I just go on to something else. But, you know, that occurs to me.

[23:36]

But I don't miss it. Rather, I like my life. I like my life as a Zen student. What is Zuisei? You asked in Japan. Oh, Zuisei. Zuisei, in Japan, when someone gets Dharma transmission, they go to the head temples, Soji-ji and Ehe-ji. Those are the two head temples. And I do a ceremony called Zuisei, which basically is leading a morning service and visiting the founders, you know. So I treat you very nicely and they give you this nice kaiseki meal, you know, or meals. And like at Sanji-ji, you wear these red slippers and have a red okesa and they take your picture. But it's nice.

[24:37]

I wanted to do that because I wanted to go to the founder's temple and do this ceremony, you know. But I can't tell you how difficult that was to get there. Because Japanese tradition... Well, it started in, well, I don't know if you've ever read that story about Meng Zhan. Meng Zhan was in the 16th century, 17th century, and he wanted to change the Dharma transmission, the way Dharma transmission was done There was a temple system and a teacher system, and they were getting all mixed up. So he wanted to set it straight. In order to do that, the government had to okay this. And if you change something, if you make this effort to change something in Japanese law, you get executed.

[25:42]

If it doesn't turn out right. Really. So that doesn't happen anymore. But that feeling is still there. The tradition is still there that you don't change things. So in order for us to do something in Japan, they'd have to change the rules. This is what we've been working on for years. They can never change any of the rules. And so we can never do anything with them significant. But I managed, what we had to do was fake, you know, they say you have to have a picture of your head shaving. So we had to fake our head shaving photograph with Hawitsa. And then we had to fake, you know, like the fact that we had done a practice period in Japan and to win some in. But they know this. They know that you're faking all this.

[26:47]

Oh, yeah, go ahead. You know, just... But let's say only while you can get anything done in Japan. Because they will not change the rules. They won't ban the rules for anybody. So it's very, very difficult. Could you talk a little bit about... Late practice? I think in the past you've talked about you've been into development late. Late practice, well in Berkeley, the model for our practice in Berkeley is Suzuki Roshi's model at Sokoji. So our practice kind of bypassed Page Street and used the Sokoji model. of everybody living at home, except for, you know, we do have residents, 10 residents or so, eight or 10 residents, depending on the time. But mostly it's lay people who come to Zazen every morning, you know, 20, 25, 30 people in the afternoon.

[27:53]

You know, two different sagas, morning saga and afternoon saga. And so the practice is geared for a lay practice. And that's, I feel, a very vital kind of practice, but it's also a priest practice. We also have priests who do the same practice. So it's, we call it lay practice, but it's just people practicing. and a lot of vitality in the practice, and people devoted for years and years to practice. Like... So, you know, and... I like both priest practice and lay practice. I like them both. And I like monastic practice and temple practice.

[28:57]

I like those both. So when I go back and forth, both of them are fine. I don't have this kind of discrepancy between lay practice and priest practice and temple practice and monastic practice. It's all good, all of it. And so when I was abbot at Page Street, Well, the way it worked out, when Reb and I became cohabits, we said, well, we wouldn't have any particular place. Each one of us would be practiced equally at both places. But as it turned out, Reb grabbed Green Gulch, and I grabbed the city. Or I was left with the city. Which was fine with me. And this... I tried to cultivate lay practice there, but it was so hard because Richard's way of practice was really hard to modify.

[30:01]

Richard's way of practice was not Suzuki Roshi's way of practicing. And so that's why I had this kind of difficulty because I really wanted to maintain Suzuki Roshi's practice rather than Maitre's practice. So that's what I've been doing. I feel I've been doing. Looking back now, any, let's say, regrets about or unfulfilled thinking about your relationship with Susan Dursley? Yes, I wish that I could have, you know, he said, he said to me, go on, tell Mel that he should be visiting me, seeing me more. And so she said, she said, you should be seeing more. But I feel the way a lot of people feel. I felt, he's so busy, I don't want to bother him. But the fact is that the teacher's there to be bothered.

[31:05]

You have to bother the teacher. You should never feel, oh, he's so busy, he sees so many people, you know. I don't want to bother him. You shouldn't think that way. You should just use the teacher up. Do you think Richard was ignoring his karma? Yes. I think one of his students, who was also one of my students, said to me one time, you know, he just doesn't believe in karma. He's beyond karma. He's above karma. And I believe it. Because how can anybody be like that without having some, you know, like, what about karma? It's kind of mystery, actually. The Benji. Yeah. Just curious, your group teacher died 34 years ago.

[32:08]

So how do you, how does one, like, You maintain, like, upright, you know, you stay on the top of the mouth of the ball, either side or the top. And you've had this kind since the earlier years. Yeah. When I went to Berkeley, when I set up the zone at Berkeley, I already knew what my path was. And nothing was going to move me. I already made up my mind. And so there was nothing, no kind of ambivalence or doubt or anything like that. And Suzuki Roshi was my teacher, so I was always in contact with him. Even when he was in San Francisco and I was in Berkeley, I felt like we were totally connected. And I always felt that someday he's going to die and I'm going to be by myself. So I was just preparing for that. I was always preparing for that. I always tested my understanding against his understanding.

[33:12]

So people sometimes say, well, isn't there another teacher? No, there's no other teacher that I've thought that would give me something else, give me something that beyond what Suzuki actually was giving me. So I just always felt that I was, even when he died, I was always in contact with his teaching and always faithful to his teaching. So that's what I've always maintained, or tried to maintain, just being faithful to his teaching. And though it's mature, it's like you receive something, but it may be years later that it actually unfolds in you or matures in you. I was just wondering how Judaism still figures in your life. Well, I'll tell you. How does Judaism figure in my life? When I became a, you know, I felt that when I tried out Judaism, you know, when I was in my early 20s, right?

[34:36]

And just, but I realized that I could not return to that because I'd been out too long. I'd been out in the world and for me to kind of become, to go back and be Jewish or go forward or whatever was, I felt that that was too exclusive. I felt that my religious outlook was more universal rather than tribal. and I felt that I was, I never felt that I wasn't Jewish, or wasn't, I felt that what I was doing was my own way of being Jewish, or practicing Judaism, which wasn't struggling with anybody else's idea, but it was my, I felt completely justified in that, and that I was following what I felt was real Judaism and not just Jewishness.

[35:42]

I think that a lot of people take Jewishness for Judaism. Jewishness means, you know, like all of the feeling of holidays and all this, you know... Which I never had any of that, right? And so why do I have to stick that on me? Not that I don't appreciate it, but I felt that if I was being arched and clear with myself, and that Buddhism was not in conflict with Judaism at its root. So if I was doing my Buddhism as my practice, it was also my Judaism. So I've always allowed the kind of Hasidic background to inform my Buddhism.

[36:46]

that is there. It is there. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, you know, I always liked kids. Some kids. When my first wife, she never wanted to have a... She was not interested in children at all. and had absolutely no interest in children. And that was kind of disappointing to me because I thought, well, it'd be great to have a kid. But we never tried having a kid with Liz. We just had sex for fun. And then a kid happened, you know, when I was 53. I think I'm pregnant. So... That was fine, you know.

[37:53]

Great. And so... Like I said, you know, I would carry him around during the day and... I really enjoyed, actually, the first five years. But then after we moved when he was five, it was totally different because we were away from the community. With the community, you know, he was just taken care of by everybody. But when we moved away from the community, it was just us, you know. And then he had to go to kindergarten and go to school and all this, and he hated school, and he hated, didn't like doing all that stuff. And homework was just like, you know, pulling teeth. And then my wife and I would have these, you know, arguments because she wanted him to do his homework, you know, and he had this total line, and I just wanted him to have fun. Really and truly, he was kind of a kid who always had a project, always interested in something, and single-minded, like he would get a project and it would just go woom, and nothing else in the world mattered.

[39:08]

You know, he couldn't even see anything on either side except what he was doing. And he'd do this for a long time and then switch to something else, right, as kids do. And I thought, he's teaching himself. He's educating himself. Just leave him alone, you know. But that's not the way education is taught, you know. You have to open the head and pour the stuff in. And of course, some of that is good. So I didn't, and I even talked to, argued with the teacher. I said, why do you give these kids so much homework? They go to school all day, and then they come home, and then they have to do their homework, and there's no time to play. When I was a kid, I was always out in the vacant lot throwing dirt clods. It was great. You had this contact with the ground and interaction with other kids. Anyway, I never did have much interest in higher education or even lower education.

[40:28]

So anyway, but the interesting thing is that he quit school in the 10th grade. And he rode his bike across the country with... Prouty. Max Prouty. They rode their bikes across the country. He was about 16, somebody about 17. And that was a great experience. And then when he finally went to junior college, he had to make up all those two years that he missed. But he did it, and now he's in... davis studying russian he's smart and he's you know gets good grades in russian the teacher likes him and all this so he's actually doing quite well he's actually doing quite well and you know when he went to live by himself when he was going to junior college and when he came home He totally changed.

[41:31]

He just, you know, he couldn't wait to get out and get away from us, you know, and all this. And then he came back and he just could not get enough of us. So that was a great reward for all the years of misery. You spoke of a couple of different errors in Zen Center. Errors or errors? Okay. What do you think we have now? Or how are we doing? Well, that's a good question. It's really a good question. Good question. I'm not sure I know how to answer that, but there's a change, and we can feel this change. When Suzuki Roshi was around, we had our formal practice, but we never felt that it was formal.

[42:34]

Suzuki Roshi was not real formal with us at all. We'd bow and we'd do all the things that we do in the Zendo, but it wasn't that strict and it wasn't so detailed. We didn't see him always in Dokusan. If you wanted to talk to him, you'd just sit down and talk. Dokusan happened in, Sashin usually, but not always. And sometimes it happened at other times. I remember Dick didn't like Japanese formality. He didn't like Japanese things at all. But when he became avid, he became totally Japanese. And the practice became much more formal and much more strict in certain ways and so forth.

[43:36]

Whether that was good or not, I don't know. But then when Reb and I were abbots, it wasn't, we kind of loosened that up a little bit. Reb's always been more detailed, formal than me. I think I'm more like, following more like Suzuki Roshi's way, and Reb is maybe following Dick's way or something. So every time there's a change in abbacy, the feeling changes. Whoever is abbot, creates a certain field. And it's different, always different. So it's different than it was when I was at it, but it's subtle. It's a subtle difference. It's not some big difference. So there are subtle differences.

[44:38]

And maybe just some idea that it's more... Horizontal. The leadership is more horizontal and not so vertical. Like, maybe the abbots don't have as much authority as they used to have. Dick had absolute authority. Absolute authority. It was easy, you know, because when he said something, everybody just did it. And then Reb and I had our own authority, which was not absolute authority, because after Dick, everything was done by committee. We spent years and years developing committee practice. And it would take forever to make a decision. I think it's probably still the same way.

[45:45]

It's easier because it's more mature, that process is more mature. But the abbots, in the process, seem to have given up some of their authority. So I think that they should take it back. It's good to have strong leadership. not, you know, authoritative people, but people that you give authority to and they take it. And so it's a give and take. So I think maybe that can be a little stronger. But I don't know how I can describe it. how it is today, but there are a lot of students. I think there are more and more students. And, you know, give you some first-hand experience, or my first-hand experience with Suzuki Roshi's teaching, and it shouldn't be lost in Zen Center.

[46:58]

So there's two things. One is the teaching of the people that are present and the teaching of the founder. So they're both important. And the teaching of the people that are present has its variations. So it may not look like the teaching of the founder, but basically it is. But I think to keep that alive is important so that people don't go astray. And that the things that are most important should be preserved. Not preserved, but practiced. The basic things should be practiced, yeah. What's your personal teacher? My personal teacher? Teacher. Future Well, this is very interesting Because I'm 75 In July, I'll be 76.

[48:07]

That's only four years away from being 80 And I just thought about that four years away from me But I'm not an old man, so You know It's very strange I think. I had a similar question with a slightly different way of asking it. Do you feel like they have some unfinished business, some projects, things like that that you'd really like to about them? Jack Shoemaker, he had the North Point Press. He asked me a long time ago to write a book. So I've been getting around to writing a book, but it's slow. People want to publish my talks on my talks. So those are the things that are kind of going on.

[49:08]

But it's really hard to get into it. I do from time to time get into it. And I always feel that I always have to edit my own things. Whenever I see some editing, mostly, that somebody else has done, it doesn't feel right to me. So, unfortunately, I have to edit. But it doesn't take me long to edit. I can edit pretty fast. And you said you were interested in teachings on birth and death, and maybe teaching on that? Oh, yeah, that's right. I've been planning on doing that. And... That's important. I think that that's not really brought out much in Zen Center. And Suzuki Oshii didn't talk much about it either, actually. The only thing I heard, well, he talked about the waterfall, Nirvana and the Waterfall. And here and there talking about dying and what that means.

[50:11]

So I can bring those things out. But there's a lot of ideas that are common to Mahayana Buddhism. And it's good to bring those out. So I think it's good for everybody to think about this problem because it's the basic problem that we all have. And we're all going in that direction. So good to face it. And I've dealt, you know, for a long time, very few people died at Sin Center. because the community is fairly young and people are fairly healthy, doing Zazen, eating good food mostly, and taking care of themselves. We don't have the rate of dying off that most congregations have, but now people are dying more

[51:15]

They're getting older. And in the last couple of years, I've been tending to people that are dying a lot. And it's becoming more and more. And the older you get, the more people start dying. And as Zen Center becomes older, the population becomes older. And so sometimes I'll see somebody that I hadn't seen for a long time. And I say, gee, who's that old lady? And it turns out to be somebody that I know very well. So I hadn't seen him for a while. It's kind of a shock. So we have to know how to take care of all this. And we have to have some good idea of what it means before we can take care of it. Like when you're doing a ceremony for somebody, what is the meaning of that?

[52:19]

Do you believe in that? Do you believe in what, you know? What do we actually think about it? And how do we actually think about it? Is there reincarnation? Is there rebirth? What is it? So you hear about all these things, but they're not discussed much. So I think this should be brought out with that. Okay. You can only do what you can do. You can only do what you can do. So just keep going and everything works out in the end.

[53:20]

I've always believed that everything will work out in the end. And the one thing that I'm so convinced of is that if you just do your practice without You know that something will happen and you want something to happen. All you have to do is do your practice and everything happens. Everything comes to you that's supposed to come to you. You don't have to go out and try and get it. If you just do daily practice, sincerely, without thinking about getting anything, everything that's supposed to come to you will arise and you'll be very surprised. Well... I think Bill was there for... Bill was there about 60 or 60... Almost nine or ten years.

[54:39]

Well, now, a lot of people don't just say it, but pretty consistently in 15 to 20 years, people get it. And with seducers, it's really good. Oh, you got a fizzy turbocharger for you? Or... You know, there's something about being with the founder that's different than being with other teachers. I don't know what it is, but it's like... I had been with him only three years before I was in Berkeley opening up the Zendo. But I wasn't a teacher. I didn't consider myself a teacher. So what I practiced with Suzuki Roshin was humility. That was my practice with him.

[55:41]

And I would just love to see that practice, more people practice humility as their major practice. Because I didn't let myself, although I wanted to do, you know, charge ahead, I restrained myself because I always felt that this was my, the practice was humility. And if I stayed on the bottom line, I could just see everything works. You don't have to try to get something. And the fastest way to advance in Zen Center is to not try to advance. The fastest way to get anywhere is just do what you're asked to do and do it thoroughly and do it with humility and do it with sincerity and don't talk too much. and you will be at the top before long. People say, you know, so-and-so doesn't ask for anything, just doesn't, you know, doesn't like big problems, is smart, is, you know, tries, let's put this person up here.

[56:56]

But if somebody says, I want this, I want this, you'll never get there. Stop bothering us. It's the way it works. Not always. But then it doesn't matter because you don't want anything. Of course. He said to me, I'm going to go to Japan with Dick and give him Dharma transmission. What do you think of that? And I said, do you think he's ready? And he said, well, sometimes we give it when a person is ready. And sometimes we give it to a person and hope And he knew exactly what he was talking about. And then I asked Katagiri Roshi one time, I said, why did Dick give Dharma Transmission to Dick?

[58:05]

And why did Suzuki Roshi give Dharma Transmission to Dick? He said, Dick went in and stole his heart. And he did. How? How? The way he stole everybody's heart. You know, but he was in there. He was, you know, he was, he just, somebody's right in front of our face. And he's, you know, and you see that energy and that willingness. And he came, he found to us a heart. I mean, he was doing everything, you know. He was the key person doing everything. You can't ignore that.

[59:08]

You can't say, you're the key person doing everything, stand aside while I begin to make somebody else. That just can't work that way. It's not easy. Having disciples and putting them in place is not easy. It's excruciatingly difficult. Would you say something about your disciples? Do you have... It's excruciating. Most of the people that I've given diamond transmission to, which is a lot, 18 or something like that. 18? I think. I must count the old woman who lived in the shoe. But most of the people I've given Dharma Transmissions to have their own places.

[60:15]

They have their own practices, like Pat and, you know, so I feel really good about that. They don't bother me. I'm not worried about it, you know. But I trust all of them, you know, and they're all working well. They're all, you know, But what's difficult is when it's close, like in Berkeley. There are so many people who have been practicing for so long, a long time, years and years, and doubt kind of appears. And then they have, you know, stuff with each other and, you know, envies and jealousies and elbowing and they're all trying to be very good with each other, but it's really hard. And for me to say, well, this one, and then, well, maybe, it's not easy dealing with all that.

[61:24]

Do you have a prescription for Zen seminar? I mean, you were kind of saying that institutionally. I don't know. A prescription? What do you mean? I don't know. I feel like, you know, it's gone from this kind of a hierarchy, top-down, total authoritarian model to a kind of radical... not radical democracy, but a more democratic form. Do you see a certain model that works? Well, I think Zen centers are kind of a school in a way, but it's not an academic school. I hope Zen center never turns into an academic school. That would be terrible. But it's where people, they pass through. And hopefully we turn out teachers who would go away, go someplace.

[62:39]

The hard part about Zen Center is that there are people who are good teachers and they should go someplace. The problem is that we always need them here because of the many students. You have more and more students, you need more teachers. And so the dilemma of should they stay here or should they go away? I think they should go away because that gives the opportunity for other people who you don't think are teachers to come up and be teachers. The problem is, one problem is that, you know, the older you get, the longer you've been in the Zen Center, everyone else looks like a child. So people have been practicing for ten years, and we're still thinking they're not children. Just like you were saying, you know, it's true. Oh, they've only been practicing for 20 years. So that's a problem.

[63:47]

I think that way. I think, see somebody's been practicing for ten years, and I think they've only been around for a little while. But we have to give people more responsibility And actually, if you give people responsibility when they're young, that energizes them. It's good. And they come up to... I've always found that when you give... Not everybody, but most people, responsibility, even though you have doubts, they almost always come up to the responsibility. And it works. Yes. It's late? It's 5 o'clock. It's 5 o'clock. Okay. Do you have another, one more question? A wrap-up. Everybody wants to go to bed. Yep. You said you work things through and it breaks them.

[64:50]

How did them, was there an interpreter or something? How did they do that? Well, you know, On the surface, Hu-Wu-Tzu was very kind to us. I was there with Bill Kwong and Ekai, who was a Japanese priest who actually started practicing with me and ended up in Japan. So we'd have these conversations with Hu-Wu-Tzu and all kinds of things we'd talk about. And then sometimes we'd come around to talking about his father And then he would, you know, get kind of antsy and of course we were drinking, you know, sake and stuff, you know. And so then he'd get loosened up and once he'd get loosened up then he would start talking about how, you know, his father kind of abandoned him in the temple and went off to America and Zen centers just, you know, blah, blah, blah.

[65:55]

And Richard Baker and blah, blah, blah. And one of your guys went away. So we just had to kind of work through. We had to be who we were and he was who he was. And we just kind of were very open and honest with each other. And little by little, he came to see that we were, who love were, instead of his idea of who we were. He had to get over his idea of who I was and see who I was. And I had to get over my idea of who I thought he was and see who he was. And in that process, when Nana saw each other clearly, and we saw, he saw Zen Santa Claus, he saw his father clearly, we saw each other clearly, and then when Nana had done his thing, because it was, there were no doubts about it.

[67:02]

We'd made the connection. So there was a time during the transmission ceremony, which was all in Japanese, you know, and I could not understand a word of it, but he just kind of directed me. When he knocked that in, his face was Suzuki Roshi's face. I was just totally startled. I just felt like he was channeling Suzuki Rashi. To me, that was the moment where I didn't have any doubt about this thing. When Bo was getting Dharma transmission in Japan, Narada Hiroshi, who looked close to Rensselaer, and what's he doing? He's a friend of Suzuki Hiroshi's. He was like the expert in monastic training and in Dogen, present day expert on Dogen.

[68:04]

And he had Nan Hiroshi come over and help him do the Dharma transmission with Bill. And Bear thought, this is Suzuki Roshi's transmission through a huitsu. And Nami Roshi said, no. He said, it's a huitsu's Dharma transmission because you cannot get Dharma transmission from a dead person. So technically that's so, but actually it's not. Of course this is my father's transmission, which I am doing for him. And of course it is. But technically it's not. Because there was a time when people were dying, stuff like that, and Dagen talks about that.

[69:09]

He says, as a Minju, he says, and he complains about this guy going and getting one month's Dharma transmission, you know, 300 years later. He says, you can't do that. So, but this is different. This is our teacher. And the feeling is him being, Hoitsu being a conveyor of Suzuki Roshi's transmission to his disciples. But it's also Hoitsu's transmission. So I consider Hoitsu my honchi. And he has grown so much. in our relationship, you know. He has grown so much. His whole life has changed knowing us. So the relationship has enhanced the practice of all of us.

[70:18]

So it's been very good. And that's the end. One thing that Suzuki Roshi said to me was, if my disciples quarrel with each other, I'll quit.

[72:05]

He said, if my disciples quarrel with each other, I'll quit. And I understand completely what he said.

[72:16]

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