Zazen Practice, Sei Jo Practice

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BZ-02554
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Sesshin Day 3

 

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good morning
feels like such a northern california morning doesn't it
where weird and wet grass and cause like in mendocino
so we've been sitting with a call on which i'm going to briefly describe a little
and we've been working on precepts and writing learning about them on writing some for ourselves and we've taken up the heart sutra the last couple of days so these three things are swirling around
sort of imagine them swelling on at brandon like an age i'm
mixing so i welcome to people who are joining us for the insertion and
the rest of us this is our third day we've had quite a lot of zazen so far
to catch everybody up on the call and i'm going to tell it very briefly
and then say something brief about the commentary movements commentary commentariat the cases case thirty five st jo and her solar separated and the story goes like this go so go so
he died about one hundred years before dogan i was born
gozo asks his monks sage was being and her soul are separated which is the real one
sweet first a little bit and some other prior tax about the word soul and how we don't usually use that and
graciously linda took the chinese characters to cause who comes back with the information that in the chinese
question the war the character for soul and the character for being are the same character
so they got a leg up in the chinese version because it is a trick question you have to argue with a premise in order to get to them no difference there is no known not one not to place so the story goes like this say joe say as her given name joe is a diminutive for
our girl
is a lovely and adored girl by her father and she has a
long time childhood playmate in a jew whose a cousin and they play so well together the father jokingly says to them at some point you ought to be married or i bet you'll be married some day and by this they take that as a promise that of betrothal and when the time comes and they are grown
the father finds another husband for say
and they are heartbroken an old shoe not telling anyone not telling say decides he can't tolerate this and he leaves town so this is the first separation and later we can talk about the skillful means of how he manages that separation by not telling anybody
in the night as he's going down river he sees a shadowy figure are running alongside the boat and he pulls over and lo and behold it's say and they embrace and they realized they can't go back and they they settled down in a faraway province and have two children and five
years go by and say finds that she's discontent and she says to a jew i miss my father i i don't know what to do and he said i'm homesick as well we should go back and asked for forgiveness and that's what they do
as they come into the town oh just as i'll go ahead and he goes to the dad and makes the apology and the dad's name is took on his very puzzled he says that can't be what you're telling me it can't be because say is in the other room in bed she hasn't moved
since you left for said a word
and he takes oh do it to show him when oge who goes down to the boat to get the other say and on hearing this the say in the bed smiles and gets up and as they approach one another they merge into one and say says to her father i do
no i was separated i didn't it was that is if i were in a dream
so this is a story about separation on so many levels and well why we've been turning it we'd been turning it as a story about separation and tore a story about reunion
particularly the commentary though points i'm gonna read it and then i'm gonna give you the cliff notes for it if you're enlightened in the truth of the colon you will know that coming out of one husk and getting into another is like a travelers putting up in hotels in case you are not yet enlightened
do not rush around blindly when suddenly earth water fire and air are decomposed you will be like a crab falling into boiling water struggling with its seven arms and eight legs
do not say then i have not weren't you
so if you are enlightened if you're awakened to
the reality of our oneness
with everything then when it comes time to make a transition
it will be like just moving from one hotel to another
and if you're not awaken to the hat don't rush around sit down and zaza
otherwise when you come to that transition you'll be like a crab falling into boiling water flailing and objecting
and the last don't set and warn you as an exhortation right and encouragement to sit more zazen you know

so what i would like to do is talk about zazen and i'd also like to talk about the other workshop place where we work on ourselves which is sanga practice
oh and then i want to see if we have time to check in about how people are doing on their third day particularly at what's coming up
oh

so
it's not easy practice this doesn't practice
i heard a know a dormant heart that greg danny gave one time he said you know there's always a peevish day in session
i really liked the word peevish because it had it captures that kind of
irritability about small things the micro complaints that come up because after all there's not that much happening there's
the schedule there's the food there's the person sitting next to you there's your body and how tired or achy it is i mean there's
a limited number of things to focus on and i was grateful that he said that because i owe there there's a hump at least there is for me that you get over that i get over before i surrender to the schedule and let it be
oh this time there there's some way in which this practice period and sitting twice a day is acted like a slow motion says shane so actually it wasn't a whole day for me i hope he wished day was a peevish morning in which
i didn't like the mood i was ill
and on and i worked my the with myself with that and then
oh my next complaint was that i had a blank mind
on which was worrisome because i was gonna give this talk and i guess i wanted to have thoughts or something but i tucked his surgeon about leaders it'll blank mind actually that's pretty good
a
so
what is the point here it's it were in training to see things as they really are to accept things as they really are to surrender to things as they really are that the meeting those micro moments is the training so that when you hit the boiling water
there's an acceptance there that's the that's the path right
am
but i
i've i i also have been seeing with another on doing this practice period of personal one for me which is
i can't tell you how many people have encouraged me to enjoy myself in this process which is actually not something that i had occurred to me to do
dip live what do you want me to do
oh
okay
don't get
so this was actually
radical radical advice for me
that's not where my habitual mind goes which is to enjoy myself
mostly i'm dealing with my resistances to accepting the way things are by sort of what i we would call prohibitory precepts you know don't do this don't do that and so forth the idea of transforming it into a permissive
of precept who is really wonderful like
the there's a kind of opening about enjoying
oh
embracing what is
i'm
so what does it mean what does it meant it it had that hit here's where i've gone with it it means for me not having control over the ride not having my hands on the steering wheel but being enjoying the ride
and it means it when i have gotten myself into a tizzy which i do periodically
when i evoke this idea there is like those two things are incompatible and some it's almost like the neuro transmitters for one don't use cancel the neuro transmitters for the other so when you're enjoying it's actually your tizzy free
ah
it's letting go of striving it's letting go of the idea of expectation and particularly perfection i mean i noticed that there's one thing that gets called up around zen practice because things are so detailed and so's form the forms are so wonderful and elaborate
that there is some idea of doing it perfectly i mean i can't tell you the number of times i've heard and teas that people you know talk about their concern about hitting the bells correctly and so forth and how that how we transform this practice into something about
right and wrong i guess
it's also i guess for me especially important learning over and over again coming up against
it's not about the right answer it's about responding appropriately it's about meeting the moment
hum
but we don't i haven't heard us maybe it's i missed it but i haven't heard us talking about enjoying the practice that much maybe it's because it sounds too much like preference but i i kind of went on a search to see what suzuki roshi had to say about it so i'm gonna read some things from him
and be present with this body mind as it is enjoy your breathing not trying to avoid thoughts and feelings just breathe into them do not try to do anything
knowing that your life is short to enjoy it day by day moment after moment is the life of form is form an emptiness is emptiness
maybe everyone will struggle because of physical agony or spiritual agony but that is not a problem
we should be very grateful to have a limited body like mine are like yours
if you have a limitless life it would be a great problem for you a human being as the heat it is a human being we can or we can enjoy our life only went with our limited body though this limitation is vital for us without limitation nothing exists so we should enjoy the limitation
weak body strong body man or woman the only way to enjoy our life is to enjoy the limitation that is given to us
so
sitting with this con it has seemed to me i mean one of their thoughts that's got around in this eddie is
separation is suffering
and then i know soft suffering is separation and that cap kind of
going back and forth and yesterday when we were talking about the heart sutra
i listened maybe i've heard it how many times have i heard it but this line just stopped me avalokitesvara bodhisattva when practicing deeply the prajna of meta perceived that all five scandals
in their own being are empty
and was saved from all suffering
that that's radical not i've been pondering whether i believe that if not all suffering the for suffering out my knee all suffering
but this is
yeah
is it true do i believe that are we saved from all suffering
that's what we say that's the first line of the heart sutra

i mean this is what the crab nice to know
right
to merge with all circumstances to enjoy the boiling water
so in these micro moment moments of zazen in which we separate ourselves from ourselves or from the person sitting next to us or from the schedule or from our thoughts we are in training
retraining ourselves to find enjoyment hum
and to find a way to embrace it all
i do want to be careful about this because there are some traps i'm not talking about enjoying pain for the sake of pain that's an another matter of for another time
ah
and i do think it's important to discern when you sit through pain and when you change your circumstances and not hurt your foreign body and are our abbott is demonstrating that right now and taking care of his name
hum
i also think that the other place where we work on this
is in sanga practice
makes me think of the the category books that are kind of book ending returning to silence you have to say something so watch some not too long from now we'll go to work period and talk to each other or work with each other
in a different way than sitting on the cushion
and certainly one of the things this saga has come to understand and
ah know about itself is that there are things that we could learn and do better at in terms of
our skillful means with one another particularly in the dimension of separation and reunion
ah
because song hey i guess it said this i guess but it's another worship it's a petri dish where the things that we try to sort out on the cushion are coming up i mean some of the greatest challenges
have arisen for me in the saga practice that i've taken back to the cushion and then you still have to go back and say something and so am i don't want to try to see what that what that is about
and how can we may be
think about writing precepts for ourselves about this some been a plant that is a question
hum
so so first i want to talk about reactivity
our own attack particularly about my own history with reactivity
there was a time in my life a number of years ago i am grateful to say decades i'm not i'm not sure that i might ever free of it but there was a time when i was much more reactive than i am now and in fact i had a an intimate who
said after observing one encounter i had when which i was very upset
he did not see you come and you were like a bizarre
an eye for about fifteen seconds i went yes
i hear me roar
and
it really only lasted that long because what i noticed and what is the amount of the price that i and other people paid for my reactivity the hum
on every single occasion i didn't get what i wanted
i had to clean up a mess
often by myself
and i had to
a figure out how to repair
the relationship before i could get myself her before what i what was really important to me was actually effective and and communicated so what i said to myself was okay here's your role of a made a peep precept i wasn't as student them but i made a precept for myself i said
when you go off like that in the heat of in the middle of your upset and the middle of your anger that's when you've lost so don't do that
don't do that
and then the question is what's next what do you do after that
well will you do that then comes the tremendous amount of work that there's a tremendous amount of work after that i liken it to i've said this before but i i'll work on this analogy that anger that reactivity is a fire alarm that tells you something is wrong there's something awry in a relationship
but it has no that's data that's really important data should not be over looked but it doesn't tell you anything about where the fire is what kind of a fire is and what you should do to make it different or better or what you should do to bring yourself back into alignment with the situation
well it the the first way we would i would suggest that we do oftentimes is to sit on a cushion and sort out what is the feeling what is it is it really angry or hurt their or is their fear there or what covers what i mean what's the complexity of in what's the texture of the
the anger for the feeling
and to the goal is that point is to get to a place where you can name it and so you can be a little kevin i'm have a witness to the to the feeling and have part of yourself witnessing as well as feeling so the feeling doesn't go away but there's another part
that the season begins to understand it another layer of sorting is what am i bringing from my situation and my karmic load and projecting on this situation and what am i really seeing that's actually there
that is affecting me
and how do i sort out what is how does that sorting what pile is over here in when pile is over there and sometimes that
is better done with help with a with a consultant or and docusign practice discussion or with a therapist whatever works
all i i say this without this i say without hesitation all relationships of any importance are haunted
sit by my past and their pot haunted by the other person's past
and the diabolical nature of us as we can see the other person's past better than we can see ourselves
and the reason we can do that is because we know when the other person is treating us as somebody other than who we are when they're projecting onto us and we feel others and we get that and then what do you do under those circumstances and and one of the things i recommended that you don't go and say you're projecting onto me
that
you know then the skillful means set in about how you talk about how something as landing on you in a way that can be heard one of the pieces of research and anger around anger is that we are not cheap pots were not tea kettles we don't benefit from venting
that actually just embeds deeper rehearses it more solidly
it doesn't benefit you me if i do it
what is effective is effective action that means that the situation is remedied or you get heard or something changes as a result of what the upset his things are back into alignment
so in terms of the ghosting one of the things that
i think would be helpful is to have a precept which said that we each are the expert of ourselves only that and we ask the other to report in on them and then we believe them whatever their a current understanding is about where
they are and who they are so that we can have big a beginning conversation where we're in a situation where where explain ourselves and not telling the other person what they're doing i mean the image that i have about it is going from you this know you this know you this know you this to
shoulder to shoulder what just happened what part did i play in it what part that i play in it oh i see i see that kind of analysis that is a joint shared analysis in which it's not it's about what just happened to us
how do we hold this together
it presupposes that we're dedicated to doing this work and that's what i think is so valuable about sanga because i don't know of other groups where the dedication to intentionality is so powerful and it
would be nice if we had an intentionality also to be in relationship and continuous relationship so far as that is possible so extending allen's precept about not abandoning i would say not abandoning and if you have to take some space that you do it skillfully in some way that
you figure out how to say i need space and recognizing that on
i'm just gonna ghana's
skip to the to to the chase here but it there are some situations where it may not be possible to stay because the trauma or the triggering is too intense to be able to recover each time fast enough for the relationship to be working i have a friend who said which was really a rebel
asian to me at the time she said relationships are work but mostly they should be working
and when you're finding yourself in a situation where it's not working most of the time there may be a need to step away and figure out how to worked out differently so
i'm
this is suzuki roshi again which i like it feels i go but it largest said our practice is constantly losing our balance against a background of perfect balance
that is what repos is about re pose
to lose our balance constantly but to return to some upright dignified posture
so
oh i was gonna say at the beginning but i want to say it again no i mean to him said for the her time i want to thank peter for
such a deep silent sir sheen oh it's really lovely and thank you for all your help
do you have thoughts yes james

last year

well
out
are

right now

right
i've been very worried about him from a psychological point of view and that is frightening from an national point of view but on a i think he's not a good job
and i would i think we should add him to our well-being i think we should do it well being ceremony actually because i i don't think it serves us for him to not be in good shape
and i don't know how he emerges from this
i'm
so
i think the other thing that i'd what i also wanna do is to give my support to the people who are trying to resolve who are doing the work of bringing this way of guiding the country and
try to bring some sanity to this situation
whatever way that is in terms of email support our money support or ah
well being list support
but i think it's worth holding holding all of that in our hearts

yes but i think you should also trust that people will tell you who they are
and believe them when they do
that he's told us who he is and we should believe him
so believe your eyes and your instinct

i'm sorry

oh penelope
i think
distinction
my
is it yeah
in case there's there's a difference between someone with the testing via taxi say they are extensive search
radical kind of denial of the bayern would be putting out and relative dimension huge discrepancy between their self description and your paper you
right that's right thank you thank you
good point ellen
i was caught by the you know the analogy of the the crab and ah
the
as i put myself in that place with jcp
ah if we have we've got distinction between suffering
and
you know is there any way
to be thrown into a oil ah
ah without your team
saffron
i have i'm like this it's a real question say with and it's either this question belief that include down with to through my mind about the
the buddha taught about separating the end of suffering
and
honestly i'm not for at the week in the end of suffering in this life
i can believe it in certain circumstances i can believe it you know our i have tools for working on it
and fiscal situation but are there
either something's were suffering is
just what's gonna happen
you are making a distinction between pain and suffering and well that's the that's the than usual internet
you know obviously the ground with your game
if presumably as nervous system
some people don't generally at all
but whether
gives is okay it's is that this is a that separation is there a separation between pain and suffering in certain moments him
have you think
i don't know
when you think about to crack

i think that there is pain that is not all right with me and there's pain that is all right with me and that and that it feel that that though those pains feel different and that's as far as as much as i know from my own body
thin
and here
i get a lot personal i think it's easier for the understand that you've seen the this pot of boiling water recent life
and from the time i was as a boiling water and very aware of the ham suffering and
a why
long time from that
the pain and suffering shifted
because you gave me these words that did something i'm still in the boiling water i think i'm still in the boiling water
but
well maybe i'm just keeping my feeder i'm not sure then i don't
landers cause i'm not out of this so something happened though and gave me some relief when i'm not out of a pie
and i don't really understand how it happened why it happened
but i'm aware that
when i'm gonna heat when i feel the heat again so
why
is that to be on fire vienna boiling water
and
live with the boiling water how does that happen how did that happen
did you let go of something
i don't think i had something changed for that three period that but i don't make an album ah
and i'll understand exactly
what was that
i'm trying to grab at public
yeah
i don't know but there's something in here that
i am setting a collaborative blame good back but i feel like it so that there's a lesson there if i can absorb little them are what happen
include i think we need to talk some more we can do that
susan to do
linda
does he response to an allergist said
red carpet younger children
he didn't
guaranteed
for the rest of the life
so he a new structure we might make
the teachers to end of suffering
we particular
circumstances we can learn at that
that doesn't mean there's no separate requesting the life
that will bring me from expecting him
hey peter just a thought it was making sweeping maybe we need to separate reading the be like state league pennants
oh
maybe they we win rate we're

okay so maybe beginning that the end of suffering is for all time for the rest of your life is the same mistake is believing in providence something from if we all want to do we do want to hang onto that
let's see a ryzen and john
the read your commentary on favor so the separate remind me of the such discussions around the analytic and the syncretic side and i want to know what you think about if we have to do if we hang up on a daily
analytic five we didn't just because take me apart and as has to be where i suffer when started to rave how to think that i'm feeling an elephant in the analytic side whereas fitness at five if getting filthy all the images
i had a crush on a the already been vigorous and and said just being alive have enough and when i really when i remember that that is kind of accepted of by a lakeside a lie in credit side
and that
like
add more holistic view of just being alive
what you put you think that
well that's good to me
and intermediation their ali separate part that how did we find the this harmony of the synthesis of the flu so how can you
if i just think you will that enough
ah
i sending me down the mediation road
ah
what what comes to mind and his work on this little bit but comes to mind is that in in mediation what happens is that people come in locked in positions and you'd say to them why do you want xy you want joint custody there because it's fair what you mean by drink a city i don't know and so what you do as you may
an inquiry about actually how they want to live their life in the nitty-gritty well what about monday what about tuesday in what about wednesday and so forth a new and york your way through the picture that they haven't you do that on both sides and you realize that when people are presenting positions had actually they have stepped away from what their actual interests are and when you can
get to the point where you're talking about what people's interests are you can say to them the universe is big enough for your interests to be met here we can figure out a way there is a solution we can find that meets everybody's needs if we hang out long enough through the anxiety of not knowing
knowing is about oh with a zero-sum game and if i get something they don't get it and if they get it i don't and that is the that's the lockdown
and figuring out how to get out of the lockdown is
takes
confidence this actually goes it's actually helpful to get back to to the soccer practice because we could say that to each other as well in relationship i want you or i want you to have your needs matt and i know you want me to have my needs met how can we move forward with that understanding that the
that's our pledge and if we start there than we might be able to an unlocked the position will place but getting back to what would what getting back to fundamentals what really matters understanding that once you get to interest there are thousand ways of satisfying interests there
his positions are just one position i have no idea if that answers that it comes anywhere close to what you were talking about
okay
ah john and then
bruce
i'm thinking about the crowd around the staying out of me about cybercrime is mirrored or kind of similar a
were decried decries hey no doubt and now we can analyze whether you suffering but we know if he's got nervous system and in my experience of soccer life that of a people is by going into boiling water to say and that
wait
i translated and have been going around quitting the great for his noble truth which is
vice is pain suffering is optional
right except for that when we get in the suffering we have to back out and look for our options just like you suggest with the the relationship counsellor they find the larger universe get bigger and see the there are solutions and yes there's pain but that is it not
i've stepped to the next thing you know i had a teacher to catch them to be over your height and come through open your height and i enjoyed walking around like this and you don't see that anymore because i had my hope chest broke and all of my car invasion several ribs curriculum all mess
a but the therapy was to stand like this and hold my body so said that that you could be ill and a coincidentally open my heart so i was actually meditating on this may hurt but i'm free myself from suffering
and so i just don't
i have really wish you wouldn't boil grass but seriously
but anyway that aside
i think that when we fall into pain and we begin to suffer we this is both in
but then backing out suffering
does it we say all the pages and continue work in a new low we we had separate pain and suffering done so now yes my knee really hurts but i'm working on my that but i'm working on my posture but i'm working you know in the larger universe and and by the nonce
submarine naka of kill pain is inevitable suffering is seemingly off
bruce

ah

i don't believe they were ever separated
i think that's the illusion
the story is about how we don't know that were whole
and then and that we suffer because we don't know that we're home

mr ed but we can't be separated is the same character
that's what the chinese cruise
it's a trick question
it's separate she separated from her point of view
from her point of view she separately
go on and let you answer
want to the situation in russia the know your people
the old silver he will disappear
the only way to escape contains to be totally wrong with it was time to escape and escaped with ricotta to something one if you don't like it
go together to like it
just like you got lucky
example you throw yourself into the realm of you become the graph
when you decide you don't like it
like a
is that if i like you
the reality how do have escape escape that fifty
the more you can it that away
pay check the southern united is linked to each other
this is our added to the front of the around you only know that natural
if you south our will road
second
you can it can change it if it is good
he could do to well
i'm working with
anyway
you can hear them
still working on the haven't so
seems like what you keep saying what i just heard on it all concerned relationship by in that story yesterday the surgeon told about
see was asleep
and he related the thoughts that went through his mind and then he got to a point where he said
and i realized i could judge him
but he didn't he said i didn't judge him because i thought well i fall asleep sometimes to and so to be ready at that point was that was the connection that was the source of the relationship and that was the place of practice and it seems like
do you have that choice whenever we realize we're in a situation that begins to be difficult and didn't have that choice in it's based on some kind of relationship with him
and i really liked the way he talked about the relationship
hmm
yeah
oh
one more anybody
have a question
you said your first thought
you you said that safe you use her as a depressed person you're talking about your your background your work in you said
asked you not she's an impassioned depressed person can i argue with the setup
i listened to them
the
i'm i'm i'm is about
have you have any anything shifted from did you see her as a true person or a true self as opposed to the depressed person and get me there was there any realization of sensation if you that left i are not of pressure from true self and what
that
what i meant to say if i didn't say was that it was hard for me not project my own experience onto the column and that i imagine that the that having a story that elaborate allows us to project our circumstances onto the collin and read into it what way
or and because i had this powerful experience of my own i so site i saw saw it that way that i had to work to get it on the other side i mean to get it
to have other options other ways of seeing ah
did i am
i think your question is did something changed for me seeing it differently
ah
what i think so yes i mean i i think
working this con
changed my way of thinking about that time of my life and the decision i made and how i understand that and i tell the story to myself into other people differently now than i did before
on
at the time nor ever since until now did i ever see that as a turning point that led me out of the situated that i that i dropped the binary
challenge that i was in and in my current day eyes i see what i did to get beyond their i think i'm giving my
two thousand and seventeen year old self is giving my
nineteen sixty six year old self more credit than she gave herself with the time