Is that too loud for people? Is that better? How about that? I talked with somebody the other day. Is he here? No, he's gone, I think. I hope he's gone. He had a beautiful, perfect baritone. He was around here. Did you notice? Slowly let go. It's echoing in my ear. He had a beautiful baritone voice. It was beautiful. I want a really, really beautiful house. Is that good?

[01:02]

I'm actually happy to be with you here tonight. I'm happy to be here tonight with you. I'm happy to be with you here tonight. I'm happier here with me. Welcome to our Wednesday evening talk. Hey! Two weeks ago, I spoke with you about right speech, and at that time, pretty much, I... Mostly, it was heartfelt talk, and I didn't go so much into specifics. Today, What I want to do with you is go into specifics, some specifics, not many. And I'm just going to put them out there because basically I feel, I trust that you guys will, I actually trust you guys will take us up.

[02:17]

So basically, I'm just going to give you information, and you can deal with it as you will, and that will be great. I do want to say, though, that the first thing about, so I'm talking about right speech. And like last time, just a reminder, it's really important. And one of the reasons why you know it's important is because the Buddha spoke about it and stuck it in his very basic teachings right away and a lot. Remember that part? I said that last time. Okay. Now, just to remind you a little bit, I'm going to talk about just the worst kind of wrong speech that you're all familiar with. The worst kind of wrong speech is the speech that actually we say to ourselves in prayer all the time. Not all the time, but you know the stuff I'm talking about, right?

[03:22]

So everything I'm going to say today can be used just by yourself, with yourself first. So how you talk to yourself is really important. Now, I don't want to exactly make it sound schizophrenic, but most of the time that's what we're doing. We're kind of talking to ourselves, which in itself is like a bit peculiar. So when you listen to yourself do that, please listen if you're talking to yourself with kind speech, with right and kind speech. That's one thing. And the other thing is, please pay attention if you're deluding yourself, if you're denying something or if you are telling yourself lies or if you're talking to yourself in an unkind way. or if you're using speech inside your own head to bolster up some identity of who you are. We do that all the time. So it's a very good practice to listen to your own speech in your own head and get that pretty as straight as you can before you say anything at all, which probably if we did that, it would be quiet around here.

[04:36]

Thank you. And of course, as you all know, that speech that's going on in our mind, we do that inside. It comes from already, it comes from the delusion that there's a self inside that needs to be protected, needs to be puffed up in a certain kind of way, needs to be whatever it is that is your particular needs to be. So based on this sense of self, we talk to ourselves in a certain kind of way. You're probably already paying attention to that, but if you could just add this little kind of frame it in the context of right speech, it might give you a little handle.

[05:39]

Okay. Now, one other thing, a little bit of a thing here. The way we speak has everything to do with intention, what our intention is. If our intention is to basically really love for the benefit of all beings, you can't hear me? I'll try to speak louder. Oh, the car is going away. If our intention is to really live for the benefit of all beings, it would be interesting, and sometimes people can take on this practice. What would it be like if everything that we did... I can almost not even get it out of my mouth. What would it be like if everything we did, we actually did for the benefit of others, for the benefit of all beings? I mean, that's an amazing thought, really.

[06:46]

We see this all the time by habit all around here. The world chant, right? The vows that we take, we vow to love, to benefit all beings. What would it be like if everything that came out of our mouth was to benefit some beings? It's an interesting thought. One of the things that if we weren't split like that, we would have different kinds of meetings between ourselves and among each other. It reminds me, I've spent a lot of time now as chairperson of the Elders Council, which I'm really glad I am because when I was just a member of the Elders Council, I had to say stuff about what people were talking about.

[07:51]

And the first time I did it, it was just a stunning shock because what happened was people were talking, you know, and I raised my hand to say something. And then I was called on, and when I was about to say something, all the hands in the room went like this. And I thought, oh, my God. You know, you're actually getting a lesson to what I'm going to say. And then it was a surprise. A lot of times we don't really listen to each other in that way. So I felt like what came out of my mouth needed to add something to the discussion. Not in terms of what I liked or didn't like or my opinion, sort of, but actually to move the discussion forward in some way. So at the residence meeting, the last one, which I didn't get a chance to go to, which I was really sorry, because I understand it was really a good one, I think he spoke a little bit about rights, but I don't know how it came up exactly, but this handout that Tova put together is terrific.

[09:02]

And in it, somebody said, John, contributed these things about right speech. Oh, I have to hurry. She said questions. Is it kind? Is it helpful? Is it necessary? When they speak, right, they can ask these questions. Is it timely? Is it true? And Catherine added from the Dala Pada, Again, is it true? Is it beneficial? And again, is it the right time? And also, we have, when we speak, you might notice, do I want to be right? You know, that's a really good one.

[10:05]

Do you notice that one? When we talk, a lot of times, we're saying that we want to be right. You know? I don't even know about that. I don't know about all of these. These are just reminders. Just reminders. How about, do I not want to be right? That's a good one. How about, am I addressing a situation from the past and dragging it into the present conversation out of I don't know what? Am I addressing an idea rather than an actuality? This is really slippery area here. In other words, am I talking about a person, my opinion about a person, or am I actually talking about solving the issue? My world will get mixed up on that one. Are those ringing bells? Are you okay?

[11:08]

Yeah. Well, yeah, um, if you, like, if you're in, um, uh, if something happens, and you have an opinion about a person, and you're talking to somebody, and you're trying to get the overall group, and you're trying to, the group is talking about some issue, taking care of some issue, and instead of talking about the issue, you'll justify your opinion by talking about the person instead of the issue. We'll do that really a lot. And, um, it doesn't, it's not helpful to the person you're talking about. It's sad, you know, in these books, these about right speech, one of the things that's really kind of difficult to do, but they keep saying, you know, one of these, well, what if there's a problem with another person, and you think that they're only a difficult person, and when someone is, you know, they're their own, right?

[12:14]

Or ask to do well is actually set aside our opinion of that person as a bad person and try to find something about that person that is actually truly, I don't know what word to use, nice thing, good thing, you know, these are all karmic words. But something about everything. It could be that they, you know, you just saw them the other day and they didn't speak harshly about people. It could be just that. Or it could be that they have nice points. anything to keep that in mind so that when we have thoughts about ultimately what a bad person they are, and it's written somewhere in heaven that this is really a bad person always, that somehow it's, you know, it doesn't take hold because somewhere down here you really don't want plants, something to loosen that stuckness, your stuckness.

[13:19]

And somehow look at our side of it when we have that kind of a person. Oftentimes, you know, obviously, oftentimes what it is is our own difficulty that we don't want to look at in ourselves that we project onto the other person. I used to do that a lot, and I can confess, I'll confess, because I think I'm much better at it, but I'm always watching myself with people who I feel, who I'm deferring as weak, because I used to wonder and wonder to myself how much I needed people, you know, how much I needed There was a feeling that I was a typo. Like, normally, that's what it was. So when I saw that feeling with other people, it was just, okay, well, we're... Oh, I hate to even... I'm sorry even to say this, but it's good that you know this about me because then you can... I'm reaching for...

[14:22]

But, you know, if somebody is offering themselves as a dominant, people do it for their own reasons, right? I will put on my boots, you know, blacken my boots. And I've heard a lot of people that way, you know, but I'm hyper-aware of it, and I really try, you know, a lot to, you know, go anywhere near that. But sometimes... OK, well, that's because . When you're talking about it, it's not very clear and obvious. But in my actual experience, interpersonal relationship is actually a lot more ambiguous. And what I find in my interaction with people is that sometimes people just don't meet each other. And it's not because of wrong speech, or they're not trying to be kind. Kind is relative. And sometimes I can be really direct. I have this sort of New York Jewish directness about me that people feel offended by sometimes.

[15:29]

But that's not my intention. There's a lot of ambiguity just how people are interpreted. But two people meet each other coming from their own world. So it's sort of like you can just, I guess, do your best. Any advice for such a... I don't have something like this. Any advice? Nothing? I can't believe it. Ruth? I really go out of my way. And for me, going out of my way and working really hard at it means, you know, maybe this much... make what I have to say more palatable, somewhat conditioned, as gentle as possible. Because they're still going to hear the message.

[16:30]

And maybe they'll be able to take it in more effectively if I make it as soft as possible. And it doesn't come out soft at all, because soft is not my way. But it feels soft. I'm here to ground it out. Who am I? Any other suggestions from the sangha? Nobody? You know, that's another problem. It's very common with women, right? Good advice for people who can't be direct, who are always trying to save the day here. Break this with a friend first is good, right? What's the truth? Well, you know, that's what Jessica said. This whole thing is an experiment.

[17:32]

What will in some way take care of each other? That's what Sangha is about. You know, when it's your time to actually experiment with putting yourself out there and, you know, doing it really badly because you've never done it before, that kind of thing, Just sort of cross your fingers. For some people, you ought to be doing this. You ought to just experiment as embarrassing as it may be and get yourself out there and get the response that you're going to be getting and then learn to work with that. Well, that's what people do in response to you. But the main thing that we're about here is discovering who we are. And that's a very wide spectrum. And so what the Sangha is about is allowing each other to do that person and somehow or another supporting each other to do that. Unless we're going to bump up against each other and so on and so forth. The thing about monastic practice, which we're really, really willing, because we're bumped up against each other, like little, this is an image that's a very common image, like little stones in a washing machine.

[18:42]

And after it goes round and round and round, eventually, this is our way, this is Sota's way. You get bumped up with each other and so on, and your rock is big, and this other rock is pointy, and some other rock is like a little pimple or whatever. But anyway, we're bumped up against each other, and we smooth out. We'll remember where we are, and we smooth out the edges. And for people who have done this for years and years and years, even though there's karma, you know, along this, we actually respect the other person for doing this kind of horrendous, courageous, frightening, deterring, effortful in many ways, joyous, sometimes amazingly, you know, gratitudinous practice. Because we've seen, you know, what each other has had to come through, our embarrassments and our fears and so on and so forth.

[19:45]

Anyway, get it out there. It's not going to do you any good to keep it inside. You will never be free of it if you're swallowing it all the time. And for people from the other side, Ram is a very good example. I'll tell this story. I've told it lots of times. If there are two people standing over here, Red's way is like, oh, here I am, Red. And, you know, wake of it what you will. He puts it out there. So the people in this, for years, people would tell him, Red, don't do that. And for years, he used to think what they asked him to do was, you know, but no, they weren't asking him to do that. Instead of going like this and knocking everybody over, they just said, please go like this. You know, blow ourselves completely, but just, you know, take into consideration that there are people standing next to you. That kind of thing. Okay, let's get back to my speech.

[20:48]

Yes. Yes. What? Both sides see the other as slightly ill or something. I was reading a book the other time on relationships one time and they said something like, you know, people we've all been brought up in different families. So, like, my family was angry out loud with, you know, a passionate, kind of passionate. So when I just, you know, speak loudly sometimes, I hardly notice it. Whereas for somebody else, it's like, well, yeah, I'm really wonderful.

[21:52]

Right? It's just different. But we'll have to take each one of those different styles into consideration if I'm really wonderful to you. If I didn't care, you know, I wouldn't care, right? But we're all with each other, and we're trying to be free of the things that we hold to. So it's okay for him to be like Lois. However, if he holds to Lois as just who he is, it's a real problem. If it's time sometimes to go like that, he should be able to, excuse me for talking about when he's not here, but I can talk about women the same way. All right, so there are four traditional, on this little paper that was handed out right here. I hope everybody got it and is reading it. There are four traditional ways of talking about white speech. So I'm just going to list them for you. And you have the little paper so you can keep it under your little wing and work with it.

[22:57]

You know, you guys are so great, and it's so wonderful that we are doing this together. It's really unusual in the world. There are billions of people, and there may be, like, I don't know how many people actually learn, but here are the four. Okay. Lawyering. Yeah, we all do that sometimes. Now, if you think about the precepts, I really have to hurry. Okay, I'm going to go quickly. If we think about the precepts, you can't do the precepts if you lie. And in fact, if you don't do the precepts, you are lying. If you don't take care of another person sexually, you're lying. If you're losing somebody sexually, you're lying. We're lying. If we're still, we're lying to ourselves more than anything else, right? Lying. It's all over there. Lying. Don't lie.

[23:59]

I mean, I'm not going to tell you what to do. You do whatever. It's a lie. Spoken with the intent of misrepresenting the truth. It's a lie. The next one is divisive speech. Spoken with the intent of creating rifts between people all within the cylinder. I missed it. I missed it. We'll do it when we're hurt, okay? Let's, you know, let's show some kindness to ourselves. We hurt, you know, we get hurt by somebody. Haven't you done this, you know? You can't stand the feeling, so you go out around and you blame to everybody what the situation was, of course, totally from your point of view, right? So you're just going to dump the hurt because you don't want to feel it. Not good. Harsh speech spoken with the intent of hurting another person's feelings.

[25:02]

Adulterator spoken with no purposeful intent at all is a distraction and a waste of time. So, my suggestion in this room will only include humor. What's everybody's responsibility? All of them is everybody's responsibility. We will hear this happening. Don't participate. That's all. Just find a way to say, excuse me, I'm uncomfortable now. Or like, Galen and I, for years, have done this right speech together. And what we do is, when we're talking to each other, we've done this for years, we don't tell each other when the speech, we think the other person's doing the wrong speech. That would be a little bit, although we give each other permission to do that. But what we do is, we give each other permission to stop. And we do it all the time. It's like, I'll be saying something, and all of a sudden I think to myself, I don't know. And then I just stop.

[26:11]

And she knows, and I say, excuse me, I have to think about this a second. And then she waits really patiently while I think about whether I really should say it this way or should I say this at all or anything. Just stop. And then when I'm ready, I'll start talking again and seeing with Galen. So with humor, this is difficult for many people because we often get easy laughs with exaggeration, sarcasm, group stereotypes, and silliness. And sometimes people use humor to hurt people. And it's kind of snarky because you're supposed to laugh. So what are you going to do? Not be part of the crowd? No. No. Well, silliness when it's hurtful. All right, I have to stop because... All right, so I'm going to skip this stuff because maybe I've put enough out there.

[27:17]

So I just want to read something to you. This is from Kenny Gary Roche. It's in the book Returning to Silence. He was my teacher, did you know that? I love this guy. He's quite daddy. I do want to say, you know, one small thing. We really try our best. Everybody does. So whenever we do something that is like long speech or whatever it is, almost always it's from pain. We've been hurt. We're afraid. So, you know, let's give ourselves a little bit of benefit of the doubt and be kind to ourselves when we make a mistake. We'll just do better next time. Because our intention, you know, is pure inside.

[28:19]

I believe that. Okay, kind speech. This is one of the four guidances for bodhisattva. The original ultimate nature of existence functions just like a filter. We don't know what it is, but it's sort of like our lungs. When a person goes through the filter of ultimate nature of existence and comes out, he or she is, of course, the same person, but a little bit different. This is transparent. It's a sort of a transparent person. We call that person a Buddha or enlightened person. The one less transparent person is exactly like a mirror reflecting and accepting all beings equally. Trees, birds, tulips, spring, winter, all of life. That is why when this person hears the precepts, right speech or whatever, they don't moralize thinking, don't do it or something like that.

[29:20]

The person actually can't do it. Because they are the same as the other. There's no separation. Same thing. So what is it? A person, a dog, some particular soul? No. They're all just universal life. Just universal life comes up. If you become a priest, you must be a filter. You must function as a filter, not only in zazen, but in everyday life. If we focus on countless lives in an immensely long span of time, all we have to do is focus on right now, right here, without looking around. This is to practice in the eternal world, step by step. If you become a priest, you have to function constantly as a filter to help other people function as a filter. You cannot have any particular pattern such as being stuck in a concept of I'm stupid or I am not stupid.

[30:24]

This is compassion. We are not in a portion of the whole world. We are completely the world ourselves. We accept all sentient beings as exactly one regardless of whether we like them or dislike them. If we're going anywhere, very naturally, there's a feeling of vilification. So the important point is, if we see people who don't have virtuous qualities, instead of criticizing them, we should suffer, finding a way to help them in order to improve, grow, deepen, and enrich all of our lives. Even if we don't see any progress after practicing kind speech with people who are, he says, not so good. Anyway, we are really helping them. Sometimes through a third person, we may hear that someone has spoken kindly of us. At that time, we are really touched. We are really moved by it and will never forget it. That's why wherever we may go, we shouldn't speak ill of others.

[31:26]

If we see somebody who is not good, even though she is not in front of us, we should see the good aspects of her life and speak about it to others. This really helps. If such kind speech reaches the person indirectly from a third person, she is really touched by it. This is Buddha's practice. Anyway, so I hope that just as some of us were kind of like talking a little bit together, that you continue and talk amongst yourselves and try to help each other as a community. We need to do this because it will develop a trusting Sangha, a Sangha that can trust. Because no matter what we do, even if we make mistakes, if we don't add to it by exacerbating it and telling everybody and dumping our stuff and making divisiveness and so on and so forth, we develop a song that's a song that we can all band together.

[32:37]

And I think that you guys are going to do this. I think you do. So that's what I have to say. I'm sorry I spoke too long tonight.

[33:03]

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